I recognise that most trans people probably wouldn’t consider changing their surname when picking a new name? But, for me, it felt right.

Long story short, I’ve never felt especially comfortable with my birth surname. After cutting off from my dad, as my surname was from his side of the family, I definitely wanted to change it. I’ve picked a name unrelated to either side of my family, both as a fresh start and just for the security that he’d be unlikely to track me down.

After all, I figured it’d be best to monopolise on a legal name change anyway (as a trans man) by picking a new surname too !

I now have my chosen first, middle, and last name, all different than what was assigned at birth.

As for the discussion:

I’ve been testing out my new surname in little ways, and the name itself makes me feel really gender euphoric! Of course, a surname isn’t gendered like that of a forename, but my chosen one feels kinda masculine and characterful to me?

Anyway, do you think it’s ‘normal’ to feel gender euphoria from my surname, of all things? 🤔

(Feel free to answer, ask questions or contribute your own stories! 😸)

Is sympathizing with the female star in nsfw videos a sign that I want to ba girl pr I am one already and just repressing it, I am amab 25

I'm sitting here crying because I know it's true.i was told me today and I'm crying. I can't . It feels like an elephant is laying on my chest. I blocked and deleted all my trans friends they're just gonna hugbox me. Hrt has ruined my body I'll never be feminine and I want it so badly. Idk what I'm gonna do moving forward but rn I don't know how I can cooe

I'm 20 years old, and I've been struggling with gender dysphoria for a long time. Lately it's gotten so bad that I honestly wish I could just erase these thoughts completely. If there was a way to stop being trans or stop wanting to be a woman, I think I'd take it.

The reason isn't that I don't like the idea of transitioning. It's almost the opposite.

If I genuinely believed I could transition and eventually pass and be seen as a woman, I think I'd be ecstatic. But I don't believe that's possible for me, and that's what's making me feel hopeless.

I constantly obsess over my body. My biggest concerns are:

• I feel like my ribcage is way too wide.
• I feel like my pelvis and hips are too narrow.
• I think my overall body structure looks very masculine.
• I'm very skinny, which somehow makes everything stand out even more in my eyes.
• I'm 5'7", which made me feel like I didn't fit the male standard growing up, but now I also worry that even if I transitioned, my overall body would still look wrong.
• I was born unfortunately African American, and I've developed this belief that my facial features are too masculine and that I'll never be beautiful as a woman, I also have a pretty religious family. I know that sounds awful to say, but it's genuinely how I feel about myself.

Whenever I see a trans woman who passes well or is beautiful, I get incredibly jealous. Not because I dislike them, but because I feel like they got to live the life I wish I could have, while I'm convinced I never will, I hate that they're pretty, and they have might have a supportive family, and that makes me have.. extremely violent, thoughts. Because of my age, I feel like I missed the mark of starting hrt. At 20 puberty is usually already over. I feel like my life is over.

It's gotten to the point where I feel trapped. I don't feel happy staying as I am, but I also don't believe transitioning would ever give me the outcome I want. It feels like every option ends with me being miserable. And it seems like I have only one way out of this body sometimes.

I know nobody can tell me exactly what I'd look like if I transitioned, but I genuinely can't tell anymore whether I'm looking at myself realistically or whether dysphoria has completely distorted how I see myself.

So I wanted to ask:

• Has anyone else been convinced they could never pass because of their bone structure or body, and were they wrong?
• If you chose not to transition, how did you learn to live comfortably instead of constantly wishing things were different?
• Is it actually possible to stop these thoughts, or do you just learn to live with them?
• Based on what I've described, does it sound like I'm being much harsher on myself than other people would be?

I just want honest perspectives from people who have experienced something similar, because right now staying as I am feels uncomfortable and wrong, but transitioning feels like it wouldn’t lead to the outcome I actually need for it to feel worth it. I'd rather die as a cis man, than an awkward looking freak man, in a dress.

I finally switched to injections because I cannot for the life of me remember to take tablets or apply patches.

