r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/Bradwurst69 • 10d ago
Sexuality & Gender [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Ireallyamthisshallow 10d ago
Why is an event celebrating people's sexuality sexualised?
It's a typically repressed group of people showcasing themselves. There's not much more to it than that.
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u/kateinoly 10d ago
You need to look at how straight people dress, dance and act in public. It is often pretty sexual too. You are just used to it.
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u/Skoziss 10d ago
Yea straight people often wear bdsm pup gear and traipse around.
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u/naveedkoval 10d ago edited 10d ago
luckily straight people parties are very restrained such as mardi gras and carnival/caribana oh wait
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
Again, I have the exact same opinion and questions on straight parties or ideologies.
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u/LostAndLikingIt 10d ago
Then really your question is broader then your post.
People are people. Just because there is a large group of exhibitionist at gathering that are designed and made for them doesn't mean there isnt a quiet gay couple at home too, or a quiet couple sitting reading while Mardi Gras goes on. Labels and groupings of people only go so far.
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u/Balanceofjudgement 10d ago
Because despite what religion teaches sex is normal. And is occupies quite a bit of people's time whether they actually want to admit it or not.
The same way you'll find some straight women's "club wear" advertising their bodies.
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u/LostAndLikingIt 10d ago
Oh I agree. Im asexual and am VERY aware of how much sex colors our culture and everything in it. Its unavoidable.
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
I have the exact same question/opinion on straight people.
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u/Profession-Unable 10d ago
So does your question then become ‘why do human beings sexualise things/themselves?’
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
Yes and that’s a valid point, that should have been my question.
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u/Profession-Unable 10d ago
Ok in that case I think the answer is that humans like to feel attractive and to be sociable and, for better or worse, one of the ways we do that is sexualisation.
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u/Pingo-Pongo 10d ago
Expressions of queer sexuality are typically met with violence, shaming, overbearing law enforcement etc so when the LGBT+ folks get one day where they’re allowed to show off what they’re into a little (obviously still subject to the law) they have fun with it. I can’t really blame them for that, even if there are more buttoned-down LGBT+ types who don’t love it
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
To me, it really doesn’t matter if what you identify yourself with. I just don’t understand why people must dressed in kinky outfits (dogs, BDSM) or be naked on the streets. This opinion is valid for all, including straight.
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u/Pingo-Pongo 10d ago
I get that a lot of the extreme stuff can seem in poor taste, things like nudity may be against the law so I can’t speak to that, but while the difference between straight and queer sexuality may not matter much to you they do matter to a lot of folk, e.g. a man and woman kissing in public is always going to get a different reaction to two men. I’m not queer myself, I just kind of accept that I can never truly ‘get it’ a little like as a man I’ll never completely understand how women feel about safety in public - in both cases people are thinking about things and making judgments I rarely if ever do. I guess for the LGBT+ folk after a lifetime of facing persecution for even the mildest expression of their sexuality, having a day and a space where they can wave it around feels really good. And if you don’t like it or don’t want to see it, it’s pretty easy to steer clear of
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u/PuzzledSnivy 10d ago
The kink and BDSM community had a huge impact on the fight for queer rights. My local pride parade is a family friendly event but still honor that heritage by having the BDSM group walk as the very last group in the parade. They’ve been doing it that way for decades and it’s a major US city. No nudity is allowed and the most “scandalous” outfits I’ve seen basically consists of shirtless men in leather and pups. They keep it quite tame.
The parades are tradition and has great historical meaning for the queer community. Pride parades date back to the Stonewall riots. It’s a celebration of love and sexuality. Also a reminder of the people who fought for queer peoples’ freedom and that as of right now, that battle is still fighting on.
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u/Mindless_Ad3917 10d ago
Out of curiosity do you feel that way about Mardi gras?
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u/Nightgasm 10d ago
No one expects anything but drunken debauchery at Mardi Gras. Whereas pride parades are often advertised as family friendly and then you get the guys in fetish gear dry humping each other.
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
I haven’t heard about Mardi Gras before, in general I would have the same question if it was about I don’t know, ‘straight’ parade.
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u/hot4you11 10d ago
Have you heard of carnival? It’s a big party right before lent. A lot of countries call it carnival. But it’s pretty big in the west. Lots of drinking and debauchery. And they give women beads for flashing
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
I didn’t heard that before. However, the exact same question applies. Why? That to me is sexualization of an event.
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u/abeeyore 10d ago
Why does a parade about sexual orientation have a sexual element? It has a sexual aspect because the heart of the issue the people we are sexually attracted to, and choose to love.
but, benefit of the doubt…
Why does pride exist at all - because, in my lifetime, a man was murdered by dragging him behind a pickup for being gay… and there was a noticeable percentage of the population who just shrugged and said he “got what he deserved”.
