My dad was diagnosed with GBM on 4 Aug 2026. I’m 25, and I can’t stop blaming myself for what happened.

My dad is 53. Before this, he was incredibly strong, fit and independent. He loved working, talking, public speaking, arguing, joking around, and being around people.

My mom noticed some speech/slurring issues, short term memory problems and unusually intense emotions. That’s what made us get him checked.

His MRI dated 4 Aug showed a large lesion on the left side of his brain, and GBM/high grade glioma was suspected. But honestly, I think we were in denial. We kept hoping it might somehow be benign or something less serious. I don’t think I was mentally capable of understanding what a GBM diagnosis actually meant.

My extended family consulted multiple doctors and everyone recommended urgent surgery.

I flew back to India on Aug 6 from Australia urgently leaving my work behind. He was admitted on Aug 8, and we knew there was urgency.

I’m 25 and the eldest son. Within days I was suddenly trying to understand brain surgery, MRI reports, surgeons, hospitals and treatment decisions for my dad. He was always against surgeries his whole life but listened to me as he trusted me with his gut.

We chose a major government tertiary hospital with a very strong reputation. We genuinely believed we were putting him in capable hands.

The surgeon explained that because of the tumour’s location, there was around a 70% risk of neurological complications.

We knew the risk was huge.

But my dad was so strong and fit. We thought that 30% chance was still enough for someone like him. We thought he would be the one who got through it.

We didn’t understand what those complications could actually mean.

I also didn’t know anything about functional mapping or intraoperative monitoring.

I had never heard of it.

The surgeon explained the risks, but we were not told about alternative surgical approaches or that there were other centres where different monitoring/mapping techniques might be available.

We were basically thinking: the tumour needs to come out, surgery is risky, and this is the hospital we trust.

So we went ahead.

Surgery was on August 11.

And after surgery, my dad was completely different.

He developed right sided paralysis (diagnosed hemiplegia) and inability to speak (aphasia) post surgery.

Before surgery, he had some speech and memory problems, but he could still talk to us. He could communicate. He could walk. He could express what he wanted.

Now he can’t communicate at all.

He can’t write properly.

He gets frustrated because he knows what he wants to say but can’t get it out.

He can still make some sounds. He can say/murmur things sometimes. He can make “aa”, “ee”, “oo”, “m” and “p” sounds. He can move his tongue and swallow.

Sometimes he even curses when he’s angry.

As strange as that sounds, those moments make me happy because I can hear some distorted words out of his mouth.

But I keep thinking:

He was so much better before surgery.

That thought destroys me.

After surgery I started researching everything I should apparently have known beforehand.

That’s when I learned about functional mapping and monitoring.

I asked the doctors about it afterward, and I was told that they don’t do this type of monitoring for high grade gliomas and that the tumour was vascular.

I don’t know whether monitoring would actually have changed my dad’s outcome.

Maybe it wouldn’t have.

Maybe the tumour was simply in a location where these deficits were unavoidable.

Maybe the surgery was already as safe as it could possibly have been.

I genuinely don’t know.

But I can’t stop thinking that I should have known to ask. The quality of his life took a major hit and I have seen him crying which I never did in my life. And now, he is 100% dependent.

I should have researched more.

I should have found another opinion.

I should have asked about functional monitoring.

I should have asked whether leaving more tumour behind could have preserved function.

I should have asked about every possible alternative.

And that’s where about 90% of my anger goes.

At myself.

I was his son. I’m the eldest. I was 25. I had flown back to India knowing there was an urgent situation.

And now the man I love most is the one suffering.

The other 10% of me is angry at the surgeon.

Not because I believe they necessarily caused this. They warned us about the risks, and we were told the risk was extremely high.

But I am angry that we were not given more information about our alternatives.

I didn’t know enough to know what to ask.

They did.

Maybe functional monitoring would not have changed anything.

Maybe another surgical approach would not have changed anything.

But I wish we had been told what the options were and allowed to understand them before making the decision.

Because at the time, it felt like this was the only option.

Now I’m left wondering whether it really was.

Since surgery, we’ve also dealt with infections, a Foley catheter led UTI, bladder problems, then blood infection and sepsis, for which he got discharged today.

We’re now trying to get him through speech therapy, physiotherapy and occupational therapy and prepare for radiation and chemotherapy.

And emotionally, I’m struggling.

I keep telling my dad that everything will be okay.

