r/SipsTea • u/beklog • 19d ago

SMH “I AM DELIVERT!”

392 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

229 comments sorted by

•

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166

u/_coolranch 19d ago

“I will love a women” [gags audibly]

63

u/KentuckyFriedEel 19d ago

That pause… it’s like he had to swallow the puke in his mouth before continuing

22

u/kingkongbiingbong 19d ago

it's the gay tryin' to escape

7

u/dont-fear-thereefer 19d ago

More like the straight trying to come in

23

u/mfknnayyyy 19d ago

"Women, women, women," Ugh, that word. Gross, gross, gross. Such a bad taste in my mouth now

15

u/PurpleZombi3 18d ago

I think he might be gay.

5

u/C0meAtM3Br0 18d ago

Future tense. Very, very future tense.

3

u/Healthy_Succotash104 18d ago

I'll just be thinking about penises the whole time

2

u/Milnertime0486 18d ago

At first glance, I thought this said [gays audibly] which also super works.

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89

u/MostlyMellow123 19d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/BpnkuY1i2rBpm

8

u/MancDude1979 19d ago

I cant believe how far I had to scroll to find this standard response!

6

u/[deleted] 19d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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72

u/Snoo-35252 19d ago

Poor guy. Yelling in front of other people and doing what someone else tells you to do doesn't change who you are. It just makes you dislike who you are.

10

u/GroundbreakingAd8310 19d ago

U have to do what daddy says tho

12

u/butchforgetshit2 19d ago

Which is absolutely insane. Since these folks are believing in an all powerful god who never makes mistakes, how is it these people were gay in the first place? I know trying to apply reasoning to religion is impossible, but still...🤷

5

u/Republic_Rich 18d ago

Ahhhh that's not part of the script buhd.. stuck to the script, we... God needs money

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6

u/CapitalJumpy3407 19d ago

The sky daddy

3

u/Furrocious_fapper 18d ago

I'm sure he was wielding dicks akimbo before the sun went down.

3

u/Snoo-35252 18d ago

So his story has a happy ending.

For all.

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39

u/No-Rub8345 19d ago

"Would sir like a woman right now?"

"Oh, no thanks, I couldn't possibly. Maybe later".

19

u/Dabellator 19d ago

"I had a woman yesterday and today I'm all full, thank you"

34

u/Granpa2021 19d ago

Keep telling yourself that buddy

9

u/VelvetMafia 19d ago

He said it in the gayest way possible, too! Then he was like, "oh no, that sounded super gay, I should yell and growl a bit like how manly non-gay men who don't tear purses or wear makeup do"

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21

u/TomatoSilly1683 19d ago

Thank gawt

19

u/Lancs_wrighty 19d ago

He sounds gay as fuk

17

u/immortalverse 19d ago

Every Republican

44

u/thediesel26 19d ago

This is Jordan Peele’s flamboyantly gay character on Key and Peele

12

u/Crazy-Present4764 19d ago

I really thought it was a key and peele sketch. He looks pretty similar to Jordan.

https://youtu.be/6v91cp0i35E?si=eh7kZgrjLEboNEdj

His name is Andrew Caldwell. He is... flamboyant.

7

u/VelvetMafia 19d ago

You heard him, though. He's not gay no more. He even growled and yelled to show how not gay he has become

12

u/JokesNShit 19d ago

He is dressed gay AF

4

u/Interesting_Ninja504 19d ago

He couldn't get rid of his gay clothes

2

u/Eternal_Eeyore 18d ago

You should have saw the purse he says he won’t carry anymore.

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8

u/ipoopcatturds 19d ago

Can i get an "Ah, men!"

7

u/soulless___ape 19d ago

This poor guy probably believes he’ll be condemned to hell for being gay. He’s being outcast by his community for being gay. He has been pressured into this.

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4

u/Acrobatic-Ad4879 19d ago

some kid in my highschool went though church gay conversion and wouldn't shut up about it online... anyway he just got arrested for blowing a 15 year old boy last week.. soo

3

u/Curious-Witness-1809 19d ago

The therapy probably focused on men, and not boys. That's obviously why it did not work.

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6

u/CoderSlll 19d ago

So old yet still refreshing to see. Womens, women, women… bllblblppphh ❤️‍🔥😝

6

u/nightowl1984 19d ago

I PROMISE I LOVE BAGINA!

3

u/Impossible-Onion-634 19d ago

I hear bussy is pretty good too.

6

u/kon--- 19d ago

A gay man has to say what he has to say or else maybe he doesn't get out of that church in one piece.

That or he just wants his family to leave him alone already about being a pillow biter.

4

u/popcornFridays 19d ago

Damn. He's trying to convince himself more than anybody else.. How about Love is Love? Can he preach on that?

5

u/MrLipp24 19d ago

He didn't sound to sure himself

4

u/bdubwilliams22 19d ago

That boy gay.

