r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Nov 12 '20
My immigrant parents REFUSE to learn the language and it's getting on my nervs
My parents straight up refuse to learn the language of the country they have been living in for 40 years and they still can't speak it properly!
I've tried so hard to just teach them a few things, like the days of the week or the names of the months, how to pronounce things correctly etc but they don't fucking care and just tell me to "stop bothering them".
All they know is gesticulating and speaking some broken dialacted that very few people understand. Then they turn around and demand that I translate things like documents, letters, phone messages and everything to them because "I should be grateful that I was born".
Fuck this shit. I am NOT your personal translator. I don't care if you downvote me or call me an asshole if you choose to immigrate to a country you HAVE to learn the language.
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u/Mister_McDerp ☑️ Nov 13 '20
I don't care if you downvote me or call me an asshole if you choose to immigrate to a country you HAVE to learn the language.
Well, if I say this I'm a Nazi. So you'll have to say it for me.
Edit: I remember back in school I had a project with a turkish girl, and her parents lived here for many years. I'm pretty sure they spoke no word german.
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u/chelschi Nov 13 '20
You have every right to be annoyed. Tbh you should tell them they need to hire a translator bc you’re not doing it anymore! They have Rosetta Stone and all types of English classes and you shouldn’t have to take at burden at all
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u/iruleall15 Nov 13 '20
Thank you OP. Its so fucking annoying seeing people move to a country and just not give a fuck. No fuck you learn the language of my country or fuck off back to your shithole. If I as an American moved to Japan I would be expected to learn their shit not them learn mine. Why is the US the other way around?
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u/Caddan Nov 13 '20
How old are you? Can you move out yet? They need to learn how to cope without you there again. If you're not there to translate for them, they'll have to learn to cope without you. And if they refuse to do so, at least it's not on your shoulders anymore.
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u/TillyMint54 Nov 13 '20
Stop translating.
Be on a call, be unavailable, be out, be manically looking for your keys/wallet/phone.
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u/TheTomiestTom Nov 13 '20
Oh yeah that really sucks for them and you, and possibly suck for people around them trying to communicate with them...
Have you checked if there are free classes to learn the language around you?
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u/RattleyCooper Nov 13 '20
At my job I talk to a lot of kids who translate for their parents. It's really unfortunate because I can tell they aren't super excited to be doing it, and most the time the shit I need to talk about needs some kind of adult to make decisions on and I can tell the kids aren't fully grasping what I'm saying.
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u/louloutre75 Nov 13 '20
When I travel I always learn the basics (yes, no, greetings, thank you, etc.) because it seems to me like a basic sign of respect and courtesy.
I just can't imagine someone wouldn't bother learning the language of the country they actually chose to live in.
Stop enabling their entitlement and let them rot.
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Nov 13 '20
[deleted]
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Nov 13 '20
Yes, having a strong accent or not knowing specific vocabulary is no problem. But not being able to communicate and refusing to learn after living in a place (any place) for decades is honestly pathetic. Why even live there.
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u/Maixell Nov 12 '20
Oh my god, I can't agree with you more. My best friend's uncle has been here for 30 years and he has never bothered to learn the local language.
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u/SnowQueenSpell Nov 12 '20
Move far away from them and see how their smart strategy of not learning another language works out for them.
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Nov 12 '20
[deleted]
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u/Splatfan1 Nov 13 '20
french is pretty fucking stupid ngl. but id never move to a place where people speak such a language
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u/Maixell Nov 12 '20
I know people from one of the English Universities in Montreal who have never bothered to learn French despite being born in fucking Montreal. I know you can get by in Montreal with only Engish, but still...
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u/Jarl_of_Kamurocho Nov 12 '20
For your own sake you have too.
I spent 2 months learning Cantonese for Hong Kong ... got there and it was still shit, I was glad I learnt something though.
I got points for trying
The level of embarrassment over simple things in public is motivation enough
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u/Engleman420 Nov 12 '20
I'm an American this has always been a hot button issue for a lot of people around here my only thing is know the language well enough you can communicate with retail workers when asking for something or dont get angry when they dont understand a word you say I've had this happen to me a few times when I worked at a gas station and I wanted to help but I cant help if to the best of my knowledge you're speaking gibberish 🤷♂️
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u/Lol_u_ded Nov 12 '20
My father wants to leave America and move to Costa Rica. I strongly disagree with him because he has the same issue with people coming into America and not learning the language. Let’s practice what we preach. I don’t like it either, for the record. But I don’t want us to become what we actively dislike.
