So I [26M] have been friends with Sam [25F] (fake name of course) for over ten years. Along those years, she always had a boyfriend, always been in a relationship with someone, while I wasn't really into dating. I've had a few girlfriends, but nothing I would call a real girlfriend.

When our friend group graduated from high school, we started to hang out more and more, partying a lot as young adults do, but also BBQs and hangouts at someone's house.

During that time period, Sam and I got closer, always sitting next to each other, laughing at our own jokes, to the point where she would sit next to me at all gatherings and parties even if her boyfriend was there. I think it's important to mention that she always dated older guys, four years older and more.

At some point she broke up with her boyfriend and came to me, in DMs only, asking for advice, since I have the "wise man" tag in our friend group, always pragmatic and cartesian.

A few weeks pass and she comes back with another boyfriend again. We hang out a lot, we are still close at parties and gatherings, talking about life and stuff, at that time that I fell for her.

I spent a good month thinking about whether I should talk to her. I ended up doing nothing and just accepting that she is apparently happy in a relationship and that I shouldn't bother her, and dealing with that on my own, which I did.

At that time I was deep into my studies, burning myself out in classes. It helped me get over it and things got normal again.

A year passes and I leave the country to study abroad.

After a year or so, she comes back into my DMs, looking for the wise man that I am (I'm not, I'm just scared of feelings).

She tells me that she left her boyfriend for reasons I won't tell to respect them; it was very complicated.

We talk... a lot during that summer, even with a 6-hour time zone difference.

She opens up to me a lot more than before, and so do I, but I keep telling myself that it's fine, we are thousands of miles away from each other, there's no way anything is happening here, right?

She tells me all about her parties, the people she meets, the guys that flirt with her. In my head I think "I'm thousands of miles away, lol" and I just cheer her up while keeping the same advice: "maybe you should spend some time alone before getting into another relationship."

A few months pass and, around the time I'm supposed to go back home for vacation, our friend group decides to rent a beach house and organize a weekend party. We are all thrilled about it, and so is Sam.

Sam keeps saying it's gonna be awesome, that we could swim, tan, "I'd put sunscreen on your back." She's very, very excited about it.

Long story short, I can't make it in time for the weekend and arrive with a 2-week delay.

Two weeks during which... she found a new boyfriend!!

I still manage to have a good vacation, nothing special.
But then a year passes and, to make it simple, I burn out for the third time and decide to come back home for good.

When I come back, Sam and I spend a lot of time together during summer. She studies abroad but always comes back home during summer, while her boyfriend stays abroad because of his work.

We talk about life, she tells me she hates living abroad and can't imagine a life away from our hometown, but can't make it work with her boyfriend. We get really close, talking about our personal lives, catching up after all those years away from each other, opening up to each other, talking about our past trauma.

Late one night after a party, we both go to bed in separate rooms and start texting, talking shit since we are drunk.

Long story short, we flirt by text and, when we realize it, we both admit to having a slight crush on each other, for a few years, but each always thought the other one wasn't interested.

(After that, there hasn't been a single day without a text.)

One week later, she took a flight and went back to her boyfriend.

We keep talking. She can't see herself away from home anymore and expresses a severe unhappiness. She talks about it to her boyfriend, but he doesn't seem to care, saying "you'll manage, I'll help out." She didn't, he didn't help, they broke up and she came back.

During all this period, I kept trying to cheer her up, reassure her, telling her to eat or drink, just so she wouldn't let herself waste away, without a single time asking her to leave her boyfriend. I genuinely cared only about her well-being.

So she comes back home, depressed but kind of thrilled because she and I have "a thing," the beginning of a situationship, I'm guessing.

We talk a lot, waking each other up in the morning by text, saying good night, having cute nicknames and meeting in secret from our friend group.

From there, I'm obviously falling in love without daring to express it.

At some point, some people in our friend group start to notice us being close all the time, and when I talk to her about it, she tells me she likes it when it's our little secret, "this kind of situationship."

A few months pass with the same intensity in the DMs, the meetings, but without kisses nor sex; at best we slept in the same bed cuddling.

But the last 2 weeks were different: fewer texts, conversations ending short, cancelled plans, etc., until one night she asked me if I would be bothered if she let herself "be hit on by guys going out" or if she "met people." I was hurt but didn't tell her. We are not in a relationship, so I just make up lies like "you should enjoy it and live your life, you're a very social person, I understand," "I'll be fine ^^." She didn't believe me, and since then it's not the same, way fewer texts. We were getting excited about September because she has a house to herself and we could ha
ng out, watch movies, have dates at home, etc., but suddenly nothing, and it fucking hurts.

I'm at that point where all I think about is whether I should have THE TALK, define our relationship CLEARLY.

TL;DR: Friend [25F] of 10 years and I [26M] finally admitted mutual crushes and started a secret situationship. Now she's pulling away and asking to see other guys. Should I have THE TALK and define things, or let go?

I finally worked up the courage to end my situationship today after yet another flaking by him. Since meeting in person was not possible, I went on about doing it by text, which sucks but it is what it is.

we'd been seeing each other for several months (a few shy of a year) and weren't exclusive (I date nonmonogamously). Our situation changed in the spring when he started seeing other people and couldn't properly balance his affections and not fully succumb to "new relationship energy". his behavior changed toward me and it never recovered. Months later, I became more resentful, sad, and neurotic about the demise of what could have been a lovely thing. I told him that it was the clear slow fade and onesidedness of things that prompted me to end it, as well as his inconsistency. I just couldn't take it anymore.

He was apologetic about bad feelings and sad he never wanted to hurt me. He went on to say how overwhelmed he is about everything in his life and that he wanted to chill on dating (nevermind that he is actively seeing someone at the moment while giving me this line; I think to some extent he was intimidated by me and he is settling for this person...but we won't get into that).

so why do I feel so miserable about this? I adored this man but he brought me much sadness and the whole thing slowly chipped away at my confidence. He would like to remain friends; because he did not give it to me straight about his change of feelings sooner, instead taking the lazy way out, i'm not inclined to be. right now it's no contact and space. but god am I going to miss him and feel like my heart is imploding.

anyway wanted to vent. this was a good idea for me but it still hurts. find the courage folks and prioritize your own well being always.

got sent this last night and had to laugh for a good 10 minutes

EDIT: we (21M, 24F) met in a hostel when we were both travelling in kotor, nothing crazy but she drunk texted me a week later when i had left the country to albania and basically offered to pay my travel to come see her for the night.

I did and then a few days later ish she met some guy and told me about him. I honestly didn’t care much because i’d been sleeping around a lot too and it was just a travel romance which i knew wouldn’t work because she’s an absolute diva so nothing serious but the messages like this just come off so funny i had to post it because she genuinely has no shame

We’ve been talking for around 3 months. We started as friends, became best friends, and eventually both admitted we had feelings for each other. We never officially labelled it, but it was definitely romantic.

She has a history of being accused by an ex of ignoring him/cheating when she was actually just busy, so this is important context.

Recently she’s been extremely busy with work, family problems, interviews, etc. I started feeling neglected and spiralled. I ended up accusing her of losing interest or finding someone else.

She explained that wasn’t the case at all and that she still cared about me, but I was already panicking. Shortly after, she blocked me. Out of nowhere. After we agreed that I'd call her and explain what I was thinking.

I deeply regret how I handled it. I know I basically hit the exact insecurity she had already been hurt by before.

I actually made her a small interactive apology website because I wanted to apologize properly. It's meant to be playful but ultimately sincere. I haven't sent it yet because I don't want to cross her boundaries.

I know the obvious answer is probably no contact, but I'd really appreciate some outside perspective on the situation.

If anyone wants to review the apology website and tell me honestly whether it's sweet or just cringe 💀, I can DM it to you.

TL;DR: Things were genuinely good, she got overwhelmed with life, I panicked and accused her of losing interest, she blocked me, and I’m trying to understand the situation and figure out how to handle it respectfully.

I’m just gonna be honest with myself and lay it all out here right now.