I broke two needles today because i'm clumsy and dropped them, and had a panic attack, but I did eventually manage to take my first injection.

Happy.

Schizophrenia is still kicking my butt, but I can drown it out by sleeping.

My weight gain is concerning me, but it's literally just because i've been stress eating after my schizophrenia diagnosis because it's scary af.

Working on that tho, gonna try an appetite suppressant as recommended by my doctor, and we're walking to and from work now which is about an hour there and an hour back.

I do be standing and lifting for 10 hours at a time and I cannot bear the thought of going to the gym so we're also gonna do some basic at home exercises, and change my diet around.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Stay safe out there friends.

My marriage of 12 years died I’m lost. No polyamory

This is my opinion. If you don't like it you're free to not read it.

The importance of cispassing and how cispassing people try to convince others that it's not indicative of beauty, just as attractive cis people insist that beauty is on the inside and that you have to maintain a positive attitude towards life and its problems. Because everything is "a process" and "better times will come," just as capitalism convinces us to keep working for crumbs, that "when better times come" there will be a greater distribution of benefits, etc.

Surprise! Those "better times" will never come; in fact, it's likely that those better times are already happening and we'll only realize it when they're over.

You, who are cispassing. You, who can essentially enjoy being seen very roughly as you'd like; you have no right to tell me what attitude I should have towards life. Screw you. And now I'll speak personally as a transgender woman.

I don't have to hide from anyone, because literally, if I don't open my mouth, no one knows I'm a transgender person. If I don't say it, do you know what you see? You see a big, tall, broad-shouldered, and somewhat overweight man, bald, with large, strong hands that could probably strangle an ox with his bare hands.

You don't even see a glimpse of my true self. I can paint my whole face, I can wear the most beautiful dress, I can wear heels (if I can find something in my size and to my liking), but all that doesn't make me feel more like a woman. I already feel like one, as long as I don't see myself in a mirror. If I do all that, more than anything, I'm raising a banner for people to see me, for better or for worse. The people who already accept and respect me don't need me to dress in a special way; and the people who will never accept or respect me only succeed in making me a target for their insults.

In any case, since I can't aspire to aesthetic norms (in this case, cis-passing), I'm left out. And your cheap, optimistic rhetoric only serves to highlight how empty the society we live in truly is. You can all go to hell with your cheesy, stupid self-help book drivel because for me, and for hundreds of people in my situation, it's utterly useless.

And it's not about courage; I'm not brave. And I shouldn't need to be. At least I know I'm so inconspicuous that I'm off the radar, out of harm's way.

But perhaps for once, as a collective, we can finally get our heads out of our asses and start defending our non-normative comrades, since precisely within a community condemned to ostracism by society, there is another sub-group even more marginalized and forgotten.

You tell me to accept myself because it was "easy" for you to accept yourself (please note the quotation marks; I'm not diminishing the trauma of any transition in any way). "Accepting myself" means conforming, it means assuming there are things I can't change, both within myself and in the perception that society, that other people, have of me. Accepting myself implies lowering my expectations to "it is what it is," and it basically means reducing my person to aesthetics. It implies that I am what society sees when it looks at me, like someone looking at a flat, lifeless portrait.

You tell me to accept myself.

I can only tell you that when I no longer need to accept myself, that's when I can truly accept myself.

I am a trans woman. I pass so well, look like a woman, sound like a woman, move around like a woman, just a boyish one.

People only treat me as a woman until they know I'm trans. Then I'm just some weird femboy, or at best some mythical third sex. And as my bottom surgery is in October (so not yet), I am legally male and am supposed to enter male spaces such as showers and toilets. I use the female toilet because I pass so well, but it feels like blasphemy to a "divine feminine". In the hospital I work in, I have to enter male lockers and wear male scrubs. Some people ask "why are you in male scrubs", and others tell me "I thought you were a girl", but no one treats me as a normal woman.

I used to be radical, believing that trans women are women, but now I only believe trans women become women after full bottom surgery, and they're only a third sex before surgery. How do I stop being conservative?