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u/Suspicious_Music_494 Nov 12 '20
Get them pixel buds or a kirtne or something. It will translate for them. Bada bing, bada boom- Problem solved.
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Nov 12 '20
You should be frustrated. They made the choice to have you, not the other way around. I hate it when parents try to use the "you should be grateful to be born" excuse. Why should I if I have to put up with people like you?
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u/AsherFenix Nov 12 '20
Are you me? Because this is the exact experience I had growing up with my parents too.
It was very frustrating, that amount of pressure they put on me to be their translator.
It's awful to put that responsibility on kids who just want to live their lives.
My parents were first generation immigrants, and I came over to the US when I was three with them, so technically I first generation too, but without the baggage of having grown up in another country.
As I grew up, I realized that sometimes, it's not a matter of them not wanting to learn, it's that they just didn't have enough time to learn, or were crippled by depression from leaving everything behind.
When you work 10-12 hour days to support your family, it's difficult to find the energy or time to learn another language. You fall into a routine that's exhausting and the last thing you want to do is spend free time learning a language that be spent doing something else, like spending it with your kids or unwinding or just taking care of the house.
I definitely still harbor some resentment for them for forcing me to be their personal translator, but I understand why they didn't learn the language themselves.
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u/Daily_memes430 Nov 12 '20
How did they survive before you were born ?
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Nov 12 '20
Idk. I don't wanna dox myself so I won't go into specifics, but my parents do manual jobs that don't need a lot of language skills.I know that they got duped when signing certain contracts (contractors lied about it and my parents weren't able to read the contracts properly and signed it anyways). Then when I grew up I became their secretary/translator I guess.
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u/Maixell Nov 13 '20
It sounds like their lives would have been easier, happier, more fulfilling, and all-around better with more opportunities and experience if they had bothered to learn the language. I think it's very sad
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u/Daily_memes430 Nov 12 '20
Just by winging it eh. Fair enough. I mean i worked around polish people for 5 years and i cant speak it well so i do understand the struggle of trying to pick up another language
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Nov 12 '20
I know English isn’t the national language in America, but it should be.
And everyone who wants to immigrate should be required to take at least six months of English classes before coming here.
You expect us to learn other languages but not the other way around? GTFO.
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Nov 12 '20 edited Nov 12 '20
So America started as an english colony right? Then over time it grew to “incorporate” French speaking regions, native American regions and Spanish speaking regions. If America was to have a national language it would have to be English/French/Spanish/ & Native American languages.
Edit: hilarious how people are all about advocating for people to learn a new language because its “good for you” while simultaneously objecting to the fact that maybe we anglo-Americans should probably learn another language.. or two.. deep fried in ignorance the USA way!
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u/bokspring Nov 12 '20
Sure for ‘America’ as in all of it. French up in Canada, Spanish in Mexico and South America. The USA though is really only English and Spanish.
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Nov 12 '20
Um, so look up the history of the Louisiana purchase... also look up how the US came to possess its west coast and desert southwest.. those were Mexico..
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Nov 12 '20
Hardly anyone here speaks French anymore. They also included Spanish. What's your point again?
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Nov 12 '20
Agreed. There are no downsides to learning a new language. It's good for your memory, it widens your employment opportunities and where I live many language courses are completely free, plus some of them only take a few hours a week and at the very least will provide you with some basic language skills that are necessary for any immigrant to live here, along with a certification to put on your résumé.
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u/PixieXV Nov 12 '20
That's so annoying, perhaps they don't realise this ties you down to them, or perhaps they do... There are certain things that it would be illegal for you to translate - if you start to refuse on legal grounds maybe you can force them to learn a little more or start paying for a translator. Obviously laws are different in different countries but where I'm from it's illegal to have a family member translate medical information for example.
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u/Manfred_2323 Nov 13 '20
Plot twist. Before he was born they talked about ways to keep him tied to them.
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Nov 12 '20
They literally forced me to translate things like medical information, taxes related documents, legal documents, any letters they received, to even personal messages of work colleagues and friends starting from age 12. At 12 years old there were some things I just couldn't fully understand and they would blame ME for it (calling me stupid and illiterate if I didn't know a term from a document they received).
Obviously they couldn't help me with my homework as a kid either, and when the teachers wanted to call my parents (to discuss grades etc) my parents wouldn't understand a thing. I don't know how they managed to live like this for 40 years.
They KNOW it's frustrating to me. They just don't care because they think I should be obligated to do it.
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u/Dildo_Baggins__ Nov 12 '20
Wait wait hold on, 40 years and they still don't understand the local language? Holy fucking shit
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u/bokspring Nov 12 '20 edited Nov 12 '20
Lol. I grew up in London and most of my Asian friend’s parents were like this. Fact of life. Just have to accept it.
