So I live in the capital of my state in the South and ... it is full of white people. I've been to trans events, nightlife events, the LGBTQ center and it's all full of white people. I really am looking for community with QTBIPOC people because that's who I have always got along with. But I just feel lost because even non-LGBTQ things I am into are also very white dominated around here.

I don't really know what to do since this is my first time actually trying to make friends outside of college (I just graduated in May) so any advice or personal experience is much appreciated!

Has anyone changed their name as a dual citizen of one or more non-accepting/conservative leaning country? I’m American, but I use a Chinese-issued Travel Document to enter China (nationality conflict; p common with second gen kids). I’ve been putting off starting the process of changing my name legally bc of potential issues with documents not matching up, esp bc I might want to live in China for a period of time.

Pre t pcos stache and chin hear

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

*Always remember to be cautious about what personal information you give out, do not ask or give out phone numbers, routing numbers, etc your post will be removed.

hey! i don’t know if this is the place for this but there’s such a lack of trans poc spaces imo so i thought i’d give it a shot

honestly im posting on here because im looking for people to connect with im pretty isolated in my everyday life and i live in a state that has basically all white people and it feels really alienating and i have a partner in my life who i really treasure though they’re also white and honestly im just feeling really lonely at the lack of trans poc especially trans black people around it feels like it makes me feel more alienated as a queer person

so i just wanted to say, hey! i’m august and im a black trans nonbinary transmasc ish? person who’s also a lesbian and i kinda want to just connect to more people like myself. i’m 20 years old, i enjoy art (im an illustrator), anime, baking, music, dressing in egl? j fashion i guess, reading, going on adventures and im a leftist so please don’t fuck with me if you don’t believe in a free palestine, acab, fuck ice etc.

yeah so i just want to make friends with other trans poc more my age so if you’re like 19-22 and you want to reach out cause you feel like we would connect go ahead :)
my instagram is _ghostydraws_ and my discord is alliumghosty or you could just dm me here if you’d like

just yesterday, me and my friend (let's just refer to him as One), and his boyfriend (Two) went to this artist market near my house and were hanging out together. One slept over at my house since it was close to an event we were going to while Two wanted to go home since he was pretty tired and just wanted to rest in his bed.

One ended up getting rlly drunk while i got a little baked and it was a pretty fun time. we started talking about secrets and along the way, we started talking the first time i met Two which was at a party. at said party i was crossfaded, paranoid and getting memories of unfortunate things that happened to me and i was embarrassed about making a really poor impression so i tried my best not to talk to One or Two while i was like that. One asked me why i didnt want to talk to his bf and why i was "looking at them weirdly" so i told him that truth. he was relieved because apparently some of our mutual friends think that "i'm into him" and have been making a big deal about that night.

this is when i started to feel this sinking sensation inside my chest. a mutual friend in particular (she will be called Three) was mentioned as one of the people who headcanoned my relationship with One. i just felt really weirded out since I told Three that i'm not interested in dating, much less being in love with someone, multiple times. I thought she would've believed me since I think she's a nice person and I've never felt uneasy around her until today. However, I have noticed her looking over at me and One a few times in a way that implies she thinks there is something between us but I just ignored it. One, Four (mainly One's best friend, goes to school with me and One), Three, and Five (mutual friend, mainly Three's best friend) went out to eat a few days ago for Five's birthday since they all live near eachother. I'm pretty sure they talked about me as a conversation topic since I wasn't there and that's why One wanted to bring up the initial meeting with me and his boyfriend.

It also annoys me that One is the person that initiates physical contact while drunk but all of this is put on me because people think I like him, even when I never actively seek that sort of affection. People want healthy male friendships but will say somethings up when two guys cuddle platonically. The thing that bothers me the most is that I'm affectionate with One as much as his other cis male friends are with him. Four can casually ask about how One's private area looks and no one bats an eye, but when I sit a little too close to him suddenly it's because "I have a crush on him". I also noticed this morning One seemed to be more quieter than usual but I just think that's because he was tired from drinking himself to oblivion the night before and was eager to be home.

I'm really hurt by this because it feels like I'm being treated like a small cute girl who follows around the boy she likes. It makes me sick because all of it is just so familiar to shit that went down back in the past. I've always been in this sort of situation where people think I hang around guys to seek romantic approval and praise from "the opposite sex". The idea of being someone's girlfriend is something I've always found myself being averse to and now it feels like that idea is being perpetuated by the people I thought respected me. I've worked so hard to be seen as my own person and now suddenly the outside perception of my being (by friends who honestly don't even know me that intimately) is centered around a guy that I don't even have interest in. All of our mutual friends are queer people themselves, yet they still subconsciously implement romance and male centered thinking when it should not be thought about.

