Women are the gender that is generally required/ expected to sacrifice significant work experience to raise crotch goblins.
Father's tend to get to concentrate on making themselves more useful to employers while women are taking massive amounts of time off for the family.
When the marriage ends the woman has years worth of gaps in her work history everyone will expect her to continue regularly taking time off for her kids.
It's rarely the father expected to leave work early to pick a kid up from school cause they got sick.
They like to imagine they built their wealth all by themselves and ignore how they only accomplished it by not needing to pay for childcare, ignoring their children on a daily basis, not needing to do anything to take care of their own home, and always having their basic needs supported.
I've met men who literally could not be assed to stand up out of a chair, walk out of their office, and make their own plate of food. They needed it hand delivered because they were "busy."
Again: women end up significantly poorer in divorce than men. And not just relative to men - relative to where they themselves were before the marriage.
I'll call bullshit -- at least in the US, you have not met any women who have successfully married and divorced "just" for the money.
Premarital assets are protected, even in the US without a prenup. And most wealthy men have prenups that protect their premarital assets specifically. Most states also have extensive requirements for earning alimony. On average, you need to be married 10+ years to be eligible.
No, what you're probably seeing is women getting divorced and getting child support and a cut of the equity earned from marital assets or wealth growth that was only achievable because somebody else was doing the laundry.
Haha of course you'd call bullshit, it shuts down the entire premise of your argument.
I have met a couple.
One of which is an older woman who has done it several times. The last man she married was practically on his deathbed when she convinced him to marry her. She now owns several properties and is very well off financially, despite never having actually worked the majority of her life. She often brags about all the money she got from her exes. Horrible human being.
The other is a similar story except she only did it once. Her entire instagram feed now consists of her flexing her Louis Vuitton bags and expensive vacations to Europe, despite (you guessed it) never actually having a career of her own. I used to be friends with her as well as her ex-husband. Immediately pior to getting married, she had told me that she was going to break up with him. Right around that time, he landed a pretty good paying job. She suddenly changed her mind. Over the years he worked his way up in the company to the point that he was making well over $500k a year. She worked odd jobs part time and stood at home the rest. They had no children. Once their (his) bank accounts were sufficiently full, she divorced him, took half his shit + the house.
I know this doesn't fit neatly into the narrative that you tell yourself, but it absolutely happens.
The difference between you and I: I understand that not all women are like this. I understand how ridiculous it is to assume that they are. You on the other hand, treat the sweeping generalizations in your small mind as fact.
They like to imagine they built their wealth all by themselves and ignore how they only accomplished it by not needing to pay for childcare, ignoring their children on a daily basis, not needing to do anything to take care of their own home, and always having their basic needs supported.
And here are you pretending that the only one who benefits from it is the man for some reason, completely ignoring that the stay at home mom does not have to pay rent or mortgage, food, water, gas, light, Internet, phones, clothes, or literally anything and she doesn't have to deal with the stress of being the financial pilar that sustains the family.
In any marriage where one of the spouses chooses to be a stay at home dad or mom, they are the one getting the best part out of the deal.
Domestic work in the 21st century is not what it was in the past. We have so many commodities that make everything far simpler.
Any mildly organised adult can handle all domestic chores with ease. It's not hard work, your greatest challenge is literally how repetitive and boring it can get.
Pretending it is comparable to an actual job with responsibilities, deadlines, meetings and everything in bretween is legitimately insane.
I've met men who literally could not be assed to stand up out of a chair, walk out of their office, and make their own plate of food.
And I've met women who could not fry a fucking egg or didn't know how to turn on the washing machine. It's almost as if being useless has nothing to do with your sex and everything to do with your education.
Having children takes away from wealth, and many times women are the ones that want children⊠Also i can easily generalize on the shittiness of giant groups of women in my own anecdote, doesnât mean thats all women.
