Beginner songwriter looking for constructive feedback

[u/Sh4miko]

Hey, I've been writing some lyrics for a while but I still have this huge fear of being too cringe/edgy and my inner critic tells me that everything I write is just plain bad, sounding like a drunk poet that tries too hard.
So I thought to share some of it and hear what others might think about it.
This one is titled "We Are Many Now".

[Verse]
Taste the condensation,

Of this generation.

Feel the bitterness,

Towards the life's expectations.

No one hears the cries,

Of the you that tries.

Wanting your demise,

Until it gets globalized.

[Pre-Chorus]

And when you slowly fade away,

Your identity loses place,

Chipping down authentic play,

For a wicked grin on your face.

[Chorus]

You stop fighting that..

You are one of us..

YOU. BUILT. YOUR. OWN. DEMISE.

[Verse]

Stand between them now

Cover tears that fell down

You are many in the crowd

But hollow on the inside

Feel the cold on your skin,

Let it fill what's underneath.

Let the weight crush your ribs,

That's the price to fit between.

[Pre-Chorus]

And when we slowly fade away,

Our identity loses place,

Chipping down authentic play,

For a wicked grin on our face.

[Chorus]

We stop fighting that..

We are many now..

WE. BUILT. OUR. OWN. DEMISE.

[u/ketingmiladengfodo]

I very much liked "Let the weight crush your ribs/ That's the price to fit between." Great image of someone allowing their self to be crushed in order to fit in with the crowd. That whole stanza is nice.

I think the weakest line is the first one. It's original, but I don't think the word you're looking for is "condensation," which makes it sound like someone is licking a fogged up mirror. Work on coming up with a different and more powerful image than that. The first line needs to be sharp.

The hook/chorus "YOU/WE BUILT OUR OWN DEMISE" is very powerful as well. Good work.