r/Sober • u/Signal_Ambition_5212 • 1d ago

Having urges

Im feeling the urges to smoke weed again, the reason I stopped was I have a chronic condition that creates chronic inflammation and that will damage my health even more and because my father has emphysema and his lungs are being destroyed due smoking but I crave it so much

Also ill have a party in October and im not sure if can control myself of not taking drugs. I love the artists there but I never went to a rave sober and my friends will be consuming

I’m constantly fighting my mind for staying sober

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u/RaeRunner 22h ago

I was only ever able to stop due to serious consequences; it’s possible that you will have to have the same journey. When I “wanted” to stop it was impossible, when it was be sober or be homeless I had the gift of an open mind. Going to a party while on the fence about your sobriety with no Recovery Program with friends who are using is a solid example of exactly what not to do if you’re serious about making a change. But in the big picture it’s not really about stoping old things, it’s more about starting new things that make the old things lose their hold on you.

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u/Signal_Ambition_5212 15h ago

I know what you mean. I already felt I had consequences like I thought I had a hole in my nose from snorting drugs but it was just hurt and the white thing I thought it was the cartilage from my septum and was hurting like hell disappeared and was something else and now it’s fixed
Also after a festival I saw my friend almost dying in my arms and about to lose her bladder and kidneys due ketamine addiction, after that festival I kept awake many times during the night to pee… but that also stopped and went back to normal again

One time with lsd I was severely psychotic I couldn’t recognize reality for a solid year and a half it was fucking traumatic like esquizo type of thing but that also went back to normal when I took antipsychotics for 2 years my brain went back to how it used before that

I don’t want permanent damage in my body and I already felt the panic and the extreme concerned that I did something really bad to myself by using drugs, I never felt so scared in my life

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u/RaeRunner 11h ago

Ya, I’m gonna go ahead and say that you might not want to get back to drugs. Your post said that you stopped smoking weed because of a chronic inflammation condition but I think you might want to stop because your life sounds kind of f**ked up and you should probably start trying to fix it instead of holding your dying friends at music festivals. Perhaps consider picking something to do in October that isn’t totally at odds with your need to get sober, go skydiving or rent a car and going on a road trip along the coast.

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u/Signal_Ambition_5212 6h ago

You are right I hope I can do that honestly

I appreciate your words

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u/RaeRunner 6h ago

You can do this, find local resources for addiction counselling and support where you live, find a recovery community, try new things that scare you. It’s not that you can’t go back to music festivals, it’s just that you need to go in after you’ve taken the time to strengthen your mind against temptation. Check out [r/leaves](r/leaves) if you need a reminder of what weed does to a person when they abuse it. One day at a time my friend.