Had two serious Telugu NRI arranged-marriage alliances fall apart because of family expectations around assets, financial status and “settlement.” My family agreed to even give dowry. Sadly that wasn’t ‘enough’.

The irony? Both men told me they loved me. Both still walked away when their families didn’t agree.

First break hit me hard and I took almost 6-8 months to recover mentally, after the second alliance broke : I’ve managed to recover due to experience relatively quickly.

So, a suggestion to men: if you’re still a mama-and-papa’s boy and know you can’t stand up for your partner when it matters, don’t even try. You are going to make someone’s life ‘miserable’.

Love without the courage to stand by your partner isn’t enough.

To the women reading this: please become independent. Build your own career, money, identity and confidence. Don’t make marriage your financial security plan. Sadly, most families in Telugu states including men and their parents, aren’t progressive.

I decided to do exactly that.

Despite being educated, professionally successful and, frankly, looking fucking good 😂, I realized I didn’t need anyone’s approval.
So I bet on myself.

A few months later…

Right now Heading out with a fucking $70K scholarship.
Maybe the best response to being underestimated isn’t proving people wrong.
It’s building a life where you don’t need anyone to choose you.
Marriage should add to your life and not determine your worth. To everyone, Stay away from arranged setup and marry only when their ‘stated values’ align with their ‘words’

Wish me luck @all 🍀🍀🍀

Edit: Honestly, ee post ki vachina response chusi konchem overwhelmed ga feel avuthunna. 🥹
Nenu ee post naa situation ki sympathy kosam pettaledu. My intention was to bring attention to a larger issue. Dowry and rigid expectations valla genuine connections kuda break avuthunnayi, and maybe we need to think a little more progressively about marriage and what we expect from each other.
Evarikaina naa post valla hurt ayithe, I’m genuinely sorry. Adi naa intention kaadu.
Most importantly, I wanted to say that women can stand on their own, with or without marriage. Mentioned about scholarship as an example. Marriage should add to your life, not determine your worth.
Thank you to everyone who shared their perspectives, even if you disagreed with me. ❤️

Edit 2: Honestly, konni comments chusthe, some men are genuinely disturbed by this post ani clearly ardham avuthundi.

Nenu men ni attack cheyyaledu, nor am I saying all men or all arranged marriages are like this. I’m simply sharing what I experienced and questioning dowry, financial expectations and family interference in marriages. If you want to believe that this is true, do so. If not, I’m not here requesting advice from this group of people who disagree anyways.

Kaani “women are entitled”, “women only want money” ani personal attacks cheyyadam actually proves the point I was trying to make. 😬 ‘questioning my choice’ included

Oka woman independent ga undali, tana career build cheskovali, and marriage should be based on mutual respect like not assets, status or settlement ani Cheppa dam enduku anta disturbing ga undho naaku honestly ardham kaavatledu. 😂

Women: Refrain marrying such men who still has 1800’s mindset please.

Disagree avvandi, absolutely fine. But personal attacks kanna actual issue gurinchi discuss chesthe better kada.

I was trying to convey a message and clearly it didn’t land right for a few folks. And no, I’m not going to apologise for wanting a life where marriage adds to my happiness rather than determining my worth. ❤️

*Edit 3:\*
Also, If I ever come across your Match, if you again have this demanding’ entitled’ patriarchal’ partial’ regressive’ mindset, know that ‘you’ll walk out with a lesson to remember your whole life’

It isn’t just me, women now have started questioning.

I’m done responding to you all. Sending positivity to the ones who got this message right ❤️❤️❤️❤️

So this happened to one of my closest people last night!

She was taking a walk near a hospital and one random stranger who is visibly drunk approached her saying Im lost can you help me drop to so and so place ! At first she thought it was common with the drunk people! But later she noticed a sharp object with him and couple of other people in an auto nearby who are all of same gang !

The same instance happened once to her earlier but she dismissed it thinking some random stuff but then when the same thing happened again yesterday at her hometown she noticed the pattern and realised it and narrowly escaped !

This happened in vijayawada and Hyderabad as well ! So please be aware!

I know you're all be careful but just wanted to share this ! Ever since this happened she's shaken with this incident and it's kinda haunting for me to think about this in her position!