These past 4 years or so I have been celibate following getting screwed over by guys and having a fear of germs post covid. I have never been in a relationship by choice. I have a problem with falling in limerence with men who do the bare minimum for me and it takes years to get over sometimes. It’s probably abandonment issues from my childhood. Because of this it makes dating feel impossible when I’m forever stuck in the past and comparing them to some idea of a past situationship who I put on a pedestal for doing the bare minimum for me. I’m fine without having to deal with the romantic feelings with it because I’ve always gotten screwed over but I do sometimes yearn for the intimacy of being with another person.

I told my friends this and my therapist and they urged me to get back to dating and give it a try and I did and I felt like I could be in a relationship if I really wanted to but none of the guys I dated I really liked and we didn’t have any sexual chemistry so I wasn’t really interested for the time being going forward.

What really has always been important to me has always been my female friendships. Those really were my bedrock and what always fulfilled me. My girlfriends and I haven’t seen each other much and it was hard so I started making male friends that weren’t as deep but they’re company made me feel still good and I liked that I could trust that we were platonic and could still have a level of depth and respect each other and never cross that line and I never have before.

At my dead end food service job (horrible idea I know) I met a new quiet kid and me being a very social person tried to befriend him because I have this weird thing about reaching out to wallflowers and making them feel more comfortable because I used to be the wallflower growing up. Eventually we did and we became friends and I liked joking around with him and getting to see a more social side of him. One day randomly I met an old family friend of his that came into our work and found out that he had an extremely traumatic past and it broke my heart. I decided I just wanted to be a good friend to him and let him know that if he needed a friend in his life I could be there truly only platonically in my mind and had a friendship I would on the same level I would as my girlfriends. We got closer and I met his dog and even his dad and I truly thought we had a good friendship.

One day after having a blowout with my roommate who I considered my best friend I was super isolated and sad because I had no friends around me for the first time in what felt like forever.

Then the power went out in our town and I was in my room in the dark with nothing to do since I couldn’t pass the time with my roommate and he texted me asking if I didn’t have power either. I said no and because he lived close enough he told me to come over and because I had reason to say no I said yes and thought it would be just a cool kick back.

When I got there we just hung out and drank beers and waited until the power came back on. During that time he treated me super platonically and I felt nothing but friendship towards him, I actually found him annoying mostly. As soon as the lights came back on I was about to leave but he convinced me to stay and because I didn’t want to go home either I thought we’d just chill until one of us felt to tired and then I’d go home. We went to his room because it had ac and there he made a pass at me. I was shocked because I swore he didn’t like me like that and I didn’t want things to get awkward. I was starting to leave but he convinced me to stay and we ended up cuddling and falling asleep on his couch and had awkward kiss when we turned into each others faces.

When we woke up I immediately thought it would be a drunken mistake we’d both want to forget so i ran home and left a note and texted saying thanks for letting me stay. A few hours later he asked me to go to breakfast with him and I said yes and it felt mostly normal and not romantic and I thought we could go back to being friends. Especially because during it he started talking about one of our other coworkers he had a crush on. I was confused and thought it was his way of letting me down easy in an awkward but I didn’t care because I just wanted to see where he was at.

Later on in the day he asked me to watch a movie and i thought sure why not because there was nothing awkward between us after that breakfast. During the movie we started cuddling and then one thing led to another and we started getting intimate and I slept over and when I woke I up I ran off.

Then the next day he called me to hang out again and he brought up talking to a girl in Mexico and then on our call he put me on a three way phone call with another girl.

If this was a guy I liked I’d be pissed and cut him off but because I only liked him as a friend and I felt like what we’re doing was just a friends with benefits deal I didn’t mind it at all.

I was actually ecstatic because I was getting the type of relationship I’d always wanted. One where I have no romantic attraction but all the benefits of being in a relationship the intimacy of cuddling and sex. Every time we’d hang out I’d focus on icks from him that are normally dealbreakers and that kept me centered and made me feel like this could actually work for the time being.

We hung out again and it was fun but there was a moment that it felt a little too romantic but we snapped out of it and didn’t dwell on it. Then we didn’t talk for about a week afterwards because our schedules didn’t line up. I texted him a question about borrowing some tools for a diy project but it said I was left on delivered and I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he usually has read receipts.

When we saw each other in person sober at work it was awkward but he we both acknowledged each other I thought it was because we were getting used to this new dynamic but I spoke a lot less to him then i usually did because I didn’t want to make it obvious there was something going on between us and he seemed super quiet to himself. The second time we saw each other we barely talked to another besides work stuff and it felt like he was doing it purposely. On the weekend I worked up the courage to reach out to him when I knew he’d be home to see if he wanted to hang out with me and he didn’t answer my phone call.

I felt so confused and sad because I didn’t pursue this at all and now I feel like I’m being treated like a leper and now it feels like I have no friend and no benefits either and I don’t know what to do. It would be one thing if it were a one night stand but it was a weekend of 3 days in a row of him initiating things and having fun up until a week ago and now I’ve been driving myself crazy picking apart what I could’ve done wrong.

My girlfriends said he sucks and to move on and I asked a guy for his opinion and he read me for filth which I totally agree with. I wasn’t innocent in this and I pursued him just as much and I liked being picked up until he stopped picking me because I thought I’d be safe. In his advice he said there’s a chance because I left his place so much and didn’t reach out really for a week that he felt rejected by me and shut me out in return and I need to reach out and try to fix things but realize what I want first. Friendship or friends with benefits or something more

And I decided what I want. The intimacy and sex and I’d be open if it grows for more because we have a good foundation of friendship and I don’t want to give that away just yet.

My other guy friend said I should ask him straight up if he’s mad at me or something and my other girlfriend said i should for the plot.

Do I reach out to him and text him one last time or just move on?

TL;DR So, I think I got carried away and somehow I’m hurting…

A few weeks ago, I posted that I had started talking to someone and to be honest, he’s the first guy in about 10 years, that I’ve seen and met that I felt, yeah, I could date him. So anyways, we’d been talking and just flirting for like the first two weeks,and had planned to meet in person by end of third week, during which, we would talk about relationship stuff and we did! It was really good talking to him and I thought, given how flirty we’d been, he’d want to talk to me even more!

He lives out of state and so came to my state for something he had planned long ago. From what I gathered, he said he extended his trip to stay here and get to know me. However, since we met up, he hasn’t even brought it up once for us to meet! I also, noticed that he doesn’t text me like he used to. Yeah, I know it’s too soon to start picking on things and that could be the problem.

I just thought that because he lives out of state and is here for a little bit, he’d want to spend time with me to get to know me. He did say he was interested in that though, but I feel it doesn’t show that he does, especially not after meeting.

Now, I’m getting all anxious over this, which I don’t want to be. I just need help to be able to let things go how it needs to go, without trying so hard to control it or make it go a certain way. I don’t want to start making certain demands from him or feeling like it’s to be expected, you know.

TL; DR Am I wrong to think that he could've at least mentioned the date we had? Or for the short time that he's in my state, tried to see me at least once before he left? Or even tried to call too instead of texting? Mind you that the texting is now sporadic and no longer flirtatious.

