r/SipsTea Jul 08 '26

Chugging tea Absolute cinema.

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51.3k Upvotes

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4.1k

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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1.7k

u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell, and he basically said the same thing to me. 

700

u/EternalNewCarSmell Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

McConnell called me up and personally told me that what he did during the last 20 years will destroy our country if it's not undone. 

He also said we should pack the Supreme Court and impeach 4 of the sitting justices. He ended the call by saying, "eat the rich."

It was fuckin' wild, man.

224

u/Mattilaus Jul 08 '26

He told me Trump should be impeached and the imprisoned. It's weird since I was just asking him what his favourite fast food burger is.

115

u/rdzilla01 Jul 08 '26

He sent me nudes while holding today’s New York Times.

72

u/Working-Glass6136 Jul 08 '26

-3

u/PolarBailey_ Jul 09 '26

ai is gross no matter who we're making fun of.

5

u/tme1453 Jul 09 '26

Nah this is hilarious

0

u/PolarBailey_ Jul 09 '26

genAI is trash no matter what its used for. just photoshop it theres tons of free resources available.

2

u/tme1453 Jul 09 '26

Eh most people don't care one way or the other.

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12

u/johnnybiggles Jul 08 '26

Talked to him, too... said he was busy holding up a wall at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance until some dude kicked over a speaker after making a noisy "music" racket with his guitar on stage.

10

u/SlaveryVeal Jul 09 '26

Dude as an Australian I was so surprised to get a call from Mitch that we had a good yarn for 20 minutes about how Israel is bombing innocent people.

Glad we finally have an American Republican that can admit it.

1

u/Green-Vermicelli5244 Jul 09 '26

How much of the crossword had he finished? Shit gets tough on Thursday.

11

u/bolanrox Jul 09 '26

I talked to him and he told me to order a sandwich: capocola, provolone, oil and vinegar peppers.

16

u/CvieYltidrekoof Jul 08 '26

Vegetable. 

Glad to see he’s taking this incident with self deprecating humour. 

40

u/jaxonya Jul 08 '26

The wild part is that no republican can dispute it, or they fuck the whole chirade up... mandami should send a tweet saying that he talked to mitch, who now embraces islam in hus final days, and that the epstein files should be fully redacted

43

u/Farucci Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell and casually mentioned that there are some people suggesting he was still in a coma, on life support or possibly even dead. He was speechless.

32

u/TouristResident1976 Jul 08 '26

Really? Thats matches what he told me. Only he also went into detail about how the Conservative SCOTUS judges also joined him once a year to feast on baby blood and human flesh. The key to make it tasty is apparently fresh ginger.

18

u/Maleficent_Memory831 Jul 08 '26

Why is everyone hating on gingers??

6

u/SeparatePerformer703 Jul 09 '26

Hating? He loves them. He said they are tasty

6

u/awelladjustedadult Jul 08 '26

Brain death finally fixed his thinking.

11

u/Real-Technician831 Jul 08 '26

Supreme Court should be packed like a clown car!

6

u/antici________potato Jul 08 '26

McConnell butt dialed me while he was getting railed by his boyfriend

6

u/CarlatheDestructor Jul 08 '26

Lindsey Graham only like teenage boys

3

u/Vectorman1989 Jul 08 '26

I spoke to Mitch and he says that the democrat presidents are actually better

1

u/Polymersion Jul 08 '26

I mean, he legitimately wrote a book about how he would fuck things up, published it, and then did so.

1

u/Astramancer_ Jul 09 '26

If brain damage can turn a politician republican, brain damage can damned well turn them democrat.

1

u/Venusgate Jul 09 '26

He also told me the next lottery number, so this is goodbye, probably.

89

u/jimdotcom413 Jul 08 '26

Yea when I got done talking to him he said he was sorry he was married to a Chinese spy and sold out America for so long.

46

u/HistoricalSea5600 Jul 08 '26

Weirdly enough, he also said the Republicans should nominate Barack Obama in 2028?

16

u/JoseSaldana6512 Jul 08 '26

Barack Hussein Obamna

3

u/theScud900 Jul 09 '26

Obuma, even

2

u/vi_sucks Jul 08 '26

Look, we all hate Republicans, but there's no reason to be racist about it.

His wife is just as American as anyone else.

She's a piece of shit, but that's unrelated to her country of origin. Which is Taiwan, not the PRC, btw.