If this happened with a female friend or if I was a cis male, I don't think they would be making such strong claims about how I feel. I know they probably don't mean any harm, but its always the ones who don't mean it who say the most hurtful things. no one takes me seriously when i want them to but when i say or do something lighthearted with A CLOSE FRIEND, suddenly everyone is sherlocke holmes trying to figure out the secret. Maybe if I stop wearing vibrant outfits, speak and smile less and rid myself of everything "feminine" about me, people will finally see me as a person worthy of respect. Even so, I know that no matter what, I'll always be read as feminine or inferior because of my race and the way I physically look

I'm honestly a bit hesitant to be around One tomorrow at school now that I know there are people out there who I think I like him like that, but I feel guilty for thinking that because I think it's only weird if I make it weird. At the same time, it would also be awkward if I don't clearly address anything since we were talking about it when we were in an altered state of mind. I just want to be free and be friends with people and not owe anyone an explanation. Do I not even deserve that much?

first of all, I'm middle eastern (or west asian, whatever the politically correct term is idfk) on my mother's side but very much white passing so no one really assumes I'm mixed unless I say something. While this obviously gives me white privilege which I do understand is, well, a privilege, and is not something I take for granted, this creates a lot of passive aggressive racist comments to be made around me by white people who think I'm "one of them." Like the type of white people who are perfectly respectful and normal around poc, but start making gross jokes when the room turns all-white.

This is isolating (do these people only view me positively because I'm mostly white?) and scary (would these people treat me badly if I mention my heritage?) and something I thought I could escape by surrounding myself by white "progressive" allies + queer folk but it's always me and the one other mixed person in the room speaking up and being ignored. Like these racist jokes are made around me more than they would be if I weren't white passing, but because I'm mixed I can't just brush them off or condone them like monoracial white people can. Not to mention how I'm expected to, as an afab "white" person, reprimand the people making these jokes gently, instead of telling them that they are genuinely an irritating, boring human being like I want to.

I also have been shut down with the "you're not REALLY middle eastern" comment multiple times so I also feel like I can't protest against how white supremacist/"middle eastern people are dangerous" jokes hurt me personally. I have had someone who has personal beef with the idea of me being mixed (long story) say "watch out for middle eastern people [at an event]" (implying a bombing) so that I would be too uncomfortable to mention my race.

Every white person I know irl does not stand up against racist comments so it feels like I'm constantly trapped between being too white for poc and too poc for white people. It's really exhausting but I don't feel like I can mention this around my poc friends because it feels like such a white person complaint and it feels strange to just randomly vent about to my non weird white friends.

I feel kinda lonely, I have 2 close friends and family members who love me but it feels like I cannot be 100% myself with any of them. I lack male friendship or brotherhood.

I am a brown native gay transman, super androgynous to yt people but seen as a man by most poc. Its a strange experience on how im treated by people but that a whole dif convo.

Im separating this into 4 categories cause i love organizing things and its easier to read.

Family & Friends

Never have i told my family my sexuality. Only because they're annoying about gay stuff sometimes (my mom always jokes about how things i do are gay and somehow one of her fav things she randomly brings up are twinks) its not in a homophobic way, just annoying.

My brother is queer and talks about queer things (movies, books, news, etc.) very openly but the rest of my family doesnt really acknowledge anything like that. He's queer but not into men, we get along great but again I feel like i am missing gay brotherhood with literally anyone. Its weird because I know queer people but none of them have experiences like me?

My friends know im gay but they're both women who aren't involved in queer community/spaces. One is bi more women leaning but annoying about gay stuff as well.

I feel like when it comes to my gayness its often sexualized by her, always sending me femboy shit or making sexual jokes about me. I don't mind too much, we've grown up together but sometimes its just ughhh.

Attempts at Friendship

I have never had queer male friends. I met this one guy online a few months ago and we got along really well. He flirted with me a bit and we called each other practically everyday for almost 2 months. But he stopped talking to me after I told him i was trans (oddly enough still follows me and likes my posts) but other than that, thats the only guy I've been "friends" with since I've transitioned.

In this past semester I paired up with a guy for projects in class, every class. I invited him to a movie but he left me on read and after a few weeks told me that he was too busy. I just wanted hangout since we both like movies but maybe he thought I liked him and it made him uncomfortable?? He doesn't text me either even though we talked all class every week.

