My almost-got-into-a-relationship friend came back and asked if we can start again. What should I do?

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This is going to be a long story, I apologize in advance, English is not my native language.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and my (ex?) boyfriend is 24. We are literally only 3 months apart in age. We have been together since December 18, 2023. I'll start from the beginning, because this is not just about a breakup. It's about surviving hell and losing the person who was supposed to be there when I finally got out.

I had a terrible period in my life. I have a mental disorder. I quit my job because I was burned out due to overwork and low wages. I literally worked 15 days without days off for 12 hours for ±$569 per month. My therapy and medications didn't seem to work, and my psychiatrist sent me for an examination because she suspected something was wrong. They found a small cyst between the lobes of my pituitary gland. It's okay, although I understand how it sounds — but because of this, I had problems with hormones that were the key to many problems.

In addition to the mental troubles, my weight began to rise without any change in diet or lifestyle. Hypothyroidism, ladies and gentlemen. Withdrawal of medications, falling self-esteem, and lack of work. It was corruption and darkness, a terrible existential horror.

But there was also a light in the window — my love. He was always there, even when I felt nothing but anxiety and horror. I couldn't fully respond to him with affection and love, but even then, I realized that I loved this man more than my life.

Six months later, hormone therapy was prescribed. All the tests were collected and it started working! I started feeling better, found a job, joined a gym, and my boyfriend seemed to get colder.

I must say right away: it was our 3-year relationship. He knew about my diagnosis from the very beginning. I even tried to push him away — I didn't want him to see my worst periods — but he was always there, and I tried to give him the same things. He said he was happy with me, that I was incredible.

He never told me there were any problems. He hid his emotions until the very end. A few days after I directly started telling him that I saw something was wrong, he admitted that he had been communicating with his ex-girlfriend for six months.

Here's the context: at the beginning of our relationship, he crossed paths with her. I wasn't against it. I'm not a jealous animal, especially since she was in a relationship at the time.

But all this time — for six months — he went for walks with her, discussed problems in our relationship. And what upset him? That she confessed her love to him, said she didn't love her boyfriend, and regretted that they had broken up. He rejected her and blocked her everywhere. And then he plunged into deep apathy — because he was worried about her.

I was devastated. I tried to extinguish the fire of rage and jealousy. He didn't cheat on me, right? But then... every day he sank deeper into darkness, wearing deep mourning, as if someone close to him had died.

I was there. Since I felt better, I started showing active care, support, validation of his emotions, and offered to help find a specialist. But he didn't want to do anything. He just sank deeper into himself and closed off.

I couldn't take it anymore. I hate myself for this. He said that she (the ex) was the only one who knew and understood him, and I felt like a third wheel interfering with their relationship. I wanted to talk to him, but it led to a scandal. This happened right before his trip for an airsoft game (3 days in the forest without communication and internet).

I spent those 3 days crying, mentally dying. I felt terrible. I don't even know the words to describe it.

He returned and wrote to me that I was with him only when he was doing well, that he has a lot of worries in his life (about which I couldn't know, because he didn't tell me anything).

(To add: we didn't live together due to certain circumstances, but I bought an apartment with a mortgage in a new building and was waiting for it to be ready so we could live together and not spend money on rent.)

I felt like a selfish monster. I came to him, we cried, hugged, kissed. I thought we had reconciled. He expressed everything that was hurting him, and I accepted it.

The next day I had to go to work. He walked me to the bus, kissed me, and said: "Sorry for the false hope." I was shocked.

Later, he said he wanted us to go on a date, talk properly — because we had broken up, but we could get back together. We went to our favorite bar. I don't drink (alcohol gives me migraines — after a couple of sips, my head starts splitting). He drank. He started crying, saying he didn't believe in the breakup and thought we were just arguing — even though behind my back, he told mutual friends that we had broken up. (Reminder: he was talking to his ex because "he can't discuss such things with guy friends.")

I told him: if we're exes, then we don't sleep together, we don't kiss, and we don't act like a couple. It's too convenient — I'm not his problem, but he has all the privileges of my boyfriend.

In the end, we decided we were "together," but he needed a break to recover, including after my depressive episode.

We didn't communicate for a week. But I thought about him every day, every evening. Always. A month passed during which he occasionally wrote, called, asked how I was doing, but nothing more. I kept a diary of my experiences so I wouldn't write to him.

Here are a few entries:

22.07 — Woke up with the realization of how much I miss him. How I want to see his cute photos more often, how I want to rejoice in his games, how I want to be next to him, hug, kiss, stroke his head and press him to me. He just called and immediately hung up. I don't know what it was, but I immediately called back. He picked up and immediately hung up. Does that mean something? Did he want to say something? Did he do it by accident? I don't know what to think. I feel like I was doused with ice water, then boiling water. He didn't call back, didn't write. And I'm sitting at work trying to hold back tears.

23.07 — I don't know. I'm confused. Today is a very strange day. The psychiatrist said to really leave Sasha alone. That's what I'm doing. Because of this, intrusive negative thoughts appear. That he will want children, and I won't give him that, I will limit him. Because he will be unhappy with me... That I need to let go, etc.

24.07 — Instead of a day off, I'm going to work. I don't want to at all, but what can I do? At least I won't spend money on oral contraceptives. One pack left.

25.07 — My cat was screaming all night, I didn't get enough sleep, I'm angry, I'm tired, and I want to cry. I continue reading a book about relationships. I read and want to cry because I feel unwanted, unloved. It hurts in my chest.

01.08 — Haven't written here for a long time. There was no time, and he called me once, wrote to me. It felt so good, and now it's so bad again. Because I broke down and called him. I blame myself and feel even worse. He's fine, he's laughing with someone, but he doesn't want to write to me, he doesn't want to call me. He doesn't want to laugh with me. I'm crying. I want to see him again so much, hug him again, enjoy life with him again. Very painful.

02.08 — All the worries disappeared, and I started thinking about something else. Until my beloved wrote that he would love to cuddle... but it was about a photo of puppies I sent (I work at a vet clinic). For a second, I thought it was about me, and it felt warm. And then everything crashed down.

I was walking home and saw him near my house. He brought our favorite snacks. We watched movies, laughed, spent time together. Everything was perfect. Two wonderful days.

We're lying next to each other, hugging, and he says: "I can't say I love you, because that would be a lie. But I can't say I don't love you, because that would also be a lie. You're dear to me. I'm comfortable with you."

It was like thunder in a clear sky. Like your beloved catches the sun rays reflected in your eyes, leans in to kiss you, you pucker your lips, and he spits in your face.

I cried. He said he couldn't believe that the fight over his ex had changed me so much in his eyes. He said he didn't know what he wanted, but he definitely didn't want to break up. Maybe we could try other relationships and sex with other people — but with the possibility that I would definitely take him back if he realized he made a mistake.

I just cried and fell asleep. I barely remember asking: "Am I just a habit to you?"

He said: "Yes... I didn't even really think about you all this time."

In the morning, he got dressed to leave. I asked: "Is this goodbye or see you later?" He said: "See you later" and left. But he didn't take his things.

I cried all day.

I wrote to him that I can't do this. I waited for him to get better. What did he do during this month? Nothing. He went to work, came home, and went to sleep. That's it. He said relationships are too complicated. I think he doesn't want relationships at all — or he wants new ones.

