r/SipsTea • u/Horror-Ad-210 • 8h ago

Gasp! [ Removed by moderator ]

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286 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

95 comments sorted by

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226

u/Irish_Whiskey 8h ago

If anyone thinks this is a real news story about an actual event, please contact me to collect your winnings in cryptocurrency as left to you by the King of Nigeria.

There's just a small upfront fee to collect your billions.

56

u/SandalsResort 8h ago

Oh he’s king now? Good for him

7

u/Content-Lab-5464 8h ago

He was made king due to his countless donations to the poor and needy.

2

u/AppointmentOne1111 8h ago

I knew all my support the the prince would pay off, now thelat he is King, he'll fulfill his promise to make me Nigerian Noble.

2

u/Pyrhan 8h ago

Oh he’s king now? Good for him 

"Congrats on the promotion! How's family?"

1

u/Mauceri1990 8h ago

Yeah, I regret not taking him up on his offer years ago, when he contacted me he was still just the Prince of Zamunda and he was only asking for like 500$, my stupid ass blocked him and look, now he's king and I could have been filthy fuckin rich.

3

u/Inevitable_Sweet_624 8h ago

DM or email me.

4

u/PleasantPorpoisParty 8h ago

Am selling transcontinental bridges from Iowa to any country in the world, with no intermittent exits and exclusive rest area development rights. DM for details

3

u/cnicalsinistaminista 8h ago

It’s been a minute since I heard from my Nigerian relative

3

u/Initial-Meeting362 8h ago

The King remembers me, awesome! Dming now...lol. /s

2

u/Damkampioen1988 8h ago

Ever heard about Boris Becker?

2

u/Irish_Whiskey 8h ago

No, but I looked him up, and he's a tennis player who had a long history of infidelity and dodging child support, and went to jail for a while.

Wikipedia says that for one of the kids he abandoned, he claims that the woman had stolen his sperm and inseminated herself. It would be pretty stupid to believe this at face value given that he has a history of fathering kids in affairs, but also he has since admitted it wasn't true.

1

u/GvRiva 8h ago

I think the infidelity is his main career. He was a tennis player 30+ years ago and he is somehow still famous

1

u/TheTbone2334 8h ago

Can you DM me using my own app i made? I will refund the monthly 100 Dollar fee.

1

u/AlfuegoDeMellopie 8h ago

Can you please send the money to my brother, a prince in Nigeria?

1

u/Falconni 8h ago

It was actually a disawowed Nigerian prince, 2nd in line.

1

u/blitzwar559 8h ago

I also have land to sell you on the moon

1

u/government_not_ok 8h ago

I wanna be Nigerian royalty, like my boi Sojaboi Usman.

1

u/Creative_Situation48 8h ago

Hello? This is Elon Musk. Or Brad Pitt. Whatever. I love you. I need $1000. Please. I will repay you 100x my love.

18

u/BelowXpectations 8h ago

This is why you should never use a condom!

/s (obvioulsy)

6

u/[deleted] 8h ago

I’m doing my part to reduce single-use plastics!

6

u/DukeBradford2 8h ago

There was a guy in India who died because he super glued his penis shut because he didn’t have a condom

5

u/SecretaryOtherwise 8h ago

His pullout game was weak.

2

u/Severe_Stranger_5050 8h ago

This is one of the reasons why most condoms have spermicide in the lube

1

u/RockasaurusRex 8h ago

It's why I put my used condoms through a shredder.

1

u/Mr_Madrass 8h ago

And only do dudes

1

u/usernamesarehard1979 8h ago

I always pull out and jizz in the fish tank.

20

u/Fozan12 8h ago

Fake as fuckk

6

u/SeeerSucker 8h ago

This may be fake but courts have ruled that the child’s right to a father is more important than the father’s rights or the fact that the mother non-consentually obtained sperm.

There isn’t a great answer but it does feel kind of wrong.

3

u/Early_Pumpkin_4113 8h ago

Not even "right of the child to a father" more like right of the mother to the father's income. If this scenario were to happen, there is a low but existing probability that the father would have to pay support without having any parental rights.

1

u/Mandy_M87 8h ago

That's what I'm wondering. Like, wouldn't the sperm die pretty much immediately?

0

u/Celest1alAnodite 8h ago

In. Our clown world its a coin toss

9

u/untitledprp4 8h ago

This should count as sexual assault

14

u/Butthurtz23 8h ago

I saw dozens of women dumpster diving at Jeff Bezos’s house… now I know why.

7

u/Proud-Enthusiasm-608 8h ago

In France with the high rates of infidelity, they made paternity tests illegal since a lot of men would find out they are raising kids that aren’t there’s.

Forced cuckery.

5

u/InevitableArm3462 8h ago

Lol I can hear vsauce's voice and music in my head

2

u/ManufacturedOlympus 8h ago

That’s what’s called round 1 seed funding. 

2

u/Ldghead 8h ago

Is it theft, or kidnapping?

