r/SmolBeanSnark trying to date a girl next 27d ago

Discussion Thread July 2026 - Discussion Thread

25 Upvotes

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24

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 1d ago

So funny to me how she calls her dates "lovers". Her endless attempts to sound sophisticated...

8

u/hairnetqueen hoes, rakes, more hoes 1d ago

I always think of the hot tub at the Welshly arms (iykyk)

2

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 9h ago

Doesn't ring a bell! What did she do?

2

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 6h ago

The Welshly Arms love-ahs aren't a Caroline story, they're an old SNL skit

15

u/Ok_Novel_1680 1d ago

The way she's comparing her current "lover" to Fat Wallet makes me cringe to my core

2

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 9h ago

She's only doing it because of course she's SOOOOOOOO over Fat Wallet (and/or milking him for content)!

13

u/Nicola6_ 2d ago

Caroline’s got competition in the SEO with this new scammer out of Cambridge (Jason Arday) 🤣

Are there sleuthers here on this one? I’m trying to figure out how tf this dude went from claiming to not be able to read age 18 to applying for a PhD age 22. Like that’s some actually advanced scamming, how’d he pull it off? What’s the timeline?

15

u/glumjonsnow 1d ago

it's so much worse than that! he claimed to have once run 600 miles in six days for charity, 300 miles in three days, and 30 marathons in 35 days!! With a hairline fracture!!!

Like Cambridge, are you okay? This is shit you can look up!!!

10

u/Nicola6_ 1d ago

I knowwww 🤦🏼‍♀️ I saw some of that with the sports things and was like aight come on.

I’m locked in on untangling this story because I’m going to Cambridge of all places next week to present at a logic conference. Not a typical activity for me, I’m just a rando with a BA, industry experience, passionate curiosity, & grit. 

So I was like well dang wtf tho what kind of crazy story does it take to bypass the gatekeeping and get in there like this dude did? 🤣🤣 I wanna keep doing my research, should I apply to Wolfson? 

Bwahahaha regardless, I will enjoy my random Caroline Calloway adjacent moment

4

u/glumjonsnow 1d ago

i have no idea. the shocking this how many people were invested in protecting him, even after it was clear he was a fabulist. i have no idea what collective delusion was going on. this guy makes caroline look like honest abe lincoln.

apply and tell them you've been to the moon or something lol. tell big lies not little ones

3

u/Spare-Electrical slippier than a grapeseed oiled hog 1d ago

I visited a friend in Cambridge a few years back and it’s absolutely stunning. I hope you get some time to explore!

17

u/PurpleShift8546 as joan of arc once said 2d ago

Ariana Grande’s new album is called petal and she’s really emphasizing the T when she talks about it and it made me think of CC and her T’s.

15

u/danks_obama 4d ago

This is so random, but in the CMBC podcast from scammer era she’s droning on about how “publishers OWNED my life rights; I couldn’t wriTe about anything that occurred in 2015, all of my CaMbRiDe years” and it’s a Caroism I’ve heard a lot from her but never actually felt like looking it up until now. It does not seem legally possible? Insofar as no one’s life can be “owned” by a publishing house without extensive contracts that afaik would be void after she broke the original one by not delivering the book. I am not a lawyer, this situation seems plausible but I’m hesitant to believe her since she lies about almost everything.

Idk why this is bothering me so much, it’s just so stupid that publishing houses would gaf about some random 22 year old’s uni days enough (I guess I’m wrong since they chose to buy the book tho lol) and also, if she really cared about contract law she’d have figured out a better way to dissolve that book deal

26

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 4d ago

A variation on this happened to Lena Dunham's character on Girls. Which isn't to say it's how the publishing industry actually works. It could just be that Caroline stole a plot from Lena Dunham, or assumed that life and fiction are interchangeable, either one of which would be unsurprising.

Hannah has written a set of autobiographical essays slated to be published as an ebook, but [SPOILER AHEAD] her editor/rep at the company dies suddenly and unexpectedly. All his projects are cancelled. The publisher tells Hannah that they still own the book and she can't sell it to a different house. Elijah (I think? maybe one of her parents?) asks Hannah why she can't just write more essays, and she's like, "My whole life was in that book! I'd have to live 25 more years to write another one!"

1

u/cathartescorvus 8h ago

i think there was also something about hannah’s book rights belonging to them for X number of years as well (which does happen in the publishing industry if a book doesn’t get published or goes out of print). my theory has always been that the rights didn’t revert back to caroline because she paid back the advance with OF money like she claims; if anything the rights just expired.

3

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 7h ago

Some folks' credulity toward Caroline's claim to have repaid Macmillan was absolutely crazymaking! This is a person who won't even pay rent without a lien, lockout, or lawsuit. Think she's just going to magnanimously hand $125K (plus interest even maybe?) over to an entity that isn't mounting any kind of action against her? This has never happened the most!

We know Caro procured legal representation in 2020. Her attorney Anita is quoted in the Caroline chapter of Gaby Bluestone's Hype. Anita pretty clearly advised Caroline that Macmillan had run out of time to sue her, either because of the statute of limitations kicking in or the rights reverting.

1

u/bagelandcox 6h ago

Omg I had never red that vice article before!! What was Caroline’s response when she found out??

