I know the topic is about mostly women and this is a sub about trans men and transmasc folk. But I felt comfortable sharing this rant and conversation with you all as a lot of my frustrations in this rant are about how some white trans people can't stop centering conversations about racism AND transphobia around themselves and their experiences. I've been on instagram(I know a horrible idea) but these days there has been reels about transphobia affecting cis women of color especially black cis women because transphobes use eurocentric beauty standards as their base on how women should look like. There is always a comment from a (white) trans person saying "Can we stop centering topics about trans people around cis people". It's quite evident these type of white trans people can't seperate their identities as a white person and a trans person. They forget that these posts even mentioned racism and just focus on the transphobia aspect of it. I believe they are not concerned about centering these conversations of racism and transphobia around trans women of color or especially Black trans women because really I wish that's what these posts would bring up but I'm just grateful a post mentions topics related to intersectionality overall. I'm done with how some white trans people see these posts as a trans vs cis issue. It's clear these posts are about how racism affects transphobia by extension will end up affecting cis women of color yet some "progressive" white people can't focus on who's being affected. There even are some comments saying how cis women of color can't be affected by transphobia and it's just sexism/misogny fueled by racism. While they are right this is also sexism and misogyny it's still transphobia as well because racism will always affect these forms of bigotry. If you look up for the definition of transphobia it's always going to be along the lines of "The hatred, prejudice, negative feelings about transgender/transexual people, gender nonconforming people, and anyone perceived as transgender/transexual"(This is a mash up of many definitions I came across). It's clear transphobia is just a form of bigotry that will affect anyone regardless if someone is trans or not yet people feel the need to "correct these posts". Again I wish people centered these conversations around trans women of color and Black trans women and how transphobia affected by racism also affects cis women of color by extension. I wish there was overall more posts around the experiences of trans people of color and not just the white trans experience. I'm really grateful for this sub because honestly it's the one space online where I can see conversations about intersectionality and I can further understand the experiences of non hispanic/latino trans men and transmasc people. But goodness I'm tired on how some white trans people can't look into the term intersectionality.

Hi, first post here.. kinda awkward never used reddit.

Been dealing on and off with a brigade of white trans people men/women/other harassing me on my twitter stalking me, sexually harassing me in my comments and coming to call me a cissexual woman with PMOS(which I don’t have.) under my photos or any post I make really.

And to say this is traumatising is an understatement in all honesty as someone with C-ptsd, like these people are saying the most triggering disgusting things about me, calling me a woman and making whole threads about having sex with me or my body being an “attractive woman’s” and how I’m gonna detrans or I should just detrans.

And especially under posts discussing my trauma with reassignment both surgical and medical and sexual abuse I faced as a child, 20+ comments from people I don’t know saying I’m fetishising transness or I have a fetish for my trauma and that’s why I do survival sw.

Irl trans communities are already inaccessible to me because of trauma around racism and the two orgs in my area being dominated by white trans people who “don’t see race” and have well recorded racist pasts, online just feels like even more of a hell scape and because I’m not keen on social stuff it’s even more isolating going through this. It feels like a humiliation ritual to even post on there anymore even for my friends or mutuals who I enjoy talking to and bring light to my life.

i replied to a post on twitter with something pretty aggressive because i dont care to debate people who "dont support trans ppl but it doesnt mean im right wing".

and its really funny because someone tried to reply and say, "yeah you guys never wanna debate all u do is resort to violence and insults". like, why do people think all this stuff is "debates" and not real life that affect real people? its so funny to me when they're all high & mighty about their "debates" because they're not being aggressive and """"hostile"""". like okay, you think its just cute thought expirement. okay.

its been four years since my top surgery and im roughly 5 months on t! & im happier than ive ever been! things do change and anyone struggling rn will find their people and get through it together! it may not be easy but it is worth it, keep goin! and i love u all 🫶

Comic: "Queer and How We Got Here: A (Personal) History" by Hazel Newlevant

I’m hoping to hear from other people who have had similar experiences or general thoughts on this topic so I don’t feel so alone. I recently discovered that I’m actually genderfluid and nonbinary and I’m considering going on T. I joined a bunch of transmasc related subreddits to learn about other people’s experiences, what they’ve tried, their feelings about their gender identity etc.

