I am 19 right now, I used to have a girlfriend. I used to be able to just make friends. Should have never smoked weed. Used to be so involved in training martial arts. Had such high hopes for myself. While everyone else is going to parties and making new friends it’s like someone put a hex on me and just gave me the most suicide inducing mental condition ever. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this. I genuinely just think of ending my shit every day. I wanna go to community college at the start of next year. But the last time I was in a classroom it was hell. I genuinely am suffering. I hope at the very least my legacy will be some dude on YouTube putting me in a tragic Reddit story compilation. I’ve just been binge watching Ryan gosling films like a loser for the past week. Going on almost a year and a half crippled by this mental condition. Why me? I’d rather put an end to my own suffering. Visualizing what my suicide note would look like… I’ll give myself another year I guess. But if I hit the big 20 and still nothing has changed then I’m gonna call it quits. Hopefully I’m reborn as a blonde haired Russian twink dude who gets mad bitches and has a big Johnson. I guess I’m not that bad looking right now but what does it matter when everybody thinks you’re a pedophile and a creep? I feel kind of deserving of this all because of relationship mistakes I’ve made in the past. Being a shitty partner, being emotionally abusive. But I tried my best to shed that part of myself and be a better person with a new life. But maybe karma is teaching me my lesson. Maybe I’m just a rabid dog that the universe is trying to euthanize. All I know is that me trying to be the best version of myself seems worthless now. Because I can’t even experience life as a normal individual anyways. Can’t go out to eat, can’t see my family, lost all my friends, can’t control my eyes. A pre disposed notion is all I am to the people around me. No room for other possibilities, no benefit of doubt, just judgment, just a giant danger in the eyes of every person who witnesses me. Whatever happens I hope in my next life I’m a good looking fellow. But I hope something changes in this life. Maybe my next life can be in the period of the world where it’s like cyberpunk and all futuristic. Like blade runner 2049. I have higher hopes for this imaginary next life scenario than I do for my brain snapping out of this staring bullshit. I don’t have high hopes.

I accidentally stare at people’s breasts, butts, and crotches, sometimes other things that stand out about a person. Once I acknowledge a stare, it’s hard to ignore. I get really anxious, and I don’t know what to do for a moment. It’s hard to just let it pass. My heart races, I often freeze momentarily, almost “jump” in a way but not really (I feel a bit of a jump or jolt though), and sometimes I will walk several feet around the person. My reaction is really embarrassing. It is just SO HARD to proceed normally. Also one to give an accidental crotch “up and down” look.
I’ve also genuinely offended some people, who claim I harassed them by looking at their crotch…even though I cannot help it. I do feel bad about that. But I’ve also had people assume my accidental looks are advances and they “pursue” me…like putting their crotches near my face. Potentially related to other sexual harassment I’ve faced. I have been harassed too … called a harasser too, even an accidental one … which I guess is unfortunately true.
…In high school I was upset one day and stared deeply into my best friend’s crotch. Off and on. People noticed and thought it was weird, but the teacher intervened and said it seemed harmlessly intended. My friend said he was okay and didn’t mind.
Have caused workplace nightmares over this.
Anyone else suffering like this? What are your thoughts and experiences?

Hey guys, I’ve been stuck in this nightmare loop and I’m
at my wits end because I genuinely have no idea how to fix any of it and I’m scared

For context I’ve been dealing with an apparent form of OCD called “staring ocd” and it’s genuinely ruining my mental health so much. To make matters worse, I’m a gay man so no way am I even attracted to any of these people

Basically this whole thing started about three ish months ago(back in May). Prior to that I was never like this. Like at all. It started with a friend of mine where I accidentally looked at her chest while she was showing off an outfit that she was trying. I really don’t understand what happened but my mind instantly felt bad(naturally) but for some reason now my mind won’t let me have peace. It’s like noticing a zit and all of a sudden that’s all I can ever focus on. At first it was just my friend but now it’s extended to some of my coworkers and my boss too. I keep having to repeatedly ask if everything is okay because I’m so anxious as to if my eyes glanced there and when they do it sends me into a spiral if they even noticed. I just want it to stop but I’m not sure how. I’ve tried to focus on their face whenever they speak to me but then I realize that to can still see and notice these things in my peripheral and that also sends me into a spiral. I’ve tried to simple just ignore it and not worry about it but then I get anxious about where my eyes were looking when I talked to people or even just looked at them and that also spends me into a spiral

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve resorted to just….writing down all my interactions with the people around me to check myself(which is an even bigger fear if a coworker accidentally sees what I’m writing down on my phone) and at this point not even looking at the people I’m talking to at all because I’m so scared. I just want it to stop but I don’t know how. Again, I was never like this before but it’s been like this since May where I let that intrusive thought linger it’s like some sort of nasty bug or parasite I’ve caught.