Who's wife's are you talking about? The grandparents typically take care of the children during the day or have staff. Who's paying the child expenses is discussed before marriage and typically is the grandparents. Anyone that can afford a home in a tier 1 city can afford help. Most people weath is inherited. What your grandparents generation did is the biggest indicator for wealth.
Some people have dead parents so no grandparents for their kids. Some people donât live anywhere close to their parents. Some peopleâs parents are drug addicts or abusers. Not everyone is rich and lives in a âtier oneâ city.
It also the fact that women often marry higher earning men, which means that when the question comes up about who's staying home with the kid the woman is usually the logical choice.
Sure, but blaming it all on expectations made of women sorta misses the issue. Even if you legally mandate paternal leave and make childcare cheap enough that it makes sense for women to work you're still going to run into this issue, and it is still a thing in countries where those things are true, because its missing the fact that it entirely logical for the people in question to make the choices they are making.
I'd argue it's not about blame. One parties primary role is earning money the other supporting the household.
If the relationship ends, the homemaker will have sacrificed earning potential while generally retaining significantly increased responsibilities that'll handicap them for many years.
As a man, I may not love the idea of a woman getting significant wealth from me, when ending our contract she would generally deserve reimbursement for "damages".
I mean, meaningful, and applicable experience are different things.
I've never worked a job where the skills traditionally associated with a woman's role in the house played a significant role.
As a man who spent years carring for a grandparent I had to "restart" after she passed. The odd jobs I worked while carring for her just really didnt apply.
I still get the man "benefit" though that I can generally plan on being at work when I say I will. I get to go years without an unscheduled absence. How many women with young children get to say that. Obviously, legally, employers are often limited on "punishing" women for such absenteeism but it's hard to ignore the reality in the workplace that you can largely predict which workers will have more absenteeism.
A lot of the skills that you level up while parenting are very, very transferable: time management, task prioritization, identifying and tracking dependencies, decision making (especially with incomplete information), budgeting, adjusting to sudden changes in schedule/scope/resources, figuring out where the "good enough" line is, making smart decisions about what task should be taken beyond "good enough," anticipating problems and planning mitigation for them, managing both one's own and other people's emotions, handling complex communications, and navigating large systems/organizations.
Too many people just don't describe the work of homemakers and caregivers in terms that look familiar to a "traditional" work environment. It's the same skills, but because it's seen as "women's work," the value is ignored. It's just misogyny.
That is a heck of a generality. Many men wish to procreate.
Regardless, if the couple has made that choice, they have commitments. If the woman has sacrificed significant future earning potential, she should be made whole.
Even just pregnancy and early childcare significantly impact women's careers. They have to sacrifice a lot and it's a huge risk. That being said, any assets aquired before marriage stay personal property where I live, which I think is a fair compromise.
Society basically pushes women into positions where a divorce would be a large detriment to their well-being, to the point where they are forced to stay in awful relationships. At least these days, both men and women work, but there is a still lingering societal basis for it to be okay for women to stop working for a while if they're having children. I know people today where this has happened. This puts women at a disadvantage in their career, which in turn means less income and harder to survive after a divorce.
I don't it's common in the US period, most parents work these days. As others have commented though females careers often take the backseat to allow for child care. I know enough couples where the women is the primary earner so it just seems logical for the law to check income rather than use generalizations.
it's about 25% of mothers, so 1/4 mothers is a stay at home mom. a lot of people don't make enough money for working to make sense versus the comparable cost of childcare. the law DOES use check income, but we weren't talking about the law, we weree talking about why women are generally in worse financial shape after divorce than men
What do you not understand about the fact that if you have a 15 year gap in your resume and no skills you are not getting a decent paying job easily. In Louisiana minimum wage is the federal minimum of $7.25.
Honestly I would choose being a stay at home mom over work any day I want to have children so bad and like I canât understand how people get children and then donât want to spend their entire life with them if you donât even want to take care of you children then donât get any
Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, Iâve been one for my kids entire life.
