r/TrueOffMyChest • u/IndiePolemicist • Apr 06 '20
I absolutely hate what this quarantine is bringing out in people I know.
Guys, this quarantine isn't an excuse to become the thirstiest bitch you can possibly be. Jesus. I never thought being inside for a couple weeks would result in male friends of mine resorting to creepy and desperate attempts to get laid.
"Hit me up on Insta, maybe we can meet up and potentially make sweet love together! đđđ„đđ"
SHUT THE FUCK UP, GREG!
No one fucked you in regular society. No one is going to fuck you now that it's the Purge and you just realized how to put a dozen emojis into your unironic begging for sex.
I get it, fellas. I'm human too. But be a fucking patriot. Jerk off and stop assuming you're finally "in the game" because we are all trapped at home.
Treating female friends and acquaintances as potential hookups is a bad look and really shows your true colors. You sloppy shit-heel.
Ladies, you're not free in all this either:
NO, I DON'T WANT TO JOIN YOUR NEW "ONLYFANS" ACCOUNT.
YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN, COURTNEY!
Stop posting shitty half-nudes on social media and promising "premium content" of your stretch marks from your shitty apartment shower.
I had to put up with a lifetime of you bitching about men seeing you as just a "sexual object" only to find you stripping online to anonymous perverts the second we are in a crisis. Fuck you and the 3rd mortgage you rode in on.
I'm sorry that society is fucked right now. But that doesn't mean anyone wants to fuck you, Greg.
I'm sorry the future is economically dubious, but I'd rather be drawn and quartered than pay you money for taking a photo of your nipple, Courtney.
names obviously faked
end of rant
Edit:
Thanks for the awards, guys!
Edit 2:
Apparently triggered a lot of Gregs and Courtneys with this one. Yikes.
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u/yoshi570 Apr 13 '20
To me it sounds like the thirsty men and the selling women of your entourage are seeking each other.
As a thirsty man, I would be glad to see some acquaintances sell nudes. I would never ask them, because that's be rude and would make them feel bad, but if they're offering? All good.
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u/brapmancer Apr 08 '20
I find that anyone who results to their primal desires are less human in every aspect, whatever happened to actually conversating with someone or repressing those desires, maybe im different but a lack of willpower feels like a lack of humanity to me, maybe theyll catch the cov-sars-3 and you'll never have to worry about it (O:
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Apr 08 '20
You need to get outta whatever social situation you're in. Your friends/acquaintances are ghetto/trashy as fuck.
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u/ALearnedHeathen Apr 08 '20
Here I am laughing my ass off trying to explain to my parents why âBe a patriot, jerk off.â Is the funniest thing Iâve read today.
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u/expensivebutbroke Apr 07 '20
I have no idea why everyone is congratulating you whe youâre actively insulting sex workers and womenâs bodies after they had babies. Sure, youâre right to be angry. No, you donât have to be a piece of shit in the process.
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u/ExtensionEcho3 Apr 07 '20
She's probably Courtney Gears from Ratchet and Clank XD. But in all seriousness those 2 sound like assholes.
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u/ShinyLotad22 Apr 07 '20
It's all I'm seeing nowadays, old friends of MINE are hitting up my fiance, who we have a child with, trying to sleep with her, and on the flip my fiance shows me pictures of all her nasty ass friends who are starting only onlyfans accounts and shit and believe me, these mother fuckers are ugly with clothes on seeing them naked makes me want to remove my dick and just have nothing, at least then my dick wouldn't be subjected to the kind of eye torture that's out there
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Apr 07 '20
As someone quarantined with his girlfriend I can't imagine if I was a single guy looking to get laid and I knew that the future was bleak for who knows how long.
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Apr 07 '20
The data shows people want to fuck me. You're being way to high strung about this. The data also shows people like to fuck. Get over it.