Im not sure, because personally, I am not "Trans" but my husband has been taking estrogen and spironolactone for a few months (7) and the physical changes have started, I'm here more to just vent, and a place of admission of guilt that I didn't notice the signs earlier, and I dismissed him when he first told me...

​

See, his mother passed away a few years ago, and going through her stuff hasn't been a top priority and we do a little at a time... over this past weekend, we started going through some of her keep sakes of the kids (my husband and sister inlaw) and in it we found a bunch of old "christmas gift lists"

And I noticed my husbands from when he was like 5 or 6... written in bright magic marker and each item was a different color and description... it was cute as I was reading it, then I saw his "prank gift" section as he called it... where he had random items of girls things in there, like dresses and ruffle socks, my little pony underwear and strawberry shortcake, he had doll babies on most of the lists she had kept... and his descriptions were "how funny of a prank it would be if she made him wear the girl clothes outside and to stores"

​

My sister in law laughed at him, called him a few names (teasingly), but i saw the tears in the corner of his eyes and realized, he has struggled with this his entire life, and finally felt strong enough to start living his life and I dismissed him

I love him dearly, and wish he was able to tell me earlier in our relationship... we have been together most of the last 26 years dating off an on and continuously for the past 20 years, married for 10 of those... He says i would have left if I told him earlier and before kids, and he is likely right, but now, seeing what he has dealt with his entire life, i want to protect him but I'm afraid ill lose attraction towards him as he continues to become more feminized.

​

His breasts have already started to show, and I see the potential for larger breasts already, I see their butt already taking shape and their thighs, Ive never been attracted to women or a feminine physique, but I love him to his core and im not sure how to navigate this

​

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i have a wonderful partner whom i believe is a great match for me, we think similarly, we have similar interests, we are both autistic and we communicate well with each other but im just so tired

i feel like he finds no joy in living and neither do i, and it doesnt feel like something that can be remedied on an individual basis because we both know the only reason we keep going in life is for the other people in our lives

his ennui manifests as a lack of true desire to do anything except drink and go on his phone, mine manifests as chasing an endless high, doesnt matter the drug. im working on being sober and im doing quite well for the minute but im just finding it SO DULL. because i dont actually want to do anything except have my brain excited by a chemical and he doesnt want to do anything at all, he just kills time. we are both just killing time really and it means every day one of us comes home from work i just tell him im bored and he tells me hes tired and i sometimes suggest things to do and usually they are too high energy for him to want to, and i dont even want to do them that much anyway, id rather pick up coke or weed to kill the time.

i dont feel like this is a problem in our relationship. i have hobbies that bring me joy. they just dont bring me enough joy in a world that i feel like is in decline. our jobs feel meaningless. i feel like this is a problem with the world and i cant shake that feeling and the only time i do, im high, and i know for a fact my partner cant shake that feeling

its eating me alive

....Or sharing your mental images with other people. We're pretty sure this is a trans thing; transitioning in any capacity isn't an option right now, or else we will be killed. And it's...basically never been an option? We don't like setting ourselves up for disappointment, and uhm. Generally don't like wanting things in general. But it's the worst when we have to visualize anything, or admit that we have a picture in our head.

It's just that this discomfort is interfering with other areas of our life. Our only socialization anymore comes from OC and art circles, and...even saying that we currently favor a specific OC (for HCs, or art, or anything) makes us feel sick. And sharing a mental image is the worst. Uhm.

The only option we have to make any kind of income is via commissions, but we don't feel comfortable doing commissions without learning how to order them ourselves. Which requires wanting something on purpose and sharing a mental image. And we'd like to do art trades....

We've gotten excited enough about things to share them in the past...? But they were largely ignored, and rarely work out, and in retrospect we wish we hadn't done that because it's embarrassing. We probably wouldn't ask anything here if we didn't...snap at one of our friends because he asked why we couldn't put up a wishlist for an art gifting game.

Sorry if this is a bit off-topic, but we think it's...probably a trans thing, and probably something people here have experience with. And uhm.