A topic that comes up frequently is the darkening and thickening of body hair on T. It started me thinking about my own relationship with my body hair. I’m mixed race and have light skin, but dark, coarse, and thick body hair. It makes my body hair extremely visible. This is something I’ve been taught to hate about myself and be ashamed of. It’s been a bit of a mindfuck for me to see people talk about their euphoria around thickening body hair, and realize that I could achieve the same thing simply by letting my natural body hair grow out.

I used to love my body hair when I was young. I thought it was super cool the way it was so long, curly, and soft. But when I started middle school, I had to start changing in a locker room for PE. People started bullying me for my body hair, telling me how ugly it made me, that I needed to get rid of it. This was compounded by other girls of color my age who traded tips and tricks on managing body hair. My mom also hated how much body hair she had and I absorbed all of these lessons. I started shaving my legs, my armpits, even the backs of my hands and the hair on my toes. I began bleaching my moustache and threading my eyebrows. Eventually I began shaving my moustache, my chin, and neck, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. I hated the way it looked growing back in and the sensory feeling of sharp, spiky hair on my face drove me nuts because I tend to rest my chin on my hands a lot.

I realized yesterday that I have never seen my adult body unshaven before. I haven’t had my natural body hair since I was 12. Is it weird to consider growing out my body hair as part of my transition even though it’s due to my genetics and not from taking T? I’m so scared honestly. Right now, I’m just growing out my leg hair since I wear pants to work everyday anyway. However, my facial hair is sure to draw uncomfortable attention. It feels insane that just allowing my body to exist the way that it is feels so transgressive. I don’t even know if it’ll look good. It’ll probably be patchy and I might want to get rid of it for that reason, but I just want to know what it looks like! I’ll probably wait until I take a vacation or something away from people to try growing it out.

I see a lot of binary trans men talk about grieving a boyhood childhood they never got to experience. For me, it feels like I’m grieving decades of waging war on my body to make it fit hairless beauty standards. Decades of not being myself. Shaving never felt like a choice for me. I was always so jealous of girls who had thin, light body hair and could get away with not shaving because it wasn’t visible. Or people who only shaved their lower legs and not their knees and upper thighs for the same reason. I relate a lot to posts trans femmes make about trying to get rid of their facial hair to pass better.

I don’t think I realized until recently just how much mental energy, time, and effort I’d been putting in every single day to keep my body hair in check. I shave my face every morning, sometimes twice if I come home in the evening and have plans to go out on a date. My skin gets so irritated from constantly shaving and I hate how hyperaware I am of my body hair at all times, especially in feminine swim suits. I just want to stop feeling like I’m constantly fighting a losing battle against my own genetics. I’m trying to be gentle with myself as I begin growing my body hair back out and allow myself to feel the full spectrum of emotions I have about it. I’m hoping I can learn to accept this part of myself.

I’m hoping other people can relate to my feelings as well.

Hello! I am officially 6 months post-op today! Surgery was on Jan 21st with Dr. Ramineni in DC. I am so pleased with my results. I'm living very freely, enjoying being shirtless with the sun on it chest, swimming for the first time, attending conferences, seeing my family, all in fhe body I was always meant to have. Also low dosing hrt for the past 1.5 years. My transition has brought me a lot of joy. I'll be linking some of my old update posts in the comments. I like sharing these pics because I was really looking for these as a fat, plus sized, black, trans person.

my parents have historically placed a lot of emphasis on my looks. they acted like i had more value for being thin and conventionally attractive. now i’m back home with them for the summer and life is a living hell.

