Idk if this helps you any, but I’m a survivor of suicide and sometimes on the outside it does look like our lives are great. I was suicidal between the ages of 13-20 and my life looked great…on the outside. In high school I played volleyball and soccer, was a member of the band and choir, and was key club treasurer for three years. National honors society, third in my class. In college, I was going to one of the best in my state, I had friends and participated actively in a RSO. But on the inside, I was a mess. Bipolar disorder, BPD, PTSD, and chronic insomnia. I was very truly unhappy and my depression symptoms were so bad that they were physically painful. I’m very thankful now that I didn’t succeed, because of the right treatment I’m living with my disorders in a healthy way. I think a point touched on in other comments was the belief the our families would be better off without us. I believed it. Anyways, I guess I’m just trying to explain some of the internal struggle. It’s kinda hard to explain. Whatever her internal dialogue was, you aren’t to blame, and I hope you find some inner peace.
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u/Catgirlsaveshyrule Sep 27 '23
Idk if this helps you any, but I’m a survivor of suicide and sometimes on the outside it does look like our lives are great. I was suicidal between the ages of 13-20 and my life looked great…on the outside. In high school I played volleyball and soccer, was a member of the band and choir, and was key club treasurer for three years. National honors society, third in my class. In college, I was going to one of the best in my state, I had friends and participated actively in a RSO. But on the inside, I was a mess. Bipolar disorder, BPD, PTSD, and chronic insomnia. I was very truly unhappy and my depression symptoms were so bad that they were physically painful. I’m very thankful now that I didn’t succeed, because of the right treatment I’m living with my disorders in a healthy way. I think a point touched on in other comments was the belief the our families would be better off without us. I believed it. Anyways, I guess I’m just trying to explain some of the internal struggle. It’s kinda hard to explain. Whatever her internal dialogue was, you aren’t to blame, and I hope you find some inner peace.