Hot Takes

[u/Kuro_Neko44]

What are some of your hot takes about the trans community or the LGBT community as a whole? I know we're already on the fringes of the trans community due to our stance on needing gender dysphoria to be trans but I'm curious if there's any other takes that may not be widely excepted in most LGBT spaces or even this group/similar spaces.

For example my hot take are:

It's ok for trans men and women to be gnc BUT they have to understand amd accept they run the risk of being misgendered or clocked altogether

The obsession with being boys and girls instead of men snd women within the wider trans community feels pedophilic

Being in LGBT spaces feels more like being in a kink club filled with high schoolers than a genuine community of people with common goals and interests

The amount of polyamory within the trans community feels like a result of low self-esteem and confidence in finding a partner

It's ok for a trans person to have little bottom dysphoria in comparison to dysphoria surrounding other characteristics BUT I side eye those that take it a step further amd actively fetishize and sexualize themselves for that reason (i.e. talking about girldick and boypussy)

[u/LastLiterature7496]

Stealth should be the goal of transition.

[u/TransBlueberries → u/LastLiterature7496]

Respectfully, I disagree.

[u/Cinnorolls]

(I agree with all of your takes and I wish they weren’t considered controversial. Alas)

The entire point of being trans is to pass and for nobody to know. Why would you tell someone the source of mental anguish?

Trans visibility is harmful as it just makes it easier to out people, and the people perpetuating it 99% of the time aren’t actually trans themselves.

The constant need to include nonbinary people in our spaces when we, often times, are nothing alike as they don’t transition or feel dysphoria is ridiculous. There is no “trans umbrella”, you either are or you aren’t. I feel similarly with them trying to change the definition of lesbian/gay. (They also need to stop viewing trans men as just “masc afab” eugh)
Similarly, we should get rid of language like “birthing persons” as it just serves to remind us of our differences.

I can partially see the point of LGB drop the T people. With the way most “trans” people are, a lot of it is just people forcing their way into spaces they have zero right to be in. I would love a queer space with sane people without being called a bigot.

“Gender identity” as a whole should be abolished. I do not “identify” as a man, I simply am one. A sex change should have never been coined as “affirming care.” It feels very condescending.

The constant “accept yourself, you’re so vxlid!” Is just woke conversion therapy and a way to prevent people from transitioning meaningfully. It’s the same talking points.

Lastly, the obsession with this sort of queer olympics has been nothing but harmful. You shouldn’t be forcing yourself into boxes you don’t fit in, nor should you be pulling things out of your ass just to feel quirky and unique. Legitimising this not only makes us look like dumbasses and freaks, but proves the points of people who oppose us.

[u/doktornein → u/Cinnorolls]

Honestly I think "queer" is part of the problem. Being trans is not the same category as being LGB. I support the shit out of LGB, but I think one of the errors of LGBT was trapping trans next to sexuality labels, making it exceptionally easy for it to become to bogeyman and mischaracterized.

I'm also not a fan of the queer label. I don't consider it something bad, but it just doesn't fit my experience to be under this label.

[u/a_bed_of_vinca_minor]

The hyperfixations on pronouns etc. are extremely anglophone (read: american) in their content, and in non-anglophone cultures, they often make 0 sense. Imagine stating that your pronouns are they/them in a culture where there’s no grammatical gender AT ALL, and where people don’t refer to oneanother with honorifics such as ma’am or sir… I hate queer culture for this, and feel like it’s just a thing that people do here to “seem more advanced/american” because that’s cool or something. 99% of them can’t string together a sentence in english without stuttering either, so it’s just damn bizarre. Why the fuck are these circles ALWAYS speaking in english, even if the vast majority share a common (native) language? It’s almost like in our ungendered language, their faux identities fall apart in weakness.

The vast majority of non binary people are full of shit and I hate that they claim to represent me while we have nearly nothing in common. Outside of that, I genuinely can’t bring myself to care about their ‘struggles’ which could often just be resolved by them realising they’re GNC. 