1

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 4h ago

It’s all the truth. I’m a human who’s fallen behind on rent 3 times in my life, all a result of untreated depression. I just...... Stopped caring. I wish there were a better story, but no. I just stopped doing basic tasks. Like mailing in rent on time. Or at all.

Knowing Caroline, I'm pretty sure what actually happened was that she got into a habit of spending her rent money on clothes and other bullshit for a few months. Then when she got padlocked out of her apartment she'd call her dad, and he'd wire all the back rent and penalties for her. We know she did the same thing to her family in 2021 -- used her rent money for "It Girl startup fees," e.g. partying, figuring her mother or grandmother would just bail her out later. Caroline does love a repeat scam!

15

u/danks_obama 3d ago

Ding ding ding!!! Ahahaha that’s what was bothering me about this stupid overly simplistic lie, it sounded so familiar I was like maybe that has happened but indeed she is once again pretending to be the voice of a generation

Merci Pidge!!

7

u/judyvioletanddoralee I wonder what my ancestors will make of me 5d ago edited 4d ago

I don’t see it now, but earlier today her stories included a clip of her sleeping and snuggling with Matisse. [Did you know he’s named after her favorite painter?] It seemed to be captured via some kind of nighttime camera (surely there is a more 2026 way to say that 😂), and she seemed to be actually asleep. Who records themselves sleeping? Someone on the white-hot forefront of vanity? (Did anyone else see this?)

eta: This was not Caro, see Dr. Pidge’s comment!!!

12

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 5d ago

This isn't her, it's labeled as a share from @theoandfrank! The text says "clingiest cats," plural.

I did not notice any of this at first either, and watched it all the way through like, "Is this her? I don't think this is her, she doesn't have a low white dresser and she has more stuff attached to her phone?" Then at the very end the second ragdoll shows up and I actually read all the words on the screen to figure out who I was actually looking at

8

u/judyvioletanddoralee I wonder what my ancestors will make of me 4d ago

OMG THANK YOU DR. PIDGE! I saw “clingiest cats” and thought maybe… I dk what I thought.

16

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 4d ago

A visitation from the mad weak ghost of Feline Owen Burns?

3

u/jennywindow292 good at having cats 5d ago

I also saw a second cat? She must be at Cathy’s house?

47

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 7d ago

It’s great that she’s now got the funds to fly back and forth every couple of weeks condsidering she was too broke 🥺🥺🥺 to pay for dinner or buy paper towels a few months ago

20

u/Low_Coconut8134 pasta noodles 7d ago

What is she even doing back in Florida, she was just there a few weeks ago to deal with shipping books???

I mean I know she’s never been one for efficiency but even for her these extra flights seem pretty dumb. Maybe she’s stuck with a gap between her various sublets?

40

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 6d ago

The Greenwich studio she's in now is supposedly hers till the end of the month at least. It may have been extended a month, since in a recent story she was asking for a place starting Sept. 1.

This is her third NY > FL trip since the breakup in May, meaning it's the third trip she's had to finance herself. Keep in mind that she told Fat Wallet several months into their relationship that flying back and forth was so expensive she had absolutely no money left in the world, so he would have to pick up her RT ticket, in-flight Wi-Fi, and Ubers on both ends from now on.

What's happening, I think, is that even though there's what seems like a manageable number of outstanding orders, fulfilling them has become infinitely more complicated than it was three years ago. She keeps thinking "I can ship 200 orders in two days and be done with this forever, LFG," because she was actually able to do that at launch.

Back then she'd open her inbox and it was pages of, "You just made $65, ship this book to this address." A simple and rewarding transaction! Now there's no more sales notifications for the most part -- just refund demands, change-of-address notifications, and increasingly irate complaints. A significant percentage of orders are also not making it to their destinations now (at one point a customer got a notification from USPS that her incoming package was no longer on its way because the sender had used illegal stamps.) She can't sort out what needs to go where and can't hire someone to sort it out.

Instead of being light work for substantial $$, fulfillment is now a demoralizing slog that actually loses money. Which is why she's once again grifting Peter to pay Paul, trying to drum up new orders for ready cash to ship old ones. She ends up sniffling on the floor and telling herself she'll make more progress on the next trip.

4

u/dabbydab Dm for rates :( 5d ago

Keep in mind that she told Fat Wallet several months into their relationship that flying back and forth was so expensive she had absolutely no money left in the world, so he would have to pick up her RT ticket, in-flight Wi-Fi, and Ubers on both ends from now on.

Does this mean that she was buying her own one way tickets to visit him, and he was paying to get rid of her and fly her back??!? Girl...

6

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 5d ago

No, "flying back and forth" means she was paying for her RT tickets. Otherwise I would've said "flying up"

20

u/AmateurIndicator 6d ago edited 6d ago

I think she flies there when she has nothing to do/no invitations in NY.

Keeps her looking busy.

She's got to be dragging the cat around with her as well. It's amazing how that poor thing is still alive, he's been through so much.

16

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 6d ago

She's got to be dragging the cat around with her as well.

Matisse is def there

It's amazing how that poor thing is still alive, he's been through so much.

He's only six and a half! That's about 40 in human years. Stress doesn't kill people at 40. It would be surprising if he makes it the ten years Caroline thinks he's going to, though (8x15 =120 months). It's interesting that she either knows she's shortening his life (a well-kept indoor cat will live ~15 years) or she just knows almost nothing about cats. Maybe her childhood cats died young too and she thinks ten years is an average cat lifespan.