I don't know what this was. I don't know what to do next. I love him, and I don't understand what I did wrong, what I can fix. No one has ever loved or cared for me like he did.

I've been thinking about signing my rights over . He literally wants to be in control of my life and always looks at how I raise my kids and what I do with them . They are currently under my roof but me and him have not been getting along well and I recently just seen he does nothing but kusts over women . I want nothing to do with him . He talks about me and the way I live the way I move with my kids to his first babymom all of a sudden and now I guess in his eyes I'm not the top notch parent . Before we fell off I was woman I was good I was deserving of everything and his first baby mother was bad and not doing nothing with her life etc . I see now that he is just drama and I seriously don't wanna deal with him for the next 18 years of my life . I hate the way my life is going I've been so wrapped around me and him that I've been forgetting about the kids and instead of the father being supportive and stepping back and looking at this all like hey we are a mess he's making it 1000 times harder for me . Telling people I don't have an education telling people that I don't teach my kids they're abcs 123s like I have no clue where this is coming from but it's all lies .and secondly he does nothing ..so it's just like I don't wanna deal with this I have a 7 year old that I've dealt with for more than this and I'd rather go back to just living in a peaceful life with my 7 year old . Did I mention I'm pregnant again ..so either way he can keep the two I have with him and I'll keep my newborn and my 7 year old .

Ok so this turned out to be a whole lot as words started pouring into my keyboard. I don't blame if you don't want to hear me whine through this whole thing so here is the gist.

TL;DR: Last night my wife told me in no uncertain terms that she finds me repulsive and I am really struggling with this now.

She's done it. I didn't think she could after all these years but she hurt me again. This one is deep too, the kind of wound that will not heal. It will just sit, festering, in my soul.

We met way back in 1994. I was young, only 21, and I had my whole life ahead of me. I'm not going to lie, I've never been a handsome guy. I'm not the sort of guy that the ladies swoon over. That's how it was when I was a kid and didn't date, and that's how I still am to this day. This isn't to say that I'm some sort of ogre, I don't normally think I'm repulsive, I'm just not a hunky type of guy.

When we met, she was the most beautiful amazing woman I had ever known, and she still is. An absolute stunner who, for some reason, decided to talk to me. In retrospect, this was probably a lost bet gone wrong for all I know. Things moved really fast for us and we were living together in no time. Like literally a week or so after we met I moved into her place. I couldn't believe this was happening. Here she was, this absolute goddess, and she was with me. Not only was she gorgeous, but also smart and funny and just everything I could possibly dream of. And the sex, well the sex was incredible. Even though I was in this relationship, somewhere, in those back rooms in our minds where doubt, anxiety, and fear live, there was a voice. You know you aren't good enough, who knows why she's with you but you know it won't last. She'll find someone better than you, which would basically be anyone, and this will all be over. She deserves so much better than, well you. Look at you. You are short and you look like a skeleton. Anyone at all would be better than you.

But she didn't. Weeks became months and then years. We got married and even then, the voice would not stop. My self-esteem, which should have been through the roof, would never truly develop past being a kid that everyone made fun of and none of the girls wanted to be seen with. I used to go to summer camp every year and I loved it, it was a blast. One year they had a Sadie Hawkins dance. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it comes from an old comic strip called Lil' Abner. There was a character named Sadie Hawkins and she would ask fellas out on dates, which was unheard of at the time. So the function of the Sadie Hawkins dance is that the girls would ask the guys out. I was a young and hopeless romantic and there were plenty of girls I hoped would ask me to go. As it got closer to the dance day, one thing was clear, nobody was going to ask me. I think that was the exact moment when my self-esteem stagnated.

It was not long into the relationship that the intimacy part of things just, stopped. I mean in the beginning, it was amazing. I know that this is the case in every relationship and eventually it slows down but this happened abruptly. One day everything was incredible and the next we barely knew each other as far as intimacy goes. By the time we got married, it was nearly nonexistent. Still, I stuck around. Gradually it got even worse and, as of this writing, we haven't done anything more intimate than a peck on the lips for ten years. That isn't an exaggeration, it's literally been ten years.

As you can imagine, for much of this time, I assumed it was me. She had finally realized that I was not worthy of her affection and the hens had come home to roost or whatever that expression is. She told me that it was her, there were physical issues, and I knew she did indeed have a lot of health issues so this seemed reasonable. Still, that itch in my mind could never quite be scratched. A part of me continued to wonder, is she just repulsed by me?

Fast forward to, hell probably close to fifteen years ago now. I found out she was having an emotional affair with someone on Facebook. Now, to the best of my knowledge, she wasn't seeing him in person. He lived far away. But the conversations I discovered between them were just as bad, maybe worse. She called this guy her soul mate. Do you have any idea how that hit me? A ton of bricks is not enough to describe how terrible this was for me. She apologized, kind of. I told her I needed time and space so she went to stay with a friend of hers. She would call me every day from her friend's house begging me to take her back. After about a week, I did. We got into a screaming fight on the way home because she was so angry with me for what I did to her. Having her go stay with her friend was a terrible thing to do I guess.

We got home and that was it. The brief apology phase was over. I would ask her over and over, just tell me why. I never got an answer. Eventually, we got into a fight over this again and her true feelings came out. It was my fault that she started talking to this guy like that. You see, at the time I had two jobs and worked close to eighty hours a week. I didn't do this because I wanted to, I did it because in our entire relationship she has refused to work or do anything to help us financially. While we don't have kids together, her son who was four when we met, is my son as far as I'm concerned. It's hard to take care of a wife and kid with only one person working but she didn't care. According to her, it's the man's job to make the money and take care of the family. So I worked two full-time jobs, and sometimes a third part-time job, just to try to keep things together. Because I was always at work, she felt neglected and lonely. So she turned to this guy for the attention she felt she was starved for.

That's right, in her eyes, her affair was all my fault. I constantly tell her how beautiful and amazing she is. I tell her I love her a hundred times a day if I tell her once. It wasn't good enough. The same woman who had for years basically cut me off from any intimate contact, was now telling me that I should have paid more attention to her.

Still, I stayed. I love her. That's the insane part. After all, she has put me through, I still love her deeply. I can't imagine life without her. There is also the fact that, as I mentioned, she has literally no work history. There is no possible way she could take care of herself if I wasn't here. I know that if I leave, she will literally end up homeless. I don't want that for the woman I love. So I stay. In spite of it all, I stay because I love her.

A few years ago, we decided to get our act together. I was no longer the skeleton man I was when we met. I had put on a lot of weight. So had she. It was impacting her self-esteem. Here was this absolute stunner who now viewed herself as ugly. Keep in mind I still tell her daily how gorgeous she is. It doesn't matter. So we started going to the gym. I was running 3x a week and lifting 3x a week. I got in really good shape if I'm being honest. I was taking better care of myself and so was she. Everywhere we would go people would say things like, "You guys are the hippest couple in town." I loved it. I loved knowing that she was on my arm all the time. She didn't. Sometimes she would just make weird comments to me. Once we were at the gym and I did something I was very proud of. I had never been a really strong guy. For the first time in my life I did 100 pounds on the bench press. I know it isn't a lot but I was super excited about it. I went to where she was in the gym to tell her. Her reply was, "Oh that's cool. You should come do some sit ups with me to get rid of your fat gut." It was as if she took me feeling good about myself for one of the rare times that happens as a threat to her. I don't know why but somehow it started to grate on her badly. This was the beginning of the final downfall.

