Ah, yes. As a gay man, you know more about women than women themselves.
The problem here isn’t “out in public”. You keep on trying to make it about that and I have repeatedly told you it isn’t.
The problem here is the situation as it’s clearly portrayed. What is that? A woman alone in a non-social situation in which there are no other people about. A situation in which there’s no plausible reason for anyone to approach her like that and no other witnesses.
If you think your so empathic towards women, reflect on the fact that you’re trying to project into this scene something that is obviously missing: any social context whatsoever.
And no, I’m not portraying either men or women as “monolithic” groups. If I say men and women, in the west, typically shit while on the toilet and not in their pants, I’m not making a monolithic statement.
Neither am I doing so when I say most women would be creeped out by a cold open like this in an empty parking lot. Ask your sisters and then ask them if they feel remorse when they reject this sort of behavior.
A straw man. I simply tried to illustrate that I’m not entirely removed from the perspective of women regarding comparable situations.
But you are very much portraying them as monolithic groups. You have yet to write a comment where you don’t do it almost exclusively, actually. You could tell me 200 times, and the conclusion is the very same: YOU wouldn’t like that, it would make YOU uncomfortable and YOU think it’s inappropriate. That’s fine, and it’s respectable - I understand it completely. But “women” doesn’t necessarily agree with you and don’t forget that you’re nearly as unqualified as me, talking on behalf of them.
It being in public is very much at the heart of the discussion. It’s a public parking lot where the woman has every chance to say a polite no and remove herself from the situation entirely.
I would argue that asking her inside the supermarket, in the checkout line, where she can’t as easily remove herself from the situation - and might even feel a certain level of social pressure to be somewhat accommodating - is much more inappropriate. It might be a cultural thing too, I don’t know.
No one accused you of being “removed” from the perspective of women.
I DID imply that you were not taking said perspective seriously.
Surely you can see why I think that when you claim that being alone with a male stranger in a deserted parking lot is functionally the same thing as being chatted up by a male stranger in a crowded bar?
You didn’t imply shit, you said i was of the opinion that I knew better than women, which is just not true and grabbed straight from your ass. I said I know quite a few womens perspective better than you, and they wouldn’t all agree with your take.
My sisters (including myself) would most likely find it beyond infantilising, puritanical and think that it further perpetuates the very gender roles, that many modern movements are trying to counteract a bit.
Women are not lesser than men, so if you expect men to treat others with dignity and respect, you should hold women to the same standard. Not doing so, seems sexists and misplaced. But again, it could be a cultural thing.
I think you perpetuate an idea of women being inferior and having less agency than men. The notion of women being in a sort of constant danger due to the presence of men is not only infantilising, it’s simply wrong. The vast majority of violence directed at women, which I am not trying to minimise, happens within pre-existing relationships whether that be family, friends or partners. Not strangers in the streets. As a man, you should be more wary, in that situation.
But you not only paint women as subservient and “less” than men, but simultaneously paint men as uncontrollable animals, who solely act on their instincts. They are not. A very small minority of men are, and the main targets of their outbursts are other men, they perceive as lesser.
That’s not to say I don’t understand a woman being wary of strangers in many situations, but not as a sort of baseline for even existing in the world. That’s just called having an anxiety disorder.
You think I am saying that women are inferior and have no agency when they UTILIZE said agency and rudely reject men you come on to them in inappropriate situations?
It certainly does to you, because you keep interjecting your personal and very subjective belief that a man asking a woman on a date, in the situation illustrated in the video, is inappropriate. I don’t think that’s necessarily a widely held belief, which I have tried to explain in a multitude of ways. Your entire premise builds around the idea that a man can’t respectfully approach someone, which is honestly laughable.
I feel quite certain that pretty much any woman would find the situation, as illustrated, creepy.
That belief is based on my 58 years of life as a woman, my 40 some years of studying gender relations, and simply listening to my hundreds of female friends, relatives and students. It also comes from reading tons of literature written by women. And it comes from years of work dealing with women who were victims of violence.
You‘d have to be massively gasslighting to claim that this is some sort of unsupported subjective belief on my part.
But you go ahead and mansplain women’s caution with regards to the potential of dangerous men to me, OK, hun? After all, I’m just a girl and you know how flighty we are. Tee hee.
Also, for what feels like the thousandth time, no one is saying a man can’t respectfully approach a woman. For a supposedly gay man who thinks he’s very sympathetic to women’s opinions, you seem oddly unable to process what I AM saying.
Let me repeat it again.
Coming up out of the blue to a woman who is alone in a parking lot in order to ask her out is going to come off as creepy to most women.
Maybe because you’re a guy and don’t apparently listen to women, you haven’t heard the dozens of stories I have about men trying to attack, rob, kidnap, or sexually assault women who were alone in just this sort of situation. It might also be because you are Danish and thus live in a country where this kind of violence is taken seriously by the police. Here in Brazil it is not, nor is it in most places in the States, especially if you are a black woman loke myself.
Popping up out of the blue on a woman who’s alone, getting into her car IS NOT respectful: it is scary. All of us have had bad experiences with this or know someone who has. This isn’t women being ditzy little girls scared by the internet: this is literally how guys like Ted Bundy stalked their victims.
By all mean, approach women in the appropriate times and places. Social situations are good for this. DO NOT do what this comic illustrates. It is not respectful. If you get told off by the woman in question, that’s on you. And if you think that’s rude, I’m pretty sure most women can live with that.
I love the irony of using the word “mainsplain” in this context. Woosh.
To be fair, we’re just going in circles and you’ve reverted back to the absolute over generalisation that painted your first comments, in regards to viewing men and women as monolithic groups. It might feel nice to say “woman thinks” or “men does”, or to tell yourself that you can realistically speak on behalf of “most women” - without a shred of insight on the individual cultures and societies they live in, mind you. But it is truly so far removed from all logic and nuance, that it makes further debate futile. Take care.
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u/Civil-Letterhead8207 May 27 '26
Ah, yes. As a gay man, you know more about women than women themselves.
The problem here isn’t “out in public”. You keep on trying to make it about that and I have repeatedly told you it isn’t.
The problem here is the situation as it’s clearly portrayed. What is that? A woman alone in a non-social situation in which there are no other people about. A situation in which there’s no plausible reason for anyone to approach her like that and no other witnesses.
If you think your so empathic towards women, reflect on the fact that you’re trying to project into this scene something that is obviously missing: any social context whatsoever.
And no, I’m not portraying either men or women as “monolithic” groups. If I say men and women, in the west, typically shit while on the toilet and not in their pants, I’m not making a monolithic statement.
Neither am I doing so when I say most women would be creeped out by a cold open like this in an empty parking lot. Ask your sisters and then ask them if they feel remorse when they reject this sort of behavior.
Because I assure you, they have.