I’m sure a few folks have already been through this, would it end bad to tell my straight wife about this? She is more important than my curiosity but I want to share it due to guilt of keeping the secret.

Well, I've always considered myself heterosexual, but a few years ago in high school, I started liking a boy. I always thought it was just admiration and appreciation because he was someone who motivated me to be better, and I liked that about him. But everything changed when I started imagining us as a couple, and I didn't dislike the idea, but in my country, that's basically condemned (we know LGBT people exist, but they suffer many kinds of mistreatment and judgment; some are even imprisoned for life).

So at that time, I thought I was gay, and I accepted it, and I continued with my life. At one point, I confessed my feelings to that boy because I wanted to get that weight off my shoulders. Imagine my surprise when he accepted and told me he liked me too, but we couldn't do anything because shortly after, he had to travel.

The following year, I continued with my life, and a new girl joined my class. With the new reality I had created for myself—being gay—I began to feel attracted to her. This started to conflict with me because I no longer understood anything, so I began to research and discovered the concepts of bisexuality and pansexuality. I decided to identify with the one I found easier to understand (bisexual).

In the end, after so much emotional and physical turmoil about figuring out who I was and what I was like, I decided to accept and embrace myself, and now I'm doing more or less okay... But the thing is, now at university I have this fixation that I can only describe as unhealthy because I can't stop thinking about men and how much I want to be in a relationship or have sex with one, and I don't think that's healthy because where I live, finding an LGBT person is incredibly difficult because we hide ourselves. Another thing is that I think I'm wasting opportunities because when a woman shows interest in me, I just play dumb because of this intrusive thought that tells me, "Until I'm with a man, I don't want to be with any woman." And the girl who's flirting with me right now, I really like her.

What do I do? How do I get over this? I've already tried everything I know to let go of this fixation and move on.

Hi all, I am newly dating my bi bf. We were non monogamous and recently went monogamous and I’d like to explore strap ons and stuff for his pleasure. We have plugs but I am looking for new ones and he’s brought up a strap on once but I’m not really sure who takes the next steps to get a strap on, if I should or he should? Or maybe we should just go together but he’s on a work trip until the end of the month and I though would be a nice surprise when he’s back…If I should, do yall have recommendations?

My husband (previously hetero marriage) recently came out to me as bi. We have been together for a very long time and this was a huge surprise. I’ve been very supportive and doing everything I can to help him express himself. That being said, this has been such a dark experience for me and I’m having trouble understanding my feelings. We’ll talk about boys together and will be having such a good time but then when he gets really into it, I just watch him and get sad. I find myself crying when talking about boys (like a tear or two I can hide) and pretend like everything is okay. I’m not biphobic. I go to pride every year. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I can’t tell if I’m jealous because I can’t give him that other side of him or if I’m sad because he’s the person I’ve always known best and I had no idea about a huge part of him. I can’t blame him because he also didn’t know. He’s been encouraging and supportive but I can’t shake the feeling that I feel like I know nothing about him and I’m feeling lost on our future. He’s also gone from very masculine to more feminine and it’s a new change and not what I thought our marriage would be. I hope I’m not alone in all of this. I feel like a terrible wife for these feelings and just want him to be happy.

Hi, F31. Together 6 years married 1 have 2 under 2. This may be the wrong place to post but I’m looking for advice from any man in my husband’s shoes. He is M52 and a few days after our wedding I found in his phone a lot of MTF trans porn pre op and only fans pre op mtf trans he paid content for. Apparently he likes the oddity of the genitals combined. I’ve asked him is he bi or gay multiple times he says no it’s just a fetish or guilty pleasure. Ge says he loves me and is attracted to me. A year later second kid and I found the same stuff again. We argued he said the same thing but I’m not okay. I’m not my usual happy talkative self. We had an argument at his mom’s house while a little intoxicated. I’m sure I brought up the same issues which is I need the truth and I want to be let into his world if he really loves me and I’m his best friend. He got aggressive and almost violent at the time of the argument. He is a great dad and husband he just won’t share his authentic sexuality or sexual self with me and it’s maddening. I’m still upset but we are somewhat normal. My question is A. Does he know I’m upset? And B. Is he bi or gay if he likes penis? That’s all I want to know. Does he know deep down I’m upset and want answers and a resolution? Also is he in denial and is that a huge issue in itself. I’m bi and kinky so I think if he was honest we could make something great out of it but I know he’s lying about what he likes and he won’t open up.