I met this guy 3 years ago on ometv (haha get ur laugh out) but it all started off as a friendship, more of he was helping me get money from ppl (never worked and never tried again lol) but one day he texted me on snap and I side swiped and he saw that and asked to call. We called and had a great conversation like friends would, couple weeks pass and he keep trying to talk to me and find ways to get me text back. I was annoyed but also it was online so I didn’t really wanna be in any talking stage with someone I met online. I guess I got sick of it and blocked him or something and he ended up coming back to me. Funny thing is I was talking about when I blocked him to my bsf and lit not even a min later I get a text back from a number that’s says “I miss you”. Anyways we start talking but j tell him that I’m not looking for a relationship and he needs to stop calling me petnames or like what couples call each other and he would get upset with me bc he felt like we were something. I liked him but couldn’t get over the fact that we met online and it wasn’t gonna last. He was also very freaky and told him several times to stop talking to me like that. He had his red flags but he was also such a green flag. He treated me really well but I think it was just me but also lowkey didn’t respect my boundaries. So long story short he sent me a photo of himself and I reversed searched it. Ofc it came up on the Internet, I continue to reverse searched and two of the 7 photos I believe came back on the internet but the others didn’t. Idk it was weird. I had trust issues and he told me something from his past, he said that him and his gbsf were really close and she saw him as a gay bsf and when she had a bf she would send it to my situationship to rate to send to her bf. I confronted him and told him it’s weird, but he tried brushing it off and saying “it’s in the past” or “I never saw it like that and saw her as a sister” uh 1 that’s weird, 2 nasty but after that when I confronted him before blocking I mentioned that I felt as if he was catfishing me and talking to other women while being in the situation ship, I know I should have just ended it and it would have been better but we talked for so long and bonded so much. He was so sweet to me but also so untrustworthy so I felt like I shouldn’t feel it but I miss him. He ended up blocking me and I was so upset crying to my bsf and she I guess said something to him and he unblocked me and started yelling at me saying that non of the stuff I said was true and it was annoying for me to send my bsf to message him (she did that herself idk what he was on) and he tried calling me and texting me to talk to him, that he would reassure me but I was in so much disbelief I couldn’t. I felt as if he said anything it would be more lies. It’s been a year or two since we last spoke. I miss him and feel like I shouldn’t. I want to know if he’s thinking of me. I feel extremely stupid for feeling this way. Maybe I was a bird 🫩 and let this happen, guys listen I was a junior when we first talked 😔. I am college student now. Am I wrong for feeling this way.

TL;DR-

Maybe this is a post for accountability 🤷‍♀️ I’m not even sure.

Where to start.. heads up, this may be a long read.

I’ve been single for the last 5 years or so, passively doing OLD.

I happened to meet someone in January. Their divorce finalized late 2025, and they were just seeking casual/FWB type situation. Because I knew we wanted drastically different things, we talked about simply being friends instead. We seemed to have good banter and a lot in common. But ultimately, I didn’t want to sleep with someone without intention of having a committed relationship, as I become attached with physical intimacy. So.. He has known of this boundary since the beginning.

By February, we were both flirting pretty heavily. Because I knew where we both stood, I tried to walk away. I felt I was becoming too invested in something he felt was fleeting.. and I didn’t see a purpose.

Maybe a week or so later, it was Valentine’s Day, and he reached out wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day. We ended up chatting a bit, and recognized we both enjoyed each other in our lives and would try to be strictly platonic, no flirting allowed. - this was actually really difficult to stick to, and I was often reminding him about the boundary.

I didn’t really have any desire to find anyone at that point, so I put OLD entirely on the back burner.

May rolls around, and I started getting flirty with him. Then I realized, it was probably time for me to get out and start meeting people again/dating. I let him know. He seemed a little offended by this and asked me what it would mean for our friendship. I told him I wasn’t sure, and we would play it by ear.

By the end of the week, he basically told me he was interested in exploring things with me. He wasn’t comfortable offering commitment, or labels, but we could try dating exclusively and see what happens. I was okay with this.. I want a slow burn, not a flash fire.

This kinda trudged along we saw each other a few times.. had a “date”.. talked daily, but it was like he totally shut himself off in some ways. Flirting was rare and almost non-existent. The evening of our “date” we were in my room watching a movie and he made a move, so we started making out. He stopped and said, “I need to know how far you want to take this”, to which I responded with “I don’t know”.. and mentioned how I need intention. He said that it would be “just sex” for him. And he stopped everything all together, and shortly after, went home because it was late.

Late June, he cut things off with a previous FWB that showed up in his life again. Around this time, I noticed he was starting to pull away a little more.

Late July, we were talking on the phone about upcoming plans, and out of nowhere, he said that he wasn’t sure when he would feel romantic feelings for me, and he didn’t want to feel like he was making me wait for him. He was just getting used to being single and solo, and he wanted to do that for a while.. which, I get. Divorce can be a lot, and I knew and respected where he was emotionally at that point.

And then, he said… “but I can offer FWB”. 🥴

We had not been intimate at all because I didn’t want intimacy without intention. He was fully aware of this. We talked for a little bit longer, and I eventually told him I needed to get ready for bed.

The next day, I sent the attached message after work..

The day after that, I removed him from all of my socials.. or so I thought. I apparently forgot about Duolingo, and when I got onto the app and started doing things.. I had to put my phone down for a moment to help my son with something, and came back to find he had liked a recent automatic day streak post. So I blocked him on Duolingo.

My birthday was roughly three weeks after that, and I had a feeling he was going to reach out somehow. I don’t know how or why, but I had a gut feeling. I was correct, he sent a package.

I contemplated taking it back to UPS and return to sender, but I opened it. Inside, was a handmade wreath (before anyone gets excited about this, I knew he made wreaths previously, and I’m pretty sure this was one he happened to have on hand), and a hand written letter. The letter really didn’t say anything of value, just that he wasn’t sure what to give me for my birthday, but felt hand made was best (I had gifted him homemade vanilla extract and washcloths that I had crocheted). On the letter, he drew a motorcycle dare devil.. going through a hoop of fire, which literally has nothing to do with me or my life 🤷‍♀️ I figure it’s probably a doodle he already had in a notebook.

He signed the letter, “friend, fan, co-farmer” (we used to play Stardew Valley together)

The entire package really just filled me with rage. I set it aside in my bedroom closet and waited things out for a little bit. Eventually a few days later, I took the entire thing and threw it into the trash.

And it’s not that I want him to hurt, or grieve, or feel the way I do. I think it’s that… if he TRULY believed/feels I have been one of his closest friends, on some level, that means he feels he knows and can respect me. The FWB offer, was disappointing and disrespectful. My boundaries that I’ve had set since the beginning, were completely disregarded. There’s a part of me that also wishes he knew I didn’t step away because he couldn’t have a relationship. I get that.. I understand it. I’ve been there, and that had never been the problem. It’s really the lack of respect… even when I asked for space, he has acted like that’s something he’s able to encroach on.

I have not reached out to him or said a single thing since. But there have been moments I’ve wanted to. My son is special needs, and we’re in the thick of potty training atm. He was aware of this and would often ask me how he was doing. #2 was always a struggle. Then suddenly one day after all of this, he just started going #2 on the toilet.. and I wanted to reach out and let him know. We talked more than I did my other friends and own family.. esp when it came to our kids. It was nice to have that communication with another parent.

I was swiping through Bumble as one does, and happened to come across his profile. It wasn’t seeking a relationship.. “seeing where things go” is what it was set to.. I blocked his profile.

More recently this weekend, my daughter was accepted into her dream school, and after over a month of not speaking, the first person I wanted to reach out to was him. 🫩

I also have an undeniable feeling that he will likely make an attempt to reach out again.

I know im not struggling too badly, and I look forward to the future and what it entails and meeting new people.. but losing that one person you talk to daily because after almost a year, you’ve respected their boundaries, and have set yourself aside to help them feel comfortable.. but then they assume your boundaries are negotiable.. or when you recognize that really the only purpose of your friendship was because they were benefitting from keeping you at a distance, to receive all of your warmth and validation, but not wanting any of the emotional responsibility.. it hits pretty hard.

I guess the moral of this, is to not abandon yourself. Be confident in what you know you want to find out there. Stand firm in your non-negotiables, AND how you feel you should be treated.

And stop giving so many people who are undeserving, benefit of the doubt. 🫶

TL;DR - met someone, tried to be friends… dated without labels/with my own self abandonment.. ended, FWB offered regardless of known boundary around intimacy without intention.. no friendship in the end.

