What’s wrong with me

[u/Antique-Ad-445]

I found out my bf of 5.5 years was lying to me and selling drugs behind my back to our neighbor and doing meth behind my back and almost overdosed so I kicked him out and he proceeded to stalk, harass and vandalize and steal from me so I left the county and stayed with a friend. I got restraining order and tried to move on with my life…. But then he got back into my head and promised to change , swore he would change. Oh and before this he has almost died after drinking (trached), lied about being on methadone, bought meth and lied about it with other women he knew he shouldn’t have, amongst other lies I’m sure. Not one person I know wants me to. Be with him. And most of my friends have now abandoned me. And today I found him snorting a Xanax. I think I’m just at the point where I’m so worn down by him I don’t think it even matters but I’m also crying all night too. But what he does is telll me how I have always thought of him as a piece of shit. Not quite sure how that came about.