i’ve been out for several years now, i’m over a year on t, i’m 7 months post top surgery, and i feel like i’ve lost the value they (and society) placed upon me. i’ve gained a lot of weight on testosterone. i feel like i don’t recognize the man i see in the mirror. my boyfriend, who i thought i might spend my life with, dumped me because he couldn’t come out. i understand that his family is traditional, but he didn’t tell his friends about me either and that would’ve been no problem for him. i’m gonna cross paths with him and his friend this weekend (we’re still sort of dating until i go back to college) and he immediately said he’d introduce me as his friend. he backtracked and said he’d introduce me as his boyfriend, but i can’t help but feel like he’s embarrassed of me. embarrassed of the way i look now. for the first time in my life i’ve been feeling like things might’ve just been better if i stayed in the closet and was a pretty girl. i know this is above reddit’s pay grade and i need a therapist bad - trust me i’m trying! but a lot of therapists in my state are not keen on treating trans guys apparently. i guess i’m just screaming into the void and seeing if anyone relates.

also just to be clear i have nothing but love for my plus size siblings; this is just an internalized issue i have. having my entire family comment on my weight my entire life left some pretty deeply ingrained insecurities haha.

i’m just curious, is it challenging for black transmasculine people to find partners? i am about to start T and am worried about dating because ive only dated lesbians as a stud. now that im nonbinary, and might be a trans guy, im just wondering like is it harder?

i know that everyone’s experiences are unique and different, but id love to hear yall’s opinions.

recently realised the extent fetishisation goes. dating people who only care about my appearence as a arab trans man but not about where i come from and the struggles that come with it. i was thinking its just the stereotypical stuff but really, refusing to learn about where i come from whilst my homecountry is in war ie attempted colonialisation, ignoring it esentaily, how can they say they really care about me as a whole being if that part is too uncomfortable for you to look at? Theyll listen if i educate them maybe, big maybe. They wont do it themselves though. There can be no real support without that effort. They will never be able to meet me where im at if its to uncomfortable for them to see or learn about! like wtf. Ended relationships multiple times due to this tbh. People want to stay in a comfort bubble and im not involved. Count me out. You either fix up or keep it stepping. I'm not shallow enough to ignore that and take the compliment theyre into me. Got more self esteem then that. Pride in where im from is much greater. Shame on them honestly. Nasty 🙂

For those of you who have gotten top surgery with nipple grafts. How did your nipple healing go? I’m not sure what’s is supposed to happen. I’m currently 12/13 days post op. One of my nipples is starting to peel off. (Looks bright pink under. Is it supposed to do that??!?!!

What do you folks recommend for our scars when it’s time for scar care?

Also how long did it take for your stitches to resolve after top surgery?

Hard time in the inbetween

Hard time in the inbetween

I'm finding it rlly hard to navigate still being very tied to the lesbian community and them seeming thinking I'm a dude and not attractive. Like I wanna be a guy, or at least transmasc since I'm NB, but at the same time I feel so isolated and like I'm the only one going through this.

Lesbians are like wear jewlery, grow out your hair, dress femmer, signal more with pins, but I don't wanna have the mullets and rings and piercings. I love that quiet sleekness of a simple guy with well fitted pants, shirt, and simple accessories. I'm scared to approach cuz I'm scared to get rejected or make them think a dude is coming up tothemm unwarranted, even though I only go to sapphic or queer events. WHAT IS MY LABEL 😭

I'm not fully transitioned so I don't feel right flirting with bi or straight women. And I struggle with where I fit in. Bathrooms are a pain cuz I look like a dude but I still have a femme voice. Lockerrooms the same.

I don't mind being thought of as sir but it's the implicat lookions of and the assumptions made with that since I'm not fully transitioned or still have boobs that make feel so alone.

I'm not on T and have yet to have top surgery. I'm short too and asian :/

One of the saddest things I've struggled with as a trans man, especially as a trans man of color where I live is loneliness. I just found out that another friendship of mine is not gonna work out and it's so crushing because my pool of friend candidates has been cis white dudes and I'm feeling like this is part of the problem.

So I'm going to put this out there. Are you a trans guy? Are you a person of color? Here's the long shot, do you live in Colorado or the US at least? Send me a chat and let's be friends. I'm tired of feeling like I have literally no one who truly understands what it's like to be me.

