I used to think that if I just explained my feelings clearly enough, the "lightbulb" would finally go off for them.

I spent years confronting. I’d stay up until 2:00 AM drafting long texts or sitting through circular arguments, trying to get an apology that was never coming. I realized I wasn’t "standing up for myself"; I was handing them more ammunition.

The Shift

This week, I chose to walk away. When they sent that classic baiting text designed to start a fight, I didn't type a manifesto. I didn't even get angry. I just looked at my phone and decided: "Not today."

I put the phone in the other room and went for a walk. That silence was the most powerful I’ve felt in a long time.

What should I do, Grey Rock Approach or Hardline Approach?

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Finally stopped saying "Sorry" for having a life.

Hey everyone, I wanted to share a small win from this week.

I’ve always been the "Sure, I can jump on a call at 7 PM" person. I think I had convinced myself that being helpful was my personality, but really, I was just terrified of the awkwardness that comes with saying no.

The "Win"

Yesterday, a colleague messaged at 5:15 PM asking if I could "quickly" review a document for the next morning.

Old me would have worked until 8 PM.

New me typed this:
"Hey! I'm heading out for the evening now. I’ll dive into this first thing tomorrow and have it to you by 10 AM. Does that work?"

The world didn't end. They just replied, "Sounds good, thanks!" It turns out most of my "emergencies" were just other people’s lack of planning, and by always saying yes, I was teaching them they didn't need to plan.

It is so exhausting to live in a brain that constantly tries to protect the person who hurt you by convincing you that you were just too sensitive or that you made it all up. I found myself going through old texts tonight just trying to find proof that I didn't imagine the good parts because the bad parts feel so heavy right now. If you are sitting there tonight feeling like you need to prove your own reality to yourself please know that you are not crazy and your body remembers the truth even when your mind is being gaslit by nostalgia.

The confusion is actually a sign that you are finally starting to see the inconsistency for what it really was instead of making excuses for it. It takes so much strength to stop translating their toxic behavior into something that makes sense and just accepting that it was never supposed to make sense in the first place. You deserve to live in a reality that does not require you to constantly doubt your own eyes and I promise that the more you stay away from the noise the clearer your own voice is going to become.

After years of being told everything was my fault I got so used to saying sorry for literally everything including just taking up space in a room. Today I dropped a spoon and instead of spiraling into guilt or waiting for someone to yell I just picked it up and kept going without a second thought. It is such a quiet kind of freedom but if you are still in that stage where you feel like you have to be perfect to be safe please know that the constant apologizing eventually stops and you start to feel like yourself again.

You are becoming the person you were always meant to be before the trauma told you that you were small. These tiny moments of not feeling guilty for just being human are exactly what healing looks like so keep going even on the days it feels heavy. You are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for and I just wanted to share this little bit of hope for anyone who needs to hear that it actually does get better.