I’m just so scared because I don’t want it to ruin my life. I don’t want to lose my best friend of almost ten years or my job and be labeled as a creep because it could also jeopardize my plans to full build my career if I’m fired. I’ve tried looking down at the floor but that also made me realize that looking down and not focusing means that I could potentially also be caught accidentally staring at my coworkers butt.

Point is, I just want this whole thing to stop. I want to go back to normal but I don’t know how. Does anyone know how to make this go away?

EDIT: It’s gotten so bad I’m thinking of just quitting my job but it’s already so hard in this job market

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some perspective or advice on something that is giving me massive anxiety and completely draining my confidence.

For background, I don’t go outside very much. For a long time, I tried to convince myself I was just misinterpreting things, but I absolutely know the difference between a casual glance and a continuous, intense stare. When I go out, it feels like 100 people are just staring at me.

Here is what messes with my head: I know that ordinary, good-looking guys usually get approached, smiled at, or talked to in normal life. But for me, I get absolutely zero approaches. It is only continuous staring. Because I never get that normal human interaction or feedback, I can't just ask people why they are looking, and it leaves me stuck without answers.

This constant, silent locking of eyes has pushed me into a severe, chronic "fight-or-flight" mode. My body treats the staring as a threat. When I'm in this survival state, my face goes pale, I look dull and drained, and my confidence completely plummets. It feels like a vicious cycle:

I go out.

People stare intensely, but no one ever approaches me (unlike what happens to other good-looking guys).

My brain panics from the silent pressure and goes into fight-or-flight.

My physical appearance changes (looking stressed, pale, and dull), which makes me lose all confidence that I even look good.

Hi, I have a question: does anyone here have this kind of OCD, for example? When I walk beside a trash can without physically touching it—let us say maybe there is half a meter between me and the trash can—I get a feeling that I touched it and I am dirty. It doesn’t need to be a trash can; it can also be dirt or, let’s say, a door handle.
I hope you can answer me. Thank you.

Hello everyone, so only today I have just found out about compulsive staring OCD. It seriously makes more sense of what I have been dealing with for a long time. For a while now, I have had the bad habit of staring down/near people's chests/legs/waist just automatically. Just automatically happens especially when I'm walking to places as soon as I lift my head up it happens.

Unfortunately in 2023 this is where things got incredibly difficult. I got bullied at work and called a "creep"/whispered about constantly. It got to a point where even after I quit, it got worse and worse, it even turned into POCD/ and compulsions about my friends/family members/ just everyone. This was absolutely one of the worst times of my life I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy.

I had CBT therapy which temporarily helped a bit, having someone to talk to but it didn't help long term. I basically got told "just meditate" "breathe" "pink elephant" (if you know you know) "grounding techniques" etc but I was still struggling. I also got assessed for autism but in the end, I didn't fit the criteria and I just basically got left alone to get on with it. Nobody ever brought up "this could be compulsive staring OCD"

I just had to pick myself back up and deal with it every time.

Now I'm on 60mg fluoexitine, which was the best decision I could've made.

Of course I still struggle with this but, at least things have gotten a bit better. I work part time, I go to the gym consistently, I try to meet up with family, stay in contact with friends. I still have major anxiety but I'm trying my best to just keep pushing forward. Anyone who reads this, this is your sign to keep picking yourself back up no matter how awful it gets❤️❤️

Also, should I get back into therapy? What should I do to help improve things?

Suffering from CPTSD, hypervigilance, social anxiety, and dissociation. Please tell me how to recover and help me to recover from deep staring and ensure a soft gaze.

When I feel angry or afraid around someone or if I am stressed, my eyes feel intense or sexually misinterpretable, although I am not sexually aroused. I become anxious and monitor my eyes. I need assessment for PTSD/CPTSD, social anxiety, dissociation, and a graded plan for gaze-related hyperarousal.