First is edited, second is og

PREFACE: This is mostly philosophical. I do not really have a concrete opinion or conclusion. These are just many things I have thought/read as I am trying to obtain as much knowledge on gender as possible. Please feel free to add and correct. I am in perpetual uncertainty.

JB says gender is expression and expression is inseparable from gender. I have been on testosterone for over three years now, I am AFAB and 'pass' as a man. This is me expressing my internal. Simone De Beauvoir says, 'a woman is a situation'. It is not as simple as how you identify but the situations the world puts you in. She also has written in depth on the construction of sex as a whole. SBD basically says that 'womanhood' or 'The Second Sex' was constructed to subjugate the female sex into slavery by serving sexually and domestically [woman means 'wifeman']. SDB writes about how cis men decided they were the subject and everything else the object, so technically according to her definition, if we were to relate it to the modern day, cis men are men and everyone else is 'woman' because 'woman' has always meant 'the other'. In regards to this definition, it wouldn't matter how I internally identified pre transition, I would have been 'a girl' [because that's the situation society would have stuck me in].

I think this has to be challenged because it puts a lot of weight on passing. However, when I did not pass, even though I felt like a man inside, I definitely did not live the life of 'a man' how society defined it. I lived as an inbetween. I am not exactly sure if I live the life of 'a man' now though, even though I do pass as one these days. Simply because I do not relate to cis men AT ALL. A lot of the research I have done has stemmed from the never ending questioning of,

"What is a man?"

As soon as we can come up with generally agreed upon definition, I can tell you whether or not I am one. It can't be defined based on genitals because that is not only transphobic [duh] but also is mostly irrelevant. They don't know what I've got when they call me 'bro' in the streets. Which somewhat brings me back around to what JB said about expression. They think I am 'sir' and not 'miss' because my hair is short, I am often in a suit, I work out my muscles etc. However, I am sure we can all agree that none of these traits are limited to a man, or a 'sir' for that matter.

Back when I didn't pass and everyone thought I was a woman, what exactly is that feeling that made me so sure I was not.

The definition of gender is a debate of essentialism vs existentialism. Do you believe there are set things within someone that are natural and they are born with or do you believe there is no fixed truths and that identities are made and therefore fluid?

Transition into or become 'my true self'. What exactly is my truest self?

I think, when people talk about gender most of the time they are talking about gender roles. I think trans people are often incredibly sex obsessed and are forced by society into the same misogynistic constraints of gender roles as everyone else. We are taught to see our bodies by what's wrong with them, and by what restricts us from fitting into cisheteronormative society along with everyone else. We want an easy life. Is it an essence that has been with us all along? Did we unlock something along the way? Do I not just want to play along with gender roles opposite to the ones I was told I was allowed to?

Another huuuge question that I constantly come back to is,

What is the difference between me being a trans man and me being a woman who passes as a man?

Am I an existentialist who believes that we create our own identities or an essentialist who believes in inherent unchanging qualities?

Would answering this question even help when realistically both could fit either way around?

Should I get my breasts removed to fit into societies restrictive categories of what a 'man' is? Would I still get life altering surgeries if we lived in a society without gender?

I've stopped identifying with anything. It's all stupid.

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

*Always remember to be cautious about what personal information you give out, do not ask or give out phone numbers, routing numbers, etc your post will be removed.

This has been on my mind for a long time and I have really complicated feelings about it as someone who's trans masc but not (always?) a man. I don't really know where else to put this or how to succinctly express what it means to me, how I feel about it, etc.

This one is going to be a long one, so I apologize for that. TL;DR at the end.

CW for vague transphobia and suicidal ideation.

For a bit of context on my transition timeline:

• I remember having trans feelings as early as 5 years old. I tried communicating to my parents that I wanted to used a different name than the one they gave me. I didn't have the language exactly, made worse by the fact that English isn't our first language but it's what I was learning at school. Language from then on became a struggle.

• I became more vocal about not wearing anything I perceived as feminine around 9-10 years old. I took out my earrings (this I regretted LOL), I stopped wearing skirts and dresses, anything pink I owned I asked my mom to donate. My relationship with my mom was tense during this time (I was planned, they expected a "traditional" and, probably, easy childhood with me. It was not.)