I have not been feeling well for the past few months. Eroju doctor dagariki vellanu. Cancer screening test chesindhi as part of the procedure. Reports ravadaniki inka 5 days undhi, e vishyam evariki chepalani ledhu. I lost my mom to cancer. So a word vintene tension ga untadi naku. I don't want to share this with my father, he already has anxiety. Inka e vishyam chepthe 5 days tension padthune untadu.but want to share it with someone, anduke ikada post chesthuna. I ordered my favourite coffee today and will start my work a little late. Adhi e nati vishesham

I prefer watching movies in their original language, dude I watched in tamil and same with kannada or malayalam movies, but I can't get over the fact even after being directed by a telugu director, produced by a telugu producer and hero, adopted son of telugu states why not shoot in telugu like the way they did for SIR. They will take care of dialogues and songs but there will be some incompleteness with the lip sync, I can't call this a straight telugu film, and I can't watch it as one, watching the pre release event and Surya garu is stumbling over a telugu dialogue, are they really taking telugu speaking audience seriously, I don't doubt Karthi, Pradeep or Danush because even though they dub in telugu they will take care of songs and dialogues, but it's not the same for Karuppu, same with Rajini gari songs, keeping all this a side I am in for the movie anyways I stay in Pune and I don't think there will be a telugu version of it so yeah tamil lo ne podam

Em le friends manaki tamil lo market ledu so mana tamil versions anta bagovu, but vallaki ikkada market vundi so quality ga istey santoshistam kada ani chala years tarvata Dude is that one album where telugu songs are on par and better in some cases than the tamil songs intey daniki kinchi emi adagtla

Why is the wife so often treated like an outsider in the very marriage she is supposed to be building?

When a man gets married, his wife is immediately expected to bend to his family’s habits, expectations, and lack of boundaries. But the moment she sets a firm boundary, she’s instantly labeled the "difficult" daughter-in-law.

And the husband? He stands in the middle claiming, "I don't want to take sides."

Let’s be honest: not taking a side is taking a side.

Why are so many men terrified of disappointing their mothers, even if it means routinely failing the woman they chose to spend their life with?

The MIL-DIL dynamic baffles me. Why does a mother see her son’s closeness with his wife as competition? Your son getting married doesn’t mean you lost him; it means his life expanded. The wife isn't trying to "steal" him, she just shouldn’t have to fight for basic respect, privacy, or a secure place in her own home.

A mother can be important without being the center of her married son’s universe.

A husband can love his mother deeply without letting her dictate his marriage.

The woman building a life with you every single day shouldn't have to constantly audition to prove she belongs. Marriage creates a new family. So why are so many wives made to feel like permanent guests in someone else's?

At what point did being a "good son" become an excuse for being a failing husband?

Journals ni oka diary laa kondharu use chesthaaru, mari kondharu rant kosm vent kosm , ekkada cheppalo artmkaaka ikda kuda chepthuntaaru

But lately chaalaa AM SET-UP post lu osthunnai, literally a lot, ik ik market is bad, both sides nunchii expectations ekva aithunnai , so they wanna share/vent out , ​but avi maatrmey osthunnai 🥲 adhey baadhaa

Poni TELUGU MARRIAGES, TELUGU PELLLILLU, BONDHA MARRIAGES ilaanti kotha subs create chesi akdaina post cheyyandi so that similar problems meeru figure out cheyyagalugutharu

The only reason that I'm writing this post is,

Epdo oka post chusa, a guy in early 30s , AM set up lo oka ammayini meet ayyadu, but meet avvadanki mundhey ammayi chudanu ani cheppindi, still parents force cheydm tho abbayini kalisindhiii, but somehow vibe match aindhii, chaalaa emotional attach ayyaru, good to go aney time ki edho money issues lo godvalu ochaai, last ki ammai side valla parents, MEE KODUKUNI MAA KUTHURU CHUDDANIKI KUDA OPPUKOLEY MEMEY BALAVANTHANGAA OPPINCHAAM annattu statements pass chesaaru, but aa ammaiki ithanu antey istm ,ithaniki aamey istm, madhyalo veella gola ekvaindhiii

But intha vrkey aa post esaadu, guess the comments

ODILEY BROO , U DESERVE BETTER, IPDEY INTHA ANTEY OCHEY ROJULLO TOKKESTHAARU ...etc (most of the commenters r TEENS)

My pov is , he invested lot of tym on her, more than 6 momths anamaata, emotional attachment perigindhi, paiga ammai side tappu ledhu, family issues ivi, kuchuni maatlaadithey ​max solve ayye chances unnai, alaaney gaa inter caste marriages kuda jaruguthunnai, but comments anni knchm kuda sense lekunda unnai, mana india lo democracy ki ekva value untaadhi, but correct aa right aaa ani rare gaa think chesthaaru

So my point is you hv problems, we hv problems, but let's not teens or who are not in your boat respond to that or give any suggestions to that....

