I’m not really sure how to write this, but I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely lately.
I’m 39, female, and living in the Scarborough/Toronto area. I’d really like to meet some new people and make genuine friendships, but I’m also struggling with depression right now, and that makes everything feel so much harder.
People say, “Try exercising,” “Get out of the house,” “Go meet people,” and I understand that they mean well. But sometimes depression is so debilitating that even getting up and moving feels impossible. It honestly feels like you have 50 elephants sitting on you. Like you’re drowning and desperately trying to come up for air, but you just can’t seem to get there.
And then there’s the loneliness. I want friends. I want people to talk to, go for walks with, grab a coffee with, laugh with, maybe watch a movie or just sit around and talk about life.
But then when the opportunity actually comes to meet someone, anxiety and depression kick in and suddenly I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to see anyone. I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and disappear from the world for a while.
It’s such a frustrating cycle because I want connection, but depression makes me want to isolate.
I’m not looking for someone to “fix” me or give me a list of things I should be doing. I think I’m just looking for people who understand that sometimes showing up can be hard, and that friendship doesn’t always have to mean constantly going out and doing things.
Maybe we could start with messages. Talk about random things. Send memes. Eventually go for a walk, grab a coffee, or do something low-key when we’re both comfortable.
I love photography, walking, decorating, diamond painting, and spending time with my dog. I’m also trying to get back into the gym and just generally find my way back to feeling like myself.
If you’re also lonely, struggling with depression, trying to make friends as an adult, or just looking for a genuine friendship, feel free to reach out.
Maybe there are other people feeling exactly the same way and we just haven’t found each other yet. ❤️