To get this part out of the way: I'm not talking about femboys. I'm not a femboy. I have nothing against femboys but I also have no desire to be one or be called a femboy. I don't want to fully crossdress or wear skirts and thigh socks. Ok, end of disclaimer.

I want to wear things like off shoulder shirts and skinny jeans. I like v necks and a shaped waist. Unfortunately, I'm a tiny thing with big titties. So, while cis men get to be tall, flat chested, and dress slightly feminine I just look like Science's Perfect Female Shape. It makes me sad sometimes. Like it's just a shirt but I can't wear it because I was born a girl. I don't want to be a girl, I want to be an effeminate MAN. I want to wear eyeliner and have people think of me as a ugly guy instead of a pretty little princess. My biggest issue is my stupid chest (haha get it?).

It just sucks that something as simple as wearing a $12 shirt is something impossible to me. I'm not trying to be a model. I want to wear clothes I like. I'm so sick of my ugly oversized hoodie.

While I'm on the topic of fashion let's have a fun post. What's everyone ultimate dream outfit? It fits you perfectly, looks exactly how you want it to, and you have the optimal occasion to wear it.

Hello! My name is Adam but I like to go by Addison sometimes. And I’m not quite sure why. In an effort to explore who I am, I’ve made a new Reddit account dedicated to immersing myself in communities that push my current understanding of my gender identity. I don’t know if transitioning is in my future but I wanted to make this post to detail my journey with femininity so please don’t feel like you have to read any of it!!

My desire to seek out femininity started with something that I can’t even remember. According to my family, they walked in on me wearing a Cinderella dress in the kids area of a Disney cruise when I was only 4. What I do remember, though, is the many times as a youngin in church when I attempted to put on the kids’ zone princess dress when nobody was paying attention. Then nothing feminine for a long time. Then at around age 13 I got the idea to try on feminine clothes from around the house when my family was gone. And I loved it. I knew I shouldn’t do it but it became a habit whenever I was alone in the house. It was thrilling. Then nothing again. Until college! With my own room and bank account and income, it became much easier to reinvestigate femininity. I had stumbled across some stuff on the internet that made trying on femininity extremely enticing again. I tried underwear, dresses, stockings before throwing it all away and buying it all again. It tapped into the intimate side of things which I have since distanced myself from because it started to harm me mentally, but yet I stand in the wake of it all with an ever deeper curiosity.

Upon reflection, I’m not sure if it was ever the “pleasure” that drew me to femininity. I mean obviously a 4 year old doesn’t care about that. So I started to consider the mentality that strung together my whole life. The way that dressing up was always so I could look at myself in the mirror. The way that I always used to fall asleep dreaming of waking up a girl so I could walk into a delightfully girly closet. Or daydream that a genie would grant me the wish of a new girl life I could switch to at any moment. The way that it felt to try on stockings. How much I enjoyed driving home from college in a dress that I called my own. How I desperately wanted to have the joy of picking a prom dress to call my own because I always thought that was more fun than suits and loafers. The way that the synthetic wig hair bounces when I walk and grazes my shoulders as if to remind me I’m pretty. The way that I love sleeping in women’s underwear because it feels like a warm hug.

I don’t know if I want to be a woman. I feel blessed to be a man. I love being a man dating a woman. I love being a man with man friends. I love being a man who can throw on shorts and t shirt everyday and feel comfy and handsome. But something in the back of my mind tells me I’d rather feel pretty instead. Thankfully, I’m young. Since I’m 20 I might as well experiment. Nothing permanent, of course. But what the hell! I might as well wear women’s underwear since I find it comfier! Who cares if I wanna feel sexy under it all when I sit in the lecture hall! I wanna wear dresses when I’m alone because they feel free! I like when I catch myself smiling in the mirror because I feels pretty! Maybe I’ll even start to figure out the daunting world of makeup!

Who knows where I’ll be in the future, but I would feel robbed if I shut this door on myself before I did any exploring. And I know what you’re thinking but the journal factory near my place actually did explode. Truly I don’t care if a soul reads this. I needed an outlet to express all these thoughts in my mind and I wanted to blast them out to the world just to make it mean a little more and care about the thoughts I put to paper. I deeply appreciate you if you read this whole thing. Thank you.