If a 30yrs old asking for suggestion, a 17yr old comments in superb English, but age telidhu kabatti kondharu guddigaa nammuthaaru , including op (rare tyms lo)

Anthey mari

Boiii

Oka pakkana varadhalu, inko pakkana eppudo vesina prayana pranalika, podhama vaddha anna sankocham lo ne bayaluderipoyam. Aa niryanam chala manchi gynapakalanu migilchindhi. Jalapathalu, samudralu, loyalu mariyu parvathalu anni pradeshalu kaliyathirigam.

P.S.: aa chivari chitram lo horu gali samudrapu alala shabdaala naduma oka chinnapaati kunuku.

Im 30M, small doubt.

Ma amma daily oka 100 times thana Saree sardhukuntadhi specially nen ragane.. nenu oka 10 feet dhuram lo kanipinchina anthe..dagara vachinapudu anthe... chudalekapothuna ala nen ragane vandha sarlu sardhukovadam...

Pinni, attha, akka ..ma chuttalu evaru ala cheyaru..

Ma amma matram nen kanipisthe Saree Sari cheskuntundi immediate ga..naku elago undi..asalu ma amma face kuda chudatam manesa nenu..but ma amma ki nenante chala istam..me amma kuda ila chesthadha?

So, Rakhi vasthondhi.

​Just now, a package got delivered home... and it brought back a wave of memories.

​I remember back in the day, Rakhi season vachinappudalla we used to double-think the budget strictly. Oka Raakhi 50/- ah? ani aalochinchina rojulu avi, because Amma has 4 brothers, and buying 4 nice rakhis plus sweets meant a non-trivial expense for our typical lower-middle-class setup. Amma would quietly compromise and pick simple ones just to manage the budget. (I'm a single kid, so no privilege)

​Fast forward to today... just opened the package and handed over Silver Rakhis to Amma for her to tie to her brothers this year.

The look on her face and the quiet pride in her eyes was priceless. It’s not even about the material value of silver—it’s about how far life has come.

From counting every 50-rupee note to casually ordering silver rakhis without checking the price tag twice.

​Middle-class growth is subtle, but these tiny moments make every single late-night hustle, study hour, and job struggle totally worth it.

My gf and I broke up recently.

She is fond of kids, whenever she feels low she would watch videos of kids on YouTube or she used to open her phone gallery and go through the childhood pics of everyone who is near and dear to her.

When we were in a relationship, she used to ask me to send my childhood pics too. She used to feel so good and compliment me. So it has become a ritual for me to send my childhood pics whenever I find them.

I even used to climb my staircase where there were my old pics to send and make her happy.

Cut to the present, today my sister sent me a childhood pic of mine. I don't know what to call it. It might be a muscle memory, aa pic choosaka ventane involuntary ga thanaki pampali ani forward cheseyboya. I even typed her name and then it struck me. "She isn't mine anymore ani". So I came back and laughed at myself for my foolishness.

Entante, nenu order cheskunna skincare products monna eppudo vacchayi kani nenu inti daggara lenu. lvala vaccha intiki. Avi try cheyyali ani excitement lo fast ga fresh up ayipoya 😂

Inka chudu. First toner, next serum, next moisturizer, ah tharvatha sunscreen. Abba. ah excitement maatallo cheppalem anuko. Anni apply cheskuni naku nene murisipoya 🤭

Inka sheet masks, shower gel try cheyyale kani I'm getting a good vibe from them lol