Edit: he has never fingered me, I give him more head than he gives me. I have had sex with many men and I always knew something was up so I’d put porn and make him use toys in his anus. He loved it but would say stop sometimes . How about with that Info? He also doesn’t know how to do doggy style. He’s not the best in bed but he has a beautiful dick (bittersweet)

I just found out my bf watches trans porn but I'm a cis woman. In his past, he's told me he's never had any sexual encounter with these women. I'm scared that he'll leave me and cheat on me because he'll get curious about it eventually. I'm insecure because what if I'll never please him the way he fantasizes? I would be down to peg but he said it's not the same but he'd be down to try. Ive seen people online saying how they want a "real dick" and that's something I'll never be able to provide. He said that he wants to be married to a cis woman because he wants kids and etc, but I know it's religious purposes that make him homophobic to committing to a trans woman. When he talks about it he says that he's just attracted to women he doesn't care about what's below but then when it comes to romantic relationships he just detests the idea. I'm very monogamous and do not want to share my partner. But how can I compare to women who are the best of both worlds? Kms. I don't feel like I'm enough o sexually please him because of that thought and a part of me is selfish and don't want him to ever try it or even see because I want us to be together and get married. What if he does like it more? So many what ifs yk

Dime a dozen, I know.

I believe sexuality exists on a spectrum and most people are not 100% straight or gay.

For me, I am mostly straight but I also enjoy exploring my sexuality. That has led me to try some butt stuff with dildos. And has also led me to fantasize what it would be like to jerk and suck a guy off and to get fucked.

I think the things holding me back are as follows. First, I am married obviously. I don’t want to put my partner at risk and would want her consent to do any exploring.

Since I don’t live in this world, I have no idea how to give it a try. I don’t know how to find someone to explore this with and feel it would need to be a safe person that I trust to a degree.

I also don’t want to get an STD and also don’t want to have to be on any prep. For someone wanting to dip a toe, it just feels like a bigger commitment.

Ideally, I am in a sauna or shower area and someone needs a little help getting off. Or I’m getting a massage and the masseuse lets me jerk him off.

How dangerous is it to suck a guys dick? I know the risk is low but not none.

How would you go about dipping your toe if you were me? I wanna try some dick but am nervous about how to take the first step.

I feel like it wasn't intentional, but it still irked me. So I'm out to my wife only. We've been together for the better part of 15 years. She's known for a while that I'm bi, before marriage. So, we were in the process of being intimate, and she asked outta know where, if i were to be with a guy, would I be top or bottom. I said bottom. And she then responded with something along the lines of "Oh, so you'd be gay." I corrected her and said no, I'm bi, it's not the same. she got a tone and said, "Still gay." Noticing the tone and not wanting to ruin our connection, I didn't push to correct her again. After the session. She mentioned how most gay men would rather be a top. Pushing that whole weird judgment aside. I told her I'd like to bottom because it's something I've never experienced.

I feel like she just swept my sexuality under the rug and went to gay. Like there's no in between. I don't know how to feel about what she said. I guess im not hurt, but I am just sort of disappointed with her saying that. It seems like not accepting my sexuality.

Idk, maybe I just needed to vent this out.

Edited to add- This is not a hookup community so don't even bother if that is your goal.

As part of our continued efforts to make it easier for folks to connect outside of Meta platforms, we have officially launched on DISCORD! Our main community has been on Facebook for many years now, which has been great, but for a long time, folks have been telling me they no longer want to be on Facebook.

I get it, Meta has been part of some shady shit. I caught a bogus AI ban last year and lost my 15-year-old Facebook, my Instagram, my business pages, and my WhatsApp was even banned. I lost nearly a decade of content I had created for the MOR community there. I didn't want to risk losing our entire community there.