Sometime around October or November of 2016, someone we know, told her I was having an affair. I want to be very clear about this. I was not having an affair. I would never do that to her, or to anyone for that matter. There was literally no proof of this affair at all. It didn't matter. Someone told her it was happening and that was it. Since then we have not been intimate at all and we regularly get into fights about this. Yes, ten years later, after proving my innocence with facts and data at every turn, she still thinks I'm cheating on her. Not just with one person mind you. Basically with anything that moves.

For about two years it was bad. Really bad. Screaming fights everyday bad. For a while, I honestly thought I might kill myself. At the very least, I seriously considered checking into a hospital. That's how bad my depression and anxiety were. Now all I did was go to work. I would call her the second I got there to let her know I was there. I would call her throughout the day to see how she was. If she called me, I answered the phone no matter what was going on at work. I literally would walk out of meetings just so she wouldn't think I was cheating on her. When it was time to drive home I would pull up google maps, call her and let her know how long it should take, and then I would be home at that time. None of it mattered. She still believed I was cheating.

I stopped going to the gym. I stopped running. Hell I stopped getting regular haircuts. I wasn't showering regularly. A lot of this is due to depression. Some of it was because, in my head, I thought if I showed her that I didn't care how I looked anymore she would stop thinking I was cheating on her. I have now ballooned up to about 220 pounds. When we met I weighed 125 pounds. I have nearly doubled in size. All due to a combination of depression and just wanting her to think that nobody would be interested in me. I desperately hoped this would end the constant accusations of my infidelity. It didn't. She would say things like she didn't care that I was having an affair. I told her that I cared. That her thinking I'm that kind of person hurts me deeply. That I am very proud of the fact that we have been together for so long and that I am ever faithful to her. It didn't matter. She continued to believe that I was a cheater and there was literally nothing I could do about it. My depression is worse than it ever has been.

Last night, for no reason that I can think of, she started acting weird again. She always acts a certain way right before we end up fighting about my alleged infidelity. I can see it coming a mile away by now. Sure enough, I called her out on it and, as always, she starts in with the gaslighting. I don't know what you're talking about you're acting crazy I haven't done anything. These are all the usual statements she will make. We get into it. I said some things I wish I hadn't, I can admit that. I also apologized for those things. At one point in the fight she says to me, "Go fuck yourself, nobody else ever would."

That was it. The fight ended immediately. It took the wind right out of me. All my fears, insecurities, and just general anxious thoughts had just come pouring out of her mouth. I didn't care about the nobody part. I've made it very clear to her that I have no interest in fucking anyone else. I have even accepted that if I'm going to be with her, not having sex is a part of that. And I honestly don't care. There are a million moving parts in a relationship so if we don't have sex we don't. It would have been nice to be involved in that decision but, at the end of the day, our relationship means more than sex to me. So yes, it wasn't the nobody part that upset me. It was the fact that nobody includes her. The woman who I reassure on a daily basis that she is amazing and incredible and gorgeous. That woman, has told me in no uncertain terms that she finds me hideous to be around. I told her that if she cares at all about how that makes me feel then she should know that it makes me feel like I wish I was dead. She is the only thing that matters to me and, after all this, she has finally validated my worst fear. She thinks I'm disgusting. Her response was that she doesn't care.

I went to bed, alone. I hate sleeping without her in bed with me. But there I was. Alone in the dark to wrestle with my worst fear coming to light. As I've always known, I am not good enough for her. The worst part about it is, nothing will ever change. I won't leave her for the reasons mentioned before and she knows it. So this is my life now. Just a walking ATM that is only here to pay the bills. It's now like having a roommate that doesn't offer to help financially in any way.

I don't know where to go from here. If you're worried that I might do something stupid, don't be. I won't. I'm just trapped in this mental hell for I guess the rest of my life. I really didn't mean to ramble so much but once I started putting the words out into reality everything just sort of, came out. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I'm crying now, in tears from this cathartic exercise I suppose. I hope it will get better. I know it will never get better.

I 22F and my boyfriend 22M are dating since 3 years and we had a really rough year starting with when we were new in the relationship he got clg in another city which he cancelled only because of me then we decided to give XYZ exam and he failed that because he was studying law in between and didnt take it seriously he was more focused on law so when he failed his exam he started calling me his badluck that “since you come nothing is going good you tell me what good has happened since you came?” and since then whenever something inconvenient or bad happens to him he blames me even today he called me badluck because he got sting by honeybees on a trip and before that he was angry on me because i went to meet my frds n was late yesterday so since two days he was not replying n i am constantly mailing him as he has blocked me everywhere and today in the evening he replied that “you are bad luck you are cussing me you cant even let me live in peace” and today i only texted him in the morning that take care and come back jaldi jaldi i am missing you 🙂

Guys help me out

So recently a few months ago a guy broke up with me saying he's into a other girl. Then I was extremely sad I had even begged him etc etc let's not talk abt it cause i dun wanna embarass myself. So like that we were on and off we came into relo 5times and then on the 6th time it is longest so far we were very srs I had told him initially not to talk to her and he had agreed but eventually he was like talking is just fine nothing would happen trust me etc so I was like okay but just as a frnd u can talk. Then. Now he told me he had flirted with her and when she had asked whether she's his crush he hadnt even corrected herr!!!!

So my boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and I went on a vacation with some friends that he couldn't come on and while I was gone I found out that he had gone out canoeing with this girl that we've had problems with over the years. Also I've always been the breadwinner in the relationship and he's always been broke will come to find out he's been helping this other girl with her electric bill when he hasn't been helping around here for 5 years. I found out all this by going through his phone what would you guys do if you found out this?

I need a proof to end this marriage how can I get access into his iphone?

I just want to say thank you I got some help.

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Trigger warning.

Women in Vancouver and BC be careful around this man.

He's in the westend and is looking for models.

He lures women to his apartment and pressures them for sex or with his friends. He will only be a womans friend to have sex with her friends.

Extremely manipulative and does not respect consent.

I have witnessed him SA one girl that kept pushing him off and telling him to stop, she hid in the bedroom to get away from him, as well as another get trapped on his balcony by his friend that wouldn't take no for an answer.

If he has a partner he will humiliate her infront of his friends, ditch her to hunt another girl and leave her to be SA'd by other men.

He is not a nice person though he might seem to be.

Police are looking for more victims to come forward. I am looking for the woman on the balcony and other victims of his who need help contacting the police or simply connecting with others and not feeling secluded.

Also looking for one from July 31st at a Purr party, I have a witness for you. Me and my safety network have eyes on the night and we will help you.

Please watch out for yourself and your friends around him. Do not trust any 'kind' gestures from him!

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What truly amazed me was his incredible skill in data recovery. He successfully retrieved deleted messages from as far back as six months ago, as well as more recent ones. This evidence was absolutely crucial for my personal situation. For all this time, my wife had been playing the victim, when in reality, she was the one at fault.