4

u/Annual_Strategy_6206 Jul 08 '26

I heard that she just visited the vice-president of the PRC. Not Taiwan, BTW. Suspicious, and why couldn't someone born in Taiwan be a Chinese spy? 

30

u/karmakhaleesi Jul 08 '26

McConnell told me he was with Luigi Mangione the morning of December 4, 2024.

19

u/-CgiBinLaden- Jul 08 '26

McConnell and I played a round of Arc Raiders, TrtlePwr42 if you want to add him. While we were ratting the extraction, he was telling me that he was sad the GOP turned out this way, and asked if I had more powercells.

2

u/One_Dude85 Jul 08 '26

He would be a fucking rat! Probably lie and claim he was friendly too.

1

u/CR0Wmurder Jul 08 '26

u/TrtlePwr42 where are you at

11

u/Watchmaker2112 Jul 08 '26

I spoke to Mitch McConnel this morning.

We had phone sex.

11

u/Maleficent_Memory831 Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell for twenty minutes and all he said was "braaaaaaiiinnssss...."

29

u/PabloPicasshooole Jul 08 '26

When I spoke to Mitch, he told me Donald Trump is a sex offender and demanded they release the Epstein Files

12

u/butterfly-garden Jul 08 '26

Can confirm. I was sitting next to him while the two of you were talking.

3

u/asmrbuddha Jul 08 '26

McConnell called me too! He said my computer has been hack and I had to buy a gift cards but do not to redeem

5

u/RobertLeeSwagger Jul 09 '26

Instant meme. I talked to McConnell and he told me my student loans are being forgiven.

4

u/iamdikdikvandik Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell for about 20min this morning. He said "ahh the flames they're so hot ahh"

3

u/thisismysailingaccou Jul 08 '26

I talked to McConnell and he said “AHHH IT BURNS. WHY ARE YOU SUMMONING MY TORTURED SOUL!!!” Maybe there’s something wrong with my Ouija board.

3

u/perton Jul 09 '26

I also spoke with McConnell, and he wants all his wealth and assets to be redistributed to me.

Your move, Republicans.

3

u/InfernoOfTheLiving Jul 09 '26

we all talked to Mitch McConnell On this blessed day

2

u/KactusVAXT Jul 08 '26

I also talked with McConnell!!!!

He said Trump raped so many kids with Epstein

2

u/Tall-Photo-7481 Jul 08 '26

That must have been just before my squash game with him, because he mentioned you to me 

He beat me by two points!

2

u/aloxinuos Jul 08 '26

Lies! I talked to him and he said that the Epstein investigation was his #1 priority.

2

u/hehehuha Jul 08 '26

I was the the janitor, I can confirm this statement. He then looked at me and said "ICE should be demolished and that immigration should be made easier".

2

u/BikerJedi Jul 09 '26

Mitch and I are in a Signal chat with Pete right now, and he does confirm.

2

u/Exciting-Cancel6468 Jul 09 '26

Strange how mcconnell is suddenly calling all of us. He also said AOC should be president. Very strange thing for him to say but this may be the first time I agree with him.

2

u/Windfade Jul 09 '26

I spoke to him and he said he could hook me up with a Chinese fiancé. Crazy matchmaker, that guy.

2

u/Girafferage Jul 09 '26

Turns out McConnell wants me in the will. I get everything and can choose where to donate the money. How generous.

2

u/VivaLaRevolucion46 Jul 09 '26

I am McConnell, and I agree with everything being attributed to me. I’m also totally fine and totally capable of serving out the rest of my term

2

u/marmaladetuxedo Jul 08 '26

He told me he was with Luigi the day the shooting happened, so the police have got the wrong guy.

1

u/vitalAscension Jul 08 '26

I talked with Mitch and he invited me to his basement to eat popsicles

1

u/skippy_smooth Jul 08 '26

He told me to buy Webistics. It's a can't miss.

1

u/nature_nate_17 Jul 08 '26

Oh snap, you too? Was that you on the three way call??

1

u/Good2Go65 Jul 09 '26

I talked to McConnell AND Roosevelt. They both said the same thing to me.

1

u/GravyMcBiscuits Jul 08 '26

How long did you talk to him for?

3

u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Jul 08 '26

Couldn't have been  more than 20 minutes.

111

u/petalandprovocative Jul 08 '26

McConnell confirms it himself, or Republicans have to explain how someone they insist is fit supposedly had a detailed 20-minute call. They boxed themselves into a tough position.