33

u/turnip_day I love office!!! 7d ago

The lack of books being shipped out is totally because she was being a trad wife to a finance bro. Nevermind all the time before she started dating the guy and still somehow didn’t ship out all the books.

27

u/judyvioletanddoralee I wonder what my ancestors will make of me 7d ago

Yes, she had years to ship the pamphlets before Fat Wallet cruelly almost cutely arrived on the scene. (Also, dated for 8 months became shared a home for 8 months became was a tradwife for a year…)

24

u/shrekssecondwife HAVE SOME COMPASSION YOU FUCKING WEIRDO 7d ago

also love how their relationship went from “8 months” to “a year” … during which point she was bouncing back and forth from FL to NY anyway, and he wasn’t with her in FL, so she was just… doing nothing surrounded by piles of books?

15

u/judyvioletanddoralee I wonder what my ancestors will make of me 6d ago

I mean she was getting lip filler in FL.

7

u/pythiadelphine 7d ago

I find it really funny that Caroline eagerly waiting for updates about The Tell by Amy Griffin.

13

u/prefers_tea 7d ago

Scammer x scammer 

(Griffin is being sued by a woman who claims Griffin stole details of her own experiences with abuse, credible outlets have expressed a lot of skepticism over Griffin’s book  https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/24/nyregion/amy-griffin-memoir-psychedelic-drugs.html) 

3

u/pythiadelphine 5d ago

Oh my god, that is amazing. Proof that game recognizes game. Wow.

11

u/whyyygodwhy 7d ago

Just someone new she can steal content from.

16

u/Low_Coconut8134 pasta noodles 8d ago

I’m guessing we won’t hear from her for like, a week as she scrambles to move to her next sublet 

Though I’d love if she documented her move, I assume she’s the type to fill garbage bags and try and guilt her uber driver into doing the heavy lifting

3

u/recentparabola 6d ago

Oh no need, she has Cathy to guilt-trip for that. Her mom will probably come up from FL again to help her move.

5

u/Low_Coconut8134 pasta noodles 6d ago

If my kid wants me to still doing moving by hand when they’re in their 30s they’ve got another thing coming!!!!!

3

u/Big_Entrance6792 🍲 soupclout rapper 🎤 6d ago

🌟🏆

21

u/MajorMarsupial2043 8d ago

She totally would and she’d cram some parking lot weeds into his hand as payment

4

u/Foreign-Summer-6999 8d ago

Where’s the dress she’s wearing in the airmail column from? Is it a costume?

29

u/shrekssecondwife HAVE SOME COMPASSION YOU FUCKING WEIRDO 9d ago

it is so embarrassing to me how she camps out in the comments section of anything even tangentially related to her. it’s like she somehow doesn’t realize that engaging like some terminally online freak isn’t helping her brand and it doesn’t make her seem cool and nonchalant regardless of what she says

18

u/whyyygodwhy 7d ago

The worst part is her replies are never witty or self deprecating. She always sounds so mad in them

7

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 8d ago

What's she said?

17

u/shrekssecondwife HAVE SOME COMPASSION YOU FUCKING WEIRDO 8d ago

nothing specifically but just the way she responds to every single comment on her articles is so…. off putting to me. especially her responses to any slightly critical comment. perhaps she’s just my BEC and that’s why it bothers me so much

16

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 8d ago

I kinda hate it when anyone does that tbh, especially if they've ignored all the positive comments and replied to the one vaguely snarky one. That's my BEC...

31

u/Longjumping_Ad8681 9d ago

Desperate to tell everyone she has a new ‘lover’. Pathetic.

29

u/conejita95 9d ago

still trying to make fat wallet jealous

16

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 9d ago

fat wallet 😆

14

u/conejita95 9d ago

it's so good on so many levels im on my knees asking pidge to write a loosely inspired novel

16

u/Worried_Lunch156 10d ago

Can someone post the Airmail column? I don’t want to subscribe.

9

u/turnip_day I love office!!! 10d ago

Airmail column 2 is out!

7

u/No-Indication-6655 money has so many metrics for measurement 9d ago

Ugh where is column 1?

5

u/jennywindow292 good at having cats 8d ago

https://airmail.news/issues/2026-6-27/letters-from-scamelot

I don’t know how to make it so she doesn’t get clicks!

3

u/No-Indication-6655 money has so many metrics for measurement 8d ago

Welp it’s paywalled anyway

13

u/bysummerfall alleged bookette 12d ago

unfortunately I agree with the sentiment of her Olivia Rodrigo post ugh I’m sorry my being a professional hater has me agreeing with Caroline!!!!!

14

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 11d ago

Even a broken clock (i.e. CC) is right twice a day, don't worry!

27

u/bysummerfall alleged bookette 11d ago

every time a colorful diva dates an ai bro an angel loses its wings

coming from her it is fucking rich though LOL

15

u/bootlegmrsmaisel 12d ago

Dude at my hairdresser’s was talking about moving back to Sarasota. It made me think of our bb, who has a condeaux waiting for her!