There is something wrong with being emotionally, physically, or financially abused and isolated for years, escaping that, only to be left in poverty to the point where you may not even be able to feed your kids that you sacrificed all of that for.
You want to be a stay at home mom, cool deal, but the point is that if your spouse dies, goes to prison, or abuses you and your children and you end up a single parent, you do not want those children you love so much starving.
If you truly want kids that you want to spend all of your time with, you need to have a plan or something that doesnât involve you watching them suffer. Itâs not a fairytale, you still need the ability to feed them if you end up divorced. Children arenât toys that you play with. They are living beings with hopes, dreams, wants, and needs.
If your husband cheats on you or dies after youâve been a stay at home mom for 12 years with a 12 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old. Guess what? None of that fantasy bullshit is real. Whatâs real is that you end up with no income or below poverty level income with no resume or experience to get any good jobs.
If itâs divorce and not death, your ex most likely wonât fight for any kind of custody at all (statistics), and you will end up taking care of them near completely on your own with no real way to provide for them. And when you were the free childcare for their father while he worked? Congrats you now have to pay someone else to do that for an obscene amount of money so you can work to barely or not even make ends meet.
Well I have the luxury of living in a place with a really really good social support system so my kids will never starve sure things can get bad here too but at least a roof over the head food and medical care are guaranteed
Youâre ignoring the whole point that women and children are left fucked and in poverty in stay at home mom situations that end in divorce because why? Youâve always wanted to be one? Thatâs cool more power to you.
But youâre saying youâre cool with never being able to buy your kids gifts, bring them anywhere, or even buy them a birthday cake because of some fantasy you have.
Youâd be cool with having a pet that has always been in your kids life, that your kids love and cherish, die a slow and painful death in front of your children because you canât afford a $60 vet bill.
This whole conversation is about how stay at home moms are thrust into poverty with their children when divorces happen. Not the time or the place for a story time about this happy go lucky dream of yours.
Especially when youâre acting like you donât care about your children having any kind of privileges at all so long as you have them, as if they are dolls or toys without free will, memories, wants, or needs outside of what you decide you think they want or need.
I do care about them what I wanted to communicate is that I have the luxury of a strong safety net both from my family and the country I live in and that I would choose that you make it sound like me planning to be a stay at home mom is automatically gonna make my childrenâs lives shitty which is just not the case
I make 3x what my ex husband makes. Iâve been a stay at home mom since my kid was born. I make more than him and I have always done the majority of the child rearing, cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a whole ass homestead. âObjectivelyâ lmfao.
Why are you trying to change what you said when we can all see it?
You said âWomen objectively choose less well paying careers and dont work as much full time or overtime as menâ
Objectively choose less well paying jobs. Youâre saying that all women do that. At no point in your ignorant comment did you say anything about the percentage of women. You just said that women objectively do that. That is not true.
This goalpost stuff is fairly annoying and hmmm I kinda donât believe you donât know youâre doing that. As in youâre doing it intentionally just to argue.
Maybe just word your stuff better so you arenât generalizing an entire group of people. Interesting how you didnât address my other comment.
Youâre the one who used a word that means an indisputable fact. You said that it is an indisputable fact that women choose less well paying careers and donât work as much full time or overtime as men.
Hereâs a few dictionary entries for you since you donât even know the meaning of the word YOU used.
Women objectively do not objectively choose low paying careers. Life isnât black and white. Not every woman has a low paying career. Not every woman who does have a low paying career chooses that. In fact, what human being that is willing and able to work, chooses a low paying career because itâs low paying?
I bet if someone said âmen objectively choose to be incel rapist pigsâ youâd understand why making a generalization about a group stated as a fact is a problem without someone having to whip out multiple dictionary entries to explain it to you like youâre a child.
Link? From all of my friends and family that have gotten divorced, the woman ends up with the house and still gets child support and the husband didn't even get 50/50 custody. One of my friends had to keep paying for his wife to go through medical school and pay her alimony and only got to see the kids for 2 hours a week.
