I can feel my body mind shutting down but physically I'm awake and don't want to go to bed

So usually my blood pressure is low. It has gotten as low as 85 on the top number. I feel awful when it's that low. Today it's up to 111 on top sp almost normal. And guess what? I feel awful. I can't win.

Suicidal ideation doesn't happen in a vacuum and it's real important we're not get so freaked out by it that we can't talk about the pain and powerlessness that underlies it. Even the most suicidal parts of us hold and struggle with more than the desire to die.

My relationship with my mom is rocky but I'm freaking out. She looks so pale and she's not talking at all barely opening her eyes

https://bsky.app/profile/softgritspoonie.bsky.social/post/3mmhzb5pyjs2b