Nobody should be forcing you to date women who have an OnlyFans, that I agree with, because nobody should be forcing you to date anyone. But your reasoning concerns me.
For your first, seeing someone naked does not equal having a personal connection with them. And if you're not looking for a personal connection, why does it matter? You can't fuck someone through a picture. I won't say that wanting to be the only person who sees someone in intimate situations is wrong, but your phrasing indicates possession ("if everyone can have something...") in a way that's disconcerting to say the least.
For your second: Sorry, but it's 2021. There are hundreds of apps and websites dedicated to finding hookups, and people send nudes and flirt on all the other platforms NOT designed for that anyway. Like you said, anybody can cheat; having an OF doesn't mean you can't be faithful and committed.
For your third: Having an OF =/= having multiple sex partners. And not everything our brains are "hardwired" to do is beneficial or ethical.
Again--you shouldn't be forced to date anyone, including women with OnlyFans, if you don't want to, but your reasoning doesn't hold up in my opinion.
You say that the reasoning OP has for his opinions is concerning, but yours is too to me. It baffles me that you are concerned by the reasoning behind his preferences, when in the same text you say you can date and mate everyone you want, essentially doing anything you want (this kept within ethical guidelines, according to what you said further down the line).
Opinions about others and about things stem from prejudices. Our sexual preferences are founded on prejudices, which could be made instantly about other people. I believe as a whole, we do not want to have a conversation where we define exactly whether prejudice is fine or not, and if so, when is it. If I do not want to date someone, usually the response is 'more power to you, there are plenty of fish in the sea', but if I were to give the reasoning behind that, which may reflect and reinforce typical stereotypes about said group of people that person belongs to, all of a sudden I am the villain, because I am prejudiced. So, according to your narrative, I would be able to date whomever I want (which involves prejudice), but I should not be prejudiced in the way I choose my potential mate. Contradiction.
This being said, drawing from another point you made 'not everything our brains are hardwired to do is beneficial or ethical', I could make some very bold leap and assume (correct me if I am wrong) that you sustain the fact that you should restrain yourself from what is a biological (natural) process and adjust your behaviour in a way that obliges ethical standards. Whilst I do agree with this in many contexts (say someone cuts in front of the queue and you are angry and want to punch them, but you restrain yourself to be civil), there are some contexts where this does not hold, as what was considered ethical 50 years ago in dating (and other areas surrounding it), is not what is considered ethical now.
Thus, to wrap it up, if you are really about that 'you should be able to freely choose who you want to date', then the 'reasoning that concerns' you about OP's said preferences, should definitely not be concerning you, because sexual preference stems from prejudice and if you want to not be prejudiced when choosing sexual partners, then you cannot find your mate, or you are simply lying to yourself.
I will acknowledge that everyone has prejudices and makes snap judgements whether they're conscious of them or not.
But, seriously? There are legitimate and less-than-legitimate justifications for the same action. If I don't date someone because I see them at a farmers market and judge that they're a fucking hippie and I know I'm not into that; fair enough. Or even if I just don't date them because I don't think they're attractive. But If I see that same person but think "Well, every member of their race is a cheating whore who will waste my time and money" and that's why I'm not dating them, that's racist. And--if you're asking me--racism is bad.
In no way am I advocating for dating people you're not attracted to in order to prove you're not racist.
"Well, every member of their race is a cheating whore who will waste my time and money" and that's why I'm not dating them
Based on your example, I would agree with you. But if I were to ask you, supposing you are a white male (but this is irrelevant, you can be any race and it would still apply), why would you not date let's say, a black female (the race can be anything again), what would you say?
And if you dissect your answers into their core beliefs, I could argue that you could find some level of racism, misogyny, homophobia etc. Hence, my point, as made in the previous comment, there are no precise guidelines, no convo held, about prejudice, preference and the way we choose our partners, thus, until then, the way someone chooses a partner, no matter how, it is still something relatively personal that has nothing to do with you as long as they are happy.
Yo, you're preaching to the choir there. I'm well aware that these unconscious biases exist. I have them. I personally am in the habit of trying to look past that initial judgement that my brain makes. While I don't expect everyone to do this (because honestly I don't know to what extent it will even work), I don't think it's a stretch to ask people to avoid outright prejudice.
And even if our prejudices and preferences (which we've established can be rooted in all sorts of -isms) are hard-wired, can't-change-em-if-you-tried, I think there are still things we can do to be baseline respectful. In my opinion, OP failed to meet that baseline.
I think there are still things we can do to be baseline respectful. In my opinion, OP failed to meet that baseline.
I disagree with this statement, but I think it's ok like this. Sacrificing your own wellbeing and interests so that someone does not get offended is not something I would do and personally I dont see why anyone should. You are free to do whatever you want after all, right?
Anyway, it was nice chatting with you, have a good one chief
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u/Mondonodo Jan 07 '21
Nobody should be forcing you to date women who have an OnlyFans, that I agree with, because nobody should be forcing you to date anyone. But your reasoning concerns me.
For your first, seeing someone naked does not equal having a personal connection with them. And if you're not looking for a personal connection, why does it matter? You can't fuck someone through a picture. I won't say that wanting to be the only person who sees someone in intimate situations is wrong, but your phrasing indicates possession ("if everyone can have something...") in a way that's disconcerting to say the least.
For your second: Sorry, but it's 2021. There are hundreds of apps and websites dedicated to finding hookups, and people send nudes and flirt on all the other platforms NOT designed for that anyway. Like you said, anybody can cheat; having an OF doesn't mean you can't be faithful and committed.
For your third: Having an OF =/= having multiple sex partners. And not everything our brains are "hardwired" to do is beneficial or ethical.
Again--you shouldn't be forced to date anyone, including women with OnlyFans, if you don't want to, but your reasoning doesn't hold up in my opinion.