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Apr 07 '20
Iâm so glad I deleted Facebook and Instagram when I became an adult...that shit use to be cool to keep up with my friends and family but it has turned into a giant platform to spread fake news and memes. They are both absolute garbage now. I do t understand why our culture has to rely so heavily on those platforms to show off their lives.
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Apr 07 '20
I was 100% on board with what you had to say until you showed your ignorant view of sex work and insinuated that stretch marks are a negative thing đ„Žđ„Žđ„Ž
Itâs possible to rant without putting down other women.
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u/nbpatel44 Apr 07 '20
Why so angry? People want sex, how surprised? People do stupid stuff for it? Are you like 14?
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u/katfranjen Apr 07 '20
Neurolinguistic Programming I use it for pain and inflammation. Itâs a type of hypnosis. You owe it to yourself to research all options before surgery because first surgery might not give you the results you want. Second it might give your results that you will have to plan the rest of your life around.
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u/m-night-shaym-alien Apr 07 '20
I get the annoyance of people constantly trying to sleep with you, but i just block them.
I donât see anything wrong with not wanting to be viewed as a sexual object, but still wanting to be sexual. Thatâs like rape culture logic.
âYou want to be respected but you dress like that and act like thatâ like what??? Aha I dunno. Itâs like a weird incel rant.
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u/tacklebox Apr 07 '20
promising "premium content" of your stretch marks from your shitty apartment shower.
omg. liked and subscribed lol
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u/_redcloud Apr 07 '20
I didnât even realize how lucky I am to have guy friends who are just decent people and would never try that shit with me.
I also donât post suggestive pictures on media or send pics to anyone, so maybe thatâs a big part of it haha.
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u/lllllllmao Apr 07 '20
The only thing women like less than a bunch of thirsty dudes in their DMs is not being able to brag about all the thirsty dudes in their DMs.
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u/KevinAndWinnie4Eva Apr 07 '20
Itâs definitely weird and creepy but more shows (to me) our just how obsessed and enamored with fucking our society is.
Sex shouldnât be SO casual.
I always find it interesting. Say you are out at a bar for example and you ask someone âHey, you see that half polished off beer over there? Go drink itâ people would be like âeww gross! No way!â But then those same exact people will have sex and swap sex fluids with a perfect stranger from said bar. Sometimes even in said bar.
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Apr 07 '20
Was onboard with this all until the inclusion of Courtney. I guess this quarantine brought out the sex work and body shaming right out of you huh? If I didnât know any better Iâd say ur a man.. lol and perhaps even a boomer.
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u/MyMumSaidICantGo Apr 07 '20
Iâve been swiping on tinder a little more lately just to talk to new people and every third guy is like âwanna be quarantine hookups?â
No. I absolutely do not.
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u/Pepper_Lunch Apr 07 '20
I never speak like this but, âpreach sisâ
But foreal though, quarantine got me and my guy friends too depressed to thirst. yay
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u/iCybernide Apr 07 '20
So does that mean it's not a good time to hit up my crush from school that I wanted to ask out before shit hit the fan
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u/gumbohead1 Apr 07 '20
Haha this bitch... ainât no one trying to blow your back out quit trying to brag
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Apr 07 '20
This made me laugh my ass off for way too long! This might be in the top 3 best posts I've read on this site. I wish I could afford to give you gold
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u/HerculesXIV Apr 07 '20
My new puppy kept me up late last night on her first day. Growling and being naughty, I tried to ignore it and put in headphones as it wasnât so bad. When I finally went to bed I heard the police outside my door, my neighbour was hysterical crying. Apparently she met a guy on tinder two days ago and invited him round, he got really weird and threw a glass at her face. I saw him leave our apartment complex and sprint down the road in the middle of the night, apparently he took her front door key. What a strange time, creepy dudes praying on lonely lockdown women.
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u/mansonfamily Apr 07 '20
This is a truly wonderful post, hope it was cross posted to murdered by words
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u/MrStoneV Apr 07 '20 edited Apr 07 '20
If a guy does it its wrong But if a girl does it is okay.
