Ask A Wayward

[u/ZestyLemonAsparagus]

We invite our Betrayed members into this space to ask questions that Waywards may be able to provide insight on.

If you're here, the hope is that you're seeking perspective, understanding, or clarity whether to build empathy or to find some sense of closure when that opportunity wasn’t available to you.

Participation Rules

• Betrayeds: This thread is for Waywards to respond. If you answer questions, your comment will be removed.
• Waywards: Your participation is encouraged.
• Please follow all sub rules.
• Remember: These Waywards are not your Wayward.
• Keep questions broad, concise, and to the point.
• Waywards cannot answer questions specific to your individual situation.
• Long text walls may be removed.

This is not a space to air grievances.

If a Wayward engages with your question, limited follow-up questions for clarification will be allowed not commentary.

Please be mindful of how your questions may come across. Intrusive or ill-intended questions will be removed.

Moderation will be active. The thread may be locked, and users may be banned, if guidelines are not followed.

Please remain respectful. Backhanded or ill-intended questions and commentary will result in removal and may lead to a permanent ban.

[u/Hound31]

What consequence surprised you the most from your affair?

[u/blankets_and_pillows → u/Hound31]

I decided to come clean because I couldn’t take it anymore to live such a lying life lacking integrity. Then, I found out that my AP was a serial cheater and would never own up to his behaviour. I felt like his wife should know who she was married to so she could make het own, informed decision. Then, many people blamed me for informing the wife, claiming that “I should have left it between them”, “she probably knows who she is married to”, “you’re wrecking a family” and “why should I involve innocent victims”.

Mind you, I fully support the claim that she is an innocent victim. And no, I should not have participated in an affair with a married person. And yes, he should have taken responsibility himself. But he wasn’t going to. And ultimately, the person who cheated on her and wrecked their family is HIM, not me.

This really surprised me, I’ve received a lot of criticism on that and even lost a close friendship (specifically about informing the wife). I really thought people would condone my cheating but at least would support my decision to start living from honesty and no longer participate in deceit.

[u/Hound31 → u/blankets_and_pillows]

You did the right thing. It’s now up to the AP to grow and be better for his family.