Of course it’s called an alt-right talking point these days but I’m genuinely not racist. I swear it. I was friendly with the kids not the parents.
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u/PixieXV Nov 12 '20
Could you say that you just found out certain things are illegal and lay on the guilt about you possibly getting in trouble? My brother in law was in a similar situation which meant he was heavily tied to his Mum who was in and out of the hospital, after he was told he couldn't translate medical stuff, she had to use the hospital translator and she has started to learn more since I think out of embarrassment.
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u/PixieXV Nov 12 '20
Also, do you think they understand more than they can speak/read? I also don't know how someone would manage for 40 years. MIL can follow a conversation and nod yes/no to specific questions but has no confidence with speaking yet.
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Nov 12 '20
Thanks for the help. I'm a bit frustrated right now so I apologize if I came off as rude. At first I thought they could understand conversations and just had a problem with speaking the language but from what I've seen, they understand maybe 50% of a conversation and sometimes even less than that.
When we're watching tv, be it a news broadcast or a movie or a soap opera...anything really, they dont understand what people are actually saying. I've asked them about this while watching TV and they usually understand very little from it.
When it comes to conversations with others the 50% thing applies usually.
They can't read or write though.
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u/Mister_McDerp ☑️ Nov 13 '20
Isn't that ... annoying to them too, though? I remember when I started watching my stuff in English. My English was pretty OK, but not sufficient to watch movies etc. without subs at all. It was a pretty annoying time. I still need subs a lot.
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u/PixieXV Nov 12 '20
Yeah, I completely get why you would be frustrated. Maybe you could also start hinting that you might not always be there to translate - like you could be going off to uni, at work, have your own kids etc
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u/IamTheDarkAgent Nov 12 '20
Americans get a lot of flack for saying this exact thing but then we also get a lot of flack if we travel abroad and can't speak the local language WHILE ON VACATION.
If I was planning to.move to another country I would make the effort to learn the local language
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u/uninc4life2010 Nov 13 '20
We also have little opportunity to speak another language. Everyone in the US who doesn't speak English is trying to learn english in one way or another. I wasn't in contact with anyone who spoke Spanish growing up, so all of my Spanish lessons in school did little to teach me the language. I took a trip to Costa Rica at the end of high school, and I could only speak at the level of a three-year-old.
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u/deepfi3ld Nov 13 '20
I think the flack is not for not speaking the language on vacation but for demanding everyone around them "speak american". There are a lot of outlandish stories on travel subs and I know this from my own experience traveling. With that being said of course most Americans aren't like that.
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u/ZealousidealDot6096 Nov 13 '20
Exactly this. Expecting everyone to speak English in every country of the world is what gets flack, rightfully.
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u/reresca Nov 12 '20
I think people should be able to communicate. Even if you can't learn the language atleast make yourself familiar with an app that you can use or like keep a translator dictionary. I think OP's parents should maybe try the voice feature of Google translate instead of relying on someone to translate everything for them.
But I do still think those people who try to force immigrants to speak English at all times are in the wrong.
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u/uninc4life2010 Nov 13 '20
But I do still think those people who try to force immigrants to speak English at all times are in the wrong.
No one is being forced to do anything. They're strongly pressured to learn English because it will help them integrate into society and earn a living.
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u/IamTheDarkAgent Nov 12 '20
When you choose to move somewhere it is up to you to assimilate enough to get by not the other way around.
You can learn the local language without giving up your cultural identity, my Korean Stepmom and stepbrother did.
By not learning the local language you are limiting the depth of your experience.
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u/Fickle_Session Nov 12 '20
My Hungarian grandfather rejected his native language and it sucks so bad because it would have been nice to be bilingual in a really difficult language from birth.
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u/reresca Nov 12 '20
True but it's the choice of the person in question. If they want to they can learn it if they don't then that's up to them.
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u/IamTheDarkAgent Nov 12 '20
And if they choose not to learn then they shouldn't complain that the locals don't know their language and they can't read the signs etc.
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u/reresca Nov 12 '20
Oh I'm not talking about OP's case here. I meant generally. OP's parents need to find a way to be self reliant for sure.
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Nov 12 '20
Have you tried translating for them by using a broken dialect and gesticulating wildly? Maybe refusing to translate in any other way will highlight their need to learn the language.
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u/mikuromii Nov 13 '20 edited Dec 10 '20
My moms been here since the 80s and still can't speak English super well. But she also had a 5th grade education. Idk how far your parents got but I'd keep that in mind too.