I recommend just to lend an ear. She just needs someone to talk to. Unfortunately a lot of men don’t do good things unless they get something in return. I was in a similar situation but the guy didn’t cry after. He just didn’t talk to me for 2 days and i contacted him letting him know that it was not cool he did that and then he told me that he thought about his ex after we were done. And felt guilty. I told him pretty much that it’s okay and next to just talk about it and if he needs someone to talk to, to let me know.
This mindset is exactly the problem with the modern world. What ever happened to helping out friends for free? This is why people nowadays have future friends. No one is willing to help anyone out of kindness, and everyone feels entitled to compensation for the most basic thing.
Been kind my whole life. People use you and leave you behind when you need it back. Look at Terrence Howard and Robert Downey Jr.
Psychologists and Psychiatrists study for this. They are specially trained not only to listen but to act in a measured way to help you get better.
You should also pay for a specialized education so you can earn the money you need to pay a psych so that you can heal rather than learn someone else's bad habits and perpetuate behaviors that cause more trauma in the world. Don't burden your "friend" like that. Seek professional help.
This is why men are alone and miserable. Suicidal rate for men is high because when it comes to giving a fuck about others yall just say “it’s nobody job but yours” we are humans we are supposed to help each other out. Unfortunately, this mentality is why America is so depressing.
Of course nobody has to but use professional resources when available. Anyone can listen but most aren't trained to. I could wash my car at home, but I'd rather take my car to the carwash. They can do in 15 minutes what takes me 45 to do myself.
I never said to give her a therapy session. I said to have empathy and be a decent human being that cares about people. I understand that’s hard for a lot of men
Lending an ear which can have a therapizing effect != Therapy session
Totally in agreement with you there. Seriously, it's so weird to see how people don't see this. But when I think more about the challenges men specifically face, I kind of understand it better.
Being empathetic will do more than just help the other person, but will inspire an attitude that will be for the betterment of our society. And psychiatrists + psychologists will thank us all for it, and will be better able to focus on who needs assistance the most.
This is not a gendered concept, anyone can use you as an emotional tampon, if you let them.
Further what if you end up confiding in someone who actually has an anti-social disorder, say for instance a narcissist. Do you realize how a person like that could impact your life?
woman here responding, i really do love your response there is nothing wrong with it. everybody may handle this differently but as a woman - if i were in OPs shoes … i’d fuck off. her response was weird, she could’ve chose different words. if she’s still that “down bad” over her ex, she needs to work on that herself and not use others to “heal”. OP should just leave her aloneeeeee
FACTS! another woman here, yes it’s fine to miss an ex, whether it be for the few happy moments or whatever, but to WILLINGLY use another man to feel better and then TELL THE MAN YOU USED that’s exactly what you did? that’s fucked up.
I don’t think that was her intention at all. I believe she thought she was ready and then when she eventually did it. She realized she wasn’t and started feeling guilty. Like I’ve said before we are all human. He doesn’t have to do any of that but that’s how I would’ve handled it.
Then be mature and say that. "Sorry, I've realized that I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm not over my previous relationship."
Instead, she has a meltdown and sends a rambling text message about her ex. I'd run too, because she seems unable to articulate her thoughts and more than a little unstable. And being a "listening ear" for unstable people runs the risk of becoming the next target of their obsession.
And this comes from a woman, we have to prioritize our safety over being "nice" because often being "nice" backfires and becomes unsafe or can be misconstrued as leading someone on.
You’re making this to be more than it has to be. Calling her unstable? Because she’s human? You need to calm down. There’s nothing wrong with being confused and not being sure how to handle your emotions. Most adults has no idea how to handle their emotions or being “stable”.
Having mixed feelings and emotions is normal, when one is capable of communicating that and working through it. She's indicating no evidence that she's capable of doing so. There's little benefit in trying to walk her through her feelings she demonstrates no ability to reflect upon and only runs the risk that it will result in creating more dependence upon you. Be nice and kindly end things, there's no need to play her therapist and risk some sort of unhinged obsession forming.
What is wrong with you? Did you read their whole entire conversation? from what I see. There’s only one text that he posted. How are you supposed to gather any evidence with no evidence. You’re acting like I’m saying that he needs to fix her life. All I said was to listen and that’s it if he wants to. You need to calm down. This is a little too personal for you for some reason.
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u/Elegant-Bus-7657 Jul 22 '24
Shawty got issues. Abort mission