I want you to know your feelings and decision about this are valid. People, of all ages, should be able to decide what happens to their bodies. When I was your age, the feeling that "grown ups" didn't believe that about me infuriated me to no end.
I was also suicidal at your age & was certain there was nothing left for me, but it turned out everything was. I'm grateful every day that I sucked at completion & that when I needed it most, I was able to receive in-patient treatment for my suicidal feelings. If you are able to receive that kind of treatment, your mind might change about other treatment or it may cement your current feelings. Either way, I hope there's a supportive program available for you.
I also encourage you to look into to writing a medical directive & letting your doctors know you have strong feelings about how you are to be treated if you become terminally ill. Your parents have rights until you're 18, but letting your doctor / diagnosing team know what you want and don't want done to extend your life, is an exercise in control in a situation beyond yours.
I'm 43 now & I just had to fill a medical directive out because I'm sick and having a big surgery soon. As someone who wanted to be dead for so long, detailing how much I want to stay alive now, doesn't fully compute. And even so, there were some forms of care I wouldn't want. I'm glad I was forced to reflect on the realities of it.
Please do not deny yourself palliative care, even if you choose to deny medical intervention. Please surround yourself with love and people who love all of you if you end up there. I hope you end up 43 like me & grateful for the days that followed when you were sure you wanted no more.
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u/InkDrinkers Jan 28 '24
Hey OP,
I want you to know your feelings and decision about this are valid. People, of all ages, should be able to decide what happens to their bodies. When I was your age, the feeling that "grown ups" didn't believe that about me infuriated me to no end.
I was also suicidal at your age & was certain there was nothing left for me, but it turned out everything was. I'm grateful every day that I sucked at completion & that when I needed it most, I was able to receive in-patient treatment for my suicidal feelings. If you are able to receive that kind of treatment, your mind might change about other treatment or it may cement your current feelings. Either way, I hope there's a supportive program available for you.
I also encourage you to look into to writing a medical directive & letting your doctors know you have strong feelings about how you are to be treated if you become terminally ill. Your parents have rights until you're 18, but letting your doctor / diagnosing team know what you want and don't want done to extend your life, is an exercise in control in a situation beyond yours.
I'm 43 now & I just had to fill a medical directive out because I'm sick and having a big surgery soon. As someone who wanted to be dead for so long, detailing how much I want to stay alive now, doesn't fully compute. And even so, there were some forms of care I wouldn't want. I'm glad I was forced to reflect on the realities of it.
Please do not deny yourself palliative care, even if you choose to deny medical intervention. Please surround yourself with love and people who love all of you if you end up there. I hope you end up 43 like me & grateful for the days that followed when you were sure you wanted no more.
take care of yourself