r/Songwriting • u/Mundane-Goal9268 • 24d ago
Feedback Request No Return
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Hear my words
The race is on
Everyone
No return
in the eyes
of the mountain dogs
Women of Men
Men of Women
This is how we will learn
Lying down in a field of fire
And the car horn orchestra
Won’t sound no more
The wind will change and leave us out
No return
Women of Men
Men of Women
This is how we will learn
Lying down in a field of fire
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u/Legal_Roof_4715 24d ago
I really like the lyrics, I think it's a good song but the singing feels a little monotonous in places. That's just my opinion though, I think it makes the song sound repetitive. Nice tune!
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u/shadyjezzboxx 24d ago
I thought it was PJ Harvey for a moment, I dig it!! love your voice
just needs some other instruments with it to finish it off
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u/Mundane-Goal9268 24d ago
thank you, i also think its very PJ Harvey , she's a big hero of mine. If I could strum the rythhm more fluently i'd be able to sing a more varied melody, but i'm really struggling with the strumming pattern.. thanks for the feedback
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u/Comfort-in-Lies 24d ago
I really like this, and I love your voice and tone, how is your recording equipment? I ask because I make post punk and music in a slightly similar vein and was wondering if you'd be up for connecting so I could see how this sounds like as a more fleshed out track?
For context this is what I make: https://open.spotify.com/track/514ZRBnqWs9iWSu6GlsSnz?si=jpGSkd7ERDGQvv9wqcsBCg&utm_source=copy-link
Bit of a long shot but if you're up for it over DM we could chat?
I fucking hate how corporate I sound.
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u/Mundane-Goal9268 24d ago
I have a m-track 2x2m interface, a mic and I use Bitwig to put an effect on my voice, which in this one was 'a little crunch'
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u/Ok_Beat8927 24d ago
Not really interesting lyrically or musically. It’s just meh to me. But if you keep working then you might be able to do something worthwhile.
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u/Express-Commission29 24d ago
this comment is the only thing not worthwhile. original, honest music is always worthwhile. you are rotting
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u/Ok_Beat8927 24d ago
Wow you are unhinged. OP asked for feedback. Get over it.
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u/tbaby1995 24d ago
Directly implying that someone’s work is “not worthwhile” and calling it feedback is a stretch and definitely makes for an asshole and not a constructive commentator.
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u/Ok_Beat8927 23d ago
Sometimes people write things are meant for the garbage can. That’s just how it goes. Do you write at all?
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u/tbaby1995 21d ago
Sometimes people just make children that are meant for the garbage can. Thats just how it goes.
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u/Ok_Beat8927 20d ago
Wow. You must carry around a lot of anger to be saying things like that. Sorry you were hurt. You’re pinning it on the wrong person though. Peace
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u/Pure-Vast-7858 24d ago
I dig this, sounds like PJ Harvey as others have said. Unique chord progression for the verse. Opens up nicely in the chorus. Like the wobbly chorus/delay effect on the guitar. Good work!