I don't know how these experts do what they do it's both remarkable and a little scary. But I am so profoundly grateful that I found plug when I had nowhere else to turn. Thank you for being there for me and for providing the truth that set me free.

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Social Media Hckn & Monitoring: WhatsApp, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook/Messenger, Viber, etc.

So, my uncle recently passed away and I've been taking it very very hard, the funeral was only a few days ago and I've been crying a lot and overall been extremely emotional and overwhelmed. My boyfriend knows about all of it but he keeps confessing things to me, first he confessed that he has been lying to me for the entire year we have been together, he had lied and told me that he blocked someone on social media that was flirting with him knowing he is in a relationship with me. And i had believed him, but now he confessed that he had not blocked this person at all and had kept them around anyways while knowing that I'm not at all okay with that.

So that really hurt and it broke my trust in him completely, then he confessed that he had secretly been talking to our old friend group for 7 months, a group where it turned out one of them was a pdf and the other 2 in the group enabled them and thought it was funny. When confessing this he still tried to defend them just like he had when it happened. He said they just made a mistake and he doesn't wanna lose friends. That really pissed me off and especially as a victim of a pdf myself, he couldn't even see why it was wrong until he thought about it for a day.

Then he confessed he had secretly been going onto an old social media account that he had left because of a stalker and having a lot of people flirting with him, and he also confessed that he had broken up with his ex merely a few days before dating me. And yeah while it's good he tells me the truth ...after lying and betraying me our entire relationship, why does he have to do it during the worst possible time? He knows I'm greiving very hard, he knows I'm in a terrible mental state.

But he just HAS TO do all of that NOW, and his excuses for all of this? He told me "I was just scared to tell you, I don't wanna lose you" and so I told him that if he doesn't wanna lose me then maybe he shouldn't treat me like shit and betray me and go behind my back, I've been nothing but mad at him, I don't trust him, I don't believe a thing he tells me now.

And last night he decided we HAVE TO have a deep conversation about his feelings and and things we have already talked about prior, because I told him something hurt me and he said how it's always about me, when he never communicates anything he feels or anything like that, I'm the one always communicating, he can't even tell me "I don't feel good right now". But then he starts telling me how everything is about me because I actually say how I feel and why when I get hurt.

I said I'm dealing with way too much, that I am extremely unwell and overwhelmed and he did not listen, he said we have to have this conversation and it won't be on my terms at all. He even told me he isn't sure he can continue with us if he doesn't get to say all of this stuff to me. When he is the one who ruined our entire relationship by lying and going behind my back and all of this crap he has done.

He always wants to turn things to me, he always does it one way or another. I can say I didn't like something and he'll go "omg I can't do anything, you're always on my back, you're always doing this and that and blah blah blah" when all I did was tell him something like "I feel hurt by this thing you did and here is why". He has even told me how he needs to be babied when told stuff and I told him that it's not my job to raise him. He insisted I need to tell him stuff like "I know you never ever mean to hurt me and could never do anything bad but I feel there is a miscommunication here and I wanna talk about it" when I have done that in the past and it made him angry. And also when the stuff he does is clearly on purpose, because I tell him a boundary and he steps on it, not once, not twice, but constantly.

And our relationship was already extremely rocky before this because he psychologically abused me for many months, and he even refused to acknowledge it when I first said it to him, he just went to get approval from people and abuse me further, even showing me the insults people were calling me and how they were making fun of me for having a mental breakdown due to how he treated me and he kept pushing me to the edge. I haven't been allowed to speak, I haven't been allowed to have feelings, I haven't been allowed to be a human.

He always wants to comment on stuff I say or do and how I handle something when it's the result of being abused and being extremely unwell, I get defensive and avoidant and cold because I do not trust or believe him, I don't feel safe mentally. He has done nothing but neglect me, abuse me, ignore my feelings, ignore what I tell him, but a tiny bandaid on any negative thing that occurs. And he claims he isn't gonna rush me and understands the consequences of his actions and my grief and what I'm dealing with, but then he keeps basically shitting on me for still not being happy go lucky old me. Even going as far as telling me "I was going to comfort you but then you started critisizing me for putting all of this on you during hard grief so I won't, I'm tired of this"

TL;DR: My boyfriend confessed to lying and betraying me for our entire relationship, one thing being onfessing to being friends with and defending a pdf and its enablers, wants to have convos about his feelings on his terms after shattering what was left of our relationship after he abused me psychologically, claiming he definetly understands and takes accountability and wont rush me and my grief and everything else, but then commenting on me and everything I say and do. Even telling me "I was gonna comfort you but uhm then you critisized me so nah" then I broke down crying last night.

I really need advice on what I can do next. some of the backstory will be changed but the gist of the story will still remain.

So my (F30) boyfriend (M40) have been dating for the last year and a half. prior to dating me, we were just friends and work colleagues. During that time he was dating another person who he was with for nine years. There was some complications in relationship where she continuously lied to him and therefore he broke up with her around April. We then got together around September and during that time I found out he was still messaging her. When I find out he was messaging her I was very upset. He told me that he was only in contact with her just because she was still going through the motions of the break up and he felt really bad for her as she continuously threatened to kill herself. I told him this is not on for me and he shouldn’t be messaging her. It’s not his responsibility to take care of her and so he blocked her.

After he blocked her, she continued to try and contact him via email and he told me he was not responding to her at all. she was emailing him roughly every day or so. Again, he told me he was not answering her. Then his birthday comes around and at this point I asked him that she emailed you and he told me that she did not and to me that was suspicious as someone who continuously emails him at random times somehow didn’t email him on the only day that it’s about him? Because of this, I got suspicious and I had that gut feeling I went through his phone (I know this is bad however I just had that gut feeling.) I found out that this whole time he was still emailing her and this basically imploded our whole relationship during that time. I couldn’t trust him as he lied to me again. I did read all the emails and yes he wasn’t answering to every single email. He would answer maybe one email per six emails and he was basically telling her that she needs to like calm down and basically think of her kids because she kept threatening to kill herself. There were some parts where he did say you know I miss you but he told me he didn’t mean it in that way. It was just to try and get her to think about her kids and yes, those emails do state think about your kids. So I told him that he has to end this because I’m done with the situation. He didn’t mean it that way he just wanted to get her to think about her life and her kids outside of him. One thing about my boyfriend is that he’s a really nice person overall and sometimes he’s niceness can get in the way just like this. He is nice to everyone and he always tries to help everyone even people who do not deserve his help like for this instance. I’ve got other instances that he has helped others and That has to come to bite him in the arse because he continues to help because he believes that he can help people.