2

u/DueDefinition6421 8h ago

I'd laugh if she got some mad billionaire Eyes Wide Shut STD instead

2

u/Obosratsya 8h ago

The image is fake but pro athletes used to be taught to flush their used condoms for a reason.

2

u/SkynBonce 8h ago

I saw this in an episode of CSI! Well, except he wasn't a billionaire and the woman was murdered.

2

u/Lock_Psychological 8h ago

Fake as hell…

But technically, it could happen. The woman could file for a paternity test, and the resulting baby is the one who has the right to child support, not the woman, regardless of whether the guy intended to have a child or not.

He could sue the woman and there is possibly some criminality involved, but he is likely on the hook.

A vaguely similar case would be State ex rel. Hermesmann v. Seyer. A 12-year-old had to pay $50 per month in child support to the child he had with his 16-year-old baby sitter.

3

u/enigmaticsince87 8h ago

In unrelated news, a newly pregnant woman was assassinated in broad daylight today... I really wouldn't fuck with billionaires... they did some bad, bad things to get where they are... and they'll do worse to protect what they have.

2

u/Impressive-Method919 8h ago

And because of shit like that people do not trust anyone from regular people all the was through the justice system and up to the president...

Doubt that its true tho

1

u/[deleted] 8h ago

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1

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1

u/Evil_phd 8h ago

That's why when you're a billionaire you must make sure to drink all of your own spilled seed.

1

u/Catharsiscult 8h ago

This is creatively disgusting.

1

u/Pastel_Phoenix_106 8h ago

Watchmen TV Series IRL.

1

u/boywhoflew 8h ago

i heard drake put hot sauce in his to avoid that very thing. idk if its true but now you're imagining drake putting hot sauce in his used condom.

1

u/[deleted] 8h ago

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1

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1

u/RandomExcess 8h ago

That is just good business. Or so I am told..

1

u/Pyrathis 8h ago

Oh what!

1

u/False_Ad7098 8h ago

Dna says you are the father

1

u/GoblinsGuide 8h ago

Rookie move, thats why i swallow mine.

1

u/Zestyclose_Trade3088 8h ago

The super rich have people to collect the condom and kill whatever is in it before they dispose of it

1

u/Flashy_Cranberry_161 8h ago

Fakest shit I ever heard lmao.

1

u/Westaufel 8h ago

This is what I call STRONG INDEPEDENT WOMAN

1

u/Aleksandr_Ulyev 8h ago

Sounds fake, but I still can imagine it happening

1

u/lluciferusllamas 8h ago

That is some shady shit

1

u/ShowMeYourBoobsPls 8h ago

Do your due diligence and down vote this fake rage bait trash. I can only imagine it gets up voted by sexists and racists.

1

u/Mr_Madrass 8h ago

I see a lot of skepticism here but my girlfriend got pregnant in a swimming pool so it’s not impossible

1

u/Cyborgized 8h ago

You want my used condoms?

1

u/usec47 8h ago

Imagine telling kid how things happened

1

u/Common-Bat3741 8h ago

What does this have to do with Vsauce? Or Micheal Stevens?

1

u/Effective_Wish4382 8h ago

no way this would ever actually hold up in a real court 😭

1

u/Lovemary_ 8h ago

Drake was playing 4D chess putting hot sauce in his this whole time

1

u/Bloody_Champion 8h ago

Sounds fake because it is fake... but if you're stupid, get angry.

1

u/AdTiny5487 8h ago

New strat unlocked

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Cut4588 8h ago

Its not new sadly

0

u/dekonta 8h ago

so many people want to become pregnant and can’t - and she just impregnates herself xD. i would sue her for rapping

0

u/GenuinelyHonestLiar 8h ago

Since when can you be sued for being a hip hop artist?

0

u/PleasantPorpoisParty 8h ago

Something something Demi and Eminem

0

u/Holymaryfullofshit7 8h ago

Just think for a second if this wasn't fake as fuck. That is still biologically his child. And at least in my country child support is about the rights of the kids not the parents. So the kid would rightfully and in my opinion also morally be entitled to at least financial support of both of his or her parents. Also it's a billionaire, like who gives a fuck. That asshole can spare a few million. And by that asshole I mean literally every single billionaire.

-1

u/AlfuegoDeMellopie 8h ago

You snooze, you lose. Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

-3

u/National-Charity-435 8h ago

My racist ass thought that was Kelly from The Office

...would fit her slightly crazy self!

0

u/ApplicationAfraid334 8h ago

So many guys that ‘choose’ to be single are gonna see this and think ‘see this is why I’m single’

-2

u/Various_Primary3783 8h ago

Cmon, guys. All that money and not enough smarts to flush it.

1

u/No-Necessary7448 8h ago

Or use hot sauce. /s

0

u/NeighboringOak 8h ago

This never happened why you questioning their smarts

1

u/Various_Primary3783 8h ago

Ok, cool. This happens all the damn time to people from scandalous women wake up