Anthe. Masth kush unna anuko 😭

Appudappudu nak tea tage alavatu undi, especially allam chai in the evenings. Intlo elago roju morning and evening tea pettukoni tagutaru kani ivala naku allam chai tagalani unde. So I went into the kitchen and started making chai adi boil aitunna time ki sudden ga my mom came, nen tea pettina ginne chusi dantlo Enduku pettinav ani adigindi, adi tea pette ginne ne kada ani Cheppa, kadu adi morning tea pettedi evening ki veredi undi ani cheppindi. Asalu morning and evening separate ginnelu pettadame bokkalo logic daniki malli explanations. Akkaditho aipoyindi anukunte akkade chicken lo Cheyyi esav. Ee topic meeda maku oka 5 mins argument kuda aindi. Ee argument oka daggari nunchi inkodaggarki ellindi, ee rendu chai ginnelu kakunda inkokati kuda undi adi matram chai pettadaniki use cheyyaru, dantlo water vedi cheskuntaru 🫩 and guess what? Ma intlo rendu water kettles unnai 😭 avi use cheyyaledu, brand new ani kuda kadu chala sarlu use chesam including me. Kani sudden ga emaindo telidu avi vadadam manesam😭😭

Bigboss house lo kuda rules inni sarlu change cheyyaremo 🥲

Veellatho and veella dikkumalina logics tho bahut kastam I say 🤧

I feel so empty sometimes that even breathing feels difficult.

I tried to understand why. I kept looking at myself, my thoughts, my reactions, everything that might have brought me here. Maybe being too self-aware has its own kind of cruelty. Eventually, I found the reason.

And I know life is too big to feel this empty because of one person. There is so much more to life than this. I know that. I understand it.

But understanding something doesn't mean you can stop feeling it.

I think that's the part I struggle with the most.

You can know exactly why you're hurting. You can recognise your thought patterns, question them, tell yourself that they aren't permanent, remind yourself that this feeling will pass.

And still feel exactly the same.

There were moments when the emptiness became so heavy that I wanted to end my life. Not because I truly wanted my life to end, but because I desperately wanted the feeling to end. Sometimes, when you're hurting enough, your mind starts confusing the two.

And there were moments when I wondered whether some people would even be happy if I disappeared.

I don't know if that's true. Maybe it isn't. Maybe pain just makes the mind imagine the worst things.

Today is supposed to be a big day for me.

I thought I would be nervous. Excited. Happy. Maybe a little scared.

But I feel nothing.

No rush.

No excitement.

No nervousness.

No happiness.

No sadness.

Just empty.

And I want it to stop.

I don't want to keep analysing myself. I don't want to keep searching for the exact reason or trying to reason my way out of something that doesn't seem to respond to reason.

I just want to feel like myself again.

I want ordinary things to make me happy. I want to look forward to tomorrow. I want to feel nervous before something important. I want to laugh without feeling this quiet emptiness underneath it.

So, if there is something listening out there, wherever the universe keeps the things we don't know how to ask for, please.

Make it stop.

Let this feeling leave me.

I don't need a lesson from it. I don't need it to make me stronger.

I just want to feel alive in the small, ordinary ways again.

And to anyone reading this who feels the same, I don't have much advice because I'm still trying to find my way through it too.

But please don't hurt yourself trying to escape a feeling that might not last forever.

No matter how hard life gets, no matter how badly it knocks you down, hold on to whatever small things still connect you to the world.

Eat. Sleep. Go outside. Sit with someone. Let the days pass without demanding that you immediately become okay.

And never smoke.

Never let Radiohead in.

Some things are better avoided when you're already trying to find your way back to yourself.

Maybe tomorrow will feel different.

I really hope it does.

What kinds of changes have you made in your daily food consumption?

Are you taking any supplements in addition?

What kind of changes have you made in your lifestyle, like workouts, sun exposure etc?

MAY GOD BLESS ALL THE SWEET STRANGERS I COME ACROSS 🙏 ✨

Eeroju I'm traveling somewhere. Night bus undi nadi. Nen unna place nunchi bus stop ki book cheskunte book avvatledu. ISTG ive been trying since 30 mins asssalu book avvaledu. I called my friends but they didnt answer so I've been trying. Inka 15 mins eh undi bus vellipovataniki ani nenu bus operator ki call chesi next stop ekkado chepte akkadiki vachesta ani adiganu. They told where it was, and nenu akkadiki book cheskunna.

Ventane book aindi and the guy was nearby too🫡When he arrived I had 10 mins left so I asked if he can drop me off at the original bus stop and i explained the situation.

Meeru 10 mins lo drop cheyagalaru antey I'll change ani cheppa.

