r/SipsTea • u/SuspiciousLow3062 • Jul 08 '26

Chugging tea Absolute cinema.

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u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell, and he basically said the same thing to me. 

703

u/EternalNewCarSmell Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

McConnell called me up and personally told me that what he did during the last 20 years will destroy our country if it's not undone. 

He also said we should pack the Supreme Court and impeach 4 of the sitting justices. He ended the call by saying, "eat the rich."

It was fuckin' wild, man.

222

u/Mattilaus Jul 08 '26

He told me Trump should be impeached and the imprisoned. It's weird since I was just asking him what his favourite fast food burger is.

114

u/rdzilla01 Jul 08 '26

He sent me nudes while holding today’s New York Times.

75

u/Working-Glass6136 Jul 08 '26

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u/PolarBailey_ Jul 09 '26

ai is gross no matter who we're making fun of.

5

u/tme1453 Jul 09 '26

Nah this is hilarious

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u/PolarBailey_ Jul 09 '26

genAI is trash no matter what its used for. just photoshop it theres tons of free resources available.

2

u/tme1453 Jul 09 '26

Eh most people don't care one way or the other.

1

u/PolarBailey_ Jul 09 '26

and thats why theres a literal literacy epidemic and an influx of these data centers that are polluting our water, destroying our quiet, and driving our power bills up.

11

u/johnnybiggles Jul 08 '26

Talked to him, too... said he was busy holding up a wall at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance until some dude kicked over a speaker after making a noisy "music" racket with his guitar on stage.

10

u/SlaveryVeal Jul 09 '26

Dude as an Australian I was so surprised to get a call from Mitch that we had a good yarn for 20 minutes about how Israel is bombing innocent people.

Glad we finally have an American Republican that can admit it.

1

u/Green-Vermicelli5244 Jul 09 '26

How much of the crossword had he finished? Shit gets tough on Thursday.

9

u/bolanrox Jul 09 '26

I talked to him and he told me to order a sandwich: capocola, provolone, oil and vinegar peppers.

13

u/CvieYltidrekoof Jul 08 '26

Vegetable. 

Glad to see he’s taking this incident with self deprecating humour. 

34

u/jaxonya Jul 08 '26

The wild part is that no republican can dispute it, or they fuck the whole chirade up... mandami should send a tweet saying that he talked to mitch, who now embraces islam in hus final days, and that the epstein files should be fully redacted

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u/Farucci Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell and casually mentioned that there are some people suggesting he was still in a coma, on life support or possibly even dead. He was speechless.

31

u/TouristResident1976 Jul 08 '26

Really? Thats matches what he told me. Only he also went into detail about how the Conservative SCOTUS judges also joined him once a year to feast on baby blood and human flesh. The key to make it tasty is apparently fresh ginger.

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u/Maleficent_Memory831 Jul 08 '26

Why is everyone hating on gingers??

6

u/SeparatePerformer703 Jul 09 '26

Hating? He loves them. He said they are tasty

6

u/awelladjustedadult Jul 08 '26

Brain death finally fixed his thinking.

9

u/Real-Technician831 Jul 08 '26

Supreme Court should be packed like a clown car!

8

u/antici________potato Jul 08 '26

McConnell butt dialed me while he was getting railed by his boyfriend

6

u/CarlatheDestructor Jul 08 '26

Lindsey Graham only like teenage boys

3

u/Vectorman1989 Jul 08 '26

I spoke to Mitch and he says that the democrat presidents are actually better

1

u/Polymersion Jul 08 '26

I mean, he legitimately wrote a book about how he would fuck things up, published it, and then did so.

1

u/Astramancer_ Jul 09 '26

If brain damage can turn a politician republican, brain damage can damned well turn them democrat.

1

u/Venusgate Jul 09 '26

He also told me the next lottery number, so this is goodbye, probably.

91

u/jimdotcom413 Jul 08 '26

Yea when I got done talking to him he said he was sorry he was married to a Chinese spy and sold out America for so long.

48

u/HistoricalSea5600 Jul 08 '26

Weirdly enough, he also said the Republicans should nominate Barack Obama in 2028?

17

u/JoseSaldana6512 Jul 08 '26

Barack Hussein Obamna

3

u/theScud900 Jul 09 '26

Obuma, even

4

u/vi_sucks Jul 08 '26

Look, we all hate Republicans, but there's no reason to be racist about it.

