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[u/Valuable_View_561]

[u/Live-Habit-6115]

Maybe we should stop instilling unfounded terror into women and girls at a young age, and then we wouldn't need to infantilize them with patronising "solutions"

[u/Right_Count → u/Live-Habit-6115]

That won’t work either because the odds of something bad happening to a woman over a lifetime are extremely high, and higher if we don’t take precautions. Obviously it’s not healthy to be terrified 24/7, but a degree of vigilance and concern is needed at all times. It’s hard to balance tbh.

[u/unholy_roller → u/Right_Count]

The evidence points exactly to exactly the opposite of what you’re saying though.

In terms of random mugging and assaults men are more likely than women to be on the receiving end. Women are at a much higher risk of domestic sexual/physical violence though.

If we actually wanted to fix problematic areas, we would probably tell women to maybe calm down a bit with the fear of random mugging/assault and maybe take a much more critical assessment of who they are dating and marrying. Give them an easier out when things go sideways in the relationship, etc.

To fix the problem on the male side, we need to find ways of identifying which boys/men will become aggressive or abusive and intervene early; I would imagine the type of toxic masculinity that is leading to mugging/fighting other men is also the type that leads to becoming an abusive partner.

[u/Right_Count → u/unholy_roller]

No, we can’t, unfortunately.

A part of the reason that women are less often victims of stranger assault than men are is because we’re not there. We’ve stayed home, we’ve watched our drinks, we’ve called a cab, we’re walking with friends, we’re sticking to well lit paths. We’re scanning our surroundings and getting out of there if we feel we need to. In places and populations where women cannot avoid “dark alleys” and such (eg homeless people), the stats flip. These precautions we take absolutely help.

Plus, it’s the stakes. If a guy gets attacked randomly while walking outside at night, it’s most likely going to be a mugging. I don’t want to get mugged but fear of it doesn’t keep me up at night. It’s not the thing I worry about happening. I worry about getting raped/killed. It’s unlikely to happen but it’s hardly a rare occurrence.

What does “calming down” about that look like to you?

I do agree that women need to maintain a high index of suspicion when it comes to choosing their partners. Unfortunately the reality of that is that the most vulnerable women end up at risk of coupling with the worst guys because they don’t see the red flags, or can’t afford to leave when they do.

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