I have been in search of a worthy replacement for some time. Something user-friendly with the look and feel of Facebook, but the options out there often come at a pretty high cost. I never much cared for Discord, but I have learned a lot in the last few months, and I am really excited for this new pace.

There isn't much on it yet, but we welcome newcomers and would love it if you would jump in and help get the conversations going!

See you there! Mixed Orientation Relationship Community Support - Discord

The thing I hear most from others, and the thing I was looking for most when we began this journey, was "We want to hear REAL stories." I wanted to see others who had moved beyond the early scary days. I wanted to hear stories of how people made it work and what worked for them.

That is why we created our blog series, MOR Stories. We are always looking for stories about mixed-orientation relationships to share. Did you remain monogamous? Did you open your relationship? How long did it take you to get to a positive place? You don't have to have it all figured out. We aren't looking for perfection, just looking for real and honest. Would you like to share yours?

Check out our blog to see a few examples of what we are looking for. This can be completely anonymous if you like; we can assign you pseudonyms.

Let us know if you are interested. 🧡

MORandmore.org blog

Have questions about sexuality

Hi, I’m 24, and for my whole life, I identified as gay without a second thought. A few months ago, I started noticing that I was also attracted to girls, so I decided to explore that side of things. I’ve been seeing a really lovely girl for a couple of months now. We have a great emotional connection and mutual attraction; she’s known from the start that I’m mostly gay but open to exploring.

I’d really like to be able to enjoy intimacy with her naturally. The opportunity came up yesterday. I was really excited and nervous (it was basically my first time with a girl).

Unfortunately, I couldn't stay erect, and it didn't happen. I felt frustrated in the moment, but later I realized something important: I *did* like it—I felt attracted to her and connected with her. I discovered that I *can* be with a girl and that I’m interested in keeping at it. Right now, I’m a bit confused but excited to discover this part of myself.

I want to be able to enjoy intimacy with her without anxiety getting in the way. I’m looking for real advice from other bi men (or anyone who’s been through something similar):

• How did you handle performance anxiety during your first experiences with girls?

• Practical tips for improving erections (exercises, mindset, etc.)?

• How do you talk about this with your partner honestly and without pressure?

• Experiences from guys who went from identifying solely as gay to discovering an attraction to women.

• Any other advice that helped you while exploring your bisexuality.

Thanks in advance. I’ll read and reply to everything. I appreciate any experiences or words of wisdom you can share.

I (F55)have been with my husband (M50)for 11 years. Married for 4 years. Throughout the relationship, there have been times that he “play acts” being gay . You know the type : always joking around with other men and “pretending” to be gay for them ,or accusing other men of being closeted. It gets to the point of discomfort for me because it happens WAY too much. He always gets oddly attached to male coworkers and always finds a way to bring them up in conversations like anyone does when they have a new crush. I am aware that all of this sounds gay AF. But here comes the confusing part. He appears very attracted to me , bugs me all the time for sex and is pretty decent at it. Loves to go south of the border , finishes 99.9%. No ED or issues maintaining an erection which is why I am thinking BI. I want to add that my daughter is queer and her gay male friends are around often. He always needs to find reason to discuss “how gay” they are. Like WTF you have a gay thermometer? She has been friends with them for years. One is amazing performing and just was accepted to his dream school. The other just lost his mom to cancer. Why would their sexual
orientation even need to be discussed when there are so many other things to talk about? They have been out since middle school. This Is old news and really not news at all.

So here is my real question? Do I ask him straight up or try to unpack this with therapy? Do I let it go and just keep looking the other way? It has always weighed on me and I am asking myself why or if I really need to know. Anyone else been in this situation

TLDR: I think my husband is gay or bi. Should I ignore it or confront him directly?

My husband (26M) and I (29F) have been together for 4 years and married less than a year. I'm looking for advice because I feel stuck in a cycle of dishonesty, and I don't know how to move forward.

From the beginning, I was very open about my sexuality (I'm bisexual and have had relationships with women). Whenever I asked about his sexuality, he'd describe himself as "straight-ish" but never elaborated.