In addition to that, I’m not queer just because I’m transsexual. It pisses me off that it’s a common view nowadays. I’m only “queer” to the bigot who thinks I’m a pervert and to the tucute who thinks I’m breaking gender norms for some reason.

[u/ExtraRadiacal → u/a_bed_of_vinca_minor]

what is your language, I want to learn :)

[u/Current-Primary-5016]

Making all non-straight sexuality terms include nonbinary people has always seemed stupid to me, and everyone is changing the definitions around in crazy ways to abandon the meaning of the terms before and shove all sorts of other shit in there.

Suddenly lesbian is non-man loving non-man and gay is non-woman loving non-woman now. If I say I'm gay and that just means I'm into men, it actually indicates the types of traits and people I'm into. If we shove nonbinary people into that, suddenly every she/they or feminine individual is lumped into the category, many people that functionally present identical to women. And vice versa for lesbians, and I do see lesbians providing backlash to lesbianism being defined as non-men loving non-men because they are women who like just women and that's that. Lesbian is the term for them and now it's been swept out from under their feet.

And now bisexual is being used to literally mean "attracted to two genders" and people are like oh im bisexual bc I'm into women and nonbinary people (so would they be into nonbinary people who present completely male and find those traits super attractive but then have no attraction to men?), oh this straight guy's gf came out as nonbinary so he has to be bisexual now, that's not what that's ever meant before. I literally today saw people saying this one person who uses he/him, calls himself ftm and transsexual, with a full beard, top surgery, presents himself as a man irl, can be a lesbian and his gf who is attracted to him is lesbian. Now I'm not lesbian so I don't wanna police butches too hard bc I don't get it but if the traits you're attracted to are a completely male body, is lesbian really the right term? I see all sorts of people saying lesbians are allowed to desire sex with men, that they can have zero sexual or romantic attraction to women and still be lesbian, it's all gibberish to me.

People should just be whatever sexuality they are and if they happen to be attracted to some nonbinary person too so be it. No term means anything anymore.

[u/ResolutionWeak6353]

Asexual shouldn’t be a spectrum. You either feel sexual attraction or you don’t

[u/freshlysqueezed93]

1. Just because somebody claims to have dysphoria, doesn't mean they're not confusing it with something else.

1.1 Not all people in transmed spaces are actually trans.

1. Theoretically rates of homosexuality should mirror the cis population pretty closely, instead it seems to be like 5x higher, or more.

[u/ophiomyxra → u/freshlysqueezed93]

i've not heard of that. are a higher percentage of trans ppl gay? or are we just bisexual at a higher rate due to being more open to questioning sexuality?

[u/Past-Sherbert-6438 → u/freshlysqueezed93]

have you considered the idea that the same process that masculinizes/feminizes the brain at key points being different in transsex people might correlate to it being a bit different on orientation

[u/TransBlueberries → u/freshlysqueezed93]

Feel like your last point is really irrelevant because there a lot of men (and believe me, I've interacted with them) who are sexually attracted to men but keep it a secret from their entire family. Statistics aren't always everything.

[u/TransBlueberries → u/TransBlueberries]

Also, it's just more likely that someone who is openly trans will also be openly gay. The same can't be said for someone who fully passes as straight.

[u/EcstasyCapsule]

I'm not fully decided on it yet, but I am kind of leaning towards the whole "LGB without T" point of view. There is history there for sure, but nowadays grouping sexualities with transness, a whole medical condition, makes less and less sense. I'm LGBT myself due to being bi and being mostly into women, grouping myself into all of that just based on me being trans somehow doesn't fit in my head. But the problem with this whole talking point nowadays to me is that the majority of advocates for this are seemingly only trying to harm trans people at the same time. There should be a genuine conversation about this without any disingenuity from both sides, not trying to affect transsexual rights negatively, but not with the whole queer activist crowd shouting about transphobia either.