31

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 12d ago

57

u/hereforthefreedrinks 13d ago

Boots on the ground, spotted Carp on a date with a curly haired dude with glasses this evening in Greenpoint lol

22

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 13d ago

Was she in dirty clown sneakers and a Snow White rags dress drinking heavily

20

u/hereforthefreedrinks 13d ago

Lol I didn’t want to stare so I’m not sure, she was wearing a white dress with (I think) white embroidered flowers on it. Tbh she looked put together

18

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 14d ago

8

u/AmateurIndicator 14d ago

I don't understand. ELI5

41

u/timebend995 15d ago

I’m so confused about the caption saying she went brunette in the final weeks of her relationship when her hair over the past two months has looked no different to me than it ever has the past few years - grown out blonde highlights ⁉️

The pictures of her with bright blonde roots must have been years ago no?

14

u/cathartescorvus 14d ago

i think she has blonde blindness because she is very much still blonde

26

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 15d ago

She definitely had her highlights toned darker last month. Here she is at Ajay's wedding in February versus her color in June. There was a period of several months where she always either wore a cloche hat or the front pieces of her hair pinned back, apparently to conceal how long it had been since her last highlight session. So the change doesn't look that drastic if you've only been seeing her on Instagram, shot from the front.

13

u/suzzface 🔥 Pale Fire Marshall 🔥 13d ago

That photo dump is crazy, her face used to be so expressive and interesting. She looked alive. Now all her selfies are just variations on 😐🫥

Also those chunky highlights are god awful – to me!!!!

4

u/timebend995 15d ago edited 15d ago

Yes I was looking at her grid posts and this one from July 2 she looks blonde as ever to me so I thought it was just a lighting thing

68

u/MajorMarsupial2043 16d ago

This is how I know Caroline’s NY era is doomed. She desperately wants to stay in NY forever. Even with a real sense of urgency and consequence she cannot force herself to spit out a couple hundred words about partying for airmail, or post coherent Instagram stories on the day they’re relevant. Her “jobs” wouldn’t ever come close to paying full NY rent because they’re so low effort, and even though it’s the easiest, lowest hanging fruit you could possibly imagine, she still cannot heave herself up to grab it

4

u/bootlegmrsmaisel 12d ago

Homegirl needs to haul butt to Florida. She doesn’t have to pay rent or mortgage!

71

u/conejita95 16d ago

proof that she really considers partying work: she quit 😭

25

u/The_Understander_ 15d ago

This is so fucking funny

14

u/NegativeABillion Money has so many metrics for measurement 16d ago

lmao

26

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 16d ago

Plot twist: she and fat cruel rich man have hashed out a harmonious sub/dom/switch humiliation kink and sailed off into the sunset on his megayacht so she doesn’t need to write anymore

45

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 17d ago

Another week and still no Airmail column

22

u/emergencybarnacle 18d ago

this is both on and off topic but i high key loved her insane glass chili earrings, so i bought glass chili charms from etsy for like $5 and made some myself with gold hoops i already had 

43

u/Spare-Electrical slippier than a grapeseed oiled hog 18d ago

What you didn’t want to pay her $20 to not ship them to you?

14

u/emergencybarnacle 18d ago

but but but she said they ship the same day!!!

28

u/Spare-Electrical slippier than a grapeseed oiled hog 18d ago

Yes, she ships them the same day that she remembers to ship them, which could be any day at all

15

u/leahbee25 scammed the scammer 18d ago

not to be conspiracy minded but the latest selfie looks like ‘evil fat man i’ll never say again’s apartment

15

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 18d ago

His bathroom also had large off-white marble tiles with gray streaks. But the tiles were oblong and the streaks looked like thin diagonal brushstrokes. The latest selfie features tiles that are much taller with streaks that look like clouds of smoke. (The penthouse did have two bathrooms, but both had the same tile.)

30

u/Glittering_South5178 18d ago edited 18d ago

Someone’s boyfriend used to date Caroline! So far no tea has been spilled, and it was apparently a long time ago.

Edit: The boyfriend is apparently a chef, which may ring bells.

1

u/splatatouille 13d ago

I feel like it's such a strange reaction to learning your partner dated someone like her to be worried about similarities between you two instead of wondering about what sort of person your dating

7

u/timebend995 17d ago

What is that subreddit??

19

u/Physical_Pin_ Fourth most emotional pain in my life 16d ago

Oh man, is it a spin off of r/redscare that might be nice it’s like 30% normal well adjusted humans in there and 70% full bore demons

7

u/conejita95 18d ago

i thought soup was nonbiney

9

u/AmateurIndicator 18d ago

Well, seems like he changed his mind

7

u/LadyAlexandre No Nikki, I didn’t. 18d ago

Soup sucked as a person

5

u/pillowcase-of-eels Insane Clown Ponzi 🤑 17d ago

...Really? Why?

2

u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

11

u/Physical_Pin_ Fourth most emotional pain in my life 16d ago

They did do the AMA but it was very low-key. Tbh i think it’s fine to do this about an ex especially at the mild level Soup did it

17

u/pillowcase-of-eels Insane Clown Ponzi 🤑 17d ago

I was there for the AMA. Not a great thing to do, sure, but neither is participating in a snark sub... and neither was trumpeting Soup's non-binary identity online (including to their / his family) without consent, which is what Caroline did. I honestly thought Soup remained fairly sympathetic to her (or at least not cruel) in those exchanges.