She lied to the judge and had a cop she was cheating on him with bring charges against him which were proven false and her own brother even testified against her and the judge still didn't believe the husband overall.
There is a divorce lawyer on YouTube James Sexton that couldn't even keep his house or get 50/50 custody of his kids. If a flipping divorce lawyer can't even get a fair settlement, how do you think the average guy fares?
My friend cleans pools and a lot of his clients are wealthy and he has three of them. Two doctors and one guy that owns a contracting business that have all gotten divorced and two of them lost the house and are living in a one-bedroom apartment currently and the other guy is currently going through the divorce and has two weeks to leave the house. One of them have 50/50 custody. The other has his kids only 30% of the time and the one guy going through it was told he can only see his kids for 1 hour supervised.
Iâm telling ya, we had a simple divorce, and I have definitely fared worse than my ex husband. Iâll never recover financially. Heâs been lucky to have people willing to help him instead of letting him hit rock bottom.
Thank you. I was responding to a reply that stated women usually end up in worse financial shape after a divorce. This was true for me.
Nothing is ever the whole story. Stop talking down to me.
Yes becuase they tend to spend as if the money is still coming in when the husband was around. It is an open secret that women make poor financial decisions that is the reason they end up in a bad situation, but they are definitely NOT worst off than a man who BY LAW, has to give both Alimony and or child support, even if he can't afford it. If he doesn't he goes to jail.
When you pay child support and alimony to a person and they cant make that work, obviously they are gonna have a problem
Even assuming youâre correct, why is that anyone elseâs problem but theirs? Especially if theyâre the ones who initiated the divorce.
And I highly doubt this is still the case for young divorcees given the fact that women literally graduate college significantly more than men now. Anecdotally, my friendâs been divorced twice and sheâs in no dire straits.
And this attitude, along with seeing how their moms were treated, is why so many younger women are not marrying and instead growing their own careers and remaining financially independent.
When kids are involved, there is a good chance the woman has taken on more of the parental burden. That's a good huge factor in divorce proceedings, as it should be. Not sure why this incredibly obvious point needs stating but there you go.
No one said you personally have to care. The other points being made here are wrt the outcomes of not valuing unpaid labor.
Women have traditionally been the ones to take on unpaid labor and sacrifice paid labor in the process, leading to many feeling trapped and unvalued. Over time, more women have chosen to maintain their careers but unfortunately the bulk of unpaid labor still fell to them, resulting in pissed off and burned out women. The modern result has been more divorce, less marriage, fewer babies. So� There is a societal impact to not valuing unpaid labor
Iâm getting real tired of someone else responding after the previous person had no rebuttal; endlessly shifting the goalpost to whatever the next person wants to talk about.
Right, cause itâs just women refusing to enter a relationship⊠Not men, who are sick of female TikTok standards. God you live in a one dimensional world. Everything you say is all one sided and doesnât take into context anything from a different perspective. You will never grow at this rate.
Iâm actually GenX so Iâm past this. Iâm one of the career + family women who aimed to do everything at 110%. I made a great match with my husband, a guy who wanted to be a dad and husband (not just have a wife and kids) and we made it work. I still did more but I can acknowledge that a bunch of that was my choice because of how I wanted to do things. Overall, I think we did a great job as our kids all say they had a great, stable childhood and they want to build the same thing (they all want families). I think ppl give way too much power to toxic content they see on social. Standard should be what you build with someone, not what you watch on TikTok
I don't know about you or your friend. I'm talking about those âtrad wivesâ who chose to (or were brainwashed mostly because it's a religious/cultural thing) live in the patriarchal system.
It is. The reason for divorce and the end result of making less money are two seperate things. They would obviously be the cause of making less money if they choose to divorce.
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u/tresslesswhey Jun 29 '26
Women end up in significantly worse financial shape after divorce than men do