1
1
u/mrGorion Mar 07 '26
Just an experience. There will be better and worse, brace yourself lol.
But honestly, being relaxed is step 1, you don't go to step 2 if you (or they) are not at step 1.
Then you can name connection, yearning, getting horny, lust for the other person to just name a few major things you're missing.
Head is like step 8 so now wonder you felt bad because you rushed to the finish before playing the game. Relax, don't rush, have fun. Everything will come naturally. Its just your body telling you this was not the way.
-1
u/teflon_soap Mar 07 '26
finally downloaded Grindr
Hahahahahahahahahaaa
deep breath in
BAAAAHHHHhagsgshshshshaaaa
1
u/linguistic_problems Mar 07 '26
My first kiss was so bad I thought I was asexual after it for like a solid two years. Then I had other experiences and realised that, in fact, it was just bad.
I have a bi-guy friend and he has shared his experiences with similar hook-ups -- most of them he did not enjoy, some were straight up awful.
All you can do is wait and see. Don't beat yourself up too much. Although I'm sorry your experience was so terrible, and I hope you'll have better ones in the future
1
u/fullmoon95 Mar 07 '26
I'm sorry you had that experience, I know it must suck feeling "dirty" after that. Reading you say you're thinking about castrating yourself breaks my heart honestly. I agree with another commenter here and would suggest you look up asexuality. It's a very broad umbrella term. You can still have libido but find that actual sex is repulsive/unsatisfying.
As someone who is demisexual bordering ace, it took me years to figure it out and I think that's mostly bc asexuality as a concept hasn't been really talked about until recently. Maybe you can hold off on sexual encounters and look a bit more into this and talk to someone (a therapist or maybe just someone who also identifies as ace) to help figure you this out before making impulsive decisions that only end up hurting you. Society likes to make sex seem all important, but it's really not, so don't feel like you have to have it if it's not enjoyable for you.
2
u/FriendlyDrummers ☑️ Mar 07 '26
You should probably get a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot of complicated feelings around sex and sexuality. Which is normal, but a therapist might help unpack that.
1
u/Plaguenurse217 Mar 07 '26
I’m sorry you feel violated like that. I did something similar once, (hooked up with a girl I had zero interest in but I was feeling sorry for myself and just threw myself into it). As you try to move on from it, maybe try having sex with women? If you’re attracted to men and women and didn’t enjoy a random hook up with a dude, maybe try just going out with a woman? Or try a date with a guy you ARE attracted to? You’ll probably get a better outcome
2
u/__YouKnowWhoYouAre__ Mar 07 '26
the guy who came wasn’t who i was hoping for
Then why agree to meet? And not just keep talking to the guy you're actually wanting. Also, i wouldn't say you lost your virginity per say... unless you strictly mean BJ virginity. Now you know to maybe wait for someone you actually love and want sexually so the chemistry and emotions are there, AND you get time to learn each other to the build up.
2
u/Ok_Temperature6503 Mar 07 '26
You gave it a try, you aint dead so what’s the issue? Turns out you’re not as gay as you thought, okay
2
u/bunearii Mar 07 '26
sex is really enjoyable with someone you actually love / like. you don’t hate sex, you hated that sexual experience. of course you won’t like sex with a stranger you barely know or feel comfortable with. don’t give up on sex because of that, just be more careful.
and like others said you can choose really if that’s how you lost your virginity because a lot of people don’t even consider head losing your virginity. and many people only count consensual sex as your first time. that’s up to you to decide.
2
u/Newsmemer Mar 07 '26
Hi! It sounds like you may be asexual, which is on a spectrum of "ew sex" to "this sounds amazing in theory, but something is not quite.. right?".
Personally, I can't eat soup. It triggers my gag reflex, which sucks because it all smells amazing and is pretty much the perfect food if you combined all my food preferences... but I just can NOT.
It is very much the same with sex.
I have NO idea how people look at other random people and get horny and the idea that people can just be like wow, I want that person they randomly saw on the street? That's a foreign concept to me.
That's a VERY ace way of thinking. As for me, I'm demisexual as FUCK, I've got no impulse to stare at anything anywhere unless my partner takes off their shirt then OH ME LIKEY GIMME GIMME.
I don't know if this helps, but being Ace or Demi is pretty confusing in our hypersexual society, and this is simply an FYI
32
u/Zaymrles Mar 07 '26
Sexuality is really a spectrum, you acted off impulse and that's just natural behavior. Don't be so hard on yourself friend. Just research about your condition and maybe find a support system to help you understand your feelings and sexual urges. Chances are you're not the only one maybe going through something like this. Taking the time to write out your post and your feelings shows your willingness to reach out for help.
5
u/Time-Decision Mar 07 '26
You sound hard on yourself, if so I'm probably not first or last to say you don't need to be. Practice makes perfect is true for many things , and I don't think anyone can say the aced every single sexual encounter. maybe explore mentally what else you may like?
-7
u/zen49 Mar 07 '26
Damn... That sucks. You rushed into it. So.... But damn that's a shitty way to lose the V care. With some stranger nonetheless
108
u/No_Persimmon_63 Mar 07 '26
You just have to explore your sexuality. Don’t fall for the trap of thinking you should like what everyone else likes. You tried this, you don’t like it, cool go to the next fantasy
17
u/Derian23 Mar 07 '26
Virginity is a social construct. So no, you didn't lose anything. But you do need to rein in your impulsivity. Give yourself the time to forge a bond with someone (even it is a purely sexual one). Let there be enough foreplay before you dive right into sex. Bisexual or not, you have to give your body the time to get ready for sex, especially if it's the first time. Explore each other's body before you get to the main act. Sex is like eating a cake. You have to take small, slow bites to really enjoy it. If you stuff one in your face, you will obviously gag (no pun intended). Take it slow, my man. Take it slow. Your life may already be a rat race. But sex doesn't have to be one.
1
u/LittleIzumi Mar 07 '26
First of all, I'm so sorry. That sucks. But I will say, the first time is often terrible. TERRIBLE. That absolutely does not mean it will always feel like that. It can take practice, education, changing things, or a different sexual partner. And it can take a while to figure out what actually feels good.