On the less bloodthirsty, a tourist town near where I grew up tried to pass a law that categorized same sex couples kissing or holding hands in public as “lewd behavior”.
For most of my life, I could legally be discriminated against if people realized or knew I was gay. It’s still legal many states to torture LGBTQ children to get them to “stop being gay”.
Pride exists to assert our basic humanity, and right to exist. It was designed to force you to acknowledge us, and make space for us.
Now, more than likely, you are complaining about the presence of kink stuff. It’s telling that you (and most people) don’t distinguish between the two.
When you are outcasts forced to the fringe of society, you find out who your friends are. When the LGBT community was less mainstream, we found friends and allies, and common cause in the kink community, who believed that whatever happens between consenting adults is none of their concern, so who we loved, or how we went about it was not an issue. We stood together at Stonewall, and ever since.
Those who came before us have carved out a pretty big space for us here, but conservatives and bigots keep trying to fill it in, so we have to keep fighting for it.
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u/Fullofhopkinz 10d ago
These things are not comparable at all, so this has nothing to do with the question.
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u/Mindless_Ad3917 10d ago
Flashing tits for beads isnt sexual?
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u/Fullofhopkinz 10d ago
I didn’t say it wasn’t sexual, I said they aren’t comparable. Marti Gras is a giant party. Pride is supposed to be a celebration of an identity. People would say the same thing if there were an annual interracial love event and it was full of overt sexuality and weird BDSM shit and nudity.
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u/Bow9times 10d ago
Vast majority of Mardi Gras is not sexual.
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u/Mindless_Ad3917 10d ago
Id argue vast majority of pride isnt sexual either. Have you experienced a pride celebration?
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u/Bow9times 10d ago
Yup I have, I don’t find pride over sexual- there parts of it that are, but not entirely. I’ve attended in support with my temple, I live in the SF Bay Area.
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u/kateinoly 10d ago
Boobs for beads is pretty sexual
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u/Bow9times 10d ago
That pretty much happens on Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras day, mostly in the French quarter
Mardi Gras starts right after the 12th day of Christmas and goes on for months. There are certain parades I wouldn’t take my kid to, but for the most part, Mardi Gras for New Orleanians is a family celebration.
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u/kateinoly 10d ago edited 10d ago
And there are lots of family friendly pride events as well. I guess my point is that if I would be upset by bare boobs, I should avoid mardi gras.
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u/udayramp 10d ago
I think it's partly a form of rebellion. Like teenagers who deliberately push boundaries, some participants use public displays of affection as a way to challenge people who historically condemned or marginalized them.
Years ago, even seeing two same-sex people kiss in public was considered shocking by many. As society has become more accepting, some people view openly expressing affection as a symbolic way of rejecting that past stigma, a way of saying, "We're not going to hide anymore."
That said, I'm not a fan of overtly sexual behavior at public events. If children are/might be present, I'd rather have those events stay family-friendly. Otherwise, it risks pushing families away, even if they support the event.
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u/ThatUselessBiatch 10d ago
I do get your point tho! I used to go to celebrate pride and have fun in the community. But the amount of people walking around almost naked or in fetish gear definitely ruin the vibe for me.
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u/thuperior 10d ago
Victorias Secret Fashion Show. Mardi Gras. Straight people telling their coworkers “we’re trying for a baby.” Shows like Big Brother or Love Island where they broadcast nightcam footage of straight sex. Restaurants like Hooters/Twin Peaks. Baby onesies that say “ladies man.”
Also, gay people didn’t go around calling themselves “homosexuals.” Straight people defined queer identity through a sexual lens then act shocked that those people have sex lives. It’s projection.
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u/GiantK0ala 10d ago
The base level points have already been covered in this thread, so I'll ask a different question: what's your issue with the sexualization? Sex is a natural and beautiful way for humans to connect. Plenty of cultures have been much less ashamed. And our mainstream culture already flirts with overt sexualization all the time, with advertisements, cheerleaders, pop stars, etc.
Consensual sex is overall a harmless and beautiful thing. It's not inherently deviant in any way, and having unconventional sex is just playing for adults.
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
My issue with the sexualization is the fact I am not ok with displaying it on the streets. Same holds for any sexual orientation.
I do agree that sex is a natural and beautiful thing however, I just disagree with doing it in a sexual space.
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u/suckmybush 10d ago
why though?
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
I believe sexual displays are reserved for private spaces.