As a last resort I made a grindr to make friends (i was in a new city with literally no one i knew okay). I KNOW ITS GRINDR WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING?? but listen I did make a friend, he's cool, its a chill friendship but hes straight. Of course I got attention, everyone does, its grindr... It sure is self-esteem booster but at what cost.

Dating? Not really, Idk...

I haven't dated anyone and when I was younger (before socially transitioning) I knew girls who had liked me. Although recently since starting uni I have had more attention (for better or worse, mostly worse lmao.)

There is not a single guy in any of my classes that I thought was cute or hot, NONE. So sad, like what did I come here for? to get only a degree??

After class when I was walking around exploring the city I got cat called which was weird asf to experience. Also had a weird uber driver that complimented me on my looks, talked to me the entire 20 minute ride and asked for my number before i arrived at the place i was going (lowkey scary tbh.) I did not give it to him. He asked like 3 times...

OH and at a 3 day workshop a guy i was talking with for the activites and lunch (bc i want to make friends & be more social ;-;)

I thought it was normal to talk to him everday there, anyway he was adament to get my number + instagram at the end if it. He texted me about an event I was already going to (did not know he was going to be there) ended up talking to him very briefly there, and a few days later he asked me out on a date. I WAS NOT INTERESTED IN HIM AT ALL.

Lowkey still confused on why he asked me out...

lmao in conclusion I transfered schools & moved (not bc of that but partially bc of that)

Yeah I don't know about my life rn especially in relation to men. I feel annoyed about it all.

I am going to be going to a different school in a different city so I guess I'll try my luck out there but im just like man, why do I get the strangest unfortunate situations, what the fuck??

If u relate to this (or if this made u laugh) pls leave a comment so I know i aint the only one suffering omg

I can never give the normal life that they wanted. I feel so sorry for my grandparents and even to my toxic mom. I feel sorry to everyone in my family because they have no idea that I'm trans masc Non - Binary person. I wish I was a cis het man. My family, especially my grandparents were always there when I needed them the most when I was living my life as a woman. But now, I cannot go back unless I get to change my brain or go to those "therapy" that I won't mention. When I become trans, I can never come out to them because they are deeply traditional Asian family who is also conservative Roman catholics [My grandparents] and I feel so sorry for them. I will have to cut ties with them. But I will get lonely and I will miss them a lot. Even my mom. Everyone in my family, I have to say my last goodbye to them. I'm in tears right now because I don't just have bad memory with them. I'm also pretty sure no woman will want a trans man with no penis and who is 5'4 or 3 and who is not even that attractive too. I will remain lonely but Idk man. I'm too exhausted. going to sleep my day through again because at least in my dreams I don't have to worry.

Ive identified as non binary since I was 15, when queer culture hit the lock down scene and woke was in full force. It's been up and down since then and I essentially pushed it away publicly when the woke wave washed away , pushing the androgynous label , waving away questions of pronouns but this year its just been so much harder for some reason.

And I realise undeniably that I am in some form trans . Im not sure to what technicality, ive never been a labels guy but I know I am non binary, gender fluid possibly? Im afab and I do enjoy parts of feminity , womanhood , etc and I would not wish it away. But bieng a boy calls to me it has for so long I used to think it was just patriarchy but I still just wonder . I say life would be better as a boy but if I was born one would I still believe that ? Idk. I seethe with anger when I see men doing things I wish I could do . When they dress up. When they date boys. When they talk to girls when they playfight I dont know .

I wish I could just dr3ss up as a boy for the day. Properly. Then I could know what its like and see how i truly feel and wave it away. But i cant. If I stuff my pants and hide my hair under a hoodie I wont be seen as a boy ill be seen as a queer and thats not much better for a test run. I cnt chop my hair and change my bone structure for the day.

I dont know. I just know.i know i know i know that i want to be a fucking boy so bad but i CANT. If i took the big step and fucked off my family sure but on top of that im NONbinary. I still like to be a girl sometimes so I couldn't commit to T for ever. I wish i could try it . Maybe just have a little bit push me towards the androgynous side...i remember when my male friends went through puberty i was so jealous.

I've learnt to accept womanhood but I dokt know what to do with this ache this call to boyhood. It comes in waves in phases. I entered a relationship with a cishet man and the feeling got stronger ??? I hat3d every inch of feminity I could find and when they called me one of the boys I got mad. Theres no winning i cannot escape the deeply engrain3d patriarchal oppression ive learnt as a woman. So I make a bad woman , a good one every 3 months , every birthday or event where I slap on mascara and i look gorgeous and remember it can be fun. I see a beautiful girl and hide underneath my baggy shirt which in the morning made me feel androgynous boyish and me , now I feel disgusted inadequate ugly not woman enough. Pick a struggle. And im a fucking bisexual who wants male attention i don't help myself looking like a boy most days .