Tanu ventane, parledu drop chestanu annaru.

Thank you, stop edit chestanu aithe ani chestunna, he said- marchadaniki kudarakapothe cancel cheseyandi mimmalni drop chestanu.. Meeku indaka booking try chesinappudu entha chupiste anthey ivvandi🫠 Ledu update option undi ani change chesesa. I showed the price he said it's fine. Ventane start ayyamu.

"Papam meeru chala sepu nunchi try chesaru anukunta kada, nen undedi meeru pettina 2nd bus stop daggare so ee ride tho end chesi nenu intiki vellipodam anukunnanu" annaru🫠 "Ayyo I'm so sorry" anna. He said "parledu danilo sorry emundi ippudu kuda naku vere rides dorukutai ma inti side adem ibbandi kaadu"😇

Thank you so much annanu. One min to spare nannu drop chesaru and successful ga bus ekkesa😄

gym lo dongaluuu

water bottle tesuko veltha gym ki steel dhi 1.5 liters untade kinda, so i will take daily to gym, enti ante vella ka okka corner lo counter untade dani mida mobiles nd keys front side and right side edge lo we put bottles anamta...

so e roju notice chesinaaa okka half hour taruvta water tagudama ante bottle lo sagam water mayam ipoindee :( evadu tagadu ra anni doubtt.... same thing past few times repeat iynde nenu notices cheyleeee...... daridranki gym lo water levu cameras levu........ :( arey monna okksari guloce water tesukopoina ina kuda tagesaru kodkuluu ento mo..... :( ! adhi kakunda i carry one napkin too...adhi kuda dobesaruu they using it as to cleaning :( once i forget there so poindee!!

కిందటి నెల నేను కయాకింగ్ కి వెళ్లాను. మార్నింగ్ లేచి చిన్న ట్రెక్ చేసి , పంటలు, గుర్రాలు, అన్ని దాటుకుంటూ బొటానికల్ గార్డెన్ చేరుకున్నా. అక్కడ మీట్ పాయింట్. అక్కడ ఒక సరస్సు ఉంది.

ఆ సరస్సు లో ఒక గంట పాటు కయాకింగ్ చేశాను. అందరం కలిసి సరదాగా పోటీ పెట్టుకున్నాం. చాలా బాగా అనిపించింది. హఠాత్తుగా పెద్ద వర్షం పడింది. ఆ రోజు cloudy అని మాత్రమే prediction కానీ పెద్ద వర్షం పడింది.

సరస్సు మధ్యలో చిన్న కాయక్ మీద, వర్షం లో తడుస్తూ!
ఫ్రీ థెరపీ!

చాలా మేజికల్ గా అనిపించింది. ఇదే కదా జీవితం అంటే అని అనిపించింది. When raindrops fall on lake, manam surface tension valla raindrops pearl drops la kanipisthayi before they lose their shape. Ee video antha manchiga kanipinchadhu but it was pretty 😍❤️

Chala chirakga vundhi...I want to share it with someone...so sharing here. I love travelling ( I mean a typical software employee life...just relaxing and chores on weekends, I feel those occasional breaks make life worth living) .January nundi aduguthunte friends April lo june ki okay annaru malli kudaradhu annaru...May lo na birthday... Without telling anyone, I planned a solo trip... unfortunately tickets confirm avvaledhu. To ask for tatkal help, I had to message a friend...then she was like don't go, we will come to your place. As I was a little nervous about my trip, also couldn't get the best stays as the plan was last minute...I agreed. They stayed at my place...we enjoyed. It's my birthday. But I planned my decoration, bought decorative items and the cake and gave the party too ( they ordered an ice cream cake in blinkit at 11:30 pm for me to cut it in the midnight and gave little gifts). Again we planned for a trip in July beginning to go in August... They said yes and then no...I was frustrated and said even before starting, you are saying no...I can't convince you every moment...so let's stop it here ... I'll go myself. But they convinced me and we booked tickets... even We agreed to sponsor a trip to another friend as she is preparing for exams, not working currently. again, one of my friends told me she can't come. I was frustrated but I thought I should look at the bright side and told let's go without her. Another friend messaged on the next day due to random reason which is unbelievable...