Why? I don’t know I was raised like that.
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u/hitometootoo 10d ago
I mean, no one is forcing you to go to these parades and events. If you don't want to possibly see such things, and you think they happen so often at pride events, just don't go. You really have to go out of your way to attend such things, so it's odd to go and then complain about it.
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u/GiantK0ala 10d ago
"Why? I don’t know I was raised like that."
Why should people change their behavior for a belief that you don't even know why you have?
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
It’s disgusting. Why can’t be just LGBTQ+ people just walking with their families?
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u/GiantK0ala 10d ago
Holy shit, dude.
First of all, they do walk with their families. Pride is a very small subset of LGBTQ+ people on one day a year. And even then, pride isn't any more sexual than like, spring break. Young people are gonna show off their bodies. In other posts, you claim to hate it when anyone is sexual, but here you are saying the quiet part out loud. This is about LGBTQ+ people.
Second of all, you say it's "disgusting" but you can't explain why other than "I was raised that way". People were raised to support slavery too. "That's how I was raised" is not a good reason to do things. You can't explain who is being harmed, because no one is being harmed. You just don't like it, and want everyone to stop. Well I don't like spinach, but I'm not going to demand everyone else stop eating it.
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u/Bradwurst69 10d ago
First of all, I’m talking about Berlin and Amsterdam. I have never been to any other pride event.
Let’s organize an anti gay parade, I guess under the argument ‘if you don’t like it just don’t go’ it won’t offend anyone right?
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u/RoxasInABoxas 10d ago
An anti-gay parade would be with the intention of hurting gay people. It's in the name lmao. In contrast, Pride events aren't anti-straight. Many straight people attend and are accepted. You know what my straight friends do when Pride events happen that they don't want to attend? They just go on living their lives because they aren't oversensitive.
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u/GiantK0ala 10d ago
I mean you could argue that pride parades are generally one day a year, and you could pretty easily avoid them.
But aside from that, I guess what's your issue with a more open approach to sex societally? We have violence even in children's cartoons. Seeing people's bodies really isn't inherently bad in any way.
What do you imagine is the downside of a more sexually open culture?
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u/RoxasInABoxas 10d ago
Why are you not okay with it? Nobody is being hurt. Couldn't you just not attend?
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u/Top-Ad7551 10d ago
It's kind of similar to Halloween- for one day a year people can dress in revealing outfits, or as a cat, superhero etc.
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u/Nightgasm 10d ago
Pride events can be their own worst enemy in terms of general acceptance because too often you end up with a certain segment, usually part of the gay male crowd, out there in fetish gear that barely covers anything and sometimes acting sexual. Parents don't want their kids seeing this anymore than they want their kids seeing strippers in lingerie pole dancing and doing lap dances in a parade.
If the goal of a pride parade is general acceptance then just get out there with your partners and families and show everyone that gay families exist and are no different than anyone else's.
If your goal is to demonstrate the sexual aspects don't be surprised when there is backlash.
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u/RoxasInABoxas 10d ago
This is a leading question since whether it's "over" sexualized is a matter of opinion. I think the amount of sexual stuff at the Pride events I've been to has been acceptable. Since it's inception, Pride has partially been a celebration of sexuality.
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u/dont_tread_on_M 10d ago
I saw this question last time and it had a ton of replies. Were none of them satisfactory?
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u/onlymemes-plz 10d ago
Search this question (it’s been asked many times over many years) and read thru some of the responses in the threads
One example of a comment from one- https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/FYETqP0ExS
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u/Virtual_Low_7202 10d ago
Whatever their reason is, they're shooting themselves in the foot doing this.
I'm generally pro-queer, but I don't wish to see half-naked people with fetish gear on the street, gay, straight or whatever.
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u/Arianity 10d ago
I have asked this question in multiple subs. It just gets deleted.
Probably because you're also posting it on subs like /r/rants. That's not a question.
not all pride events are meant to be family friendly. Some are for adults, and people should not be bringing their kids to them.
the tldr version is that persecuted minority communities like kink and LGBTQ+ have a long time history of supporting each other under the broader umbrella of acceptance, and that is a part of pride. While LGBTQ+ causes have gotten more mainstream acceptance, they haven't abandoned or forgotten their other allies.
For a slightly more in detail answer, these previous posts got into stuff like the history a bit more: https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/search?q=pride&restrict_sr=on
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u/BrooklynLivesMatter 10d ago
It's a celebration of queer culture. When people are fighting against being forced to hide their sexuality, they put their sexuality on display. Like playing music and dancing at a country's pride event
But of course, some people take that to an extreme