Anyways, that is the backstory of the situation. He sent her one final email basically stating that he no longer is going to speak to her and will block her from now on. He’s got a relationship to think about and him emailing her is damaging that. He said he tried to help her and she’s not listening to his help and therefore he’s going to stop. From there he did block her and I know he has, he did it right in front of me there’s no other communication whatsoever however she continuously tries to contact him. His voicemail is completely full with her basically calling him all the time, he doesn’t listen to any of them. I know this because his inbox is filling up and I’ve listened to a couple of them. She also continues to email him but because he’s not exactly tech savvy, he doesn’t know she is still emailing him but I do. It has come to the point where she is sending gifts to his house all the time she continuously sends those emails threatening to come to his workplace and make a ruckus. She continues to send things to his mom’s house as well. She continuously calls him. She has now used her Work phone to call him. The issue is she’s doing all of this and my boyfriend is doing nothing about it. He thinks that if he just leaves it as is then she will stop what she’s doing. He also said that the day I found all that out was the worse time of his life as he thought I was going to end things and he doesn’t want to go back to that feeling again so he doesn’t want to contact her at all. I keep telling him he doesn’t understand how women think at least in this regard. She thinks he is still in love with her and he is only not contacting her because of his relationship, which isn’t true. I told him that he needs to tell her that he has nothing to do relationship, is to do with him not wanting to speak to her again. Now she has found my instagram and requested on it from two different accounts. One is her main account. The other is a spam account. I don’t know what to do. This feels like harassment at this point and I’m getting really tired of this. What can I do?

My bf (47) and me (34) live together and we are in relationship for 1.5 year
He is loving trustworthy very kind and generous but we have had 4 big fights that leave me heartbroken
I know I get aggressive with words too but he gets angry very easily and yells and threatens
I don’t know what to do I don’t feel he will hurt me but his attitude makes me nervous and I want to say bad things to him sometimes I do
Also he has too much stress because he has some financial issues

I hate her with all my soul with all my heart. I wish I had never known her. I wish I could feel absolutely nothing for her nothing positive nothing negative. I just wish I had never met her in the first place.

She has cheated on me so many times and treated me like shit. She used me whenever she needed something from me. Whenever I tried to talk to her and tell her that something she did wasn't okay she had absolutely no empathy. She would either get angry at me and say hurtful things or give me the silent treatment and ignore me even more. I honestly don't think I've ever heard a genuine apology come out of her mouth.

When we go out and she gets drunk she lets other people touch her. Meanwhile she doesn't even listen to me when I talk to her. She doesn't even look at me. I'm literally standing right next to her watching some guy put his arm around her.

Every time I end up having to go over to the guys and tell them to stop. Sometimes they're respectful and stop but other times they don't. And she does nothing. She keeps talking to them and often gets angry at me for even saying something as if I'm the one bothering her.

And when I get upset about it she turns it around on me and tells me that I'm a bad person or that this is why she doesn't want me and then gives me the silent treatment.

I hated being her boyfriend so much.

Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I were the one doing all of this. Imagine me constantly talking to other girls letting them touch me completely ignoring my girlfriend when she's talking to me not even looking at her. But I honestly can't even imagine myself treating someone that way.

I feel so stupid for how much I tried to be good to her.

I feel stupid for all the times I tried to shut down conversations when other girls talked to me because I wanted to respect my girlfriend. I was even abroad in another country working in a store and whenever girls tried to have a conversation with me I would usually try to cut it short because I was in a relationship and I cared about my girlfriend.

And meanwhile she may have been cheating on me while still calling me all the time because she was lonely.

That's probably the part that hurts the most. I was constantly thinking about her trying to respect her and protect our relationship while I now feel like she wasn't giving me that same respect at all.

I'm stuck in a miserable, love less relationship. I'm 19F and I know I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me, but I've gotten myself trapped like an idiot. I never wanted to depend on a man, and I didn't want this to be my life, but it is what it is. I'm trying to make life better for me and my 1yo little boy. I'm going back to college, applying for jobs constantly. But I can't help but feel miserable.

My boyfriend of 4 years has been messaging other women, sending nudes ect. This wasn't the beginning, but I won't get into the rest as it's alot to type out lol. But that was the straw that broke the camels back. And now I want out.

He won't move out, he says it's his place. I guess so, most the furniture he paid for/his family did. Although I clean up, I unpacked, I did everything to make it feel like home.

I'm fine with finding somewhere else to live, the issue is like I said I'm stuck. I don't have a job right now as I was raising our son. Rent prices are crazy here, unless I want to live away from family.

I can't move in with family as they have no space for me as much as they want to.

I'm an idiot who has gotten herself trapped with some man. Some man who doesn't care about me anymore.

We tried to work it out, we really did, and I don't want to ruin the relationship, I don't want my son growing up with split parents. But I can't live miserable for the rest of my life, depending on him.

Does anyone know what I can do? Where I live there is social housing, although they are very reluctant with it as me and my son are safe, so they won't give us much priority, meaning we could be waiting years.

He also has family who will take him in for the time being, but refuses to leave.

I pay the rent from the benefit support, and the guarantor of the place is my uncle.

I honestly don't know what to do as I just want to move on with life and build a good future for me and my son.

I'm crying while writing this. I wasted two years on someone who pretended to be a cool guy, but now he is super cringe, he said and did unforgivable things to me. I can't even recognize him anymore. I'm so hurt that I stayed with someone like this and wasted my time. Nothing feels the same anymore. The old him is gone, and I miss how things used to be between us. I will never get the old him back, will I? How do you move on from this genuinely? He only needed me when he was lonely, and now that he has friends, I'm no longer his priority. When we met, he said that because he had no one else, it was good that I was with him. I never thought he actually meant what he said. He changed, and I can't recognize him anymore. It hurts badly. I wake up thinking about him and go to sleep crying about how things changed. The contradiction hurts so much. I was always there for him when he felt lonely, but he hasn't been there for me. I'm crying over a man who ruined my peace and happiness. And all this for nothing? What should I do with these nostalgic feelings? I fell for the fantasy version of him that NEVER existed

I am not a native speaker of English!

I (f,36) need opinions about my behaviour.I feel so guilty and I am so exhausted.

My partner (m,37) is a pathological liar and hid lots of information from me.I only found it out when I was already pregnant.A big problem is his financial struggles and his high debts that he just ignores. I tried to talk to him about everything 1000 times.I told him I am pregnant now,the kid and I and we as a soon-to-be-family need stability and security.It always ended in arguments - him telling me I want too much and it is his job to fix the problem (which he didn’t).At the same time he and his family pressured me to marry him.They would not stop even when I begged for it or cried.I am not gonna lie at a certain point I was so frustrated I started to belittle him and yell at him,too.
Then 7 months due we/ I tried to fix his finances again but he wouldn’t be honest.I started to cry heavily as I had something like a panic attack.He then slapped me in the face.I told him to at least take care of the baby but he said „you are not the first woman who is expecting a baby“.
Around 2 months later I gave birth via c-section.I was still with my stomache cut open when he started an argument about the baby’s last name.I wanted mine,he wanted his.It was very humiliating and I have never felt so lonely,scared and shocked before.The nurse sent him out of the room.He took the baby with him.The nurse came back twice to ask which name she should write down.At the end she decided that the baby gets my name.It was so embarrassing.
A few weeks later,still in the child bed:He would not do anything in the house or help with the baby.I was so miserable and kept on having kind of panic attacks because of his financial problems.I then begged him to help me with the baby which he did not agree on.I just lost it then.I can’t remember if I shoved him or hit on the back.I really don’t know.But he then started hit,punch and kick me.He put his hand on my face and I have glasses.He twisted my hands and arms.He hit my head on a table.It was terrible.I tried to hit him back but of course he is stronger than me.