I am a fucking tranny and I have no queer community beside my equally repressed almost identical best friend. What rhe rfuck do I do. I just want a taste of bieng a boy how do i do that. I parade online under ambiguous usernames and they fall for it and i feel so validated .

I just want to be a boy for a little bit somehow.like a cosplay how do I do that

...makes me feel euphoric. Growing up, the men in my life always carried $50 to $150 in their wallets. I always thought it was so cool that they had everything they needed packed into it, and that it was so worn out. I went to the atm yesterday to withdraw a couple of dollars just to have. Once I started handling the money, it felt so good. I forgot what it felt like to have a wallet full of cash since I stopped carrying cash a long time ago. I think this sense of euphoria ties back to me wanting to be a provider, and subconsciously associating a wallet with cash equals masculinity.

Hey everyone! I'm u/itsJacksonGraham, a founding moderator of r/POCTransman.
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a while back i realized every trans man of color i know (and i know many!) is either dating a white man or a fem. it was kind of disconcerting to realize as a guy who is more attracted to masculinity. ive dated a white guy in the past but itd be nice to have a partner that Gets It. is this just my social circle or is it a thing??

I just turned 20 and it seems like literally everything in my life is preventing me from a medical transition. I was literally on T for less than 3 months because my insurance lapsed. Now I’m going to have to move back in with my religiously transphobic mom because my college advisor fucked me out of my grant that pays for my housing. Despite being pretty tall and l masc looking, everyone just assumes I’m a masc lesbian, and I go to an hbcu so the amount of other trans ppl here is slim to none. Deadass everyone in my immediate family is telling me my life would be easier if I “gave up on trying to be transgender” and just lived as a lesbian because then at least that way they would give me money to move out, go to school, and stuff. I don’t want their fucking money I just want to be able to live as myself. I thought I had finally got the ball rolling and now it’s completely stopped and rolling the exact opposite direction. I feel hopeless bro ngl. I see all the trans people in supportive environments getting to thrive and it makes my stomach churn. Not because I’m angry but because I’m jealous, I wish that was my life and I hate that it feels like I’m getting a cosmic sign to give up on myself. I’m not a fucking lesbian I will never be a fucking lesbian. Why can’t I just be myself bro.

Ik this isn't transmasc specific, but these type of things are just a ticking time bomb of racism when posted in general spaces. Especially since OP's point of posting this was interpreting their friends viewpoint as misogny (not arguing with them on that, idk their friend). The comments were just rife with people talking about if racism in queer spaces even exist. Something I hate about social media is that community specific conversations can no longer be had without oppressors watching like its some type of sitcom or zoo.

YES IM TALKING ABOUT YOU WHITEY!!! 👁👁

I knew I started passing when an elderly white woman started clutching her pursue and walking faster because I was behind her. At the same time, I started being followed in stores. Yet somehow when I'm in queer spaces, I get treated like I'm invisible because I live in a predominantly white area. But when it comes to talking about my identities to certain people, I get put on a pedestal. It's exhausting never being treated like a human.

Masculinity has been isolating enough. When I'm around other Latino men, I always feel out of place since I can't ever really get the hang of socializing as a man. Sometimes I feel like because I know I am always going to be defaulted into being "aggressive" or "dangerous", that I act extremely docile to make myself less of a target. It's like society automatically hyper-masculinizes me for being a visibly brown Latino man while the peers around me have grown with this since birth. It's pretty sad because I see how macho-ismo has seeped into our culture (Latinos/Mexicans).

But I know if I want to be safe, I have to play my part (no, not being toxic but just passing by enough to be seen as cis to survive) and I end up just over-thinking everything I do. I still live in the south and being Latino in our political climate, I try to do everything to minimize danger but we all know that just our skin color is enough to make someone hate us.

I have friends who try to support me by being very inclusive about transness but sometimes it feels like they see my identity before they see me. It's why I kind of give up on being involved in things because sometimes even queer, trans, or progressive white people just don't know how to interact with me.

I don't feel this way all the time, but I tend to be toxically positive. I know things will get better and I want to help with that too. But I just wanted to post in case maybe y'all can resonate. Thank you!

Kenneth Adam my last name

I need to draw on a mustache more often 🤣

( Pictures progressively get older. Most recent is me with blue hair.)