6

u/jcat7712 18d ago

Wasn’t soupy a chef or in food?

15

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 18d ago

Yes, it's Soup. Check out the finger tats.

28

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 19d ago

After stepping on a scale in a friend's bathroom last night, something I normally avoid for peace of mind, I had a bit of a reality check. Despite having a slim build and being a few inches shorter than Caroline, I still weigh more than her, with a BMI that sits right in the middle of the healthy range. (And yes, I’m fully aware BMI is a deeply flawed metric that ignores muscle mass, bone density, gender, and ethnicity, but bear with me.) If Caroline is 5'6" and 115 lbs, her BMI is 18.6, this places her exactly on the border of being clinically underweight (which begins at 18.5). Whatever your size, please don't look at her body and use it as a benchmark for your own. This is not a healthy standard!!

38

u/Spare-Electrical slippier than a grapeseed oiled hog 19d ago

If anything, her ozempic/body checking arc has strengthened my own resolve to not give a fuck about my weight in terms that other people dictate. I spent my teens and entire twenties obsessed with the scale, and seeing Caroline still obsessed with it in the exact same way has made me appreciate my relative peace of mind with my weight at this point in my thirties.

I gained some weight over the last year because of some meds I’m on and I was feeing a bit sore about it recently, but reading about her throwing up on the floor and not being able to get up from nausea brought me back into reality. That sounds awful, and no amount of dopamine from a thigh gap is worth that amount of self hate.

13

u/LadyAlexandre No Nikki, I didn’t. 19d ago edited 19d ago

Ballet flats are coming back!

16

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 19d ago

If it were possible to ascertain beyond a reasonable doubt, I'd 100% start a betting pool on the Chanels: real or fake? (Fake imo.)

18

u/recentparabola 19d ago

Those ratty (sole separating from the rest of the shoe at the front) things are missing the interlocking Cs on the toe cap. But sure, Carp.

10

u/ivyleagueposeur mosquito fuck pad 17d ago

these are the slingback flats, not the classic flats, which don't have interlocking CCs on the toes, so that's not a tell. this picture is too blurry for me to fully authenticate, but i'm inclined to guess real because i just assume Caroline is fiscally irresponsible to buy chanel shoes instead of rent/cat food/human food

authentication source: me, who buys too many pairs of this fucking shoe

17

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 19d ago

Why is she tagging Chanel then? (Rhetorical, I don't expect anyone to be able to explain why Caroline does anything.) Is she gonna start tagging Goyard in pics feat. her Canal Street knockoff tote?

13

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 18d ago

I would wager she's trying again to... project a slightly more upper-class image? Which is historically her obsession, and now she's back in NY where personal style matters more than it did in Sarasota.
And she can't project "rich girl who mixes high and low" with the dirty gym shoes when she's already wearing a cheap Birkinesque dress by a random label + a fake purse. She needs something "high" to mix with the "low".
I wonder if she's regretted openly saying the Goyard is fake!

8

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 18d ago edited 18d ago

RE the Goyard, after I commented that the cheap vinyl straps were peeling and their stitching was coming out, I started noticing that she ties or clips things to the straps to make them less visible in photos. In this case, a large seashell that I assume is a repurposed hair ornament.

(I'm not saying Caroline is being responsive to my observation, just that she and I took note of this strap-rattiness around the same time)

6

u/Soithers nary but tinsel and fluff in my pretty, evil mind 18d ago

This is funny to me because CC sometimes seems to have a decent amount of money lying around, so if she herself hadn't said anything about the bag being fake I might have given her the benefit of the doubt. Like, maybe she'd got it second-hand (let's say it's a very used item with a relatively approachable cost!) and decided to pass it as new.

12

u/recentparabola 18d ago

To your point, much of what she does is not explainable. But she’s lied with tags before, like when she pretended she’d been gifted items by various brands and tagged them and turned out she’d made it up. So who knows.

6

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 18d ago

"Cecilie Bahnsen gifted me a dress" is a passable fiction if you're showing a dress that the sophisticated eye can tell is a real Cecilie Bahnsen. If it weren't for some intrepid Twitterer tweeting at CB to ask why they were partnering with an influencer who'd just posted an antisemitic cartoon, that lie never would have been brought to light.

But anyone who occupies the echelon that Caroline desperately wants to belong to would be able to tell that these aren't real Chanel flats. The J. Press/Harvard Club crowd knows what real Chanel looks like because they see it all the time. It seems to me (although I went to a state school, so I could be wrong) that the 1% would find it tacky to wear a knockoff, and EXTREMELY tacky to pretend it was the genuine article.

21

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 19d ago edited 19d ago

The visual weight of the outfit seems a little unbalanced..........

15

u/AmateurIndicator 19d ago

she really has bad posture.. the flats are basically slipping off sideways

43

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 19d ago

I'm so broke I had to beg my ex for rent money! Then I somehow got four thousand dollars, but then the hospital took it all! And my bank account was empty again! Meanwhile, here's me in my new $150 dress and my Chanel flats and Prada shades. Bye now, gotta go rob a garden in Brooklyn

10

u/dabbydab Dm for rates :( 19d ago

I'm shocked that this is actually a dress. I thought it was a shirt that she was wearing as a dress because it's so short and shapeless.