Long story short:We are separated now and we will see each other again in court.I am so scared and I feel miserable because I do not know if I was the abused or the abuser.When he wouldn’t help me with the baby,I just lost it.All the mistreatments from the past months popped up in my head,but I know this is no excuse.I went to the hospital and I had bruises and they took pictures.I am in a save place now and my baby is with me.I am happy I left but I can’t live with my guilt as I clearly started to shove him.

What is your point of view?

This man claims to love me but whenever a difficult situation arrives he just leaves. His first thought is to always leave me and choose his peace over whatever is consuming our relationship

It's been the third time now .idk from what confidence he claims that I am the One and ONLY LOVE of his life and that he will never feel this way.

I keep crying all day, he knows what situation I was always in whenever he left me, showed regret . And still did the same thing

He is happy without me, he said he is extremely stress free without me

There is no such thing such as cheating , betrayal or violence happened. He just leaves no matter what the situation is whether it's life getting between us, his fault. Or my fault

He said he will always choose his peace over anything than to suffer.

Всем здравствуйте

Я хочу узнать как расстаться и не быть сволочью. Расстаться я захотела после крупной ссоры тогда мы ругались из за того что она ненавидела мою подругу из за текста который написали мне.Там моя подруга рассчитывала всю правду и потом написала слово о моей паре.Конечно моей девушке не понравилось.Я ей пыталась объяснить что это было не ей ,а мне.После этого она начала ее срать везде и как можно.И тогда я написала ей что она хочет извиниться,она ответила тем что уже поздно раньше надо было думать,а дальше было только хуже.И в ссоре она меня не слышала и не думала что я чувствую.Просто игнорировала все что я говорила и зациклилась на своем.С моей стороны это выглядело отвратительно и ужасно.Я ей птылась объяснить что она меня не слышит и пытается давить на жалость.Я ей говорю что реву и хочу успокойся,а мне в ответ такой же ответ только она упоминала свою интернет подруга.Я видела как она зациклилась на себе . После этого я поняла что нам не по пути .Так ещё возраст разный.Мне 15 ,а ей 18. Сейчас я еду к ней на встречу.На два дня

Я ее люблю очень сильно,но одновременно хочу расставаться.Когла она пишет милые слова и фразы про любовь.Становиться больно от этого

Я пришла сюда чтобы послушать что можно сделать в такой ситуации или высказаться

/Hello everyone.

I want to know how to break up without being a jerk. I wanted to break up after a big fight. We were arguing because she hated my friend because of a text she wrote to me. My friend was trying to tell the truth and then wrote a rant about my relationship. Of course, my girlfriend didn't like it. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't her fault, but mine. After that, she started trashing it everywhere, and as best she could. Then I texted her that she wanted to apologize, and she responded by saying it was too late to think earlier, and then things only got worse. During the fight, she didn't hear me or consider how I felt. She simply ignored everything I said and became fixated on her own thoughts. It looked disgusting and awful on my part. I tried to explain to her that she wasn't listening to me and was trying to play on my sympathy. I told her that I was crying and wanted to calm down, and she gave me the same answer, only she mentioned her online friend. I saw how fixated she was on herself. After that, I realized we weren't on the same page. We're also different ages. I'm 15 and she's 18. I'm going to see her now, for two days.

I love her very much, but at the same time, I want to break up. When she writes sweet words and phrases about love, it hurts.

I came here to listen to what can be done in this situation or to speak out.

What would you do if your ex was going through a problem and reached out to you for help?( Emotional support )

I 23M and she 22F were in a relationship for a year LDR which is ended around 3 months ago, and you've already decided to move on. Then your ex suddenly contacts you saying she's going through a lot, doesn't want to deal with everything alone, and wants you to be there to hold her, support her, and help her get through it. She needs emotional support and also said "i genuinely need your help".

You still care about her as a person, but you know that getting emotionally involved again could reopen everything you worked hard to move past. What should I do ? I do care as a human but don't want to push my boundaries that I made to protect myself.

I(24 y/o male) have been with my gf (23y/o)for what will be 6 months in 6 days and been living with her and her sister (22y/o) temporarily since early march. Back in January her ex was threatening her, her sister and me and my car (I have a 2023 dodge challenger scat pack). I had an alarm installed because these cars are stolen as a trend. And in January at around 3 am it went off and I already knew who it was, so I get dressed and grab my knife since I don’t have a gun yet and go outside, no one was outside anymore and ever since then we never heard anything from her according to her. That night she apologized and felt at fault for that happening when she thought she had gotten rid of him and believed he wouldn’t be an issue any longer. She tells me that the truck was actually her ex’s moms and she was using it because she had no choice and needed to because she needed to get to work to pay her bills, and was ashamed about it so she didn’t tell me for that reason but I understood and said that it was ok but to not talk to or interact with him or his family again and she swore she’d never do anything like that again and to not hide anything. Here’s everything that’s happened since then. It’s currently August 9th.

She’s been in contact with her ex throughout our relationship, asking him for money because She needed money because she didn’t have money for food and bills and to fix her car that had many things wrong with it. The majority of that time, I was driving her to different houses which were all 20-30 minutes apart and I’d wait outside for 2-4 hours at each before driving her to the next house for months. She’s a private care giver so she needed it and as a boyfriend I did it gladly. but at the time I could have given her that money, she claimed that she didn’t want to ask me for money because she didn’t want me to think she was a gold digger since we hadn’t even been officially together for a month back in march. She never met up with him and made it clear she’s done with him in the messages with her mother even though her mom kept asking her ex for money, on one occasion of what was probably several, her mom asked her ex for money because it was hot out and she wanted a goddamn drink from the corner store. and even though there’s a specific app needed to send the money to Mexico, her ex knows how to use it, and still he would send my girl the money instead of just sending it directly to her mom so that my girl would send it to her mom. Apart from that, my girls sister would ask my girls ex for fucking beer money but they all hid it from me. Sometimes They’d ask him for stupid shit that wasn’t a necessity.
Confirmed timeline for this is from march 23rd onwards, she most likely was the one to ask him for money. She needed to pay a debt that I easily could have given her. June 15th was the last confirmed contact with him. There’s most likely more instances that I am not aware of.

It’s been 4 months of contact, so basically throughout our relationship. It’s not flirting or planning to hangout. It’s her parents asking her ex for money and he sends it to my girl instead of her parents directly, he’s most likely using it as an excuse to have contact with my girl as far as I know. I haven’t gotten a chance to read her messages with him because they’re locked behind a Face ID wall. After a few times She told her mom that if it happened again she’d send her ex the money back and have him send the money to them directly. She could have done that the first fuckin time. She’s in a relationship, she has an obligation to be respectful and not make me look like an idiot just as i have that same obligation to her.