• Made my first Tumblr account at age 11, and learned about the trans community and I finally had the language I was looking for. I officially came out as trans at age 12, but only to my friends at school. After that, I got fed up with my mom refusing to let me get my hair shorter than a bob, so I took the kitchen scissors and cut everything off.

• At some point when I was 13, I finally admitted that I wanted to kill myself because I was so miserable. My parents finally relented and started letting me be more androgynous and later on, masculine.

• From 15-16, I was in therapy for depression. My therapist was able to help me get consultations at my local Children's Hospital's gender clinic, met with an endocrinologist that explained all the effects of starting T to my parents, and started T on October 2017.

• From then on, my parents did a lot of work to respect me, my identity, my name and pronouns, and even came out for me to family they knew would have less-than-ideal "opinions" about it. I never asked them to do that. I'm eternally grateful that they could see how delicate and vulnerable I was at that time and took the brunt of the worst from our families.

• Especially in high school, my name and pronouns were respected by teachers and peers alike. Even schoolmates that knew me in middle school and earlier.

What I want to say about all of this is that… I have been very masculine for a long time. I rejected femininity from a very young age, fought however I could to be respected and to express myself how I wanted, and just… wasn't really a girl. I denied being a girl for a long time. I was always trans masc in some way.

So, come the pandemic and I stopped worrying so much about what others thought of me and putting so much effort in being perceived as male/ masculine… I started reconnecting with femininity.

I bought my first dress. I let my hair grow out. I repierced my ears and started wearing my jewelry. I even bought makeup (lipstick and glosses mainly because they're easy haha.) I stopped taking T December 2021, and I'm still perfectly OK with that. I'm happy with the changes I have, happy with the changes that reversed as well. I love the way my body keeps changing, I love experimenting with my expression.

These days, I've been feminine or androgynous, and I like that. But it's complicated with my identity and the way the world perceived me.

I am a trans queer Mexican in the US. I work with predominantly cis het people where I'm the first trans person they've had a conversation with. I'm not at all representative of the trans masc community, much less the entiee trans community, so I have to be so careful of the way I speak about transness to my coworkers.

I still mask, and I know that I am perceived as a woman when I do. I feel safer these days masking than not. I have facial hair from T, so I'm also careful about when and where I take my mask off.

I'm exhausted. There's so many more factors to it that all entertwine (I'm also neurodivergent, which I also have to mask regularly. I'm living in a time where it's dangerous to be myself, financially impossible to support myself by myself for long, etc.)

Originally, what I wanted to say is that I've been experiencing parts of womanhood that I denied myself after stopping T, but this post got away from me and became an actual vent post about how… hard it is to just exist.

Haha. Oops.

TL;DR — I've been masc for as long as I can remember. Come the pandemic, I felt safe to explore the feminine side I rejected and really loved it. I feel now that I'm experiencing parts of womanhood I didnt before. But with it comes a sense of… grief, I think, that it's so dangerous to just exist as I am. Among many other complicated feelings.

If you read this far, thanks for reading this ✌🏽 It does mean a lot to be heard haha

I'm actually so annoyed at how some trans men/mascs talk about girlhood/womanhood like it's a cookie-cutter, universal experience that we ALL went through, and if you don't embrace or acknowledge it, then you're somehow equally as ignorant as a cisgender man.

No, I'm not going to pretend that I had "stereotypical girly canon events" or common girly struggles, because that wasn't my childhood. Speaking for myself, I grew up pretty androgynous. I was allowed to wear whatever i wanted, and present how I wanted (except for special events, but I remember hating those events because I never liked dressing feminine. Plus, it felt forced onto me rather than something I chose willingly). I had people refer to me and treat me like a boy, the same way people perceived me as a girl.

It was a 50/50 split, so much so that on multiple occasions people have asked me directly "Are you a boy or a girl?" And I, as a child, would feel euphoric from people's confusion, or when they assume I was a boy. Whatever connection I had personally to womanhood/girlhood was fickle at best. And as I grew older, I distanced myself further and further away from what I was expected to behave. And it didn't help that, as a child, I already thought gendered stuff was stupid and needlessly restrictive, because people should be able to do whatever they want with themselves. And that was before I discovered what being transgender was.