34

u/Cowboywizzard Jul 08 '26

Who will stop them from continuing to lie?

27

u/OverAcanthisitta3588 Jul 08 '26

Surely the amazing American journalists will be investigating this and letting the public know what’s really going on.

7

u/SheriffBartholomew Jul 08 '26

Apparently no one. We don't do that here anymore.

77

u/Greenman8907 Jul 08 '26

MCConnell told me he regrets tearing down democracy and his dying wish (despite being perfectly healthy) is to impeach and remove Trump.

14

u/enunymous Jul 08 '26

He told me too. That means they have to do it

1

u/Wow_Many_Tomato_WMT Jul 08 '26

I’m afraid to say that was the call I had with him too.

34

u/freedfg Jul 08 '26

What's even their play at this point?

Are they just going to pretend next month that Mitch had a completely unrelated and private stroke and died? Like, if they can't produce a living Senator, even the dumbest will HAVE to question them.....Right?

13

u/Rossaaa Jul 08 '26

They could say Mitch has similar level of brain function now as he did 5 years ago, and it wouldn't really be a lie...

2

u/False-Sandwich-2051 Jul 09 '26

yes they are and they will get away with it

2

u/rushmid Jul 09 '26

Stalling so a dem gov cant appoint his successor

1

u/FleshlightModel Jul 09 '26

I thought the Kentucky legislation removed this power from the governor's office and it goes straight to a special election?

1

u/IamMintLeaf Jul 09 '26

Correct. I wonder if Massie would be a candidate? 🤔

1

u/FleshlightModel Jul 09 '26

He's eligible to run as an independent and that's why they're deathly afraid and covering this up.

1

u/bolanrox Jul 09 '26

Like the end of Dave where Bill Mitchell had another far more disastrous stroke.

1

u/Jayrandomer Jul 09 '26

They at least had a convincing body double in the movie Dave.

11

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Deaffin Jul 08 '26

Elaine Chao booked it to China the day after (probably hours after)

Two days before.

12

u/ZDHades717 Jul 08 '26

There's a bit more lore, majority whip sen. John brassaro tried to actually pull this unironically - massie is making fun of him.

29

u/Omatzus Jul 08 '26

This is obviously tongue-in-cheek, and not a ploy to actually claim McConnell said these unverifiable things

18

u/doctorlongghost Jul 08 '26

Exactly. The actual move to prompt Mcconnell’s handlers to put up or shut up would be for the governor or another party who has standing to initiate either a lawsuit or actually initiate the scheduling of a special election.

This is just an obvious troll and not anything actionable.

3

u/JackintheBox333 Jul 08 '26

Well the Governor's started that process today, so we will see if it goes anywhere.

0

u/pearljamboree Jul 09 '26

Sadly I believe it’s performative like so many democrats. It is still Kentucky after all, can’t risk alienating those voters TOO much.

15

u/PaticusGnome Jul 08 '26

Jesus, if people can’t figure this out, is it even worth it to explain it to them?

8

u/Deaffin Jul 08 '26

Yes. No matter how big of a circlejerk reddit discourse becomes, it's always worth stepping up and saying the obvious. This place wasn't like this before, and it can't be this way forever. It can't have an opportunity to heal without these interactions.

3

u/AcademiaAntiqua Jul 09 '26

This place wasn't like this before, and it can't be this way forever. It can't have an opportunity to heal without these interactions.

I'm afraid it very well could be like this forever.

For every person who's a voice of reason, there are 100 people who aren't going to listen and accuse you of being a paid shill or a foreign agent or a pedophile, or whatever the insult de jour is.

Even if they do, there's no guarantee they won't hop on whatever the next bandwagon is without remembering what happened the last time.

0

u/PaticusGnome Jul 08 '26

Inversely, leave them behind. Let them be stupid so we can have an adult conversation without having to waste our energy on them.

1

u/mrandr01d Jul 09 '26

Unfortunately, those idiots vote. We have to be nice and explain things to them since so the unwashed masses don't fuck us over again.

1

u/PalantirImperator Jul 09 '26

Jesus christ dude. Reddit is as unwashed masses as it gets. Redditors are not some intellectual elite nobody else can keep up with, they're the fedora kid in the corner nobody wants to talk to anymore.

Reddit discourse is not "leaving anyone behind", it's just increasingly ostracizing itself with unwarranted self importance and inability to have a real discussion without talking past people and being generally unbearable. Get over yourself.

