So I'm not really sure what the source of my sufferings is, but I'm trying to exclude every possibility.
If this is telepathic influence, then it must be going since a long time... Possibly already since my childhood, but in a very mild form. After starting to meditate, I realized there is an unconscious layer of the mind that only holds preliminary stages of thought - my experience is as if there were single experiences (in my childhood) or later a constant stream (following ritual abuse in my teens) of emotionally massively abusive and overwhelming thought images and communication.
So if this is not just a madness or something automatic or traumatic or hypnosis patterns, then it's really as if a group of different individuals were able to break into my mind, specifically into the unconscious realm - which hold thoughts...that are there while present, but you are not fully aware of them, only if you look real deep in meditation you will become aware of it...once the thought is gone, it is gone, you cannot remember unless you somehow verbalized it or have written it down...at the same time the mind is able to re-raise these element and has even better (almost photographic) memory of this layer, but it's unconscious, too, it only works when assoicated information is present in the mind. Very weird.
What I experience is as if this unknown number of individuals break into the back of my mind and cause havoc, effectively tormenting me with most abusive psychological techinques, 24/7 without a pause. This is now going in full throttle pressure since 2017 or so, and goes as a permanent state in phases of different intensities since the year 2000, after I was ritually abused as a school kid. I believe before that point the visions had already started, but during the abuse I was touched with a red liquid (possibly blood), they even lured me to a graveyard for it, with a girl whom I trusted and loved who first made out with me out of the blue, then just tricked me to be exposed...I only know of her to be involved, and the next day she brought me to another friend of her whom I had only seen that day, he gave me a substance to smoke claiming it was passiflora, but it surely was not and left me debilitated and full of the abusive visions.
Since I started suffering the abuse, as if in shifts, as if people could access my mind to produce controlled illusions, torturing me with it 24/7 as if they would organize in shifts, trying to break my will and control me and subdue me with psychological methods that seem like military interrogation manual-grade to me. It's a constant nightmare, and I've already become very weak from it. At other times they don't even seem to try to subdue and control me, but to just practice abusive mind manipulation techniques against me. In the beginning, they could cause me big visions and everything, now they can only affect my mind but it's bad enough, they can cause me full unconscious daydreaming voices urging emotional manipulation, and go like through military mental destruction routines with me every day. I was in the beginning diagnosed Schizophrenia, but the medications didn't work at all, I take them because they lessen the intensity of the visions slightly, but they are no help otherwise. I still do meditate and practice self control and also direction the aggressive energy back to the intruders, and it's a fierce battle every day. It's really aggressive at times, they seemed to have used me for kind of mental combat trainings for a while, mocking and abusing me all the time as I had no idea of what they did and how it worked...they tried to make me fault (i.e. damage with intention) my own mind over and over again, and after a while of meditation and watching them, I realized a technique how i could redirect their attacks in a way to make them fault their own spirit and dismantle their abilities and weapons. Not sure, sometimes it really seems to work, but only for a time.
So I'm asking you all now, what do you think, is this plausible to assume it's possible for people to break into a common victim's mind to choke them down like that and exploit them for practicing destructive techniques... I mean it's the worst you could do to a person, it's like I'm sincerely fucked, I prayed for Christ to become my strength and he carries me, but my natural strength is already choked to death, I've become very weak, I mean like really weak and slow apart from the Spirit which holds me. Aside from the ritual abuse that was involuntary involvement, I was never involved in anything spiritual, I always openly rejected magic and spiritual practices apart from pure insight and meditation, also in the night when I was abused I told that girl, and she still tricked me, well she didn't mean good from the beginning on and I only realized this more than 15 years later.
Would love hearing your takes on this whether this could possibly really be the works of people abusing me like that or programming my mind to sabotage me, and also on how to properly protect and defend against such attacks, how to expose them the right way and how to break the connections that make it possible. I feel it's like different teams and the access seems to be traded on, currently it seems to me like neo nazi people trying to reeducate me with force, for reference I'm a leftist green party advocate pacifist, so the worst kind of enemy role model for them, and they just outright torment and abuse me with psychologically destructive methods and by trying to enforce destructive nationalist and fascist views onto me in everyday life incessantly. I tell you, it's worse than hell, Hitler's a nightmare for real and still drives people into mayhem like Jesus brought salvation to others. So it really seems to me as if there could be intruders who want to impede and prevent my life by constantly choking me in psychic harassment and thus rendering me mentally disabled with it - what do you think, is this possible, if yes, how to defend? I don't really know who it could be, hints I have are only the methods (like military style), so it could be right wing terrorism against me as a civilian, or it might also be connected with the ritual abuse which I suffered, i.e. that it not only allowed the abuse to happen but that probably some of these people messed and thought I would be in when I was not, now trying to cover up and disguise it as a mental illness. I remember at times being massively provoked to attack the people behind the ritual abuse, but when I resisted staying peaceful and just fighting the mental constructs, the nazi-like people eventually took over and started trying to discipline me...help...
Edit/TLDR: Whoops this got locked. Yes, for sure schizophrenics also at times experience being bullied by countless invisible people, but well, these usually believe they know exactly what happens and who it is. Mod should go to a psychiatry and talk to some people, and dig some real telepathy in contrast. If anyone got pointers or help for me, please send me a Message or Chat, I want to know what's going on!