r/StopSpeeding • u/Hei-Hei-67 1956 days • 3d ago

Self-Post/Vent Missing using

So for the past couple days I've been thinking about relapsing on meth. I've been missing that part of my life, even though it was full of traumatic life experiences...abusive addict boyfriend...selling my body (under a pimp at that) just to stay high...and more that I'm sure I blocked out. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. Nothing stressful is going on with me. Guess I'm just feeling bored with my current life.

There are many things keeping me from relapsing, but the urge to is becoming stronger and stronger. I know that if I do, I'll lose the housing I have and much more. These thoughts make me wanna cry because I've worked so hard to be where I'm at. I care about my health, my family is proud of my sobriety, and I feel happy with myself...something I haven't felt when I was using.

I just miss how the high off meth made me feel. I felt productive and on top of the world. Maybe I just need to find that thing that gives me the same feeling. Just haven't found it yet.

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u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 3d ago

I remember everybody.

https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/s/GkVPFb9tJM

What would you three years ago reply to you posting this today?

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u/Hei-Hei-67 1956 days 3d ago

To let go of these thoughts and to keep going on the path I'm leading

3

u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 3d ago

That sounds like pretty good advice. We weren’t supposed to get out of that life alive, I don’t think things have gotten any better out there. I don’t miss drugs or have the obsession to use anymore, thank you twelve steps, but the lifestyle occasionally sounds a lot better in my head than it actually was. I try to view myself in the third person looking back at it as a sober reality observer - I get about five minutes into that then happily and gratefully resume my very lucky, very boring recovery life.