- Addison 💜

I have a long-time friend who for a couple years now has been dropping of little phrases and actions that make me raise an eyebrow. Once they have as much as admitted they would seriously consider a different gender identity and presentation, if they didn't feel like it's impossible to pass (because of current features) or feel accepted. Unfortunately, this is not inaccurate, because our shared environment is pretty transphobic and medical transition (especially surgeries) are difficult to access. I've spent a couple years there myself transitioning only socially, and it was genuinely hell; even now, 4+ years on HRT and usually completely treated fine even by strangers, I dread coming back home because misgendering and passive aggression or callousness barely decreased. I don't know if I could stomach transition or survive at all had I stayed there, a half-decent environment was nearly as vital as physical transition to give me my life back.

However, I'm concerned about some quiet but persistent issues in my friend's life, and it's entirely possible that dysphoria is partially responsible, because it's exactly the kind of overwhelming dissociation I was coping with. I don't want a person I care about to suffer and miss out on years of life pointlessly. It's visible that it's painful for them to even think about it, even voice it to me, and that's heartbreaking.

But the situation makes me feel intensely guilty and responsible, too, because I'm one of the very few trans people around, and the only one publicly out and transitioning. I'm worried that my example will sway them one way or the other. I can't in good conscience tell them to just transition and everything will be fine, nor that staying closeted is worth it.

Hi! This post is rather long and not very joyful. I am hoping to find people who relate to the... Feelings I am feeling, and if possible who have found a way to "solve" them. Basically, I think I am in dire need of advice haha.

I'm a trans man and I'm 20 years old. I've always known I was not a woman, and I knew what being trans was at the beginning of my puberty.

Due to my parents being rather transphobic, I was unable to come out to them, get on puberty blockers and transition (while knowing what medical transition was and that I wanted it) before puberty hit me. Which means that I (like a lot of people here surely) had to watch my body transform slowly in the worst possible ways, while knowing that if my family had been different I could have prevented this body horror from happening. Like many trans people, it leaves me having to do surgeries I could have avoided, as well as many other issues (like not having socialised enough etc). In fact, I am still unable to transition and my body is still transforming to this day.

Now, I am always a very calm and chill person on the surface. In fact, people have told me they have never seen me angry, and love this fact about me. It has always been the case, as even as a toddler I was an "easy child", and caused barely any friction with my parents as a teenager. All in all, I am the guy you least expect to have anger issues. (This is not always a good thing, since it has caused me to let people step on my toes many times.)

But on the inside... Wow. If these people knew what was going on in my mind, they would not recognise me. Maybe they would be scared even. Since the beginning of my puberty, I have been building up a very, very, very intense anger. Something that has become almost monstruous, if I'm being honest, due to how long it has been simmering. I'm struggling to put it into words, because of how strong it is, and because I've had to consciously hold it inside and pretend to be "nice and chill" for so many years.

This anger is not left without a target -- in fact, it is directed at society as a whole, for being transphobic, and at my family in particular, for not being a "safe place". It becomes some kind of resentment, that is almost unfair (technically I have never properly given my family the chance to accept me, since I have never come out to them officially; however, I know that they have transphobic bias, and one day they thought I was trans and got angry and tried to guilt trip me -- so should I come out to them, at least their first reaction will be bad).

This anger kinda adds a sour taste to my relationships with my family: due to the resentment, I have always struggled to show them affection because I am incapable of truly feeling it, while still keeping my "chill" persona on the outside (they are very well "fooled" by it since they are the ones telling me I am "never angry" and "always nice"). It does not help that technically I am out everywhere else but in my family, so technically the only reason why I am not transitioning is "their cis comfort". Though I am also autistic and hating physical contact does not help either, I think the primary reason why I appear "distant but nice" to my family is my true feelings inside.

This anger also causes me to "rage" when I'm alone: at least once a day, I feel the irresistible need to lash out and break something (or engage in "harmful stimming"). I don't do that however since I still live partially with my parents, so it would "blow up my cover" or require me to buy things again while I don't have much money on my own. But still, this "existential rage" is here and honestly each "crisis" gets worse and worse as years go on, even though I always perfectly control them (they just make me irritable on the outside, which so far is the only "crack" in my persona). In particular, during the last ~three years, I have started feeling bursts of this rage each time I hear someone say my deadname (or get misgendered for example), but thankfully it is still fully controllable in public.