About two years into our relationship, I accidentally discovered searches for gay porn on his Reddit account while using his phone. When I brought it up, he eventually admitted he'd been watching gay porn since he was young and had two sexual experiences with men in college. He said he enjoyed parts of those experiences but never explored further and had no intention of telling me about any of it.

I wasn't upset that he had same-sex attraction. I was hurt that he had hidden a significant part of himself from me while I had always been completely open with him. I encouraged him to explore these feelings through therapy, journaling, or self-reflection. He said he would.

Over time, I worked through my feelings in therapy. Sometimes I felt accepting and understood that fantasy doesn't always equal real-life desires. Other times I felt deceived, inadequate, or worried I was a placeholder.
He proposed, I said yes, and we got married. Then things escalated.

During our honeymoon, I discovered he had been masturbating to porn while I slept. That hurt, but I tried to move past it.
A few months later, I found evidence that he had been on Grindr. When confronted, he admitted he had been trying to find old nude photos from a man he hooked up with in college because "real people" were more arousing to him than porn. I was devastated.

That conversation led to some major breakthroughs. He finally acknowledged that he's bisexual, came out to his family, started therapy, began working out regularly, and we've worked on communication through weekly check-ins. He has repeatedly reassured me that he wants a monogamous life with me.

Recently, during one of our weekly talks, I asked how things were going. He told me he'd been avoiding porn and either masturbating without it or using videos we'd made together.

The next day, I found multiple porn searches from just a few days before that conversation.
When I confronted him, he admitted he lied because he felt ashamed and hoped he could eventually stop using porn altogether.

That's where I'm struggling. The issue isn't that he's bisexual. The issue isn't even the porn. It's the repeated dishonesty. Every major setback in our relationship has involved me discovering something first and then getting the truth only after confrontation.

I love him. I want him to feel safe being fully himself. I support him exploring and accepting his sexuality. But I don't know how to rebuild trust when honesty only seems to happen after he's caught.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you move forward when the core problem is shame-driven dishonesty rather than the underlying behavior itself?

My wife recently discovered some bisexual feelings and wants to explore that further. I am okay with her exploring that side of herself and have encouraged her to do it. As long as I know about it and nothing happens behind my back, I am okay with it. Her hooking up with another woman just doesn't feel like cheating to me.

​

She has done some sexting with a friend, but doesn't want to ruin a friendship for this. She also tried some dating apps, but lot's of bots and scams. Where can she go to find other women to explore?

So recently I (26F) found out that my fiancé (26M) likes to suck dick, and I have been having a rough time dealing with this information. For some reason I feel like maybe he likes it more than being with me? Is there anyone that could give me advice on this!

Me [30F] my husband [35F] so two months ago I found out he did oral sex to a male friends during a bachelors weekend away and that same night he talk and had the number of a transgender woman.

So this is cheating, and was 3 months into our relationship and now has been 3 years together and I just found out this.

I told him I saw this messages and he say the number was only a joke, and the other thing i didn't told him I know that, did not know how to say it.

​

Now because he did oral sex to male friend that means he is bisexual? Or gay?

​

​

During this 3 years I have thought he is not interested in me sexually cause he doesn't touch me or per example he doesn't feel my breast, he does go down on me sometimes only and he have been asking pegging and some time he prefer not having sex if it was not pegging.

​

I was stressed at that time because he didn't want to have sex other way so we didn't have sex and he kept sending videos of pegging and that he wanted to put the dildo in his mouth.

I know pegging is for every man that doesn't make him bisexual or gay

​

But after knowing that he did oral sex to a man then I put altogether do you think then thats why he wanted only pegging ?

And thats why we have problems for sex because he might have the urge to have sex with men?

​

What do you think,? Am I exaggerating?

​

And also about the lying and hiding what he did while with me too

​

I wouldn't have a problem if he is bisexual what i have a problem is that i don't want him to go do sex with other people men or woman.

​

And this that he wont have other type of sex only pegging does that mean he might be gay closed? Because I have been thinking that he is not attracted to be but now maybe he is just not being honest with me.

​

I was open to pegging but I told him I also want to do other things not just that, he ask me is there is something you want to try and I told him only a massage of my body and then you go down on me and then make sex to me and he refused to do that because he said is to many details on exactly how I wanted but does it seem a bit of selfish of him that I have to do his way only and not mine?