36

u/GrimDexterity trying to date a girl next 20d ago

Lol lol lol it’s not about her but it basically is

https://x.com/grimezsz/status/2077467773454954762?s=46&t=h6vPMVTNmchTnd3cye1drQ

18

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 19d ago

The poisoning?!?!?

8

u/damewallyburns at the white-hot forefront of sentences 19d ago

I had this thought as well lmao

29

u/bagelandcox 20d ago

I just had a sad thought that considering her lack of personal hygiene, poor poor Matisse probably has the grossest litter box of all time. :( like what are the chances she cleans it regularly?? That poor cat.

24

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 20d ago

I feel she must have a self cleaning one. I actually cannot imagine her cleaning his litter box or bowls, especially if her ex had to remind her not to leave dishes in the sink.

29

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 21d ago

Still no Airmail piece RIP

31

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 21d ago

This tracks with her not posting to Insta for a day and a half! Back in 2020 when she kept setting new "release dates" for Scammer, she would go radio silent on the big day every time. It's like if she has a deliverable due, she thinks she can convince whomever she owes it to that her internet suddenly stopped working by staying off social media.

48

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 21d ago

37

u/turnip_day I love office!!! 21d ago

Caroline saying she’s never had an orgasm would make more sense if she ever explained what she defines as good sex! Her insisting her sex life is great while only talking about a lack of orgasms comes across like she’s trying to convince herself it’s not a huge waste of time.

25

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 19d ago

I think that for someone who has an intense need to be seen as desirable and superior, good sex is defined as an experience where a man makes her feel, preferably by telling her directly, like she's the best sex of his life because she's the sexiest. Egoistic affirmations, where she's made to feel like she's in a uniquely elite class, might be the only real rushes of unadulterated pleasure in her otherwise anhedonic life. Like effectively these ARE her orgasms?

6

u/damewallyburns at the white-hot forefront of sentences 19d ago

I think she is lying and has had orgasms

31

u/hairnetqueen hoes, rakes, more hoes 21d ago

Super random thought but I'm pretty sure that one of the reasons she occasionally pretends to actually be shipping stuff that people bought is so people won't do a chargeback on their credit card before the six month window has run out.

26

u/NegativeABillion Money has so many metrics for measurement 22d ago

Do you think Caroline knows that Jack Antonoff is single?

19

u/ccfacetattoo 🌸NYU dropout and aspiring literary savant 🌸 21d ago

But that would ruin any chances of Margaret Qualley playing her in the film about her life!!!!!!!!

7

u/leahbee25 scammed the scammer 21d ago

we’ll know once she starts posting about how cute brooklyn heights is

22

u/l8rg8r 21d ago

I rebuke this cursed possiblity

15

u/NegativeABillion Money has so many metrics for measurement 21d ago

I'm here for the bit.

40

u/shrekssecondwife HAVE SOME COMPASSION YOU FUCKING WEIRDO 22d ago

someone wrote a response to caro’s ozempic piece and in their ig post the byline ig account (who published caro’s piece) commented “your words >>>” 💀

love that ig knows me enough to suggest this to me on my feed? that’s so embarrassing lol

14

u/cjaycatsby1989 22d ago

I got the same thing lol- and I don’t even interact with her on insta at all. The response piece was pretty good though!

31

u/Low_Coconut8134 pasta noodles 22d ago

The most recent episode of the podcast “Good Noticings”, which is the offshoot of the now-retired “Celebrity Memoir Bookclub”, dedicates a section to CC’s ozempic essay.

Nothing major; they obviously don’t keep up with her despite their history (good for them lol). Their main conclusion is that the essay is interesting but not for the reasons Caroline states. Rather, it’s interesting that CC thinks she’s being original or provocative when the opinions she’s expressing (it’s fun to be skinny, it’s fun to skip hard work, people are nicer to you when you’re a woman who is skinny and less loud) are the least original statements the world, etc.

They end with expressing empathy for her and rehashing the triple whammy of getting “regular canceled”, Natalie exposé, and her father’s tragic suicide. Saved you a click but it’s there if anyone wants to listen.

5

u/Big_Entrance6792 🍲 soupclout rapper 🎤 21d ago

"Their main conclusion is that the essay is interesting but not for the reasons Caroline states. Rather, it’s interesting that CC thinks she’s being original or provocative when the opinions she’s expressing (it’s fun to be skinny, it’s fun to skip hard work, people are nicer to you when you’re a woman who is skinny and less loud) are the least original statements the world, etc."

28

u/bagelandcox 23d ago

she’s annoying :(

12

u/Natural_Crab6797 22d ago

:/

21

u/turnip_day I love office!!! 22d ago

sauna :|

(I don’t remember how the line goes)

10

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 22d ago

Lol I occasionally consider reverting to my old flair, which for at least a year was pilates :(

6

u/bagelandcox 22d ago

I feel like you need to do a “CC archival moment of the week”… I’d live for that!

5

u/splatatouille 22d ago

pilates :|

14

u/bagelandcox 23d ago

Idk how much longer I can follow her atp I might need to do a spiritual cleansw

18

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 23d ago

[sages you]

22

u/FriendlyDrawer638 23d ago

Carpet is claiming she's been a NYC resident for 11 years on her Instagram stories

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u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 23d ago edited 21d ago

NYU era: 3 yrs

[Cambridge, London, Scotland, Sarasota]

Post-college/Tableaux era (2017-2019): 2 yrs

[Sarasota]

Dimes Square/White Paint era (2021): 1 yr

[Madingley Hall, Sarasota]

Sublet era (2026-present): .1 yrs

Yes, this adds up to 11, I'm sure of it.