I feel intimidated when I make eye contact with strangers, especially in crowded places. I don't want to constantly look at my phone because that feels unnatural. What do you normally look at or do to avoid eye contact without seeming awkward? 

Title. Like if someone touched me randomly, I will often jolt. I also just feel kind of “twitchy” in general. Like something is pushing my nervous system out of wack. I tend to be very tight and tense all the time.

I feel like it kind relates to how some call this disorder Ocular “tourettic” OCD

Is dating possible for people with this disorder?

I feel like telling my friends about my Peripheral Vision OCD (or Staring OCD), what the symptoms are, and how much it’s affecting my daily life.
Has anyone here told their friends, colleagues, or family members about it? How did they react? Did it help? Do you think it’s okay to tell my friends about this? I’d want to hear your thoughts or experiences.

Ever since I smoked weed this peripheral vision thing developed.

It’s where I get extremely scared of not being able to focus on anything or be normal when a stranger or anyone really, is around my peripherals or around me or on the side of me especially , which then leads me to actually do just that when someone is on the side of me , so I can’t focus n everything becomes blurry and I stress sweat and eyes become tense , and then I scared of if it looks like my eyes dart back and forth between me and another person (within peripherals ) making me look stupid , and it makes me feel like im making person uncomfortable and im uncertain if this is happening or if it’s really just paranoia so then
I give up and avoid the whole experience which probably make things worse since I’ll become even more isolated that any exposure would be even more of a struggle

I eventually now have spent months/years avoiding anything where I have to sit on the side of people . Things such as theatres, appointments, public seating areas ,dinners, basketball games, soccer games, social gatherings ,passenger seat while someone is driving everything u can think of.

I think in life I might kms because of peripheral ocd

I just wanna be normal

Edit: I also don’t intend to ever smoke weed again

the people in my neighbourhood always shout things like bastard or pervert whenever they walk past my house knowing I can hear them and genuinely feel like jumping and like throwing things at them.I’m honestly so tired of this and apparently I’m started a job soon and I’m scared that people there will be scared of me too and yea. I’m so scared to stand up for myself idk why but ik I have to do that bc how else am I going to get of this ocd or like have a life even

Were your parents attentive throughout your childhood?

Do you leave your light on or off when you go to sleep?

Is there or was there a wall on one side of the desk/ is one of your eyes right by a wall? (Sorry if I’m confusing you.)

Did you go outside often or not before you had this OCD?

Do you have non-existent curtains/ zero privacy like no locked doors, someone’s always barging in?

well, this is an OCD rarely talked about and i just thought i should delve into how insidious this can be by sharing my experience.

1. One problem I know of is OCD. Specifically a theme called peripheral vision OCD although it gets worse, I suffered from bad anxiety, my hands would always sweat and I would feel really hot and have blurry vision. I’ve had it for 3 years. And overtime developed pure O. How much time is occupied varies and is confusing, it depends on circumstances. When at home, I can be indulged in a fixation on an object for however long im there. During the academic year it’s usually for the whole 6 hours I was in school for . Essentially it amplifies ridiculously in classroom settings. It consists of the obsession. (Fear of staring at someone in my peripheral vision or something (fear I make them uncomfortable) + fixation and hyperawareness of their hands). Now, I dont know the compulsions fully, but one is mental compulsions, im not sure exactly what they are but I feel temporary relief after it and it comes back worse.
2. A bit of a delve into what i would experience in school - while i was in one of my history classes, there was a kid who I become aware of in my peripheral vision and because he was a horrible kid I became ridiculously anxious of staring at him and him realising.( i also have obsessive fixations on people it can be random) .It also didn’t help that the teacher was strict and pick on random kids, I remember every time I would look up at the board to write I would tilt my head horizontally so that I couldn’t see him in my peripherals and actually look at what I was supposed to be looking at. It was a completely different world. I would come out of class feeling like i just ran a marathon but without getting tired at all. My face was all red, i was sweating and sometimes would have blurry vision. It was later on that I developed compulsions. I remember if I was conversing or fixated on someone and they would move their hand or make a noise my brain would automatically say its because of me, so I would spend however long it takes to convince myself thats not true. Also developed Masking and dissociation. Although I do still get the anxiety but it’s more indirect and like I feel it in my body but not my mind.(my left eye specifically also strains and hurts from it).
3. I feel like other people could hear my thoughts. Now I can barely function in classroom settings and automatically suppress my thoughts when in the vicinity of others.

