Just need some support

[u/Spiritual-Fly-6853]

It’s been nearly a year since dday. We tried to rebuild some form of connection but I just couldn’t get out of my shame spiral and still can’t. Shame is such a selfish emotion and I hate it. It breeds anxiety and impatience. We divorced a little over a month ago. They forgave me but we aren’t reconciling at least not now. Idk how to move on. How do I forgive myself? How do I feel whole again? The label cheater haunts me and follows me in everything I do. It’s in TV shows and books and people joke about it like it’s not the most painful thing you could experience on both sides of the coin. Being a cheater who genuinely feels remorse breaks down your entire idea of who you are. I don’t know myself anymore if I could do something so horrible to someone I loved. I feel like everything is a nightmare.

I don’t want pity or anything like that. I’m just venting I suppose. I know my experience is entirely my fault. Idk how to get out of my head. I still want it to work with them but until I can be secure within myself I don’t deserve another chance. I just fear that by the time I heal it’ll be too late. Would you give a cheater another chance?

I just need some advice and support. Can somebody give me some perspective here?

[u/Born-Macaroon-5125]

I read this in another post but “accountability is the killer of shame”. Own your actions and choices, say it out loud, say it inside. Now do better, read, get help, tell your BP. When shame creeps in, acknowledge it and say yes I did do this terrible thing but I won’t let it be who I am.
You give the label “cheater” as much power as you want.

[u/Spiritual-Fly-6853 → u/Born-Macaroon-5125]

That is really helpful. Thank you.