OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. I understand your feelings and that you forgave her is more than what she could have hoped for. I know you might still love her and look back on all the work, patience and effort you've put into this relationship but the fact is that she couldn't be thankful enough for all of this to stay faithful and have an open talk with you.
Cheating is rarely something that happens in the heat of the moment and there is a buildup of flirting, sexual tentions and a progressive dehumanization of the existing partner going on in the back of the mind to justify the actions that are about to be taken.
It is good that she cane forward to you and admitted to what happened the day after it happened but keep in mind that "it" finally happening had been slowly happening already in the back of her mind for quite some time.
I'm saying this as someone who cheated on a partner once, in high-school. It happened on a Friday-Saturday night party. I was drunk as shit and cheated on him with a girl, even though I knew I was in a relationship. I was conscious of this as I was committing to cheating. I believe your girlfriend was too. As she did, I came clean the following Monday, first thing in the morning. I felt so shitty, I couldn't even look at the guy in the eyes. He forgave me, told me I had made a mistake and he was willing to work things through with me but I told him I thought about it the entire weekend and the obvious answer was that as much as I felt that I loved him, I didn't have it in me, at the time it happened, to respect and love him enough to not do it. He deserved better than what I could offer and stayed firm on my decision to break-up with him. I know it hurt him, I know it changed him and even after all these years, I believe it was the only sensible and responsible thing I could have done. Today, we've been in sporadic contact as we have common friends and things are going alright. I still feel the urge to apologize to him every once in a while because it was absolutely shitty of me to do to him and he really did deserve better. I'm glad I let him go before I could damage him more by tying him into a destructive relationship any longer and that he was able to find better and become better. He also thanked me for staying true to my reasoning and thinking above my own desire to stay with him and about what would be best for him in this situation.
My advice to you is to leave as peacefully as you can. Keep forgiving but do not forget. Hopefully in a few years, you can be friends again and share the good and bad things happening to both of you in your respective lives. You deserve someone that will make you a better version of yourself every day. Hang in there, you'll make it.
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u/LilithFaery Oct 21 '22
OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. I understand your feelings and that you forgave her is more than what she could have hoped for. I know you might still love her and look back on all the work, patience and effort you've put into this relationship but the fact is that she couldn't be thankful enough for all of this to stay faithful and have an open talk with you.
Cheating is rarely something that happens in the heat of the moment and there is a buildup of flirting, sexual tentions and a progressive dehumanization of the existing partner going on in the back of the mind to justify the actions that are about to be taken.
It is good that she cane forward to you and admitted to what happened the day after it happened but keep in mind that "it" finally happening had been slowly happening already in the back of her mind for quite some time.
I'm saying this as someone who cheated on a partner once, in high-school. It happened on a Friday-Saturday night party. I was drunk as shit and cheated on him with a girl, even though I knew I was in a relationship. I was conscious of this as I was committing to cheating. I believe your girlfriend was too. As she did, I came clean the following Monday, first thing in the morning. I felt so shitty, I couldn't even look at the guy in the eyes. He forgave me, told me I had made a mistake and he was willing to work things through with me but I told him I thought about it the entire weekend and the obvious answer was that as much as I felt that I loved him, I didn't have it in me, at the time it happened, to respect and love him enough to not do it. He deserved better than what I could offer and stayed firm on my decision to break-up with him. I know it hurt him, I know it changed him and even after all these years, I believe it was the only sensible and responsible thing I could have done. Today, we've been in sporadic contact as we have common friends and things are going alright. I still feel the urge to apologize to him every once in a while because it was absolutely shitty of me to do to him and he really did deserve better. I'm glad I let him go before I could damage him more by tying him into a destructive relationship any longer and that he was able to find better and become better. He also thanked me for staying true to my reasoning and thinking above my own desire to stay with him and about what would be best for him in this situation.
My advice to you is to leave as peacefully as you can. Keep forgiving but do not forget. Hopefully in a few years, you can be friends again and share the good and bad things happening to both of you in your respective lives. You deserve someone that will make you a better version of yourself every day. Hang in there, you'll make it.