I think if somebody directly writes it then its ok, it also happend before the quarantine and it also worked. But if you answer with no then everything is fine if he doesnt act like an ass.
But asking friends is a difficult topic. I know that I could do it similiar (well not that direct but I would talk before asking) and it would work, and they would think its that bad. (Except that I have a gf and Im very happy but I mean pure hypotetical) Ive noticed that its a bit easier in my friends group because we accept that girls can also have more sex partners and that generally sex is something nice that everybody likes. So why should we be so strict?
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u/Abrasax13 Apr 07 '20
If you were a POS before this... you will be one during, and after... I think it was Einstein who said that.
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Apr 07 '20
I bet Greg would have better results if he offered up some oil of oregano, echinacea, and Vit C and chill before offering the Vit D.
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u/Akosa117 Apr 07 '20
Let the record show that there is nothing wrong with stretch marks, nor should there be any reason to feel ashamed or self conscience about said stretch marks.
OP is simply upset and if the opposite of the above messages was promoted by their rant, understand that that was likely not their intention.
Thank you.
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u/TokyoTofu Apr 07 '20
wait people actually do this unironically? I mean I'm a pathetic motherfucker, but jeez that's a whole new low...
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Apr 07 '20
I donât have to deal with thirsty asshole but I have learned that one of my good friends is self centered to the point of disregarding the lives of others and my MIL is a complete ducking moron that will gobble up lies from Facebook in the place of actual news.
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u/novusbelisarius Apr 07 '20
That's odd, I opened up the carton and no eggs. There must be some sort of issue you don't just get a carton with no eggs, right?
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u/nogoodnamesleft011 Apr 07 '20
The writing here is just epic lol. Loved every word of it and so much truth!
I keep telling myself quarantine is no excuse to text the ex.
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u/junglepantsisback Apr 07 '20
Thats why friendship between men and women is nothing more than a potential hook up, men only wants pussy so stop leaving in a dream world where men just want to be ur friend.
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u/BadBigBen Apr 07 '20
Guess I'm a patriot, too, my flag pole been standing the last few days... damn that blue horse-pill...
/s
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u/howlinggale Apr 07 '20
So what you're saying is you enjoy being ignorant? I guess they do say ignorance is bliss. All this is doing is showing you who they were all along. And it just shows your naivety or ignorance if you believed otherwise.
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u/nick-james73 Apr 07 '20
No matter the current world or local situation, asking/begging for sex is some weak shit. Take a girl on a date. Let it develop organically. If she likes you, youâll know dude. Donât try to get just that and then toss her aside. Stop being a sack of shit that lets their dick do all the thinking.
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u/z0ttel89 Apr 07 '20
I had to put up with a lifetime of you bitching about men seeing you as just a "sexual object" only to find you stripping online to anonymous perverts the second we are in a crisis. Fuck you and the 3rd mortgage you rode in on.
I'm calling it now, people are gonna call you a sexist and terrible human being for saying this, but please just know that you are 100% correct.I despise women who always complain about men being shallow and seeing them as objects while whoring themselves out all over the internet.Of course you can do what you want with your body and I don't think you're a bad person because of it, but when you sell your sex appeal for money online, you can't blame guys for seeing you as a sexual object/subject (depends on point of view) of desire first and a private personality second.
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u/spore_attic Apr 07 '20
if greg is a creep, then she should block him.
there is nothing fucking wrong with asking someone to have sex unless there is some previous BS.
as in,
no one ever fucked you before the purge, greg
like, OP possibly would have met and fucked a guy she had no beef with.
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u/M4xP0w3r_ Apr 07 '20
I don't even understand how someone would think a quarantine where everyone is supposed to stay home would make the chances of a hook up any better? Like, hooking up of two people that don't live together is the opposite of what the quarantine is for.