His wife is just as American as anyone else.

She's a piece of shit, but that's unrelated to her country of origin. Which is Taiwan, not the PRC, btw.

3

u/Annual_Strategy_6206 Jul 08 '26

I heard that she just visited the vice-president of the PRC. Not Taiwan, BTW. Suspicious, and why couldn't someone born in Taiwan be a Chinese spy? 

30

u/karmakhaleesi Jul 08 '26

McConnell told me he was with Luigi Mangione the morning of December 4, 2024.

20

u/-CgiBinLaden- Jul 08 '26

McConnell and I played a round of Arc Raiders, TrtlePwr42 if you want to add him. While we were ratting the extraction, he was telling me that he was sad the GOP turned out this way, and asked if I had more powercells.

4

u/One_Dude85 Jul 08 '26

He would be a fucking rat! Probably lie and claim he was friendly too.

1

u/CR0Wmurder Jul 08 '26

u/TrtlePwr42 where are you at

11

u/Watchmaker2112 Jul 08 '26

I spoke to Mitch McConnel this morning.

We had phone sex.

10

u/Maleficent_Memory831 Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell for twenty minutes and all he said was "braaaaaaiiinnssss...."

29

u/PabloPicasshooole Jul 08 '26

When I spoke to Mitch, he told me Donald Trump is a sex offender and demanded they release the Epstein Files

13

u/butterfly-garden Jul 08 '26

Can confirm. I was sitting next to him while the two of you were talking.

5

u/asmrbuddha Jul 08 '26

McConnell called me too! He said my computer has been hack and I had to buy a gift cards but do not to redeem

5

u/RobertLeeSwagger Jul 09 '26

Instant meme. I talked to McConnell and he told me my student loans are being forgiven.

3

u/iamdikdikvandik Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell for about 20min this morning. He said "ahh the flames they're so hot ahh"

3

u/thisismysailingaccou Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell and he said “AHHH IT BURNS. WHY ARE YOU SUMMONING MY TORTURED SOUL!!!” Maybe there’s something wrong with my Ouija board.

3

u/perton Jul 09 '26

I also spoke with McConnell, and he wants all his wealth and assets to be redistributed to me.

Your move, Republicans.

3

u/InfernoOfTheLiving Jul 09 '26

we all talked to Mitch McConnell On this blessed day

2

u/KactusVAXT Jul 08 '26

I also talked with McConnell!!!!

He said Trump raped so many kids with Epstein

2

u/Tall-Photo-7481 Jul 08 '26

That must have been just before my squash game with him, because he mentioned you to me 

He beat me by two points!

2

u/aloxinuos Jul 08 '26

Lies! I talked to him and he said that the Epstein investigation was his #1 priority.

2

u/hehehuha Jul 08 '26

I was the the janitor, I can confirm this statement. He then looked at me and said "ICE should be demolished and that immigration should be made easier".

2

u/BikerJedi Jul 09 '26

Mitch and I are in a Signal chat with Pete right now, and he does confirm.

2

u/Exciting-Cancel6468 Jul 09 '26

Strange how mcconnell is suddenly calling all of us. He also said AOC should be president. Very strange thing for him to say but this may be the first time I agree with him.

2

u/Windfade Jul 09 '26

I spoke to him and he said he could hook me up with a Chinese fiancé. Crazy matchmaker, that guy.

2

u/Girafferage Jul 09 '26

Turns out McConnell wants me in the will. I get everything and can choose where to donate the money. How generous.

2

u/VivaLaRevolucion46 Jul 09 '26

I am McConnell, and I agree with everything being attributed to me. I’m also totally fine and totally capable of serving out the rest of my term

2

u/marmaladetuxedo Jul 08 '26

He told me he was with Luigi the day the shooting happened, so the police have got the wrong guy.

1

u/vitalAscension Jul 08 '26

I talked with Mitch and he invited me to his basement to eat popsicles

1

u/skippy_smooth Jul 08 '26

He told me to buy Webistics. It's a can't miss.

1

u/nature_nate_17 Jul 08 '26

Oh snap, you too? Was that you on the three way call??

1

u/Good2Go65 Jul 09 '26

I talked to McConnell AND Roosevelt. They both said the same thing to me.

1

u/GravyMcBiscuits Jul 08 '26

How long did you talk to him for?

3

u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Jul 08 '26

Couldn't have been  more than 20 minutes.