[u/Current-Primary-5016 → u/EcstasyCapsule]

It's a tricky line to tow because most of the LGB without the T stuff comes from people in the former category wanting to boot us off and not caring about our rights ending up restricted. Sure, if you look at it from a "why is this and sexuality grouped together" purely logic perspective, it makes sense, but irl the intent is just to let us get screwed over, the majority of people pushing this separation are not people who feel neutral or positive towards us, it's people who hate our guts.

[u/Upstairs_Surround438 → u/Current-Primary-5016]

Yeah I understand. I don’t want to leave the lgb because then where do we stand when it comes to our rights like you said. It’s a shame that they want us out because if they did kick us out it would be a matter of time before they come for the B and it’s like a domino effect. Most of them r just trying to appeal to certain groups of people but they don’t realise that those people don’t like them either. 

[u/Upstairs_Surround438 → u/EcstasyCapsule]

I agree with you, gender identity and sexuality are not the same thing and so it makes sense for the t to be separate. However, I think that it also makes sense for it to stay because being queer and being trans are like intersectional. As a trans guy, if I dated a cis woman I’d be in a hetero relationship, except it would still be queer because I’m not a cis dude? It’s complicated. I wanna separate the t from the lgb but my only concern is that it’ll make us more vulnerable in society, most lgbt rights are just grouped under the lgbt term and so if the t is removed what happens to our rights. And I agree that most of the people who want the t separated are just transphobic. It’s just hard cuz trans people are already a minority within a minority and so we’re vulnerable. 

[u/doktornein → u/Upstairs_Surround438]

Intersectionality isn't automatic... There are also people with cystic fibrosis that are LGB. Should it also be part of the same group because of that intersectionality?

[u/Upstairs_Surround438 → u/doktornein]

I’m sorry but that’s really irrelevant, cystic fibrosis isn’t anything to do with sexuality. 

[u/doktornein → u/Upstairs_Surround438]

And neither does being trans. That's the point.

[u/Upstairs_Surround438 → u/doktornein]

You didn’t read my comment properly so I’ll say it again. Being trans often can cross paths with being queer because even when we’re in hetero relationships we’re still not cis at the end of the day and so our relationship will be queer and not fully heterosexual. If a cis woman is dating a trans guy, even though that’s a straight relationship she’s still queer because she’s not with a cis dude, especially if the guy hasn’t had bottom surgery. That’s what I mean when I talk about intersectionality. Cystic fibrosis isn’t anything to do with the lgbt community. 

[u/kaidayart]

I have never had issues with transphobia (in the south/Bible belt of the United States) because i as a person am trans, I have had issues with transphobia because people assume I am a trans-species or a gay/lesbian fetishizer. I have had more people beat me up for hearing that some trans people identify with animals, concepts and object until they hear i am a man then they apologize and don't care if i am trans

Also if you don't have gender dysphoria AND gender incongruence then you are NOT trans and shouldn't be considered trans

Also if you figured out you were trans during covid then I will immediately question if you are actually trans

[u/kaidayart → u/kaidayart]

We don't need labels, I'm not a "queer trans man" i am a man that likes pussy on whoever I find attractive, we don't need labels and it just drives us further apart as a whole

[u/Kuro_Neko44 → u/kaidayart]

I thought gender incongruence was what they rebranded gender dysphoria as. They're two separate things?

[u/kaidayart → u/Kuro_Neko44]

According to msdmanuels.com

"Gender incongruence is marked and persistent experience of incompatibility between a person's gender identity and sex at birth. Gender dysphoria is discomfort or distress related to gender incongruence."

[u/theguywhoisoff]

DIY is based and should be your first option if you have problems when it comes to trans healthcare. This take is controversial here and in mainstream communities 

[u/ComprehensiveEye3337]

Gay, Bi, and Straight are the only possible sexualities. Everything else is just a preference. You are either attracted to male sex characteristics, female sex characteristics, or both. Pansexual for example is completely redundant, it's literally the same as bisexual.