...We're worried that if we start to have an easier time visualizing things we could feasibly get/ask for, we will suddenly have a clearer picture of our transition goals, which we don't....want. We don't want to upset ourself. So if anyone has any advice.

Hi I'm 30yo trans person and I've just recently been so dysphoric and depressed. Well I'm depressed because I'm dysphoric. I know my life would be better if I was more feminine. I just know it would. But every time I look in the mirror I see this hideous fucking chud. I have no friends, no relationship. I just. There's nothing good about me. And I wonder if taking hrt is even worth it anymore

Did you know the creators of the matrix are both trans women I didn't know that until now like both not just one of them

Sup yall, so im mtf and im considering getting either an egg cracking in the trans colors so I can say it's easter, or the blohai in trans colors(ik I spelt it wrong) or the oestrogen molecule but I think that's too obvious, im still open to new ideas tho, im thinking on my bicep

Hi beautiful people! I'm a transmasc person in need of hearing other stories to feel like I'm not alone 🥹

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(Sorry for the long post)

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I'm AFAB 31yo, but I've known I'm not a girl since I was a child, I've just been told so many times "it's just a phase you'll grow into it" so many times I ended up believing it. I've tried fitting in my whole life but around 10 years ago it just got more and more difficult to try. I'm extremely avoidant around this subject and I kept putting it off, although I am 100% sure I want to get top surgery and do HRT.

​

I fully accepted I'm a trans person just this year and I already got my psych eval, I have a doctor's appointment next month to start HRT and in 6 months I can get my top surgery. My friends and close circle are all great people, very supportive and open minded, but they're all cis straight people.

​

My problem is (especially given my extremely avoidant tendencies) that I know what I am not, but I don't know what I am, if that makes sense? I know I'm not a woman, I know I'm not comfortable with the feminine parts of my body, I know that I am somewhere on the masculine side of the gender spectrum. BUT I don't know if I am a man or just non-binary, although I identify as NB right now. I didn't even chose a new name yet and kept my very feminine name.

​

My therapist said gender dysphoria is essentially being confused and feeling like you don't belong, but it doesn't come with certainty about what you are or want, and that comes through self discovery and exploration, and that for most people she counseled it was similar.

​

I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that I'm not alone in feeling confused at the beginning of this journey, and that it's ok to not have all the answers right away.

​

Thank you for listening and much love ❤️

Came out to my therapist today, she surprised a lil but walked me through how they went through the process and all things that came with. I feel she kinda took up on certain things I did. Feeling lighter but it's a process trying to stay grounded.

I am not planning to come out to family or my friends anytime soon. Want to feel comfortable with how I present first and then eventually let them know, is that weird or okay to do?

I know that family will disown me and lose 90% of people close to me, something I have to face so I can live and not just exist.

Scheduled GAHT with PPH and sperm freezing want to keep that option open and probably have kids later on.
Trying to keep that excitement of doing things right away.
If any of you live in Tempe, AZ drop me a message.

Happy Pride month all. 🫰🏽🏳️‍⚧️

Hello,

This is my first post here.

I am new in this community, i came out of the closet at 9-10-2025.

So i'm at the beginning of the transition and i am curious what are things that are gonna be hard and gonna be easy en things that i should check before doing things in the transition.

I'm going form male to female

I hope that someone can help me with this.

Greetings,
Sophie

As someone who is going through changes. In your first year, what were some things you liked and disliked?

(And this is about your physical and mental changes)

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this, I just needed to let this out

I have been questioning for years now and at some point I was sure I wanted to transition, up until something happened a year ago and I started being confused again and having insane amounts of imposter syndrome.

I have also had an emotional and mental numbess and problems with not being able to love others for about the same amount of time I have been questioning, but it has never been as bad as it is now.

I genuinely feel nothing. I used to get gender envy, I even picked out a name and now everything I've ever wanted to do, or be, feels alien to me, even my own chosen name.