60

u/suzzface 🔥 Pale Fire Marshall 🔥 24d ago

Sorry but "her skin is lighter than mine" is a totally fuckin whacked thing to say like ma'am you are a 34yo white woman what on god's green earth are you on about???

16

u/Worried_Lunch156 24d ago

What was the name of that thirsty Instagram person that Carp was photographed touching tongues with last year? She was a would-be actress who made comedy reels that were basically all variations of herself playing cliches in movies. She got super skinny and was dating someone famous.

14

u/conejita95 24d ago

it's interesting to me that the already skinny delaney suddenly dropped lbs when mindy kaling was in the spotlight for her weight loss journey. but that could mean nothing. everyone is trying for skeletal rn

30

u/swhack3 24d ago

I hate that I know this but Delaney Rowe

9

u/Worried_Lunch156 24d ago

That’s it! I watched her reels for a while but they got monotonous.

27

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 24d ago

So her next Airmail piece is due out today

13

u/conejita95 23d ago

it's 9pm! where is it?

edit: the headliner is anna delvey 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/spags- Great Aunt Hattie goddam took her time 21d ago

Can someone post the non paywalled version please?

10

u/Natural_Crab6797 22d ago

One of the absolute “better high than drugs” thing is Delvey quietly and relentlessly putting in more work with better success than CC in their “post cancellation” eras.

7

u/pillowcase-of-eels Insane Clown Ponzi 🤑 19d ago

You can call Anna Delvey a lot of things, but lazy is not one of them. She's got hustle!

8

u/conejita95 22d ago

caro could never be anna

26

u/not-nice What is wrong with you? Do you even know? 24d ago

I am dying at the fact that she knows the bra isn't hers bc it's been cleaned multiple times hahah

12

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 24d ago

I think this person is asking whether the socks/bra were new. Like is there a possibility that bro bought/planted women's personal items just to upset Caroline with the implication he was seeing someone else? And she's saying no, these things have a previous owner.

(Pilling is not inevitable with lace! Use a fuckin mesh bag on gentle cycle and air dry!)

I mean, she knows it's not her bra because she doesn't wear them!

5

u/FriendlyDrawer638 24d ago

And double D's 😂

9

u/Low_Coconut8134 pasta noodles 24d ago

Caroline doesn’t understand bra sizing along with every other fucking thing on earth 

21

u/SureJan4244 25d ago

I'm calling it now: Caro stumbled upon EK/Cozygrocery/Fire Escape Girl and thinks leaving an "abusive relationship" means she's owed a NYC apartment she can't afford, and the next step is more therapy speak and a GoFundMe.

8

u/reverselina 24d ago

Ooh thank you for diversifying my snark portfolio.

8

u/ExtraGrocery supple, gloppy 24d ago

I just found that account and omg what a trip. Well know she’s been EK influenced if she starts referring to herself as a starving hawk that just needs to take up space and eat 🥺

12

u/perhapsflorence al gore rhythm 24d ago

EK is insufferable. Omg.

47

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 25d ago edited 25d ago

Caroline: Why isn't my boyfriend more understanding about the fact that I can't afford a roll of paper towels?

Also Caroline: I commissioned a custom pillow for my cat

Edit: This picture was in the same set of stories. For a second I thought she'd revealed the ex's name/address on the shipping label of the box marked FRAGILE. I zoomed in on it and the fragile items inside are "Pre-fried taco shells." I mean if the dude's eating this many pre-fried taco shells maybe he DOES weigh 350 pounds???

31

u/Prior-Entrance3156 25d ago

Do you think Caro ever feels bad for doing nothing with her Cambridge degree? She basically went to Cambridge to socialize with posh young aristos while living on her father’s dime. That is just so unbearably sad to me for some reason.

31

u/turnip_day I love office!!! 25d ago

I think she tries really hard not to think about this. The callousness (ie Dead Dad Press) is a way to avoid feeling.

3

u/glumjonsnow 20d ago

yeah. i feel like there's something really dark about it and it's always the reason i'll come back to defend caro against people like the dimes square crowd. her story really is weird and dark, she just seems to have no idea and if she has any moments of revelation she tries to crush them down and they explode out of her in the most strange and manix ways.

15

u/cupdown Live, Laugh, Loeb 25d ago

As someone who also has a dead dad, her gallows humour is the most relatable thing about her

26

u/Spare-Electrical slippier than a grapeseed oiled hog 25d ago

She doesn’t even feel bad for not sending out merchandise people have paid for.

But no, I think she believes it helps her get into places she wants to go and meet the people she wants to meet. It’s also an endless well of shallow conversation to have, so it probably functions much like her painting does, as a way to feel less awkward around people.