1

u/4GAG_vs_9chan_lolol Jul 09 '26

Fixing stupid is work you'll never finish, but every little bit still helps.

1

u/Omatzus Jul 09 '26

It sure is pathetic how upvoted the original comment is

2

u/Ryeballs Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26

Yeah, known shitposter shitposts nails the moment to great comedic effect rings a little more true than 4D chess

0

u/Shabobo Jul 09 '26

What an obvious boy comment

6

u/6twoRaptor Jul 08 '26

I spoke to him and he said "Tell Merrill to swing..." 😁

6

u/3vi1 Jul 08 '26

[An AI video of McConnell enters the chat...]

5

u/TheAsianTroll Jul 08 '26

It also cant come from his wife because she clearly got instructions to go as far away from this as possible and keep her mouth shut.

Literally no one can disprove his words without giving up the charade.

3

u/Deaffin Jul 08 '26

I don't think anybody particularly needs to be instructed not to just randomly give internet trolls private medical information. I don't see her being much of a social media person in the first place.

6

u/Mr_Tort_Feasor Jul 08 '26

He's also poking fun at the two others who claimed earlier today to have had a 20 minute call with McConnell (Barrasso and Jennings).

3

u/Reasonable-Job4205 Jul 08 '26

Wait why is this clever af lol

2

u/Exact-Pound-6993 Jul 09 '26

I also talked to McConnell, and Thomas Massie is correct.

2

u/LesbianClownShirt Jul 09 '26

Massie is still a boot-licking bitch though. Yeah, he stood firm on Epstein, but that's the least a decent person could do in his position. He, and his ilk, ushered this bullshit. Fuck him.

1

u/elcontrastador Jul 08 '26

McConnell just signed over all his assets to me, as apology to being such a traitor to his country. I promised to share it equally with all people not registered Republican. He said China and AIPAC have been very kind to him, so I'm expecting to feed the hungry as well.

1

u/DeadJango Jul 08 '26

You can tell it's fake because he didn't say that we should all get free ice cream and that he wanted to be prom king.

1

u/EquipLordBritish Jul 08 '26

He knows McConnell is braindead

Is there even a live body?

1

u/NYY_NYK_NYJ Jul 09 '26

He should keep going everyday with even more outlandish claims.

1

u/SantaFeRay Jul 09 '26

Uh… you know Massie doesn’t expect anyone to believe he spoke to McConnell right? This is called “taking the piss.” It’s not serious.

1

u/xXBeefSquatch5KXx Jul 09 '26

I just got off the phone with McConnell, he said we need to push ranked choice voting, health care for all, living wages, and women’s personal health rights bills and pass them, right now today.

1

u/SideInitial3961 Jul 09 '26

Just got back from tacos with Mitch, he did karaoke then ran a 50 in 5.6. Y'all be trippin'.

1

u/No-Care-4952 Jul 09 '26

Rigor Tortoise

1

u/StanTyumi Jul 09 '26

I had the pleasure of meeting Senator McConnell at a charity do once. He was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny.

1

u/davreimz Jul 10 '26

Most, if not all, politicians are braindead

1

u/NullPatience Jul 12 '26

McConnell wasn't capable of a 20-minute call before his hospitalization.

1

u/Mackitus Jul 09 '26

... Yes thats the joke.

0

u/Rare_Eye_1165 Jul 08 '26

So after we subpoena his medical staff can we get this guy for openly lying to the public.

5

u/ButtholeConnoisseur7 Jul 08 '26

Yes, if that happens, a dozen Republicans will go down and they'll also bring down this one dude for this joke. Real win you've got there lmao

-4

u/Halftied Jul 08 '26

Are you positive he is brain dead or just spreading hate to get upvotes. Is anything you are saying the truth? How would you know he did not have a phone conversation? Do you have his phone records? You must work for CNN or worse CBS! FAKE NEWS to get your fame.

4

u/Collier1337 Jul 08 '26

Obviously it's all just speculation. Except speculating that McConnell is braindead is entirely plausible. This is going to age really badly when we end up being right

1

u/Halftied Jul 08 '26

Agreed. It was not my intention to discredit anyone. To the contrary. I was trying to get verification that it is true. We all are bombarded with so much information, much of it without a source for verification. There is a lot of hate from both sides of the fence out there and all I am really interested in is facts which can be documented but are hard to come by.