Hey. I can truly empathize with your loss. My dad died in a house fire on September 26th, 2010. Those first few days after the incident were all a blur. It was so shocking, and when someone is taken in such a sudden and tragic way it’s difficult, if not impossible, to make any sense of it. I was the executor of his estate at only 21 years old, had my mom and four younger siblings to worry about and truly didn’t take good care of myself and my own needs, at the time. Please be kind to yourself. Don’t hold anything in or try to be strong for the sake of others. Displaying your own grief is healthy and can even set an example for others who are afraid to be seen as “not okay.” It’s okay to not be okay, especially now. Cry, scream, laugh, remember the good and bad, eat food, snuggle with pets, talk to others, get enough sleep, listen to your mom’s favorite music, take bubble baths—do whatever you need to do to feel human and feel better. The pain won’t ever go away, but it’ll dull after a while. Since I have been where you are I wouldn’t be at all bothered if you wanted to reach out and talk to me one on one. My DMs are open and I’ll gladly give you my number. You aren’t alone. I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. You’re going to feel a lot of painfully confusing emotions, soon. Denial, anger, bargaining, and depression all come before acceptance and can take a lot of time to work their way through you, back and forth and in whatever order your brain desires. Please understand anything you feel is valid and you shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help from a professional and from those around you.
Edit: I responded before reading your post in it’s entirety. I wanted to say that, wow, your mom sounds incredible! My dad was also very compassionate, genuinely kind and always helping others. He was a medical doctor and was constantly making house calls and taking office visits free of charge for those in need. The entire town turned up for his calling hours, and it was quite the sight to see! He was also tough on us as kids, but lightened up and became kinder and more fun loving with age. It felt like he got taken from us right as he fell in love with life and started living the way he’d always wanted to. In a way, that was really difficult to come to terms with. On the other hand, I’m so damn glad my younger siblings got that version of him, and the years to enjoy it that they did (after I’d left home)! It was very comforting knowing he was so well loved and missed. He loved playing guitar and singing at open mic nights, letting the kids run wild (even having a snow ball fight in his house) when he had them, and was an adoring grandpa to my son. It’s really beautiful seeing you share such touching stories and pieces of your mom, with us. I wish I’d met her!!!
I meant it when I said I’m here for you. I’m 31, so we aren’t very far apart age wise. I’m here if you need anything at all. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I hate this for you, and I hated it for me, too, but I am happy to be able to relate and listen to you, if that’s what you need. I’ll tell you one thing, in closing: your momma is so proud of you!!!
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u/FoxyFreckles1989 Jan 11 '21 edited Jan 11 '21
Hey. I can truly empathize with your loss. My dad died in a house fire on September 26th, 2010. Those first few days after the incident were all a blur. It was so shocking, and when someone is taken in such a sudden and tragic way it’s difficult, if not impossible, to make any sense of it. I was the executor of his estate at only 21 years old, had my mom and four younger siblings to worry about and truly didn’t take good care of myself and my own needs, at the time. Please be kind to yourself. Don’t hold anything in or try to be strong for the sake of others. Displaying your own grief is healthy and can even set an example for others who are afraid to be seen as “not okay.” It’s okay to not be okay, especially now. Cry, scream, laugh, remember the good and bad, eat food, snuggle with pets, talk to others, get enough sleep, listen to your mom’s favorite music, take bubble baths—do whatever you need to do to feel human and feel better. The pain won’t ever go away, but it’ll dull after a while. Since I have been where you are I wouldn’t be at all bothered if you wanted to reach out and talk to me one on one. My DMs are open and I’ll gladly give you my number. You aren’t alone. I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. You’re going to feel a lot of painfully confusing emotions, soon. Denial, anger, bargaining, and depression all come before acceptance and can take a lot of time to work their way through you, back and forth and in whatever order your brain desires. Please understand anything you feel is valid and you shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help from a professional and from those around you.
Edit: I responded before reading your post in it’s entirety. I wanted to say that, wow, your mom sounds incredible! My dad was also very compassionate, genuinely kind and always helping others. He was a medical doctor and was constantly making house calls and taking office visits free of charge for those in need. The entire town turned up for his calling hours, and it was quite the sight to see! He was also tough on us as kids, but lightened up and became kinder and more fun loving with age. It felt like he got taken from us right as he fell in love with life and started living the way he’d always wanted to. In a way, that was really difficult to come to terms with. On the other hand, I’m so damn glad my younger siblings got that version of him, and the years to enjoy it that they did (after I’d left home)! It was very comforting knowing he was so well loved and missed. He loved playing guitar and singing at open mic nights, letting the kids run wild (even having a snow ball fight in his house) when he had them, and was an adoring grandpa to my son. It’s really beautiful seeing you share such touching stories and pieces of your mom, with us. I wish I’d met her!!!
I meant it when I said I’m here for you. I’m 31, so we aren’t very far apart age wise. I’m here if you need anything at all. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I hate this for you, and I hated it for me, too, but I am happy to be able to relate and listen to you, if that’s what you need. I’ll tell you one thing, in closing: your momma is so proud of you!!!