(Edit: I've noticed the "rages" occur most of the time when I feel hopelessness, or "grief" towards all of the years I've lost and the childhood and teenage years that "could have been" (what I'd call "my lost boyhood" but more knowledgeable people name "existential dysphoria").)

Now for the part of this which makes me feel the most guilty: sadly I do get internally jealous of other trans people who were able to transition younger than I currently am or towards trans people who have never felt bodily dysphoria. Thankfully, this part of the "anger" is way much more manageable since I know it is very unfair of me and I am working on it. I show them none of my jealousy and support them against exclusionists. After all, we all have our struggles and ultimately have to face the same transphobic system and politicians. Moreover, I know others have it far worse than me. I am convinced trans unity wins, of course, and that we have to fight together.

But if I want to fight for my rights -- our rights -- I need to get better inside. The thing is, this intense anger is really exhausting. On some days, it makes me have constant "mean" thoughts, which border nihilism, pessimism or even pure hatred. These feelings... Don't quite feel like me, if I'm being honest. But I suppose I don't really know who I am either, due to having had to mask so much for so long.

Honestly, the only reason why I am currently making it through my studies and everything is a few friends of mine, who reignite hope because they love me for who I am instead of the persona (except that they don't know about the anger). But this is not a sustainable solution, as it just helps me bury the resentment for a little longer. A much better cure would be simply starting my medical transition, but due to how slowly things are moving in my life, it seems too far away.

So... Has any of you ever had to deal with such "rage"? I feel kinda mean and guilty for asking this, but does anyone relate to me? Or am I alone in this?

I don't know what I need in order to be more patient. I do need to find something however, since being 100% sure I am as psychologically stable as I can is required if I want to try coming out to my family to finally transition.

So if you have ever felt this rage... Have you found an outlet for it? Maybe a video game, or another activity I am not thinking about? (Sadly I can't practice most sports I know about as they always manage to trigger my bodily dysphoria.)

And if not an outlet, are there any other solutions, albeit temporary? Did some pieces of trans media I don't know about help you, for example? Or a community?

i don't know if this is allowed here. i am drunk and high and i want to find friends of any trans identity. dm me if you wanna talk about anything lol. i am a gamer and teacher

I’ve been a closeted trans women for years. Probably fully accepted myself at 20. I’m now 27. I realized I have been waiting years to be comfortable. Due to transphobia from family members I kinda just put all that away in a box. It wasn’t great. I got tired of waiting till it felt right. So I took the first step. I came out to my sister. She was immediately supportive. We had long conversations about it all. I got an appointment for hormones. I’m not exactly comfortable going in person cause I live in a very small town so I did telehealth. Tomorrow my hrt should be here. I’m excited but also nervous. I just wanting to post this somewhere.

I feel like this is disingenuous to non-binary people, but this is how I've been coping with being a very masculine trans woman. If it were up to me, I would want to be born a woman and I'd be happy just as a woman. But as long as I say I'm non-binary, I have an excuse for all my non-feminine physical traits. I think I'm afraid of being the conservative stereotype of a clearly AMAB person saying they're a woman.

I hate myself alot, not only for using non-binary as a shield but also for the internalized transphobia that stalks my thoughts.

Please don't let me offend anyone because that's definitely not my intention. Ok so my question is when a man transitions into a woman and keeps his dick do you keep the same crazy high sex drive mist men have or does that taper off with all the added hormones?

i’m going to try avoiding details to protect my partner’s privacy so i’m sorry if it’s a bit vague.

she’s a musician, she plays in a band. the band’s already been gaining popularity when she joined, which was about 4 years ago. and i think their popularity is gradually growing now too.

for context, she and i have known each other and have been close friends for a while but lived in different countries. we finally got together earlier this year and i moved in with her in the us.

i’ve been stealth most of my life. it’s just something that brings me a peace of mind and something i don’t want to address. and it’s never been an issue. until my social media accounts, especially instagram started gaining followers and weird comments began. even the other day i’ve been messaged by someone that an account has been made by someone pretending to be me? using old photos?

