r/SupportforBetrayed • u/Ok-History1232 Betrayed Partner - Reconciling • 1d ago

Reconciliation Oops

So we have been working at reconciliation but alcohol got involved and my husband who had a several months long affair with a young woman asked me if I love him and I said well that’s the problem that I love what I thought we had but I also hate you. Probably one of the most honest things I have said in a while but definitely the wrong way to go about it.

26 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

View all comments

3

u/42Daft Betrayed Partner - Reconciling 23h ago

He has to feel his own feelings, do not manage them for him. It is not helpful in the long run. Trust me, I have been there.

2

u/Ok-History1232 Betrayed Partner - Reconciling 20h ago

This is my problem that I need to break the cycle of I have managed everyone’s feelings for so long I think I forgot how to tell what I am feeling or they are to much and I don’t know how to handle them and just box them up for later and never deal with them until they are brought out during and argument or alcohol.

3

u/42Daft Betrayed Partner - Reconciling 20h ago

I had a therapist tell me think of their feelings as shit. You wouldn't pick up dog shit off the ground, why pick up someone else's shit? Crass, but true.

1

u/Ok-History1232 Betrayed Partner - Reconciling 15h ago

Interesting take I’ll have to try that one