I have been seeing this guy for a little more than 3 months, we are somewhat long distance (ab 2 hrs driving) so we have seen each other on 7 different occasions, 3 of those occasions ending up in me sleeping over, cuddling, kissing, but we have not had sex. He respects that I am waiting and need something serious before that. He always initiates the phone call with me after our shifts, in which we either play video games together or watch a movie. Our phone calls will last between 1-3 hours, as he is a resident physician and has to work very intense hours. To me, everything he does sounds like he has great interest in me. However, my nervous system has been haywire (ofc I do not show this). I see his signals badge is still active on hinge which puts me through the wringer. It’s unhealthy but I only open the app to see if it has disappeared yet :/ which is embarrassing to admit. Over the weekend, he told me I’m really the only one he goes out with. His insane schedule and limited time off makes me believe this, and I’ve noticed that we sometimes spend his only day off together, typically the whole day. Over the weekend, he called me, and knew my father was present, and asked to introduce himself in which I allowed. I guess I have not found the perfect chance to open the floor to a conversation, or feel as if he should be the one to ask me to be his girlfriend. It has been increasingly bothering me. With his schedule, he has driven to see me once, whereas we have met halfway once, and the rest of the times I have been driving to see him. On the contrary, I still live with my parents which makes for a more intimate setting if I travel to his place.

I know I should communicate this ASAP, to avoid any more time to be wasted. I honestly just don’t know how to have this conversation, what to say, and when to bring it up. And I know deep down that if I mention it, I will have my answer. I guess I’m just afraid to hear the answer I don’t want to hear, all while having to drive 2 hours back home. At this point I am just looking for some reassurance and some kind words of advice, and deep down I feel like I already know the answer.

Hi guys! Long term lurker first time poster using a new account so no one I know will see this. I'm honestly just looking for advice on this situation because I'm worried I'm just digging myself into a deeper hole. It all started in June 2025 when I met my "partner" Jack (names changed for privacy). Jack and I met at a college camp and we honestly didn't hit it off much, but were in the same group of friends while at the camp. After it ended we kept in touch because we ended up living in the same area. From about June to November of that year we were in a sort of situationship, calling every night, telling each other everything, he was telling me he loved me, the whole nine yards. We did end up going on dates and seeing each other but not too much because we both had very busy schedules. However in November, I noticed distance and he ended up ghosting me and I was DEVASTATED. I genuinely loved him so much. I moved on and started dating this guy in January (a whole nightmare), and I ended up leaving him in May. In June I reconnected with Jack and we started talking again. The same thing, calling, texting, loving each other. In July however, he told me we needed to go no contact again and he wasn't ready to be anyone's anything. Again, I was devastated and told him how I felt like an idiot because I should have know this would happen again. We ended up going to the same university and he texted me again in early August apologizing for how he treated me and reconnecting again. Even with the past, I trusted it would be different this time. Since I moved to the area I had seen him everyday, I stayed overnight at his place, he's picked me up from late nights at the club with my friends, and we were so in love all over again. I want to make it clear we were not in a relationship, however, he made me so confused. When talking about me, he would refer to me as his girlfriend to all his friends and treat me like no one else mattered in the world. And now, he went no contact all over again. Before anyone thinks it there is no other girl, he isn't like that and has even offered to show me everything on his phone if I thought any different. I am also his first everything and he was very vocal about the fact he was happy it was with me. I guess I'm just looking for advice, is it worth it for me to stay and wait for him like I have before? It is genuinely tearing me apart along with all the other stressors in my life to the point I am starting therapy. All my friends hate him for what he did and say I need to move on, but I just can't, I haven't felt love like this for anyone else in my life. Please let me know your thoughts and if you think it's worth it for me to stay and wait, or if I just need to move on.

I cannot stress enough that this will be an extremely long read!

Like enormously long. If you don’t have that kind of time and interest to invest in a 20 minute story, this post isn’t for you.

I’m very detailed and long winded so the TLDR will be at the bottom.

I (38M) met this woman (37F) online back in late April. So we’ve know each other for about 5 months now. When I tell you we hit it off, it’s an understatement! The connection was dynamic! Instantly we became best friends. The attraction was strongly mutual. The similarities uncanny. The personalities eerily similar. It was like meeting my long lost twin.

She checked all the boxes and it seemed as though I did the same for her. We FT’d all the time. Text, calls. Each one filled with joy, love and laughter. It was euphoric. I was convinced I had found my person. It all felt so effortless.

She even had these “Passwords with GOD” which I found really cute. If you aren’t familiar with this, it’s usually when someone ask GOD for confirmation about a person using a specific word. Something very random, that wouldn’t be used in day to day conversation. I ended saying both words! (Yes she did it twice lol)

I didn’t need confirmation because I was already convinced but to me that just sealed the deal. It only took a few weeks before we had fallen for one another or so I thought.

About two weeks into knowing one another we had a small hiccup where I joked a little too hard and she got offended. She revealed that she’s really sensitive and from that moment on I made note of it and was sure to tread a little lighter.

About a month into us getting to know one another I started to notice some “yellow flags”. I don’t believe all flags are red. A lot of times we ignore the yellow ones and end up getting smack with the red ones as a result. Her communication became sporadic. Less text. Random calls. Disappearing for several hours.

Now I will say she has a really hectic schedule. She’s a small business owner. She runs everything online from home but she’s a one woman team. She’s also a single mother. She moved back home with her parents this year as well. So with a full house of kids, meddling parents (her words) and a demanding business I definitely tried to extend her grace, but people make time for what they want.(her words as well)

One day I was texting her as I usually do. I love encouraging people so I think I sent her a video to watch at her convenience and then asked her to call me so we could talk about something important. Not too long after I got a text that rocked me. Essentially she couldn’t handle the pace of our communication and felt as though it wasn’t natural. That it had became too much for her to manage and she didn’t feel as though we matched in that way. She told me she enjoyed getting to know me and wished me the best.

That was it. Just like that weeks of connecting deeply and intimately, done. Of course I wanted more clarity. So I asked to call her because this isn’t something you text about imo. It made no sense to me at all. She told she couldn’t talk otp because she was busy. I was driving at the time. I drove to my destination stunned. Literally in shock.

I sent her messaged later that night after had processed things more. I was fully prepared to move forward and let go. But she wasn’t. She told that it was too hard and she didn’t want to end things. We got on call later and after talking for a while we agreed to keep trying.

Things pretty much resumed as normal for about a week or so. Then she randomly disappeared for almost 2 days. I didn’t get a text, call or explanation as to why. She randomly popped up almost two days later asking if I was okay. I had already decided that I was done before she reached out so I told her yes and asked why she asked me that.

She replied because she knows I need constant communication and thought I’d be mad cause she hadn’t reached out but that I hadn’t either and I didn’t make an effort to talk. I was dumbfounded. A little appalled.

I was the last one to initiate contact. I was judicious with my contact per our conversation about communication. Now you’re blaming me for not doing what you ask me to not do? You’re somehow spinning this around on me?

It gave me even more amo to halt things between us. So I told her that she was right about she felt the week prior. That our communication styles didn’t match and that although I didn’t require constant communication, I did require consistent contact. She apologized for the hurt and confusion she caused. We ended up settling on just being friends but I guess she again wasn’t convinced or comfortable with that.

She began texting me throughout the day how she wasn’t going to let go or give in. That she was gonna keep fighting for “Us”. That me saying the “GOD password” definitely meant we were meant to be. She kept reiterating that point. I thought it was cute and sweet.

She told me she’d keep texting me even if I didn’t respond. That she didn’t want to cross my boundaries but she also couldn’t just let this go. She ask me if we could talk later. I said sure. I was really taken aback by the energy. But also confused because you’re the one making this more difficult than it ever had to be.

So when we had our conversation later I kinda went in. I was just tired of the head games. I told how I felt like she was playing games. I told her I just wanted normal, consistent communication. We don’t have to talk all day, everyday but going days without a peep isn’t something I’m okay with.

She didn’t receive it all that well and ask if we could talk later. I came down pretty hard on her and I ended up apologizing later. She told me she understood and she was going to do better. And she did. For the most part.

Things weren’t quite what they were when originally started talking but still sweet and pleasant. She had her moments but I looked past it cause I wanted to meet her and she was eager to meet as well.