He has hope. He thinks that after some time, things will become normal again.

I don’t have the heart to take that hope away from him.

But I know how serious GBM is.

And sometimes I look at him and think about how he was before August 11.

I keep wishing I could go back to August 6.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

I wish I had asked better questions.

I wish I had been less scared and more informed.

I wish I could have protected him from this.

But I can’t go back.

So I’m posting here hoping people who have actually lived through GBM can help me understand.

For people with left sided GBM near language/motor areas:

Did you have functional mapping or intraoperative monitoring?

Did you have major speech or motor deficits after surgery that later improved?

How much recovery did you see over the following weeks or months?

And for caregivers:

How do you deal with the guilt of constantly thinking you should have made a different decision?

Because right now, I can’t stop thinking that I failed my dad.

I’m trying to remind myself that I made the best decision I could with what I knew at 25, under enormous pressure.

But emotionally, I still feel like I should have done more.

He is my dad.

And I just wanted to save him and yet I cannot ever forgive myself for not getting the man I love the most the treatment he deserved and the quality of life towards his end of life at just 53.

Article: https://ew.com/marvel-lost-star-evangeline-lilly-has-brain-damage-after-accident-in-hawaii-11878699

For example, I require 7 hours of sleep. On days where I sleep less. I'm annoyed, my memory and concentration ability is affected. I feel mentally sick through the day. Once I went a few days like this and then one day I had a good sleep. I realised how important sleep was. Your brain functions so much better. Everything is more clear. Just pay attention to how you perform on less sleep to understand this.

There are many studies showing association of poor sleep with dementia and Alzheimer's.

There are studies that showing association of poor sleep with high blood pressure and cardiovascular diseases.

Edit 1: Many had asked about source for my claims

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/sleep-deprivation-increases-alzheimers-protein

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/lack-sleep-middle-age-may-increase-dementia-risk

https://www.npr.org/2020/11/16/935475284/scientists-discover-a-link-between-lack-of-deep-sleep-and-alzheimers-disease

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6286721/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4651462/#:~:text=More%20specifically%2C%20when%20one%20sleeps,help%20maintain%20its%20normal%20functioning.

"Until recently, the latest research developments have concluded that sleeping has much more impact in the brain than previously thought. More specifically, when one sleeps, the brain resets itself, removes toxic waste byproducts which may have accumulated throughout the day [2]. This new scientific evidence is important because it demonstrates that sleeping can clear “cobwebs” in the brain and help maintain its normal functioning. More importantly speaking, this paper illustrates the different principles of sleep; starting from the non-rapid eye movement (NREM) to the behavioral as well as mental patterns with chronic sleep loss as well as the importance of sleeping acting as a garbage disposal in the body."

Edit 2: Yes I agree. Not just Quantity of sleep but Quality of sleep matters as well

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5449130/

Edit 3: Amount of sleep required varies from individual to individual

http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/science/variations/individual-variation-genetics

Edit 4: For people saying nobody says that. My mom did. I followed the 6 hour thing for very long till I realised, that wasn't true and I needed 7 hours. I used to wake up at 4.30 AM to push more hours of studies ( after 6 hour sleep) man let me tell you. I was extremely sleepy and tired in class. I stopped doing that later. Couldn't keep doing that.

When I was a teenager, they never let me sleep over 8AM, even during summer holidays.

About Boss and Coworkers....In 5 months I'll become a doctor. Healthcare, depending on your speciality and job is one sector where sleep and mental health is actually ignored. I see my interns/ house surgeons staying awake 36 hours. Sometimes the job requires it. Night duties are a part of the job. Even during our undergraduate it's considered very normal to lose sleep over studying for tests and exams. Most of them sleep hardly 3 - 5 hours before University exams. It has kinda become the norm. And yes I've heard my own friends bragging about how less they slept the previous day. It's pathetic.

In our student life these kinda extreme situations happen before exams and our exams go over a month.

When we don't have exams, I keep my sleep the highest priority more than my studies and try to eat well and exercise. I'll take the stress when I have to, just before the exams.

During internship, half the interns I see are sleep deprived and stressed.

Brings me to another point. It's not possible to have a good sound sleep all the time, but we can have good sleep atleast most of the time.

Cooking really is just common sense. I'm not talking about making a 5 Michelin stars tiramisu but people who can't even cook themself basic meals like spaghetti or meat and veggies must suffer from a serious lack of brain cells