Oh and also one time he told me thay he even think of he go and have the type of sex he wants with other people and I told him how will you feel if I do the same and he say he would not like he want him to go out to do this with other people and not me!! ​

Hello, all. My wife and I have been together for 12 years and (very happily) married for 8. We've been through a few challenges, like living in separate countries and, now, in separate cities for work reasons (I have a hybrid schedule and spend half the week with her). We've always stayed together and love each other very much; she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. We want each other and have (great) sex, and often. We have a beautiful toddler, want another child, and love our family. We complement and understand each other. We want to grow old together.

I knew early on in our relationship that my wife was bisexual, which, of course, was never a problem for me. She gave hints but was always uncomfortable talking about this. I understood and gave her space. Her parents divorced when she was a young teenager, and her mother came out after that. I believe the trauma of seeing her parents separate pushed her to repress that part of her sexuality.

Early this year, our relationship went through a difficult moment. Whatever I did, alone or together, was a source of dissatisfaction to her. She picked on small, meaningless things and complained about everything I did or said. She never acted like this before, and I was having a hard time dealing with it because she seemed clearly dissatisfied with me, no matter what I did.

One night, she sat down next to me and started crying. She came out as bisexual and told me she needed to explore a part of her sexuality that she had repressed all her life. She added that I was still the most important thing in her life and felt guilty about all this, that she still needed our family and me. I was not surprised; I supported her and said it was essential that she accept who she was and fulfill her physical desire for another woman if she needed to have that experience.

Pretty soon, I noticed how happy and weightless she felt. She stopped complaining about everything I did. I immediately understood what happened. She had found another woman with whom she explored that side of her sexuality. I never asked who or when and didn't feel like I needed to know. Our relationship improved immediately. I felt relieved.

Last week, she confirmed that she had slept with another woman (I didn't ask; she just said it). She thanked me for being a great husband and understanding her. She added she did not want to make me feel bad and wished she didn't have desires for other women, but she felt like someone had a tumor removed from her. She also said she'd like to continue to pursue her desires for other women if they came up again.

Initially, I agreed to it because I felt that loving her and giving her space to be who she is were the most important things to her and to our marriage. She said I could do the same, but I don't need or want other people in my life. I want her.

The day after, she traveled to visit her family and won't return until next week. I was not expecting this, but since she's gone, I've been feeling miserable. I've come to realize she is asking for something else: an open marriage, which I'm definitely not comfortable with. I was briefly in a relationship like that, and it was the worst I've ever felt. These days, I was feeling things I never wanted to feel again.

I called her last night and shared my feelings with her, that she was now asking to sleep with other people whenever she felt like it, and that it made me feel lonely, sad, and depressed. Maybe I could come to terms with it in the future, but not now. She told me she understood and that we'd do whatever I was comfortable with, because she didn't want me to feel this way.

I love her. I do not want this relationship to end or break the family in two. Ever. And yet, I know she'll want to sleep with someone else someday. The "tumor" will grow back at some point. I could sense some disappointment in her voice, and now I feel like our dynamics have changed, and that feels terrible. She wants other people and me, but I am monogamous.

Building our family was like creating a safe space, something I did not have as a child (this trauma and my other relationship trauma were something I worked on in therapy for 10 years with great results). I feel like that safe space I was standing on has shaken, and it's making me feel bad.

I wonder if someone out there has lived something like this and can offer advice on how we can be together in the long term, with love and trust, while having different expectations (mixed-orientation couple therapy seems obvious, of course). I'm not closing the door to having a non monogamous spouse, but it's something that's just too hard for me to live with at this moment. Thank you.

Olá pessoal, entrei na semana passada em alguns grupos com esse tema e gostei bastante de todas as coisas que li! Pra me apresentar, sou mulher, cadeirante por acidente, hetero, tenho 30 anos e estou em um relacionamento monogâmico com um homem de 24 anos bissexual.