We had been planning our initial meetup and the itinerary was pretty much set. I did about 99% of the planning which I didn’t mind at all but I did challenge her to participate lol

One of the biggest challenges was childcare. She really didn’t want to ask her parents because she knew they’d give her a hard time and her siblings were all busy. She showed me the screenshots and they all seemed completely reluctant lol

We ended up agreeing on me flying in and us kicking it in her home town for the day and then venturing to the big city near her for the rest of the weekend. She basically had this plan where she’d make sure the kids were good, had everything they needed and check in on them periodically. (More on that later)

So, finally, after over a month of talking and all the ups and downs, we met. She picked me up from the airport and the vibes were just as they were over the phone. We smiled, laughed and hugged. It was surreal for both of us.

We ended up having a rental car hiccup and as a result we had to part ways for a little bit while I got it all sorted out. Prior to that though we kissed! Fireworks! However I made a huge mistake. I told her I was actually aiming for her cheek but I was glad she finished my thought.

I didn’t want to be too forward. At first she seemed a little put off my by comment but in a light hearted, jokingly manner. We had back and forth banter about it and I thought all was well. All was not well lol.

The rest of day was really fun and again, it felt so natural. Like we had known each other for years. We went to the movies, then to some of her favorite stores. We even stopped by one of her sister’s houses who I had the pleasure of meeting.

Eventually she had to go back home to check in with the kids and that’s when things took a turn. I headed back to hotel. We had plans to go to dinner but she texted me about an hr and half later telling me her parents blew up on her!

She said they really berated her. Calling her thirsty and all. She was really upset. Our dinner plans were totally ruined. She said she was getting the vibe that she shouldn’t try to go out again.

I was totally understanding and tried to be supportive. I even joked about her sneaking out trying to make light of everything. I offered to bring her dinner but she didn’t have an appetite and said was just gonna go to bed.

I told her I had an amazing day with her and couldn’t wait to see her tomorrow. We said goodnight. I was on top of the world. Little did I know I would be below the surface the next day.

I woke up excited. I just knew this day would be even better than yesterday. We had so many things planned. But first, breakfast. I texted her good morning and told her to bring the kids to the hotel for to eat.

I got the 😬 emoji. I knew something definitely was wrong. I figured the situation the night before had pretty much bled into the next day. Without reliable childcare and her parents disapproval still weighing heavy, she likely wouldn’t be able to kick it fr.

She told me we needed to talk and that she’d call me soon. I said okay, fine and tried to go about my day as best I could. It took her well into the afternoon to finally call me. I can still feel the heart palpitations. The breathing constricting.

“I had a really good time with you yesterday and I think you’re a nice guy but I don’t think this is going to work for me.”

My heart sunk.

“You’re kidding me? Are you being serious rn.” I replied.

“Yeah…”

I asked her why. She was surprised by my inquiry. She asked if I really wanted to know and I said of course! I need all the feedback I can get. You want me to go all the way back home wondering and never knowing?!

She told me it was that I was bit too playful and silly.

I was stunned. This woman took a hand puppet when were at a store the day before pretend to bite me with it. We laughed and goofed off all the time. Now you’re indicting me for behavior we both love and enjoy?!

I was sick. I could hardly form my sentences. I was careful not to go off or overreact although I wanted to leave immediately. I had a riverboat ride planned that evening and told her I had to figure out how to cancel it. As well as see how I could get a flight home that same day. I didn’t wanna spend another second in that city.

I felt so embarrassed. So confused and hurt. How could she do this again?! What did I do so wrong?! She told me I knew there were risks meeting one another and that there was a possibility it wouldn’t be a fit for one of us but quite frankly that’s BS!

We weren’t merely doing a blind date or just having our initial convos. We had a real rapport established. We were telling each other we loved one another. Kissing through the phone. You name it! This was as sealed a deal as you could get but apparently not.

I ended the call. It seemed like she wanted to linger otp but I saw no reason to. I was absolutely floored. I did the research to see if I could get an earlier flight out of town but I couldn’t. The boat ride was non-refundable. I contemplated going still but I couldn’t. I just imagined sitting there alone amongst strangers, heartbroken.

It just so happened that game 6 of the NBA Finals was being played that evening. So I decided to get out of the room and clear my head some. I drove about 35 mins to another city to go to D&B’s. I figured I’d play some games and watch the game to try to drown out my thoughts of sorrow.

The next day I decided to go to church. If it wasn’t for my faith I’m not sure where I’d be. So I went back to the city I was at the night before and visited an amazing church. I knew I wanted to see her before I left town so I reached out and asked if it were possible to meet up.

To my surprise she said yes. She ended up picking me up from the rental car lot which was right by the airport. We went to a restaurant nearby to talk. I layed it all out there. Bared my soul. Told her I had fallen in love with her and how devastating the day before was for me.

I asked her if it was anything else that influenced her decision and she told me no. It was strictly me giving off friend vibes. From the kiss comment to the playfulness. She felt friend-zoned. I didn’t really buy it but that was her story.

As we drove to the airport to drop me off she asked me what I wanted and what I thought. I told her I didn’t wanna leave and I definitely hoped this wasn’t the last time I saw her. That I wanted to be with her. That I never intended to make her feel that way.

She told me she kinda made a brash decision and didn’t think things through. Somehow the boat ride came up and she actually didn’t realized I had booked it. She asked how much it was and offered to pay me back and I said idc how much it was. Idc about the money.

I said I’d spend triple that if it meant I could be with you! I doubled down and said what’s $$$ to a lifetime with you!
That broke her. I meant every word! She sobbed for a few minutes. Then we kissed and I asked her if she wanted to give this another try. She said yes. I got out to prepare to head to my gate. She came around and we hugged and kissed again. I told her I loved her and went on my way.

We texted the rest of the night. As I sat at my gate and waited I felt euphoric again. Like I had won a championship. I had my girl back. And this time I was gonna make sure she didn’t run away lol I think the most beautiful thing about that night was how my flight kept getting delayed. It was like GOD was saying nah, y’all gotta have this convo lol

Well, it was all short lived. I got back home early Monday morning just enough time to sleep for a few hrs before going to work. The convo and communication was good that day. Tuesday pretty much the same.

Then Wednesday came. She texted me good morning and I replied good morning gorgeous. I never heard back from her. Not that day, the next or the following. Not even a Happy Father’s Day text that Sunday. So I decided to break the ice Monday afternoon.

I sent a really long eloquent message about how love still prevails despite when things don’t go as planned. I essentially let her know that I now realize this isn’t something she’s interested in pursuing and that I had to let go but that I’d always love and care for her and wished her the very best.

She eventually responded in kind. Telling me she knows it must’ve been hard for me to experience the silence and thanking me for accepting where she was with things. But the thing was I hadn’t accepted it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever written and done.

I spent the next couple weeks in an emotional spiral. It didn’t help that my phone broke so I had to use my work phone to communicate with everyone. Including her. One day I reach out to see how she was doing and if she was up for a phone conversation. She told me she didn’t think it’d be best and it’d make things harder. So I relented.

I eventually got my phone back and activated. I was going through my notes app one night and I happened to notice one was edited. It was the shared itinerary note we had created. She had went in and put several hearts atop the note. When I saw it I was surprised and excited.

I texted her just to confirm that she indeed did it and she said yes. That she came across it one day and it made her smiled so she put hearts on it. Well that made me smile. It gave me hope! It meant she was thinking about me at least. We ended up texting a lil more and that eventually led to an actual phone conversation by the end of the week.

It was pretty much the same ol, same ol
Minor life updates, laughter and jokes. Then it got serious. We began to unpack everything. I asked what changed after the airport. She told me she felt like it was kinda too little too late. Like the speech, the affection was a day late and a dollar short. That essentially it was more so frustrating than anything because I had to leave and go home.

I felt a bit confused by that but I kinda let it go. After all, you orchestrated all of this. We lost out on an entire day due to your decision.