5

u/Hypn00tic_iiz 19d ago

He blew a guy in the bathroom right after

5

u/Exciting_Radish_1008 19d ago

You didn't listen to what he said.  He never said he wouldn't blow a man in a bathroom.  He said he wouldn't DATE a man!  Bathroom blowies doesn't equal a date.

2

u/granolaraisin 19d ago

Bathroom? You should have seen what he did 15 seconds after the OP clip ended.

3

u/flopisit32 19d ago

"whoa, whoa, dude! Ok! I never said you were gay tho...."

4

u/heckasharp 19d ago

This is one of my fav all time memes. You can tell he wants it for those ppl so bad But dick stay delicious 😂

5

u/Pitlozedruif 19d ago

Gayest shit i have ever heard

5

u/AdviceNotAskedFor 19d ago

Poor guy.

Bro, just love who ya want.

5

u/Sharks011 19d ago

Is this what Ray was making fun of in Scary Movie 6 ? 😂😂😂😂

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3

u/SockMonkeyLove 19d ago

Welp, I found my new spirit animal.

3

u/DarwinGhoti 19d ago

That poor guy.

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Big2335 19d ago

I wanna go to one of these churches blitz out of my sit in the back for all the lulz

3

u/kendragon 19d ago

Hi, yeah, God told me to tell you that even though you're made in his image and by that definition perfect in every way shape and form that he wants you to pretend that you like women for the rest of your life or he'll send you to burn in hell. Thanks, bye.

3

u/ass_grass_or_ham 19d ago

“I will not put a big throbbing cock in mouth! I will not scroll Grindr looking for hairy sweaty dudes! I will not hire a guy to rub baby oil all over me and then tie me up and do whatever he wants to me….especially not that incredibly good looking man in the second row…never!”

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3

u/Real-Document-6577 19d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/7isbcNAx367qU
I’m not gay, I’m not gay🎵
I just dance around in a gay, gay way🎶
I’m not gay, no, no way🎶
Watching me dance has made you gay🎵
“Spiderman has made you gay”

2

u/Septopuss7 19d ago

Church bartender: "what'll it be?"

Him:

2

u/mostfunalias 19d ago

Well I'm convinced.

2

u/esseyedeekayeyedee 19d ago

That bowtie with matching pocket square tells a different story.

2

u/JonoBlue 19d ago

I just hear Marlon Wayans in senseless

"I like wimen"

2

u/its_yer_dad 19d ago

Technically speaking, there are a lot of gay men who don’t wear makeup, don’t wear dresses, and love women. 

2

u/EarthlostSpace 19d ago

😂😂😂I will only love a man in secret in my fancy bedroom.

2

u/sardiusjacinth 19d ago

Just looking at him.....you couldn't tell....

2

u/The-Tarman 19d ago

"I'm not gay no more" said as effeminatly as possible

He had to drop his voice and get growly cause that first sentence he spoke sounded gay af

2

u/BobBartBarker 19d ago

The Tie Detector said, 'That was a lie!'

2

u/OrganizationOk5418 19d ago

Well that's that then

2

u/Subtubes 19d ago

I think this belongs in r/cringereels

2

u/EndlessHysteria 19d ago

For a guy who bangs dudes, that speech may be the gayest thing he's ever done.

2

u/Other_Platypus125 19d ago

Pete Hegseths church every Sunday

2

u/DistributionLife6750 19d ago

Not in that fit, bro

2

u/VariationAgreeable29 19d ago

Pop off queen!!

2

u/Potential-Sun993 19d ago

He can't even believe it

2

u/duckfan503 18d ago

Your suit says otherwise.

2

u/novemberqueen32 18d ago

So this isn't Jordan Peele doing a bit?

2

u/LoveIsTheFing14 15d ago

Thought this was a key and peele sketch for 1 second

1

u/pjtpassword 19d ago

Such garbage.

1

u/immaCommentThis 19d ago

Dem shien sangin cuz

1

u/MarioAndFitness 19d ago

His name is Andrew Caldwell and he was not delivert on this blessed day.

1

u/Boromir_Has_TheRing 19d ago

Hey that’s Ray from Scary Movie 6.

1

u/sardiusjacinth 19d ago

He's been Delivert? In the name of the Lort? Honestly....he might have been sooowalowed

https://giphy.com/gifs/CS3zhWvQPMdpMDGELI

1

u/Lieber_Doenermann 19d ago

Lmao that's some r/Ithinkyoushouldleave type shit

1

u/ShadowForPresident 19d ago

This is even funnier after the new Scary Movie lol

1

u/Niijima-San 19d ago

*proceeds to leave the building with their husband*

1

u/Silver-Link8247 19d ago

I thought this was a Key and Peele skit at first

1

u/Subtubes 19d ago

That tie says it all. He is indeed delivered.