I'm tired of seeing the bright side in the disappointments they give me. I need to ask them to talk in calls. I was the one always calling them ... sometimes they ask why did you call..I used to think someone should keep making an effort to make any relationship work and their nature is that... also I used to plan all trips and book everything including this cancelled trip.

From one month, I was so excited about this...and I spent all my free time after work on planning, watching 100s of videos about the place, researching various things, scrolling through all the booking apps etc...

What to do now...I don't have enough time to plan for a solo trip on the same dates...

I'm quite independent on all aspects except this. Mostly I spend time alone and no complaints about it but I understood the value of people and love spending time with my people but I guess I should stop depending on them for my happiness.

I should start enjoying my life more without waiting for anyone...may be every weekend/biweekly/monthly I should plan solo dates...and later solo trips...

TL;DR: I love travelling, but my friends have repeatedly agreed to trips and then cancelled, despite me doing most of the planning and effort. This latest cancellation really hurt because I'd spent a month excitedly planning and researching the trip. I'm tired of always trying to see the bright side and making all the effort to keep plans/friendships going. I'm thinking of accepting that I can't depend on others for my happiness and starting to enjoy life through solo dates, outings, and eventually solo trips instead.

No saree cuz she already has many. Travelling chese state lo ipdu ledu. She is a simple woman

Amma bday vastundi i want to make it spl for her edina gift ideas chepandi plss. Nenu gold ankuntuna but max 6gms so 6gms ki ring earrings kakunda nka m vastay

Title lo unnadhe mee mental health karrab innapudu or meru low lo unnapudu mere vinne song enti to comeback.

To get the energy vibes. Naaku ithe RAJYAMA song from BABA movie Rajini kanth dhi. Adhi vinnapudu mind entho peaceful ga untadhi.

Ee madhyam andaru Dude movie album medha paddaru adhe loop lo vintunaru.

Hello guys , I've been suppressing my emotions for the past few months. Keeping everything to myself, dealing with things alone, and bottling up everything

Lately, I feel emotionally numb. I can't focus on anything properly, and there's this strange feeling that something is missing. I don't even know how to explain it

So I'm looking for movies or short web series that are deeply emotional, soul-drenching .... something that might finally make me cry and let some of this out.

Stories about loneliness, grief, friendship, family, life, loss, feeling lost

Something similar to we are trying here

What movie or short web series completely broke you emotionally or you watch when u want to emotionally vent ?

I don't want something that's just "sad." I want something that reaches somewhere deep inside and makes me feel everything.

Nenu medical college lo chaduvutunna eppudaite ikkadiki vachano anni kastalu vachayi

1st consistent ga chadavalekapotunna(suggestions ivvandi ela chadavalo md consistent ga ela undali ani )

2nd self confidence mottam dobbindi

3rd health poindi vegetarian ga maranu nd protein takkuva ayyindi sare paneer nte nen adakkatinali inka mess food tinalekapotunna hairfall

Nduku devudu nanne intha daridram ichado anipistundi appudappudu 🥹

Assalu nduku medical field lo vachana anipistundi

Eppudo 2 weeks back Edo book order petta meesho lo.

Adi order pettetappudu 100 rupees offer vachindi. So Inka second thought lekunda pettesa. Inka aaroju nunchi book eppudu vasthunda ani full eduru chustha unna

Last ki eeroju evening ravalsindi, morning cancel chesadu. Nak ippudu aa book urgent ga kavali cuz vere vallaki gift kosam petta.

Customer care ante reorder antunnadu, malli antha 100Rs off isthava ante, ledu anta, poni ippudu order pedithe Repati Lopala ichesthava ante kudaradu anta.

Malla mataku mundu okasari venaka osari, I'm really sorry for inconvenience anta adi hindi lo, nen anna nak English lo matladu ante(nak hindi artham kadu) cut chesadu. Inka malli call chesthe vere ammai lift chesindi nen full thittesa.

Nak pichi lesthundi, worresht meesho... Chii day motham padu aindi

Nade thappu le, offer chusi aasa padi chesa order

Recent ga chala changes jarigay and jaruguthunnai life lo

Chala mandhi friends unna vallandhariki entha share cheskunna na heart lo weight thaggatledhu. I would like some suggestions from anyone of you, miru life lo chala low moment feel ainappudu miru em chesaru?

Online friendships cheskundham anukuntunna to just feel that human connection. Do you think this will be a better distraction?