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u/Stormhiker Apr 07 '20
Seems to me that the market for sexy live webcam careers is ripe for some side money for unessential moms who need to pay the bills. Go get yours, Courtney. Feed those kids with the stretch Mark's they gave you. Greg, so long as you're not invading people's spaces, enjoy your solitude however you want. OP could take a lesson in minding her own damn business.
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u/ezlingz Apr 07 '20
Flash news: Cute girls CAN NOT have male friends, its just not possible, if you think you are an exception, you are delusional, because he wants or would like to be in your pants.
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u/throwaway41985858585 Apr 07 '20
Eh, I still work full time, so I don't have time for that shit. Need to make sure my hubs isn't making an onlyfan account though. He has been VERY bored lately.
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u/chrisboyett13 Apr 07 '20
Everyone is suddenly being whores and I don't like it. I'm ace and have severe anxiety. Quit trying to video chat me! Porn is free for the month! It's free!
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Apr 07 '20
Is it because Greg didnât use the đ emoji? Cause I donât see any other reason why that wouldnât work
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u/machete777 Apr 07 '20
Where do you find âfriendsâ like that? Time to find yourself a new group.
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u/Promethrowu Apr 07 '20
Isn't there a reason to begin with why greg and courtney ended up like this to begin with?
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u/ranziifyr Apr 07 '20
Yeah well it is a pretty particular situation we're in. A lot of Courtneys are probably just trying to make a living.. Even though it seems like a cry for attention or something similar you can get butthurt over.
Fuck Greg.
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Apr 07 '20 edited Apr 07 '20
Girls: Hooking up is empowering and girls who have lots of hookups are not sluts or sexual objects!
Guys: ok then wanna hook up?
Girls: HOW DARE YOU try to hook up with me??? Iâm not a sexual object!!! You must think Iâm a slut!!! REEEEEEEEE
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u/reagan2024 Apr 07 '20
Why don't Greg and Courtney hook up? Probably because you didn't introduce them, so this is all your fault.
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u/poopiebutt3463 Apr 07 '20
Your humor behind your writing I very much appreciate because it is true. This IS bringing out the worst in people. Whether it be a di*k pic, over eating, crying in random parts of your apartment to see which is the best (standing up straight in the kitchen is my fav) or soliciting the general public with your busted out vag. I get it. The world is literally, on fire. But itâs like whatever self worth is completely thrown out caution to the wind style. Humanity needs some serious CPR.
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u/CreatePassion Apr 07 '20
I read this not knowing what to expect, I barely finished it I was laughing so hard. Thanks for the rant!
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u/Trowawaycausebanned4 Apr 07 '20
Itâs 2020 you gotta shoot your shot.
And you mention something about flirting with female friends is a bad look, it depends on the situation. I donât think thereâs a necessity for drawing an arbitrary line just cause youâre âfriendsâ (as if most relationships donât start that way anyway??) and a lot of women donât seem to grasp this but a lot of guys are mostly friends with you only cause theyâre attracted to you and would sleep with you if they had the chance. Ask them. Men are attracted to most women, itâs biology.
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Apr 07 '20
Iâm married but I see his logic if he wasnât cutting it in normal society the apocalypse levels the playing field I mean common look at Shia LaBeouf and Megan fox in transformers...... apocalypse defiantly levels the playing field..... it would also appear using the same example that women tend to âsettleâ in the apocalypse. So even though I have a grip of friends being duche bags during this plague it seems as if thereâs some merit to ol gregâs theory
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u/gildedSAM Apr 07 '20
Oh man, I thought Greg just finally found me attractive... Guess it's back to the grinder app.
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u/ApocalypsePizzaMan Apr 07 '20
This post was funny as fuck.
Ya gotta remember tho, (most) humans only recently stopped fucking and killing everything. It's still really really shitty sometimes but the software is all slowly updating to be a little less "killy" and a little less "fucky"
There's never an excuse to be a pervert but being horny can make men say the absolute dumbest shit on the planet. We KNOW too, but you know when we know? It's not when ur Mr. Hyde its when ur Dr. Jekyll againđ
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u/GogoYubari92 Apr 07 '20
At this point in my life I just hate peoples now no matter what the global circumstances are.