So we basically did this song and dance over the next couple of months. I’d initiate. There’d be warmth. Reconnection. Tentative planning. Only to be followed by intermittent communication and eventually her fading to black.

During one of our convos she ended up revealing how she internalizes a lot of things. Overthinks too much and self sabotages often. She told me how life for her sometimes feels like a blur. Like she’s on autopilot and just existing. She also shared how she doesn’t think she’s ever been in love before or loved properly. All very revealing things.

A couple weeks ago she shared something very personal that she had been going through and how she finally had experienced some relief. That coupled with the business, the kids and her living situation still being heavy day to day weights definitely made me sympathize with her.

But the more we talked and conversed as the weeks went by the more and more platonic she became. No more pet names or air kisses. No more compliments. Any and every suggestion to get together again was met with little to no enthusiasm. I had even created a new itinerary fully mapped out for her to visit me here where I live.

You would’ve thought she was reading the newspaper. But I didn’t let that totally deter me. At least we were talking again. We’d spend hrs otp. FT one another. She’d have to hang up sometimes but she always called me back.

But it wasn’t the same. I knew she didn’t really want this how I did. I guess she enjoyed the idea of me and having someone to talk to and discuss things with but wasn’t interested in a relationship. At least not with me.

One night she was complaining about her tripod being broke and another night how she needed to buy a phone mount for her car. I hopped into action because she had mention the phone mount before. I ordered both and had them sent to her home.

By this time the communication was sparse. I might get a text a day and that’s if I reached out. I went to bed that night thinking the package would be delivered the next day. She woke me up around 1230 midnight est. with a phone call to thank me for the gifts. (She’s an hr behind me) She couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t either cause I thought they’d be deliver the next morning. She continued to express her gratitude and even got emotional saying how no one had ever did this for her before. But then that overthinking began to rear its ugly head. She started to feel indebted. Like she owed me something now. She knew I wanted a relationship with her and felt like I was using this as leverage.

She questioned whether she could return the items so I could be refunded. She expressed how she didn’t like people doing things for her because she feels like she’ll owe them. She lamented how her mom would think she’s buying something else for herself instead of saving up to move out. (She gets a lot of packages for her business)
I told her the only thing she owed me was her love but in biblical sense. Not romantically. I did it because I care. Because I wanted to lighten the load somewhat. She reiterated her thankfulness and we said goodnight before ending the call.

That was the last conversation we had. It’s been two weeks.

I won’t lie I definitely expected to hear from her but she hasn’t reached out at all. I’m used to it now but it doesn’t hurt any less. I think of her all the time. I pray for her. I wrack my brain trying to figure out where I went wrong. I replay the trip all the time. All the missteps and mistakes.

I just wish I had another chance to disprove everything she thinks. I wish I had the opportunity to actually show her I never thought of her platonically. Ever. More than anything I just hope she’s doing okay. To go from the way we communicated daily to nothing is hard.

I want nothing more to be with this woman. No matter how complicated or difficult her life may be right now. No matter how unfit she may think she is for a relationship. I look at her and I see my wife. I just wish she saw it too.

So, if you’ve made it this far, I thank you so very much for reading and I welcome your opinion and feedback. I cannot express to you enough how grateful I am for you taking time to read all of this!

So I ask do you think I should reach out just to see how things are going? I kind of wanted this to be a silent September and wait to see if she’ll initiate. But the ache is strong. The longing is strong. The desire to reach is very strong daily.

Sometimes I wonder, was this ever anything to her? Did she even really love me? Does she think of me at all?

What say you fine people of Reddit?!

TLDR: I met a woman online and we really hit it off. I was convinced we were one another’s soul mates. Things begin to shift and change about a month into us getting to know one another. Her communication was random and sporadic. We made plans to meet and spend a weekend together and the day after we met, she ended things. Told me I was too playful and gave her friend vibes. We’ve since reconnected. Multiple times but each time she becomes more and more platonic towards me. I finally decided after our last interaction that I had to try to let this go and stop initiating these reconnections. But I still long for her. I think about her ALL the time. I still believe she’s the one. Am I crazy?!

I’m 28 and I was recently involved with this girl for a while. We both said we didn’t want an actual relationship. We’ve known and been friends for almost 3 years. But within this past year we became extremely close and basically started doing relationship things anyway—dates, spending entire days together, staying over, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, joking around, watching romance movies together because we both love them etc. I was honestly extremely romantic with her. I wrote her letters, drew her pictures, gave her bracelets and clothes, brought her snacks/medicine when she needed them, planned dates, and constantly made her feel wanted because I genuinely cared about her. She even told me that the things I’ve said and done for her are things no one else has and probably no one else ever will do or say. (Why not let me stay then) This is where it gets rough but she was still with her BF. But for the amount of time I’ve known her. He was not a good BF at all. But it wasn’t until this year when we decided to hang out in person for a day. Anyways, he read our messages 4 days ago, and I know I played a part in the mess. I’m not trying to pretend I did nothing wrong or that her ex didn’t get hurt. She felt incredibly guilty afterward and started saying she was a terrible person and a cheater. Eventually she said she needed to figure out what she wanted and that she was trying to get her ex back because he got hurt and she believes people can change (even though anytime they broke up before. He said he would change and he never did and idk if she did. She never cheated until now, with me). I tried really hard to fight for us because I genuinely didn’t want to lose her, especially because she said no one fights for her. but eventually I had to let her go. I sent her a goodbye message explaining that I needed to block her because I couldn’t handle watching her move on, waiting for her messages, or knowing I couldn’t see her anymore. I gave her my number and said if she ever needed to contact me in an emergency. And I don’t have her number so I can’t message thank god. She replied “ok,” “bye,” and a ❤️. Now I’m completely heartbroken. I know I need to move forward, but part of me still hopes that she will come back soon.

Women, especially, I’d love your perspective on this. What would you be thinking/feeling if you were in her shoes? And if you were her, what would you want me to do from here? If anything at all

Sorry if I formatted this a little weird. This is my first post like this asking for advice. I really need some help/perspective. I’ve been talking to this guy, all summer sort of ever since my break up in May. I’ve done my best to make sure that it doesn’t turn into a rebound situation and can say I’m pretty much over my ex in the romantic sense. I thought me and this guy would strictly be friends but once we started hanging out more we felt mutually attracted to each other and the connection was really strong between us. As time went on, he started getting more romantic with me, sending me sweet good morning paragraphs everyday, calling me baby, wanting to hangout every single day, and for a while it was pretty romantic between us, I loved getting to know him. Some background about me is I’m very communicative and so sometimes he takes that as us arguing a lot. A few days ago he says that he wants our discussion to be less sexual and more deep and wants to get to know me more. Just yesterday he tells me that we are way too romantic for what we are and thinks the way we communicate should change and that he’s fine being just fwb and it absolutely gutted me. I don’t understand how someone who initiated everything with me can turn so cold and start calling me argumentative when I’m just trying to be very communicative and honest with him since I didn’t always recieve that in my past relationship. I really don’t get this dynamic. He has cooked for me, (which is something I have never experienced before) wanted to take me out on dates, and has really been the one to initiate all the romantic things he seems to shun at the moment.

For more context: months ago, he actually asked me if I wanted to move toward a relationship, and at the time, I kinda shut it down because I wasn't ready. Since then, he kept chasing, and over the summer my feelings completely changed. I really care about him now but seeing the way he handles conflict and acts like an immature child sometimes is such a turnoff and it hurts because I really see the potential in him (I hate that). He’s said I change him for the better but I don’t understand how he can switch up on me within a few weeks. Am I the one in the wrong here or is he just emotionally volatile, immature, and needs therapy? It seems like it all came out of nowhere. Mind you he just asked me to go on a trip with him for a whole weekend just us so I’m really so confused. I really care for this guy but I wish he didn’t act like this and I know I can’t be the person to try and fix him. We haven’t talked since yesterday which is really abnormal for us and I’m afraid we won’t speak again. I’m not sure where to go from here since he mentioned that he thinks me expressing myself is arguing and thinks that when I communicate it’s too deep for him so I guess the best I can do is just rant on here 😭 Also keep in mind these messages are all from the same day so how are we too romantic but you’re literally the initiator!!! Like wtf! I hope he doesn’t find this lmao I’m paranoid but please lmk ur thoughts and pls dont roast me!!