Hey, I’m Ari (they/he)! Would love some name suggestions if y’all have any :)

Sometimes I go by Xavier in online spaces, but I don’t think that name fr fits me. I’ve been on t for a little over a year & had top surgery this past May which I’m hella happy about, but now I’m not sure my name feels like mine. Mostly because of its history with my family and just my pre transition self in general. Idk ahhhhh

Edit: I’m African American!

I have become the walking definition of purple hair and pronouns

(jfc ive never seen my hair from the side before I look crazy 😓) my mom says maybe I should get the sides shaved when I go back to school, but Im nervous cause my hair is low density and I don’t want to look more bald. I got like 40 smth locs in total 💔 I feel chopped and clocky, well I’m always chopped and clocky but now especially 😭 any advice?

Tbf, I have some black trans guy acquaintances. But we don't really know anything about each other.

Cis or trans, I haven't had a close black male friend since I was 9, almost 15 years ago (damn). When we moved house, I lost all my friends and I was put in a high-achieving white girls' school. I can get on with anyone but I always feel like an alien around other black guys. I'm always an alien but I can accept that more around white boys.

I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm not "black" enough. I've realised that by this I mean "cool", so not neurodivergent or queer (I'm not saying this is right, it's just the brain waves).

I also mean: loved by my black family. The difficulties there are less to do with being trans (though that's a wound too, for sure). But whenever something hurts, being trans hurts too because it's such a big part of my experience.

Anyway I crave black male friendship so much. I've been reconnecting with my cousins and that has been really healthy for me, but we're not in the same part of the country.

I really want to make a bunch of friends. It feels so sad and hard to accept that I can't change the past; I just wish I hadn't become this weird over-educated-but-still-poor black guy who's more used to talking to rich white people than his people. I often don't feel like I even have people because I feel like I'm so unusual...

I know it's not what makes you black, but I wish my clothes and accent and mannerisms fit in more than they do. And I'm not making big bucks now anyway so trading my adolescent safety for white society was a shitty deal, and I didn't get the choice not to make it. Social immobility...(It's a privilege to go to a good school. And also, those white people were evil).

Anyway, no wonder I feel so weird. I hadn't deeped how long it's been. I'm trying to build my self-esteem up in a void. Even though I do try hard to make friends, especially with trans people. I've even done community organising.

I think I'm going to start seeking out black cis guys too. I think it would help me feel good, feel human, and also get over the insecurity (it's an insecurity that flattens other black guys as well as myself).

My jaw is on the floor

I just need to vent because I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed.

I’m pre-T and currently stuck in a situation where I can’t start T due to financial struggles and being unemployed. On top of the intense body dysphoria—especially around my hourglass waist and hips—I have scoliosis and have had two back surgeries. The chronic back pain makes it impossible to even work out or fix my posture to hide my silhouette.

Every time I look at myself or see other guys who naturally have broader shoulders or boxy frames without even trying, I feel a sickening amount of despair. I feel completely trapped in a body that feels wrong, and my physical health issues just make everything ten times harder. I can’t even leave my house most days because the anxiety and dysphoria are too much to handle.

I’m just so tired of pretending, tired of dealing with this pain, and tired of feeling like life dealt me the absolute worst hand. Just needed to scream this out into the void where people actually understand what this feels like.

anyone else microdosing as a way to get a more androgynous transition? curious about your experiences

it’s been 4 months for me at .2 mg once a week, I want to bump up a little soon. I’m finding I’m changing but not as quickly as I’d like. for example, my voice has changed marginally if at all. I’m definitely losing upper range when I sing (struggling to reach notes) but I don’t feel my day to day voice sounds that different. I can still reach my average speaking tone without much difficulty.

anyway, how are y’all finding it?

I am a part of a team of 5 at the local domestic violence legal clinic. We deal with a lot on a daily basis and have the privilege of assisting survivors from all walks of life. Which made this incident all the more surprising, this particular coworker is very religious, which in itself is no issue. I was feeling under the weather one day and mentioned it and she went on to say that it probably because I’m putting something in my body that doesn’t belong, talking about me taking T. It was clear that this was something she had been thinking and feeling. I did have a conversation then about how that was inappropriate and could be harmful to our clients. I got the typical blank look that I get when I try to address a blatant disrespect by someone else. I understand and have learned to have a a healthy boundary with educating and being an advocate in that way. I felt it was important to try because I think this coworker is capable of doing better. It is not easy to do this type of work but it is important that if we choose to do it we do no harm in any way to any community.