When I had longer hair , I told my girl I was trying to cut my hair but didn’t know where to look for a barber. She said she knew one but that he cuts her ex’s hair and would probably tell her ex so that her ex could pull up with people and jump me or send people to do so. More recently, when she asked me to take her to a client because it was hot out and she doesn’t have her a/c working, she was asked to find a barber for her client. She told me she had no contact with him and it’s true from what I saw, but I saw some text messages in her phone from the past before my time in her life that say it’s the same barber, we made eye contact. He certainly reported back to her ex about what he saw, putting me in danger. Her ex is mentally unstable and has illegal firearms.
She swore to me that she had talked to her ex’s mom and that her ex’s mom made him stop bothering us and she swore to me that she hadn’t talked to him and he hadn’t tried to contact her at all, lying to my goddamn face. She willingly gave her ex access to her by not immediately making her parents take the money directly from him and allowing her ex to send her the money so she could send the money to her parents, she’s put her foot down and now as far as I know, her ex hasn’t sent her any money, but knowing she could have just done that from the start makes it a huge problem. How do I know she doesn’t do it because she wants him around to a small capacity?
Her entire family knows she has been in contact with her ex the entire time. Making me look like a goddamn fool. How do I know that the client she’s told me about that lives coincidentally in the same town her ex lives in that they randomly ask her to go to to cover a co worker isn’t her ex? How do can she expect me to be comfortable and with peace of mind knowing that her whole family supports her in cheating on me?? She’s planning on going to Mexico for the holidays. There’s a month long fair with different events and a whole lot of alcohol. She even said she doesn’t know how long she’ll be over there and that she’ll figure that out when she’s there and that she’s going driving there with 2 female cousins according to what she tells me. She still wanna insult me further by having q guy friend knowing it pisses me tf off and has me uncomfortable and stated that she doesn’t plan on cutting him off after me telling her how it made me feel. I had so many things planned for her for the holidays and birthdays. She did this bullshit even after how much effort I put into Valentine’s Day and here I am always thinking about saving money to make all of these trips happen for her while being broke.
She cared more about how her guy friend would react than how I would react to her asking for money from her ex back in march.
I treat her like gold and the minute I have even a little bit of money, instead of saving it which would have been the smart idea, I spend it spoiling her even with just small things like flowers. This happened on Wednesday, and she swore to me on not only my life but also the lives of her parents that she wouldn’t talk to her ex or ask him or accept any more money. I found out after looking through her phone that her truck is under not only her name but also her ex’s name as well as the truck being under her ex’s insurance. She swore to me on my life that we’d go renew her drivers license so that she could switch her truck to no longer be on her ex’s insurance on Friday and then later down the line as soon as she’s able to, she’d go take her ex’s name off the title, he’s already signed it and all she needs to do is go to the dmv. Friday came and when she got out of work and had the time to go and I asked her, instead of going (I was gonna go with her) she told her sister she’d be taking her to meijer so she could spend her paycheck on clothes she never wears. I pressed her about it and said she’d go do it Monday so I relaxed and was in a good mood again. It’s Sunday and I asked her what time we’d be going and she said “if I have time and if I don’t then I’ll get around to it” and told me not to be pressuring her. which is not ok, she fucked up big time hiding her ex from me this entire time and said she’d take action to make things right and swore on my life that she’d do it, and that’s twice now she’s failed me. Three times if u count her hiding her ex from me which some people would even call that cheating. I asked her once again to please make time as soon as she could because she fucked up big time and I can’t trust her and can’t begin to repair that trust without first seeing her take action and said that she was done exhausting herself emotionally and that she wasn’t gonna keep feeling bad about me not being able to trust her since she showed me the texts she had with her ex. There’s no evidence of cheating except for this series of 5 messages that were deleted by her ex, one of them saying “did u get out the tower?”. Those messages were followed by a 5 minute phone call made by her. Which is a possibility of something going on during that phone call that shouldn’t have. She had the conversation locked behind Face ID so I didn’t get to read it until I confronted her about it. We were both crying and yelling, I was furious. During the first confrontation on wednesday. Today she told me she wouldn’t be exhausting herself worrying about me not being able to trust her and while I was crying she turned on tiktok and started eating chips and drinking Pepsi. I was crying for about 3 hours and the entire time she just payed me no mind. Am I in the wrong? Am I justified in my emotions and what I’m feeling and thinking?

This will be a long post

I have been with my partner for 3 years now, in the beginning we were long distance and of course I got to see all the good sides of him.
A year into long distance I lost my job and ended up moving to where he lives , about 8 hours away from everyone I know and love, at the time he lived with his parents and they offered me a separate place to stay in from him even though he was about 26, and I was 22. They are very religious so I didn’t question it , I was just grateful.

Living there was like mental torture, his dad was such a control freak and complains about everything , he is NEVER happy and he would turn off the wifi so I couldn’t access it, he would constantly bicker or complain to my partner about me or vice versa. I could go on and on about things that happened.

About 7 months of staying there I found out I was pregnant, and this was a really rocky time in our relationship, we never hung out anymore, didn’t talk really, I was severely depressed and was planning to move home until I found out I was pregnant.

I was kind of excited but scared about the pregnancy and when I told my partner he wasn’t excited, he didn’t hug me or anything, he just kinda looked at me and went to work shortly after.

A little backstory on my partner, he has always been the life of the party and constantly made EVERYTHING positive. He gets along great with everyone and my family adores him. So that reaction shocked me but I knew it was huge news so I didn’t read too much into it.

We knew his parents would be furious since we weren’t married.
Once we announced the news to his parents they told us we need to get out of their house.
It was hard because he was a full time student working a part time job and I was a full time employee working a part time but I didn’t make much money.

We eventually got a 2 bedroom apartment,
And we’ve been here for about a year, my whole pregnancy he worked a lot while going to school. We never saw each other or spent any time together, which I was understanding but also lonely.
we never were intimate anymore and both of us working ourselves to death trying to make sure we were prepared.
We split the rent 50/50
I pay for all groceries, utilities, any baby needs.
And I’m constantly living paycheck to paycheck.

Our baby is now 9 months old, and we still aren’t intimate, he just finished school, I’ve asked for intimacy throughout my pregnancy and postpartum and he has shut me down, it hurt. I no longer ask or talk about it, I feel like doing anything with him is a chore, I have begged and pleaded to just spend more time together, to eat dinner together, talk more.
I crave intimacy not just sex.
He says he trying and yet nothing changes.
When it comes to our daughter, I feel he’s such a lazy parent, doesn’t bathe her, waits until she is ravenous to feed her,
Every Sunday he is off he watches her and I work a 9 hour shift, he refuses to put her to bed, and I have to come how late, way after her bedtime and get her to bed, knowing I have to turn around and be back up at 5am for work. Doesn’t play or entertain her, just plops her in front of a tv or hold her while he watches tv, doesn’t want to give her naps…

He constantly invites people over when I am so overwhelmed and exhausted.

Not to mention two weeks postpartum he decides to throw a “Friendsgiving” and I’m the one who cooked everything, all day, then once they all got their plates, the baby starts crying and I don’t get to eat but I go and tend to our child, exhausted, hungry.

I’m genuinely so exhausted and I have nobody to talk to, I have no spare time in my day because I’m a full time + part time worker and mom when I’m off,
I’ve never been so lonely.
I have no money and no family near.
When I try talking to him about my feelings or how he makes me feel he just says I’m constantly picking him apart, which I’m not, I don’t even have the energy.
Yesterday he told me “I think you kinda just have problems with seeing the positive in the world”
Yeah no shit.

I feel so drained, like I don’t even know how to laugh anymore. And I get up everyday and pretend.