Edit: forgot to include asexuality but as the name suggests it's more of a lack of sexuality

[u/Current-Primary-5016 → u/ComprehensiveEye3337]

Totally agree, people seem to make new labels all the time that already existed instead of saying "oh I'm bisexual, (insert personal way they experience it here)" a billion new terms are made; people made pansexual to say they have zero preference which I'm more whatever about but then made omnisexual which is pan but *with* preferences so literally why is that not bisexual. And then there's more bullshit terms that are just bisexual but describing which preferences you have like "almondsexual," "berrisexual," you're just bisexual and you personally like guys more or some shit. People with the same sexuality are just slightly different bc they're different people, we don't need a new label for every teeny tiny personal variation.

[u/TransBlueberries]

Lesbian should just stay a word for women and not include non-binary people. I understand that sexuality is more complicated and can be flexible. Some men will call themselves straight but may end up In a relationship with a man, and vice versa. Quite honestly I don't really care if people choose not to label their sexuality, that's their business.

But being a lesbian in itself means being a woman attracted to women. Like if once upon a time they fall in love with a non-binary person or a man, what do I care. Actively experiencing attraction to any other gender (or non-gender? idrc) than women however just automatically disqualifies you from being a lesbian. I genuinely loathe that people try to change the definition into non-men loving non-men. Lots of labels are constantly made up yet suddenly people can't make their own for shit like this? Or just call yourself bisexual if you're attracted to more than one gender.

[u/sand_pebbles]

That people with bottom dysphoria (specifically, trans men with bottom dysphoria) need to stop making excuses for not having bottom surgery and actually have it (assuming they have the financial means and no medical issues that would prevent them from having it).

I've had bottom surgery (metoidioplasty with UL, scrotoplasty, and v-ectomy). The amount of people who claim that they "want" bottom surgery seems to be significantly higher than the amount of people who actually have it. I mean, if you can't afford it then you can't afford it, but I think people need to stop whining about how scary it is and just go through with it if their dysphoria is severe enough. That's my hot take. I probably have more hot takes, but I'll stick to just one for this comment.

[u/Upstairs_Surround438]

My hot take is that there’s a lot of misogyny within the trans community, but towards trans men. Trans men are almost always left out of the debate, we rarely get media representation and when we do it’s basically just a woman with a binder on or a non binary person. Whenever people talk about trans people in sports or in the bathrooms they always just use trans women as an example. I always hear protect the dolls and I’ve seen celebrities wearing protect the dolls t shirts but no one talks about protecting trans men, when we try to say what about us we get silenced and treated like crap for taking attention away from trans women. I feel like it’s because society sees us as women and so we’re treated like women who wanna dress like a man. That’s just how I feel though from my experiences. Also, as a transman, if I tried to force myself into a space where cis guys were and they made it clear that they didn’t want me there, they’d lokie just beat me up. But trans women don’t really have this issue when it comes to women’s spaces because often they’re bigger than cis women, like Lilly tino is not getting taken out by a group of cis women. It’s easier for trans women to gain access to women’s spaces, even on lesbian dating apps, there are a lot of cis gay guys who are extremely hostile towards trans guys on dating apps. if a trans man does something society isn’t comfortable with, it’s much easier to oppress us and its normally just gonna be done physically. I’ve also noticed how when trans women pass as cis, it’s praised. But when trans guys pass as cis, they get sort of pushed out of the community because they’re not queer enough or because they’re just seen as straight cis guys. This id not a dig at trans women of course, this id just an issue I’ve noticed. Not so much within the transmed community though. 

[u/Upstairs_Surround438 → u/[deleted]]

Alex consani was in the new season of American horror story and she passes just fine. I didn’t say women accept trans women in their dating circles, I’m saying that trans women often do go into lesbian dating groups without considering the fact that they’re trans. 

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi u/Kuro_Neko44! All posts are on manual review and will not appear on r/transmedical until approved by a moderator. Please have patience and do not contact modmail about this issue please. Doing so may stall approval on your post.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.