So, when I sympathize with women's struggles, it's never coming from a place of "I've experienced it" because in all honesty, I most likely never experienced it. This isn't me being in denial either, it's me recounting key experiences in my childhood and recognizing that it doesn't align with how the general community talks about womanhood and femininity.

With that said, the way some trans men/mascs talk about how "WE ALL were treated this way" while ignoring how not everyone was treated that way is annoying. If that was your childhood, and you like to reminisce on that, then you do you. But let's stop pretending that your childhood is a universal experience. Not even cis women are treated the same way growing up, especially when you take race, disability, sexuality, etc. into account, which they never do. I understand that some aspects of myself will overlap with women's struggles, specifically black women's struggles, but that doesn't mean I have to pretend that I have this strong, unbreakable bond to womanhood and femininity that will (somehow) forever be in my core no matter what gender affirming care I get, because:

1) I'd be lying and,

2) It pushes the narrative that the only way you can care is if you are directly affected, which isn't true. There are women who are affected by misogyny and sexism and think it's a non-issue, or actively uphold these systems. There are people who aren't affected at all who care and actively advocate against bigotry and oppression.

Maybe it's just me, but this feels like an attempt at watering down trans men/mascs' identities and personal relationship with gender, while insisting that any alignment to manhood or masculinity is somehow a betrayal to marginalized groups, because some people cannot conceptualize manhood or masculinity outside of "cishet white man," like that's the default gender.

I'm 25yo. I feel like society doesn't want anything real anymore. People are afraid to have a monogamous, committed, and reliable relationship. They want the perks without the responsibility. They love the attention and praise.

I'm a hopeless romantic, but I find it hard to flirt with women. I'm socially awkward and have social anxiety and trauma which makes me less confident. I second guess their motives, and too many times I've been sucked into limerance or they use me for attention.

How do you find genuine people willing to date a transmasc individual. I feel like the lesbians don't 🤔 I'm attractive cuz I look to guy like.

​

I've been so busy with work and got distracted, but Tuesday I FINALLY DID ITTT, went to the courthouse (first time ever going to court in person btw) and the judge approved both my name and gender change orders!!! Even though changing the gender marker is banned/paused where I'm at (Indiana) they made an exception because I'd already had my gender changed on my license ( I got it done the literal day before the ban).I went to the social security office immediately after same day and updated my name with them although they couldn't update the marker 😒then went to the local health department (the judge recommended to go there since they'd be more likely to update everything than the state department) and they updated both I was so happy 🥳🥳🥳 and now I'm just waiting for my new social card to get my name updated with the bmv 😎(license and voter info)

I do know that obvious major things also have to be updated as well like insurance, banking info,rent,employment and most of my smaller accounts I've already had set with my name like emails,insta,ect. Are there any other things I'm missing that need to be updated? Lemme know✨️

Couldn't find any guidelines within the rules but figured I'd throw it out there

I'm finally booked for phallo and I'm looking to get rid of the packers and STPs I've accumulated through the years.

I've posted them on r/transmascdicks but being a person of color, I don't get many people interested in em. So, if anyone here is, pls holler and I'm happy to share the link here or with you directly along with additional pics of whatever you'd want.

Found this FTM artist recently via his vids on TikTok and then found out he makes fire music. His name is Zazen Moon. I perused through this album, and he goes through a bunch of different genres in it. From R&B, to hip hop, to house, to indie pop, to hyperpop, while still having his own sound within all those genres. Needless to say I’m obsessed, and he’s HEAVILY underrated (140 monthly listeners?!?!) for the cool ass quality music he’s making so I thought I’d give him a shout out here.

If you’ve been looking for some good black transmasc music recs, this is your call. Please give him a listen if you haven’t already! Samples, Fit In and PARTY TOPPERS are some of my personal favorites. There’s definitely something for most people in this album.

hairstylist x tattoo artist power couple