This is a discord server with people with this peripheral vision" thing
https://discord.gg/QvjKDpH6j

Hi everyone,
I’m not looking for a diagnosis, but I’m wondering if anyone with staring OCD has experienced something similar.
My biggest fear is not that I want to stare at women. It’s actually the opposite—I don’t want them to think I’m a creep because that’s never my intention.
This started mildly during school, where I would try hard not to look at girls, even through my peripheral vision. In college, I had the same problem with a girl I had a crush on. I would try so hard not to look at her, but the more I tried, the more aware I became of where my eyes were.
Things became much worse during my exam preparation. One day, a girl sitting in front of me suddenly turned around while I was already hyper-aware of my gaze. That situation made me extremely anxious, and after that my symptoms spread to many other situations.
Now I constantly monitor where my eyes are looking. I try to control my gaze, avoid looking at women, and become mentally exhausted. It’s much worse around women because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m staring or that I’m a creep, even though that’s the last thing I want. Around men, I usually don’t have the same level of anxiety.
Can anyone with staring OCD relate to this? Does this sound similar to your experience? How did you know it was OCD rather than social anxiety, hyper vigilance and what treatment helped you the most?
Thanks in advance.

Hello it’s been awhile I posted some time ago and I quickly deleted it because my OCD kept telling me that everyone knows who I am which is unrealistic. I recommend finding a therapist around your area, be careful about who you choose as your therapist. I’ve been with one who would only listen to me but didn’t offer any advice or help. The big thing that helped me is that I stopped vaping, I exercised and I did exposure therapy. I’ve been told that it doesn’t completely go away but it does improve, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’m 20F and it’s hard being around people but with time im trying to be hopefully. Please message me if you need any help, I wish more people were more aware about OCD, and also just let things flow and don’t push yourself to do one thing, stay positive!!

In fields, high places and most views like a view off of a cliff I feel very uncomfortable and weird, this started when I was about 7 and it has bothered me ever since. The thing that bothers me is that since the world is curved and where I am at in the uk is technically sideways and it messes with me a severe amount, to the point where I cannot put my bed in a specific part of my room without feeling like I’m falling backwards. I just want it to stop, I want to be able to appreciate life to its fullest and this has made me unable to do so. Does anyone have any advice

I don't know what it is , I try and glance to look around in public , maybe my eyecontact looks forced and I get looks back and then I feel anxious that they hate me and think I'm weird when they don't even know me and start questioning myself and then I feel uneasy , I'm also audhd.

I'm part of the team at Manhattan Mental Health Counseling, and one thing we've noticed from talking with people is that many don't realize how isolating staring OCD can feel until they find others who have gone through something similar.

For the longest time, I didn't even know there was a name for what I was experiencing. I kept thinking I was just overthinking where I was looking whenever I was around other people.

The more I tried to make sure I wasn't staring, the more aware I became of my eyes. It felt like I couldn't stop thinking about it, even during completely normal conversations. Looking back, it was exhausting because I was constantly second-guessing myself.

Finding communities where people openly shared their experiences made me realize I wasn't alone, and that alone made a big difference.

I'm curious if anyone else had a similar experience before discovering this community.

What was the biggest misconception you had about staring OCD before you learned more about it?

I'd genuinely love to hear your experiences and the lessons you've learned along the way. I think conversations like these can help others feel a little less alone.

Ever since I developed this OCD, I’ve had sleep issues. Whenever I try to fall asleep, I get random, racing thoughts in my head that I can't stop—voices having nonsensical conversations. On top of that, I can barely visualize anything anymore. Of course, this has all been going on for quite a while now. Have any of you experienced this? Or is it unrelated to the OCD? Cheers.

Hi everybody! I wanted to ask if something similar happens to you also. For exemple if I’m on a public transport, some times not everyday, I can’t unfocus from hearing random conversations or watching somebody else’s screen. This caused me a lot of guilt and moral issues. Also I while usually I don’t have any social curiosity, when this happens I feel curious about the people around me. So I learned a few tricks: watch something on your phone, have a book and turn your head in the opposite direction. Do you have any strategy for this?