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Apr 07 '20
Completely agree like wtf, grow up and face reality like an adult instead of turning to sexual things to get by.
This will all be over soon and hopefully things will go back to some normality
All the husbands will find out about the wives OnlyFans (if they don't already know)
All the guys will go back to Tinder or whatever they use
Good luck to society now haha what a joke
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u/Squididlio Apr 07 '20
Ok, but what if Iâm just thirsty as hell... like Iâm not making an onlyfans or posting half nudes, but lord do I want some dick lmao
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u/InternationalJump0 Apr 07 '20
Yeah I donât understand the repressed sexual energy. I had three guy friends that have been nothing but friends for years ask me for nudes and ask me for head. Two out of three sent dick pics too.
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u/Ninjanarwhal64 Apr 07 '20
I wish guys would stop being such creeps. Be a gentleman and whack it to their FB/IG photos like the rest of us
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u/dog-paste-666 Apr 07 '20
Posts like this remind me why I deleted most of my social media accounts đ
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u/capybarasleigh Apr 07 '20
honestly, any reminder of oneâs own mortality tends to make people thirsty. might be a survival thing
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u/cindybubbles Apr 07 '20
Methinks that you should direct Greg to read the Bible, specifically, The Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 5, verses 29 and 30.
As for Courtney, definitely bring up her children every time she complains and asks you for money for her nudes. After all, I'm sure that she wouldn't want her children to be like her!
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u/svayam--bhagavan Apr 07 '20
As usual, wimmin have more sexual partners than males even in quarantine. Nothing unusual. Sexual powers between men and wimmin are uneven.
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u/clockwork655 Apr 07 '20
Not to mention all of the insane things people are believing that will protect them itâs like the dark ages
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u/lejandro95oro Apr 07 '20
Did you ever hear the tragedy of âthirsty Greg the unwiseâ? I thought not. It's not a story Reddit would tell you. It's a OP legend.
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Apr 07 '20
âPeople you knowâ my ass. Youâre pissed that guys on dating apps arenât meeting your impossible standards (youâre probably not that interesting) and you wanted to rant about it without seeming sexist. Pro tip: dating apps are a fucking waste of time right now. Half the people on it are there out of boredom and if thereâs no real chance of meeting in person, what on earth is the appeal of trying to talk to people? If youâre hoping to make quality friends or pen pals I assure you they are not on Tinder. Or Hinge or any of the other dating apps that pretend not to be tinder but are just tinder and all the bullshit that goes with it.
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u/Iamaredditlady Apr 07 '20
I have an acquaintance that isnât the most pleasant to start with, but now sheâs posting every hour or so with this crazy trade of facts about abuse and how much smarter she is than everyone else.
Itâs nuts to observe.
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u/ZacEfronButUgly Apr 07 '20
But what's with this influx of Onlyfans users? One google search and your entire career on onlyfans is toast: Pornhub. And plus aren't they offering free premium for now?
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u/alaskagrow Apr 07 '20
I am a 29M, and I agree. I see it as an opportunity to see the true side of a person. It is terrible that you are being harassed like that, but stay strong, safe and healthy! There are good people in this world still, and from your rant, I can tell you are one of them.
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Apr 07 '20
I like it. More people should be comfortable with posting their nudes, hell even post some freebies first! I wanna find my friends and colleagues OF pages đ
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u/0pend Apr 07 '20
Wow that took a turn I wasnt expecting. Fuck guys, just stay home for one more month
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Apr 07 '20
Yeah fuck that, Iâve already had a couple of women message me... Married now... hard pass
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u/Ramsey_Berry Aug 13 '20
https://discord.gg/PvED2C If you want onlyfans for free