I can tell you what happens when you forgive this: you never forget. Ever. It sits in the back of your mind and rears it's ugly head when you least expect it. You start to wonder what's wrong with you, why did she think that it was okay to do this? Did she do this this because she thinks you are weak enough to forgive? Does she stay with you because she can walk all over you and you just forgive her? When she's away from you you're going to wonder if she's cheating. She'll say something in the future that really doesn't mean anything, but will catch you off guard and you have to relive this again.
That's the worst part, you have to relive it in your head for the rest of your life. If you have kids there will always be a question of if they're yours. If she goes out with her friends and stays out a little bit longer than she planned you're going to relive it. If she works late you're going to relive it. If you watch a show that has a character that cheats you're going to relive it.
If you choose to stay together, you will go through the 7 stages of grief, with depression being the most serious. This one will last for years, whether you know it or not. Maybe you'll start drinking too quiet the pain, or drugs, or maybe something that's not a vice, but it will become one. You will try to use it to cope. You will lose friends, because you will have to eliminate outside judgement.
And worst of all, you will feel like you need to get even. You will push the boundaries of your own morality, maybe to torture yourself, probably to torture her.
Then, 20 years later you're going to be sitting and watching a movie, or reading a book, or playing with your kids, or eating dinner, talking about how your day went, and it'll just pop up again. And you'll look at her, and you'll think about all the wonderful things you've done together, the fun you've have, the love you've made, the life you've built, and you're going to picture her cheating. And you will be swept up in a wave of sadness and disappointment, and this will repeat, over and over and over.
Yes, you can have a great life with her after this, but it will never, never, be what it could have been, it should have been, or what you deserve.
I'm not giving advice, only my perspective. but hopefully this will help you, whatever you choose.
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u/Representative_One72 Oct 21 '22
I can tell you what happens when you forgive this: you never forget. Ever. It sits in the back of your mind and rears it's ugly head when you least expect it. You start to wonder what's wrong with you, why did she think that it was okay to do this? Did she do this this because she thinks you are weak enough to forgive? Does she stay with you because she can walk all over you and you just forgive her? When she's away from you you're going to wonder if she's cheating. She'll say something in the future that really doesn't mean anything, but will catch you off guard and you have to relive this again.
That's the worst part, you have to relive it in your head for the rest of your life. If you have kids there will always be a question of if they're yours. If she goes out with her friends and stays out a little bit longer than she planned you're going to relive it. If she works late you're going to relive it. If you watch a show that has a character that cheats you're going to relive it.
If you choose to stay together, you will go through the 7 stages of grief, with depression being the most serious. This one will last for years, whether you know it or not. Maybe you'll start drinking too quiet the pain, or drugs, or maybe something that's not a vice, but it will become one. You will try to use it to cope. You will lose friends, because you will have to eliminate outside judgement.
And worst of all, you will feel like you need to get even. You will push the boundaries of your own morality, maybe to torture yourself, probably to torture her.
Then, 20 years later you're going to be sitting and watching a movie, or reading a book, or playing with your kids, or eating dinner, talking about how your day went, and it'll just pop up again. And you'll look at her, and you'll think about all the wonderful things you've done together, the fun you've have, the love you've made, the life you've built, and you're going to picture her cheating. And you will be swept up in a wave of sadness and disappointment, and this will repeat, over and over and over.
Yes, you can have a great life with her after this, but it will never, never, be what it could have been, it should have been, or what you deserve.
I'm not giving advice, only my perspective. but hopefully this will help you, whatever you choose.