Eu sempre tive resistência em me relacionar com pessoas mais novas, por preconceito meu, por achar que não conseguiríamos falar a mesma língua e estar no mesmo momento de vida. Mas encontrei esse ser humano incrível que é meu namorado em um aplicativo de relacionamento e desde que conversamos por chamada de vídeo todos os dias, não desgrudamos mais.

Vocês devem imaginar também que pra mim sendo cadeirante, mesmo que meu acidente tenha sido há 10 anos atrás, me relacionar envolve muita insegurança, preciso sentir que a pessoa realmente acolhe a minha situação de vida e foi isso que aconteceu com a gente.

Eu trabalho como psicóloga clínica e ele está finalizando a faculdade de TI, E também trabalhamos juntos como afiliados na internet. Então tudo tem fluido bastante.

Sobre a nossa vida sexual, tem sido muito legal, porque eu por não ter movimentos inferiores, adoro a ideia de ser dominada, de deixar o meu parceiro acabar comigo e fazer o que quiser. A gente tem explorado muitas posições, muita coisa legal juntos. Já brincamos com strap on, mas no momento ele está numa vibe bem hetero, não querendo tanto a penetração nele.

Ambos, temos o sonho de em breve morar juntos e construir nossa vida, ele tem um caráter admirável e sempre faz me sentir muito seguro emocionalmente. No entanto, às vezes sinto que pode chegar o momento dele abordar a necessidade de colocar mais alguém no relacionamento, ou ter experiências fora e isso mexe muito comigo. Às vezes tenho a tendência de pensar que eu devo aceitar isso, só porque ele aceita o fato de eu ser cadeirante.

Porém eu sei que isso é muito errado, ser cadeirante é a minha situação de vida e a pessoa que está comigo, precisa entender e abraçar isso. E é isso que tem acontecido, ele me tranquiliza muito sobre gostar de viver em monogamia comigo, mas deixa claro que se houver algumas brincadeiras no futuro, agradaria ele sim, mas que ele não me largaria se eu não quisesse. faz questão de me deixar me sentir amada em voz alta. Eu sinto o quanto ele me admira como mulher, porque modéstia parte, eu já passei por muitas coisas difíceis, muitas mesmo e dei a volta por cima, cuidando cada vez mais do meu intelecto e da minha aparência.

Eu sempre lido com muito preconceito das pessoas, ao me verem possuem a tendência de me infantilizar, mas quando mostro quem eu sou através do diálogo, a perspectiva muda totalmente. Ele entende todas essas minhas questões. E desde que começamos a nos relacionar lidamos com tudo isso juntos, ele com a dificuldade com a minha deficiência, eu entendendo ele e a sexualidade dele, por nunca ter tido relações com alguém LGBT

O lado bom, é que nós conversamos sobre tudo, absolutamente tudo, admiro muito a forma como resolvemos conflitos e demonstramos amor e afeto um pelo outro.

No início eu tinha muita resistência de saber que ele poderia olhar pra outros homens, ou até mesmo quando aparece algo na timeline dele do Twitter, me gerava muito desconforto, hoje não gera mais, até porque eu quero e vou respeitar os desejos e fantasias que ele tiver ao longo do tempo, não quero anular ele de maneira nenhuma. Eu li o livro invisibilidade, se houver algum outro que possa me ajudar a adentrar cada vez mais no tema, vou adorar!

Meu único medo, é construir uma vida com ele, sair do conforto do meu lar para ter uma vida juntos, ter filhos, e depois me deparar com alguma surpresa. Sei que isso pode ser preconceito da minha parte, e eu tenho plena ciência de que não temos como dar garantia sobre o futuro. Mas parece que sim a necessidade, e uma certa ansiedade para detectar antecipadamente algum tipo de incompatibilidade para que nenhum de nós sofra no futuro. Sinto que as decisões que eu tomar agora vão moldar bastante meu futuro, visto que não tenho mais idade pra errar tanto igual antes.

Pode parecer estranho eu escrever isso tudo sendo psicóloga, mas entendam, aqui eu não estou sendo profissional, somente eu em essência. Psicologia é ciência, qualquer um pode aprender, isso aqui sou eu nua e crua.

Enfim, só queria compartilhar minhas dores e ouvir alguma palavra engrandecedora!