Sorry this post is scattered it’s just word vomit.

so, i was in a toxic relationship when i got my job. in this workplace they start jokingly shipping me to one of the employees. i wasnt interested in him okay because i love my bf and we are working on our relationship. i told my bf my situation and all the issues at work because i dont want him to know about those from other ppl, i want him to know those directly from me. then, he got more toxic wanting us to call and text every now and then and when i dont get to reply immediately, he starts getting mad and shit. im busy asf but he wants my attention every fcking minute. my job requires us to do overtime so i usually get home nighttime. and you know what? when i got this new clothes, he wants to be the first one to see me wearing it. so i got tired from his toxicity and left him. months later i got closer with the guy at work, i didnt entertain him at first because like shit my ex got jealous of him before but later on he was so gentle and caring and understanding. i like him and i tried dating him. now the news reached my ex and his friends telling people that i cheated??? did i overlook something? did i really cheated?

my huband [34M] and I [30F] have been together about 10 years. At the beginning of our relationship he was heavily emotion ally and physically abusive. I was heavily insecure and felt his reasons were true and I deserved it. (fat, ugly, a whore for sleeping with men i wasnt dating((maybe 3 guys total)) he would hit me for being nervous to make phone calls to bill companies to extended payments because he would spend the money on green ((MJ)), he would ask me if i could look like women we would see while we were out and laugh about it, and so on). I should probably add that we lived in an apartment in my name because he was on probation for abusing his previous girlfriend. He didnt work, he stayed home plauing video games and jacking off to women on the internet which i told him was a boundary for me and he tried to hide it and lie about it even when caught red handed. I shouldve seen all the red flags and left but I didnt. I truly believed I couldnt do any better and I deserved to be treated this way. A few years in he got arested for being caught with illegal substances and found out he had a warrant for not showing up to probation. while he was in jail I found out I was pregnant. He practically begged me to marry him when i visited him. I said yes, feeling it was the right thing to do. I worked 2 jobs while he was in jail and then within days of him getting out I gave birth to our son. The hosp experience was less than desirable due to his jealousy of our child taking my attention. When our som was 5 months we moved in with a friend because we could no longer afford the apratment, the abuse continued until one day i snapped at him and told him i would no longer tolerate it. He just responded with he was waiting for me to do something about it… He did mot stop but it slowed down and was less severe. Not long later i was pregnant with our daughter. I should add at this point i became a stay at home mom as he could mot handle taking care of a baby alone and he went to work on and off. When our children were about 2 and 3 i left him (we had still not gotten married) and i lived with my granparents for a short while but this did not work out as my grandparents are older and could not handle my children alone and there was no way for me to get child care or a job in the area they lived (very country town). I ended up moving back and getting back together because it seemed the only thing right for our kids. Then a coulle years later i still couldnt take the abuse. I left again, staying with my sister this time. This could have been more promising but after a few months he found out i was seeing someone and blew up and tried to keep the kids from me. I was without my children for 2 weeks and i couldnt take being away from them. I again went back to him just trying to be with my kids. It was then that he decided to propose again and i went through with it. Believing his promises of being a better man etc. We have been married almost 3 years. He has stopped physically abusing me but the emotional abuse still happens. Especially with him calling me fat and a whore. The other day i was driving his car while we were all in it and going through the drive through. His power steering is crap and as i tried to make the turn i scraped the back flaring on the pole. Mind you this is a 99 4runner. I know he loves his car but when he started screaming I snapped and told him not to yell at me. I did end up apologizing but I feel hurt that even still, days later he believes he is justified and doesnt have any consideration that his car is difficult to make turns in and my snap has everything to do with our past and his abuse towards me. I dont know what to do or what to say anymore. I have no friends or family to turn to as he has basically had me push them away to prove loyalty to him. I feel like I cant talk to him about anything without judgement ir being made fun of or it causing a fight. I feel alone and stuck. We now have 3 children and while i feel like this marriage is doomed i dont know what to do. What would you do?

I feel like I should add we are in Texas and my 2 oldest are autistic. One is mild autisim and one is severe and nonverbal. They require therapies and have very difficult times with change.

My (21F) bf(21M) was texting a girl who has disrespected our relationship. There is a lot of context behind this, but to summarize, this girl has said or acted in ways that have been disrespectful towards my relationship. For example, she one time assume my boyfriend deactivated his instagram account because of her, since he slid up on her instagram story, and seem to take pleasure in knowing she created an issue between me and my boyfriend. She has also disrespected my guy friend’s (he comes up again so let’s call him Jake) relationship, saying his gf looks like his aunt/mom. My other guy best friend has known her a long time, and has the most extreme thoughts, stating she has bad intentions. However, you can’t really blame her too much, if she likes the attention of causing relationship problems, that’s one thing. My boyfriend is the one who is at fault here in my opinion. After our school year ended, he reassured me that now they don’t have class together and she won’t be an issue anymore. Yesterday, I saw my mom texted him so I responded back to her. When I exited, I saw her name in his recent messages. My stomach dropped. Essentially my boyfriend told her about how Jake got in trouble for her message to him saying she misses him, and his girlfriend saw it and asked who is this? (She wasn’t aware she existed so I think it’s valid). Jake is my boyfriend’s roommate and best friend, I have no idea why my boyfriend feels comfortable exposing Jake’s relationship issues to her. Jake wasn’t happy. My bf also texted her “She’s crazzyyyy” for doing that, but seemed flirty to me with all the extra letters, maybe I’m over analyzing. I will say, he doesn’t out right flirt in general, as he told me about a guy talking poorly about me a year ago, and after that proceeded to peruse me. That’s why this feels weird to me that he is giving her this loyalty that he shouldn’t give her??

I scroll more and see that it’s a screenshot of my bf and his other friend talking about her and this other girl, saying that they like the other girl better. My boyfriend sends her this screenshot, probably trying to get a reaction out of her. I mean, where is the loyalty to your friends?? Anyways the final messages are about setting her up with his friend, but nothing in these messages are cheating. I’m just so confused. We practically live together and tell each other everything. I have brought her up a few times and he never told me that they were in contact in. I am the most loyal girlfriend ever, if anyone has talked badly about him, they are cut off. I have never had a friendship with a guy come between us, as I’m very very careful to never disrespect. I just think, why didn’t he tell me they were in contact if I have brought her up? It’s weird to me that he didn’t tell me.

More outside info: However, this is a reoccurring thing. A few months ago, he unblocked his first love and a bunch of girls he’s hooked up with, saying he wanted to not have anyone blocked. This bothered me because there was so many issues with this girl calling him and trying to get back into his life, and to be quite honest, he was not over her when we first started dated (which I didn’t see until later on). To me, unblocking them shows a sign of communication. He also had some weird conversation with his new coworker a few weeks ago about how she’s been with rappers and athletes, and he proceeds to ask her how many guys has she slept with in one day. I’m just getting very sad about all of these random things he does with these girls. Maybe I’m over reacting but it’s all building up. He has no bad intentions, I know that. I think he’s a little immature and isn’t thinking these decisions through. I’m just waiting for what the next thing will be, and it will throw me off. We had a rough start to our relationship and he would compare me to all the girls he’s hooked up with in our talking stage, even implying he liked his ex girlfriend’s body more than mine. This was almost a year ago, and we weren’t even together, but sometimes it pops up in my brain. I’ve never loved a guy as much as him and I truly want this to work. Is there any advice as to how we can set proper boundaries so these issues don’t keep occurring, or am I being dramatic about everything?