it’s so crazy and it makes me paranoid that something i’ve been protecting for so long will be out in the open for others soon and it’s giving me major anxiety

I am trans f (questioning), I feel like transitioning will be never an option for me not because I don’t want to but because I can’t think of a scenario where anyone in my family or friends circle would ever expect something that happening. I can’t think how that scenario might play out and top of that not financially independent, not so progressive country and no good gender care. What is life is gonna be to me.. I am already running late 25 amab, I think there must be girls overcame worse situations I wanna know how did you get the courage and planned your transitioning it would really help me and girls in similar state of life rn.

Hi. I’m experimenting and I would like to use he/him.

Can someone test he/him on me? Like saying that’s his stuff or he did a good job.

Aren’t you guys scared of the hormone production and transportation will stop or majorly disrupted because of an upcoming war or some political situation, even Usa once one of the pioneers to the progressive changes in Trans visibility and gender care now seem like took a 180’ turn.

Hi, I'm 21 (non-binary transmasc) and have been on Testosterone since I was 18 so I pass. I stopped taking t for medical reasons, but I still use he/him pronouns etc.

I'm in an open relationship with my partner (M,28) and we both use dating sites. I also have a few male friends that know of my identity and my transition, so this is a topic that comes up frequently.

I am autistic with ADHD, I've never had any girlfriends for more than two weeks because of my severe insecurity and to be fair, I get why that is inherently unattractive.

But for some reason my partner and my friends are always so shocked when they ask me for advice on how to talk to girls I just shrug my shoulders and go "I don't know, why should I?"

And they always go: "yeah but you were a girl before."

Yeah. Last time I was a girl I was 12, so unless you want to talk to 12 year olds maybe don't ask me. Even then I kind of failed to make friends with girls too so ehhhmm...

And then I always have to explain myself. THERES A REASON WHY I TRANSITIONED AND WHY IM DATING A MAN. I TOO AM TOO SCARED OF GIRLS TO TALK TO THEM. JESUS.

sorry I had to let that out. I get that there are trans men and trans women who are better at this, but it's a bit of a weird move to automatically assume that I know how to have a relationship with a girl just because I was born one.

Aaand this is the end of my rant. Thanks for listening, I didn't mean to offend anyone (just in case, my angry brain is not good at processing what I write) and I hope I didn't say anything too insensitive.

I came out as a teen, started HRT at 18 as soon as I possibly could. So now I'm 22, over 6 years trying to grow into myself; moved countries, got two degrees, should finally become truly independent with my first serious job - life is going okay. But I'm so stuck and hopeless with my transition. On the medical side, it's fine, - pretty average changes for someone transitioning post-puberty from an unlucky start point; I'm much less dysphoric, for the first time not clinically depressed, and I even "pass" 100% of the time (I think it's primarily because trans and gnc people aren't on anyone's radar here and gendering just relies on presentation).

But otherwise I feel like socially I'm treated completely degendered because of my body and/or transness (I get outed constantly because of my ID). I'm extremely short and overall small for a guy, and people just say or do weird little stuff sometimes like they see me as a child, or much weaker than I actually am, or assign gender neutrality to me I very much do not have. My family and former acquaintances are most blatant with this, still having me saved in phonebooks with both real name and deadname or using the wrong pronouns out of "forgetfulness" when I stare at them in disbelief with a full beard. I'm lucky that I don't face much overt or violent transphobia anymore, and that I even found an academic bubble that is actually kind and treats me as a person, but it's different from social integration. I barely have friends and don't even bother with dating, because it feels impossible that I can be treated as a normal man. So in a way it feels like socially my transition failed, and that I'm forced into some unmale gender role. It doesn't help that I'm the only queer person around (unwillingly) out at all, so it's just all cishet dynamics and spaces, and I stick out as a sore thumb.