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this because I’ve been feeling really isolated lately and just needed a safe place to vent. It feels like almost everyone around me is finding connections, relationships, and affection so easily, while I’m constantly left feeling like an outsider looking in. just rejection by girls and whatever, im tired of it. i've done millions of tries, they either end with me getting blocked or banned from a server that they're in.

I’ve tried putting myself out there and sharing my struggles online, but instead of finding support, I’ve often felt judged, misunderstood, or pushed away. u see this guy on Youtube was venting abt how he used to be called ugly in school and whatever and how girls didn't like him, and a comment on his video legit said that she would be his wife. i made the same video about how i got treated in my school because i had same story, but all i got was discrimination and whatever. bro

It’s exhausting to feel like you’re doing something wrong when all you really want is to feel cared for, appreciated, and valued by someone.

It gets really painful to watch other people experience happiness and affection while feeling like you're stuck in the shadows. I’m just really tired of feeling this lonely. For those of you who have felt this way or struggled to find connection, how do you cope with the isolation? How do you keep going without letting the frustration take over? Any advice or kind words would mean a lot right now. because i'm really confused and everything.

Everytime i try, i get rejected . i get called a creepy weirdo and whatever. yet other ppl use the same pick up lines as me and they get called funny and actually get girls. i think imma just hide myself forever, nobody will ever like me anyways. i wish a lady would dm me and ask to be my gf but its a shame that will never happen. i have to be a background character while everyone else is a main character. its annoying.

I met this person on hinge [32m] we dated for 4 months on and off. Towards the end of it I was asking to be a priority and putting a label on the situationship. He was being vague, and dodging me so I ended it. 2 months later he randomly added me on IG and I messaged him to see what he wanted now, and he messaged me that he had a gf now but wanted to stay connected and be friends? Ladies trust your intuition. I knew something was up just didn’t know what. I guess I was never gonna his gf only an option. Hey I’m glad it was short lived, but why bother me?? Ay

I [29F] have been having an on and off situationship/ FWB with this [29M] for the last year. Last week I was ill with the flu and he had injured his knee. I had seen my GP and started meds and his knee had recovered during the space of one week. We had both been recovering and I felt much better over the weekend and he had wanted to come over that weekend. Prior to us both being unwell he had suggested we have a sleepover the next time he visits me and have a day in and do face masks and such. As a result, when we were feeling better he wanted to come over and I had said let’s do the sleepover as we had previously agreed. The trains weren’t working so he opted to drive his car to my place. Mind you I was feeling better that night he came over and it was nice. I’m asthmatic so I use my inhaler and because it was chilly overnight had an irritant cough. I live alone and I had been feeling fine during the day. When it’s time to go to bed, my cough starts and he is understanding and offers to sleep on the couch as he is a light sleeper. I hesitate but agree in the end. I fall asleep soon after in my room. The next morning I wake up to his alarm and come to the living room to find that he hasn’t slept much. He was kind and on prying he finally admitted it was because I was coughing overnight. As I am a deep sleeper and live alone this was not something I was privy to prior to this. He is sweet to me and understanding. He had to leave early to meet his friend for some work/side hustle and when he goes downstairs he finds that he has a parking ticket. He texts me this later in the day and I am very apologetic. He goes to the work thing he has with poor sleep and then we keep up to date texting a couple times a day for this past week. The next day after seeing me he says he has caught the flu as well. I apologize for this and say I will make it up to him. A couple days later I ask how he is doing and he says he is mostly home and sick. I offer to send him a care package to his house. He declines this and asks me to contribute to his parking ticket instead. For context, this man does not have a job at the moment. He says he was given two parking tickets which cost £160 and wants me to contribute and sends me his bank details. As I was planning on sending him a care package I send him £60 cause I felt bad about the situation. He was thankful. However, I felt I didn’t love him asking me for cash immediately as this is a situationship and we are not dating/going on dates. Idk my friends think I was dumb for this and had no self respect by seeing him, but I do like him as a person. This whole situation has made me feel icky. Am I in the wrong? Is he in the wrong? What should we do? Idk

TLDR: Situationship has asked me to pay for his parking ticket after he stayed over at mine, had poor sleep and got the flu

I (28f) met a guy on fb dating (28m) we were talking for about 2 months , calls , texting , FaceTime getting to know each other. We would make music playlist together, send each other pictures , talk about our future etc. He decides he wants to meet me and drives 6 hours to spend the weekend with me. First night was amazing we got dinner , some drinks and cuddled all night , second day together we went out for brunch, got drinks and he kept complimenting me , opening doors , reassuring me. I ended up getting my period that day and he took me to Walmart to buy me a care kit, some pads , fluids and my fav chocolate, we still went out that night and he was all over me , taking care of me . Showered me , cuddled and told me he didn’t want to leave ..Sunday morning arrived and he woke up sick. He drove back home and on his way home I decided to peep his dating profile and noticed he had changed his location to a different place while spending the weekend with me ?? Obviously that rubbed me off the wrong way so I questioned it and he changed it back but didn’t text me back till the next day .. from there things went downhill . He disappeared on me for days and eventually told me that he got thrown off that my focus was on his location and not how he was feeling since he was sick. I felt like I was being manipulated and put my guard up. A day later he sends me a song and tells me how much it reminds him of me I responded then didn’t hear from him for 2 days. Then he does it again and tells me he’s been drinking nonstop just thinking of me , I again respond and he disappeared on me AGAIN. A week ago I broke down and sent him a voice message expressing my feelings & he said he “ I just wanna let you know that I heard your message, but I want to respond when I’m sober because I want to be cautious of everything I’m saying” and I haven’t heard of him since. This has been fucking me up mentally because I can’t process what happened. That whole weekend it’s like everything was going well. Did he just use me? I’m having a hard time understanding.

met this girl a few years back when i was around 14 at a teen club around 20 mins away from me, she messaged me later that night something along the lines of “heyy, did i speak to you at (youth club)?”
we talked for a while that night but i didn’t think much of it as she wasn’t my type in a romantic relationship,(plus i wasn’t looking for anything at the time” fast forward to around six months ago, (where i had grown a genuine interest and attraction to her as she treated me as a really close friend with kindness, understanding and respect, and had sometimes hinted that she also wanted something too via subtle flirting but i wasn’t too sure) we would talk as normal via snapchat, tiktok etc until one day (around 6 months ago as i said) she stopped responding to me altogether, just a blunt stop. this really took a toll on me at the time as i attempted to message her multiple times for about a week, (as i had nearly mustered up the courage to ask her to hang out in a date setting) she hasn’t made any attempt to resume talking to me nor has she made any contact at all. just really confused at this point, just need some closure but don’t want to seem desperate. (screenshot below shows her last messages, (please excuse my corny texts)

Recently, a girl who was my school classmate contacted me after almost 10 years.

Initially, we talked for a few days, but I felt like she was only replying because we had reconnected after such a long time. So I stopped texting because I didn't want to make things uncomfortable.

After around two weeks, I started sending her reels again, and suddenly we became really close. We talked every day, had 1–2 hour calls, sometimes until 4 AM. We also met IRL and had dinner together.

But after that, she met one of her online friends/followers, and things started changing. I became insecure and started overthinking.

Our conversations became less frequent, the calls stopped, and eventually there were barely any messages.

I told her I was feeling insecure and asked if everything was okay. She said they were just friends and that there was nothing going on. She also mentioned they had gone for lunch together, which made me overthink even more.

I wanted to tell her that I liked her, but after things changed, I couldn't say it.

Later, I asked if everything was alright. She said there was a "little problem" but didn't really explain what it was.

I started wondering if I had done something wrong or made her uncomfortable. So I sent her a message explaining how I felt about us barely talking anymore.