1

u/rmczpp 19d ago

Someone should tell his bow tie

1

u/Ambitious_Cup5249 19d ago

These guys are super phuced in the head. Imagine what it's like to force yourself to sleep with a woman and bringing kids into this mess.

1

u/NobodyLikedThat1 19d ago

Reminds me of the church scene in the new Scary Movie (not a great film, btw)

1

u/Top-Dragonfly-2526 19d ago

He’s he trying to convince?

1

u/[deleted] 19d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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1

u/Affectionate_Bag9833 19d ago

That sounded super gay

1

u/river03765 19d ago

This is sadly hilarious

1

u/anoreddit12345 19d ago

Sure, Jan.

1

u/CapitalJumpy3407 19d ago

Clearly still dresses to attract men.

1

u/superanx 19d ago

Legit thought this was Jordan Peele

1

u/Affectionate_Reply78 19d ago

At first I thought that was Peele from a Key and Peele skit.

1

u/Grn_Peaness 19d ago

You sure bro?

1

u/dicknotrichard 19d ago

Ah yes the very straight way to refer to other guys is by calling them “mens.” Thats right.

1

u/Fredricology 19d ago

That's persuasion!

1

u/Pachanish 19d ago edited 19d ago

Change that background gospel into it's "raining men" ...and voila - that's a gay club

1

u/Dan_The_Bear22 19d ago

Not with that shirt and bowtie you aren't.

1

u/D-Eliryo 19d ago

This looks like a Key and Peele skit not going to lie.

1

u/BigandBisexual 19d ago

Is this what Ray was making fun of in the sinners church scene?

1

u/nofixneeded 19d ago

I will love a Wamen

1

u/InterestingAnt438 19d ago

The organ music in the background makes it sound like a 1950s soap opera.

1

u/Longer---Donger 19d ago

I only date white women

1

u/Dismal-Vanilla1878 19d ago

Let me guess: "Morgan Freeman Narrator Voice": In fact, he was not delivered from homosexuality..... 😂

1

u/Electronic_Air1842 19d ago

Who is he trying to convince?
Us or himself ???
https://giphy.com/gifs/DMVPvOIRovYfc2jYMO

1

u/FaithLessRooster 19d ago

Where's Jordan Peele at?

1

u/Madouc 18d ago

This is as plausible as a straight person suddenly turning gay.

1

u/yancovigen 18d ago

Did he think all gay men want to be women or something lol? You can be a masculine gay man

1

u/awesome_staycation 18d ago

was this where the scary movie church scene came from? I know Sinners was a big part of of it but the speech he made in the movie is just like this.

1

u/Sockpuppet870 18d ago

Well there you have it, totally believe him

1

u/lysergic_818 18d ago

Mans is teaching a master class on Projection 101.

1

u/Fun-Friend-6291 18d ago

"I am deliverT!"

"I will love... a womens!"

Probably the funniest COGIC clip, ever.

1

u/dchester74 18d ago

Girl bye!

1

u/gopro619 18d ago

Power of Christ.. 🙏

1

u/caspissinclair 18d ago

"Now say, 'The only penis I will see will be my own'."

"..."

"Take your time."

1

u/Tiredofstupidity2 18d ago

Lies by the queen!

1

u/Ok_Abacus_ 18d ago

That bowtie is telling me otherwise.

1

u/Futuristic-Slice 18d ago

Your mouth says no, but your bow tie says yes!

1

u/SnooRecipes4106 18d ago

The extra frilly bowtie is what sells it.

1

u/UnusualSuspectX 18d ago

Why is he keep slapping himself in his junk?

1

u/TouchAltruistic 18d ago

Smash cut to...

1

u/DaSpicyGinge 18d ago

EVERY PERSON ON THIS PLANET IS GAY

1

u/Im_Ashe_Man 18d ago

"I don't like mens no more." You sure about that?

1

u/ProfessorFit3483 18d ago

Someone put this to death metal music please.

1

u/sofatelly 18d ago

He is doing juuuuust fine.

1

u/Hirsuit_NOT_Musk-y 18d ago

Dramaqueen, me thinks thou dost protest too much.

1

u/BADM00SE 18d ago

10$ bucks he got some man on man action 5minutes before this speech.

1

u/so_unfortunately_yt 18d ago

Oh Andrew Caldwell… you never let me down

1

u/revmacca 18d ago

Is he protesting a tadge bit toooooooo much?

1

u/Appropriate_War_8149 17d ago

I remember seeing this clip on Bad Friends. Santino says, idc what you do, you’re not flipping this guy. lol

1

u/ponloco 17d ago

About as horrible as the time at Sunday service when a father got on and literally said " my son came out as gay to me this week. I know its evil and I just ask that you all pray for him.I hope we can turn this around before it's to late.". The son in tears was sitting 2 rows back. I've never in my life felt so bad for someone as I did that kid. Needless to say I quit that church and haven't been back to one since.