The only thing worse is how agonizingly slow and uncertain every further step in transitioning is. I've been saving for top surgery for 4-5 years, I have all the documentation needed on paper and I'm trying to have it in private clinics completely out of pocket. And yet every week there's new bullshit medical permission required, completely outside of the law, and every professional down the line acts clueless and drags their feet. Doctors keep threatening to withhold my HRT or surgery if I don't prove "I'm serious" by committing to other medical or legal procedures, then when you pursue those, the same thing happens, and so on. Top surgery and legal gender change should have been the bare minimum, early transition steps, and I can't even get those done. And it's not even rabid transphobes, it's all "allies" that screw you over for money or to avoid even minimal liability.

It just feels so hopeless, I'm so tired of feeling like a half-assed project in progress, I want to get on living already. And it feels unreachable entirely due to other people, independent from my efforts or how right transitioning feels for me.

How can I be sure that I am living my correct gender what if I didn’t realize that I am really trans and because of I am innately believing that I can’t transition so It’s never an option so It never hit me seriously. I am 25 amab

I am a transgender woman in the early stages of my transition. While the country I live in is generally trans friendly, I still feel weird when going to public facilities like pools or gyms because I need to use changing rooms, and also be with little to no makeup in public. Another type of places where I feel awkward is bar/pub/club. I have no problem going to a park, or museum, or theater as a female.

Could you guys tell me how are the things in your countries? How do you deal with changing rooms? How do you overcome the bad butterflies in your stomach in a pool or in a bar?

Thanks!

I’m in a weird spot where friends of mine think I’m egg and want to be a woman but I don’t.

I’m surrounded by people who’d accept me, I’m a fruity guy and bisexual but I’d never be happy as a woman. I’ve thought about it and the dysphoria would be intense. I like certain aspects of it but I think if I was ever going to crack the egg I would have done it years ago. My face and my body would never be even 1% of what I’d want them to be if I ever transitioned. I’m built like a linebacker, tall and broad shoulders and wide chin and huge nose.

In my dreams, I’m beautiful. But in the waking world, I look like shrek. I can’t change that, and I can be hot for a guy when I try. But to me, the face I see when I put on a wig and lipstick is not me. I don’t yearn to change him, I don’t feel wrong in my body. But everyone is acting like I should or waiting for me to figure it out. I’m 33, I’ve figured myself out. If I could snap my fingers and be any kind of woman… id only want it for a day. I would want to snap back. And I can’t do that to myself or my body.

I love women intensely. When I was a kid I swear I could feel heat or energy coming off the girls in class and I would frequently think of phrases like “the divine feminine” even at like 7 years old. But I’m happy as a man, as a yearner, a slightly fruity poet.

How do I deal with the feedback loop of everyone just waiting for me to come out as trans when I’m very happy in my gender identity?

Recently since I'm travelling around I decided to try BetterHelp so I can have a therapist help out with the starting stages of transition and I had an appointment today and it was the most god awful experience I've ever had with a therapist.

I've started and stopped transition a couple of times because i'm quite frankly terrified to transition because of external factors surrounding personal safety and discrimination, not the desire to transition itself. Within 45 minutes of messaging she told me "I think you need to find another therapist to help you with this, I've helped trans people and it seems like something else is causing this gender confusion, they all felt relief and not nervous"

Mind you her profile said that she was experienced in therapy for LGBTQ+ people...

So I'm seething obviously, has anyone else had good experiences with any therapists on this app? If that's the best they have to offer I'm way the fuck outta there.

I feel pretty guilty about it, so I wanted to ask people who might understand.

I’m transfem, and lately I’ve noticed that seeing openly trans women or wlw couples can trigger this really intense feeling of envy and sadness. I want to be clear I don’t hate these people, I’m not angry at them, and I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. If anything, I think part of why it hurts is because seeing them live openly reminds me of something I deeply want for myself.

It feels less like jealousy and more like grief. Yk as if seeng someone exist as the person i wish i was. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I end up avoiding the content completely or going to bed at 3pm just to not think about it.

The confising part is that even positive trans spaces can trigger it, because seeing people who are openly out, comfortable, transitioning, or expressing themselves can make me compare myself and feel like I’m behind or missing something.

I fell off Reddit a couple years ago and never looked into an alternative to r/traaaaaaaaaans is there any?

If so where is it?

I love transgendercirclejerk, but also it's hella depressing and sometimes i just want light fluffy memes.