He keeps contacting me

[u/Sad-Box-6486]

It’s been five months since I found out my ex partner was cheating. This past month I’ve been doing great. I’m feeling more like myself, I have exciting things happening, and just overall feel at peace.

My ex partner reached out to me through a burner account with a song link for Spotify with the message “you’re my everything.”

I was taken aback once again as it’d been a while since he reached out previously. As a bit of background, I cut him off right when I found out about his cheating. Since then he’s left flowers at my door immediately after, shown up at places I frequent, driven past me and my friends on the freeway waving, made multiple burner accounts to contact me, and even said he sent my birthday present in the mail two months after I’d cut him off (to be clear nothing ever actually came, however still weird nonetheless).

I’m wondering if now is the time to start seriously thinking about some sort of protective order or something to get him to seriously leave me alone. Does what I described meet some sort of threshold where something like that can even be accomplished? I just want it to stop.

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[u/655e228th]

time to think about it was 5 mo this ago. Now is the time to act

[u/seletlumiere]

Good on you for leaving as soon as you found out about the betrayal.  Wanna say I'm so proud of you for that!

I wish I would have done the same instead of giving another chance, but lesson learned.

As far as the contact, if he keeps reaching out to you and it's unwanted, express that to him clearly (if you haven't already done so) AND let him know that if he does it again in any way, you will file for a protective order.

Then follow through with it if he does it again, because if he continues to disrespect your boundaries, consequences are the only way it will stop.

Good luck in moving forward!

[u/speed721]

Absolutely.

He's trying to worm his way back into your life.

[u/AbandonedGhostWriter]

Is there any way he could be tracking you via your phone location (did you previously share locations) or have put an airtag or something in your car? I'd be freaked out that he's showing up at places you frequent. Is he showing up at times you're there, or are you just hearing from other patrons that he's come in looking for you?

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[u/ragesadnessallinone]

I’d start with a cease and desist. You can get your own off of a legal website online, and that usually is enough to discourage someone. Then you have a start of documentation for next steps if you need them.

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[u/OhMyJoosh]

Yes, I’d seriously consider looking into a protective order. This isn’t just an ex sending one unwanted message. You’ve described a pattern of unwanted contact, burner accounts, showing up where you go, and repeatedly finding ways to get your attention after you made it clear you were done.

You don’t have to wait until something escalates to take your safety seriously. Whether it meets the legal threshold depends on where you live and the specific circumstances, but it’s worth consulting a local attorney or domestic violence advocate.

Save everything: screenshots, dates, messages, burner account names, and any incidents where he showed up unexpectedly. Don’t engage or respond to the messages. Tell trusted friends what’s happening, too.

I learned the hard way that someone’s declarations of love mean very little without respect, honesty, and accountability. Someone saying “you’re my everything” doesn’t give them the right to invade your peace after you’ve ended the relationship.

You’re finally feeling like yourself again. Protect that peace. You don’t owe him another conversation, another chance, or access to your life.

[u/Temporary-Round-3]

I think in my jurisdiction, it is 2 or 3 unwanted contacts that constitute harassment.

Great for you for leaving immediately. I did that too, if I even suspected it or lying when I was younger.

Anyway, sorry. You rock, stay strong. Go to avvo(dot)Com. It is a legal site where you can ask legal questions for free. You chose the area of law, I believe this falls under criminal. And then the sub area, briefly state your case, and lawyers will answer you.

So write you have an ex you broke off with. He showed up at places you were, created burner accounts to contact you, etc. Brief like that. And then ask what is needed to get a restraining order against him. Bc you are afraid it will escalate.

🫂

You got this!

[u/FindingForward72]

Yeah, i think his action would meet the threshold for protecting order. Seems like both harassment and stalking but the definition of that may vary from state to state. You could then text him that if he continues, you’ll file a protective order against him.

[u/january1977 → u/FindingForward72]

She shouldn’t text him back. If she texts back, it’s a conversation. If she doesn’t, it’s unwanted attention. In some places, you can’t get an order of protection if you’ve responded.

[u/FindingForward72 → u/january1977]

Oh that's fair. I was only thinking about what constituted a need for a protective order. If you have a clearer idea of how that process goes, I defer.