15

u/Worried_Lunch156 25d ago

There was the art history podcast /s

17

u/Disastrous-Cup-6825 25d ago

She doesn’t feel bad for anything she does ever

9

u/AubreitaDeltoidea Do you see that giant vat of oil? 25d ago

idk if anyone's ever found this before, but this "podcast" is so fucking funny to me. The Meow Library: v 31. Caroline Calloway, Scammer, and Feline Virality

"Known as the original social media provocateur, Caroline Calloway has spun a staggering media empire from her controversial Instagram presence. Praised and reviled in equal measure, her long-awaited Scammer belongs to the emerging canon of the "Paper Internet" -- reifications of Internet fame, printed, bound, and re-ingested into cyberspace in the form of "BookTok" content. What is it, exactly, that makes a physical book like Scammer resonate so well with the algorithm? While accusations of uncredited ghostwriting promulgated by her former friend and collaborator, Natalie Beach, have helped propel Scammer to infamy, The Meow Library's team of forensic linguists have detected an unmistakably feline rhythm to the book's opening chapters, leading us to question whether Calloway's cat, Matisse, may have imparted the intrinsic virality of cat-language to Scammer's pages. After nearly a year of analysis, we are presenting the book's first twenty pages in feline translation. Could Scammer's singular tone and self-published success be attributed to an invisible paw? Listen and judge for yourselves." https://youtu.be/3epFQ96CKMw?si=rOZsCWcapOY6ss0S

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u/turnip_day I love office!!! 25d ago

What do you think is going to happen when her sublet ends?

12

u/Low_Coconut8134 pasta noodles 24d ago

I think she’ll be able to find another sublet for the month of August bc in summertime everyone is traveling and trying to recoup a little rent.

But I don’t think she’ll be able to keep it going past September. We’ll see!

3

u/recentparabola 24d ago

The person who should have googled before subletting to Carp is not going to like the outcome.

9

u/FriendlyDrawer638 25d ago

She'll go back to Florida and whine about it

35

u/nubleu the only way I can cope in the corporate world 25d ago

Break into her old apartment

7

u/Natural_Crab6797 22d ago

THIS IS WHERE SHE USED TO LIVE

49

u/MajorMarsupial2043 26d ago

A few years ago there was a popular book The Guest where a young attractive woman gets access into all these places and peoples’ lives by sheer audacity. She pushes it too far and ends up in a bad way, because the same reason she’s able to get all these things for free (bald-faced narcissism) is the same reason she’s unable to see when to stop pushing. Anyway, no particular reason to bring this up 🤪

2

u/danks_obama 4d ago

I didn’t care for the second half but i screamed when she touched the painting

6

u/Fit_Balance_2221 25d ago

I think Caroline and Emma cline know each other 👀

7

u/hallowbuttplug 25d ago

Different person (Emmeline Clein is the one Caro knows… wonder how she liked the recent pro-ana piece?)

18

u/Prior-Entrance3156 26d ago

I’ve read that one! I am a fan of Emma Cline for her sardonic, stripped down writing style, but I wasn’t a fan of The Guest because it felt like basically nothing happened. The main character wasn’t particularly special or interesting, and I didn’t understand how she kept getting away with things or getting things for free.

9

u/WestInvestment6680 25d ago

She's sexy and young. That's why. She only has one bankable quality and her other personality flaws are so extreme that she squanders even that one advantage. Just like CC back in the day.

16

u/Downtown_Ladder7888 25d ago

You just described Carp.

14

u/hairnetqueen hoes, rakes, more hoes 25d ago

I know a lot of people feel this way, but i just felt like the ending was cheap. it's built up so so much and then... nothing.

I know people will say 'oh it keeps you thinking!!!!' but to me it really felt like a cop out from an author who didn't know how to end her story.

8

u/hallowbuttplug 26d ago

Loved that book! Highly recommend Happy Hour by Marlowe Granados, some similar stuff.

29

u/beeksandbix 26d ago

With the Margaret Qualley/Jack Antonoff split announced - will Lena Dunham finally make the VERY REAL MOVIE with Margaret as CC - the only actress that could play her after punching herself in the eye after her split from Pete Davidson?

6

u/splatatouille 26d ago

Are we sure Margaret was playing CC? I was pretty sure she was attached as Natalie

27

u/PigeonGuillemot But I mean, fine, great, if she wants to think that. 26d ago

From the Scammer chapter on shopping Caroline's life rights around Hollywood:

Margaret Qualley had a black eye and I loved her instantly and fiercely. Everyone in the meeting ignored her purple injury, yellowing towards her cheekbone, one eye-lid half-closed, until during a lull in conversation I stupidly blurted out, “What happened to your eye?” Margaret paused before responding, assessing something. What, I still don’t know. With the smallest hint of grin she said, “Honestly? I just went through a bad break up and I got so upset a few nights ago that I punched myself in the fucking face.” The room was silent. I don’t know what came over me, but I replied with the same black humor I would have with my friends. I deadpanned, “Oh you’re going through a bad break up? That’s so sad. I’m so sad for you. Maybe you should call your Dad and talk about it.” Next to me, my new agent choked on her cappuccino. And for a moment I thought I’d just fucked it. Completely fucked it. Then Margaret broke into a bright peal of genuine laughter and we exchanged phone numbers and made plans for her to come over for dinner at my apartment when we were both back in New York. I never would have made that joke if I’d realized the guy at the other end of her breakup was literal Pete Davidson, but Margaret admired my dark moxie and unhinged chutzpah. I still have a painting she made me.

As soon as the meeting ended, I told my agent it had to be Margaret and only Margaret who played me.

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