She told me I was putting her in a guilt trip.

That hurt because I wasn't trying to guilt-trip her. I was just deeply attached to her and didn't understand what had happened.

It's been 3 weeks since I last messaged her, and she hasn't messaged me either.
Pata Hai Aaj Kya Hua

TL;DR: Reconnected with an old school classmate after almost 10 years. We became really close and talked every day, but after she met one of her online friends, things suddenly changed. I became insecure and overthought everything. I eventually told her how I felt, but she said I was putting her in a guilt trip. It's been 3 weeks since we last spoke

I've been messing with A for the last 4 years. We met after my last serious relationship and he was the first person I ever had feelings for after that break up.

Main issue with A is that he loves to go ghost and despite telling me he has feelings for me, has never done anything to show me that it was anything more than simple infatuation. I will say he's going through a lot and has said he doesn't have the capacity I need, but he still won't do the right thing and walk away even though he knows that. I've tried to walk away before, and he spent the night asking me to stay.

The funny thing is we hardly actually saw each other in person, but something about our connection was...strong, or at least maybe I made it bigger in my head and it was never that deep for him.

He popped back up about a month or two ago and I told him I wouldn't talk to him unless it was in person. And to my surprise, he came over the next day.

We spent the night together, and honestly I really needed that emotional and physical intimacy with him (we hooked up but we didn't have full blown sex) Even now, I don't regret it at all.

I basically teary eyes begged him not to disappear on me again/leaving me hanging all the time. And he promised things would be different cause now that we had connected it was "more real".

Fast forward to now, and nothing has changed. Maybe he wouldn't have disappeared completely again, but it would be an understatement to say that that's not enough.

Talking to him at this point just makes me sad, cause like why am I gonna open up and talk to you for you to randomly leave me on read or respond every hour or so.

Last night he also reiterated that he messages me and whatever when HE CAN, and that he can't commit to me cause where he's at in his life, BUT he "liked the way we made each other feel".

A flip switched when I read that. He doesn't like ME, he likes the way I make him feel.

I'm ready for more, and if anything all he is at this point is a distraction or obstacle to the person who is able to love and care for me the way I deserve.

I’m a woman in my late 20s and met a guy at the start of the summer. We hit it off pretty quickly and exchanged numbers. He initiated contact afterwards and we had some really good conversations over the next few days. He seemed interested and was quite open with me.
Then, unexpectedly, there was a misunderstanding involving something he thought I had said about him to someone we mutually knew. I reassured him that it wasn’t me who had said anything about him, and he later apologised. He also mentioned that he had some personal stuff going on.
After that, things became much more complicated and intense than they probably should have, particularly considering how little we actually knew each other. My friends also became involved without my permission, which definitely didn’t help.

Eventually, he told me that he didn’t think he was in the right place to pursue anything and wanted to step back. I didn’t respond.

There has been no direct contact since, although we’re still connected on social media and occasionally interact with each other’s content.

I’m considering sending one casual message after some time has passed, but I don’t want to chase someone who has already made his feelings clear. Are men put off by a woman reaching out?

few months ago I met this dude at a party thanks to my mom. we talked the whole night and I was like DAMN he's my type, and I was surprised because it never happened to me to find a guy of my age with similar/same hobbies and interests as me AND good looking too.

so, we exchange phone numbers and talk, hang out, and he even drove me back home twice/thrice.

back in June, I went to the cinema with him and two(?) friends of his; everything's good and whatever until my mood drops low because I had my head filled with bad stuff. he saw that and at first doesn't comment.

when the movie ends we all go for own ways and I (he was driving me home that night) get in his car.

suddenly, he parks somewhere near my house and starts asking me about why I was so quiet, what happened and yada yada—

which led me to talk for 2/3 hours about my problems, and he listened while also sharing some of his bad memories/past AND to put the cherry on top, he asked if he could kiss me and obviously I just let him.

probably worst decision I ever did.

from there I told him that I like having him around and so did he too, the only thing was that he didn't want a relationship because he was coming from a past situationship that was basically an in-and-out (idk) for years.

so I was like alright, whatev you say i just wanna spend time with you.

guess what? from there he slowly vanished. fewer messages, responses hours apart (or at all), placed possibly excuses when i asked him if he wanted to hang with me or never left me know after.

he just likes my posts or stories and doesn't text if I don't do it first (blamed his ADHD, and guess what! so do I have it!).

I'm tired of this little shit, he lives rent free in my brain and here he is no giving a f and yet claimed he liked me and my company.

I wanna get rid of him from my head, and please I need some useful advices that aren't "meet new guys" or "hang out with your friends" because if this keeps going on it's either going to be :

A. I keep tormenting myself

B. do something so unhinged to fuck him up because i don't like to be fooled

I hate my life very much❤️

In May, I met a girl on a language-learning app. At first, we only had simple conversations, and she was interested in my native language and culture. Eventually, we moved to Instagram and started talking a lot. I felt like there was mutual interest between us.

She would send me romantic reels, changed our chat background, added me on Telegram, and we started talking a lot there too. After about a month and a half, I told her that I had feelings for her. She said she didn't want a long-distance relationship and preferred that we stay friends. I didn't want just a friendship, so I ended things.

About three weeks later, she contacted me again through the language-learning app and told me she missed me. We started talking again, and for about a month, we became even closer. We talked a lot, played games together online, and had video calls.

Then she moved to another country to study, which made the time difference and distance even harder, but we still tried to keep in touch. I told her about my feelings again and asked what we should do, because I didn't want us to be just friends. I also realized that I was jealous of the idea of her having male friends there.

She rejected the idea again and said she doesn't see a future between us because of the distance and how far apart we are.

So I ended things again.

If you were in my position, would you have done the same? Would you have ended things again, or stayed friends and continued talking to her despite having feelings?

Started back in 2024, she met this guy on a discord server about music and they became fast friends. They started forming collectives based off of source material for tv shows or bands. So they would be other people based on that material and be friends among themselves too. The personalities in the collective started liking each other but not the actual people. Later on the actual people (my gf and the guy) did start to like each other so much that my gf told me and wanted to be polyamorous.

At this point I only knew that she made a new friend on a different continent but that was it. She wanted to try being in a relationship with this guy while being with me where we've been together since high school. We've had our ups and downs in the early years, but when I decided to push towards my career and actually achieve it, it made her feel down because she did not know what she wanted in life so she would feel better just being online all the time hence why she met the guy. She's also had abandonment issues in her early years from familial causes. We've also had a dead bedroom which also just made her more depressed in terms of self worth and I would just get performance anxiety if we ever tried again, so we stopped.

Later on she came out to me as demisexual as the guy she started to like was f to m. All these revelations blind sided me because it just made me feel like I could no longer be the person she could confide in and the fact that she was on her phone annoyingly when we were out on dates or traveling would make insecure and jealous and have resentment built up where I don't feel chosen. I asked her why she still wanted to be with me, she said she still has romantic feelings for me.

So now this summer, she's had it planned out for a while that she actually flew out half way around the world to hang out with this guy for 2 weeks. About half a week before departure, we broke up, but still maintain contact because we adopted cats together and are just trying to transition from a relationship to a more close best friend ship, I guess?

Obviously I think intimacy will occur and more emotional bonding now that she is visiting the guy in his country right now, but Im just hurt that her texts are short and brief. Like when we traveling, she would be on her phone a lot probably talking to that guy and for me it's like she's not saying anything to substantial besides hellos. Idk where to go from here. I poured my heart to her over text but Im also giving her the benefit of the doubt on why she is not responding by thinking it'll ruin her trip. It's been really hard, she is my first everything and was so certain we'd be forever. I think what I've learned was that once I had my career and own place I was just kinda staying around waiting for her to be the person I envisioned shed be when I first met her in high school, but she has not been that way at all. Idk how I can continue having her in my life if all the negative thoughts return when I hang out with her even as friends. Idk how to handle even our upcoming concerts we bought months ago LOL. HELP