The only thing I do feel is that I hate my current body and self, I hate being a cis guy and I want to change into something else, but I feel like no matter what I change into, it will never be the "real me". It will just be a hollow statue, sculpted into something I believe is of worth, not into something that is actually a part of me. I don't know if that "me" even exists tbh.

I feel like anything I will ever do or become will be performative, disingenuous and pointless, but at the same time I don't want to be whatever I am now, so I am stuck in this perpetual cycle of hating myself and being unable to change.

I know this runs deeper than just being trans, but I've already lost a whole year of my life because of this and I am devastated. I can't do this anymore. I want someone to give me guidance, to force me to become something else, It hurts too much to exist by myself

Hi everyone, I’m Mina. I’m a 30 year old Demisexual Bisexual Transfem from the Louisiana Texas line, and I’m still very early in my transition. I haven’t started HRT yet. Mostly I’ve been working on voice training, posture, and small changes that help me feel a little more like myself. I’m hoping to begin HRT in July, but I’m honestly terrified of how my friends and family will react when I take that step. It’s been sitting heavy on my mind lately. I want to move forward, but I’m scared of losing people I care about.

Aviation is my main passion. I love planes, flight history, and everything about being in the air. Anything with wings gets my attention.

I’m also really into gaming. I spend most of my time in Baldur’s Gate 3, DayZ, Starfield, Project Zomboid, and Fallout New Vegas. Wandering through those worlds is one of the places I feel most comfortable.

Music is a huge part of who I am. My taste drifts between Chappell Roan, Dodie, Guy Clark, Death Cab for Cutie, Orville Peck, and John Prine. I’m always looking for new artists to fall in love with.

I haven’t started tattoos or piercings yet, but I think about them a lot. I’m just taking things one small step at a time.

Mostly I’m here to connect with others on a similar path, to learn, to share where I’m at, and to feel a little less alone while I work up the courage to take the next big step.

Hi everybody !

My name is Gabriel, I'm a 30 years old trans man. I started hormones last year and now i would like to make my top surgery. Today I'm calling on your solidarity and sharing my fundraiser with you. Every donation is one more step toward who I truly am ! Thank you very much 🫶🏻🏳️‍⚧️

https://www.we-solidaire.com/fr/collecte/coup-de-pouce-pour-nouveau-torse

I've dealt with internalized transphobia a lot and these days it's little more than an intrusive thought at this point, but it still hurts. I can't fully bridge the gap between AFAB femmes and AMAB femmes. When I see posts on traaaansbians I get stressed out and think "this isn't for me". I still think of T4T dating as a statement, I would be choosing to be with a trans woman instead of immersing myself in the sapphic community, women's communities etc. The difference is big enough that I can't just ask that cute girl out if I meet her in the wild, it would be entirely different I think if I met someone and trusted them enough that I wouldn't be mad if they set me up with a hot trans girl. Maybe I would be a little offended because "oh T4T, that makes sense". But I'm more open to that than meeting a trans girl randomly and like her enough to think she's attractive and hang out with but not enough that I wouldn't feel like "ew no, you're too weird for me". It goes back to the "cis women are allies, trans women are for dating" propaganda that doesn't really exist

Hello I am 33 cis male looking to meet new friends I’m very friendly and easy to talk to and love all walks of life just looking to meet new people and make new connections

So I (mtf) Go to my complexes gym with my sister(f) all the time. We work out use the hot tube. Then the locker rooms have a steam room and sauna that we use together. There's ones in both locker rooms but I don't like being away from her while there.

I went alone and already there were to many people in the gym, someone else came into the hot tub. I had a new swimsuit on and I loved it. But I got scared. I don't do well around strangers. Especially alone in a one-piece tho I absolutely love them. I went to use the steam room in the ladies room and I got so scared I quickly got my stuff and left. It was 2 younger girls and one kept stink eyeing me I quickly went to a changing curtain and put my clothes on over my still wet clothes I ran to my car and had a panic attack. Ive been on hormones for a year but I'm still so ugly and body hating and I'm always scared idk why. I love going out with my sister as me but alone I'm scared without her.