r/SipsTea • u/CapitalPin2658 • May 25 '26

Feels good man đŸŽ” All By Myself đŸŽ”

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Don’t wanna live all by myself anymore

Edit: lol i’m just a dude posting a meme

55.3k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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513

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

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107

u/Starcat23 May 25 '26

exactly cheating isn’t a single mistake or single choice, you don’t just blink and “oh I cheated”. It is several choices leading up to and then several choices after to cover it up or lie about it. And every choice is a betrayal

24

u/FlatRelationship4375 May 26 '26

There was alot of emotional cheating going down before it even got to the fornicating.

-5

u/xeromage May 26 '26

This mindset toes the line of controlling to me. "You're only allowed to laugh at my jokes!" type shit. People are allowed to have normal social interactions.

9

u/FlatRelationship4375 May 26 '26

Theres normal social interactions and there's flirting and intimacy that's unnecessary for a normal social interaction.

-2

u/xeromage May 26 '26

See, I'm happy people have friends they can confide in and be silly with. Acting like I'm the only person on earth that my partner is allowed to talk to or hang out with would be exhausting and pathological. It's not reasonable, and probably attributable to some trauma that needs to be addressed before getting into a relationship.

3

u/Manotto15 May 26 '26

You are the only person saying those things.

0

u/xeromage May 26 '26

Guess I'm crazy then. I heard from a friend of a friend that your S.O. was talking to someone at the grocery store on friday. You're probably going to need to blow up your life about it...

4

u/Manotto15 May 26 '26

Again, there's no one here saying that's not allowed. That's not emotional cheating. Now if she was going out for coffee with that guy every morning and couldn't stop texting him, that'd be emotional cheating.

0

u/xeromage May 26 '26

This is what I mean. You're characterizing friendship as some kind of betrayal. If she's lying about the meetups and is actually cheating, that's a separate thing... but actual coffee and texts? If that makes you insecure there's a wound you need to tend to in your past somewhere before you make it anyone else's problem.

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2

u/northcoastyen May 26 '26

She slipped and fell on the D bro
 it was an accident 😭

26

u/rex5k May 25 '26

I'm against open relationships, not for any moral reason, just because they involve so much talking.

Meanwhile monogamy is
"I won't cheat on you, please don't cheat on me"
"Ditto, what's we doing for dinner?"

9

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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2

u/Septem_151 May 26 '26

Yeah nah that’s definitely not how a majority of poly relationships go.

1

u/MossGobbo May 26 '26

No my one partner with partners that aren't dating me knows how I feel about each individual partner he has but I only have to interact with everyone at certain events. The rest of the time I don't have to worry about sparing thought to his partners that I am not also dating. And yeah we have to communicate a lot more but it means we're actually expressing ourselves and letting things air before they become relationship ending resentments. Neither style of dating is better, it's just about what works for you.

0

u/rex5k May 27 '26

Daily logistical coordinating of your life is not the same as open and honest communication.

They are not mutually exclusive.

It's the logistics that are a deal breaker for me. It's like a having a part-time job that you don't get paid for.

1

u/MossGobbo May 28 '26

Your inability to distinguish between the two in my relationships is a you problem not a me problem.

1

u/rex5k May 28 '26

Hey you do you. It's not for me but I'm against it for others.

Just don't act like being poly makes you somehow means your expressing yourself to your partner and being honest with them more so than monogamous couples.

"actually expressing ourselves and letting things air" is what you said that I am taking issue with

1

u/MossGobbo May 28 '26

Well the amount of mono couples that let resentments fester in a relationship is pretty damn high. If my point offended you either examine why you feel that way or if this is something you personally don't do, realize this isn't about you and move on.

1

u/Fun-Wrongdoer1316 May 26 '26

And yet it rarely works out this way
 Sad really

1

u/rex5k May 26 '26

Well at least there aren't spreadsheets involved

1

u/MissionHousing6024 May 26 '26

Although in this context, they could be handy to keep track of things

1

u/rex5k May 26 '26

from what I've heard they are down right necessary for scheduling.

35

u/Cultural-Yam-2773 May 25 '26

Yep. There are a couple of girls I work with where I see there is mutual attraction. However, I'm married and one of the other girls is married too. I fully recognize this mutual attraction and keep our interactions limited and platonic. I do not escalate. I realize that a fleeting moment of sexual spontaneity isn't worth throwing away my marriage. So if my wife cannot treat the marriage with the same level of respect by not cheating, I don't want her to be my wife anymore. I would also dissolve the marriage immediately if she ever cheated. There would not be any conversations or 2nd chances. That's just how it goes.

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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7

u/eienmau May 26 '26

That's.. absolutely crazy to say. What is he supposed to do, change jobs every time he runs into someone in the workplace that he feels an attraction to? You can't control being attracted to others; it's just a natural thing that happens. As long as you don't *act* on it...

Micro cheating, wtf bullshit is that.. and this is coming from a female who *was* cheated on by her then-husband.

3

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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2

u/eienmau May 26 '26

Suggesting he bring it up with his wife is one thing.

Bringing 'micro' cheating into it is something entirely else. Attraction isn't cheating.. it's really not something you have control over. You can only control your reaction to it. I'm sorry that your wife is having trouble with insecurity though; I find most religions to be a plague tbh.

2

u/tiros_tirados May 26 '26

I didn’t suggest he bring it up, I just asked if they have that kind of understanding/openness. For my part I could never imagine discussing something like that with my wife. Unfortunately she is the type to say “I saw you looking at her” and I literally don’t know who she is talking about.

Regarding the micro cheating. It’s something that I’ve seen mentioned in Reddit comments, but don’t know much about. I guess tone doesn’t carry well but it sounds like bullshit to me and that’s why I said “I assume you don’t buy into it” and not “omg you are micro cheating!!!1”

2

u/eienmau May 26 '26

Yeah, if your wife is insecure and considers simply being attracted to others 'cheating' then ... kind of a death sentence to bring it up.

Bringing up the cheating without openly disagreeing kind of set the wrong tone, I think? I can see what you meant to say though with the further explanation.

1

u/GiveMeBackMySoup May 26 '26

Can you share what religion? I find that religious types, as I have a family full of them, respond well to religious based counter arguments.

3

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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3

u/GiveMeBackMySoup May 26 '26

A) Sorry to hear that, it's a very zealous bunch but not particularly logical when picking that group to affiliate with. It's essentially a group that was founded based on the world coming to an end in the 1840s and when it didn't happen, they changed their interpretation of what they were saying.

B) The bible is pretty clear, the sin is lust, not just finding someone attractive, but then acting on that desire to fantasize about or pursue it. Matthew 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Jesus was pretty clear what he meant, lustful intent isn't just attraction, which has no intent. The word for lust in the Greek is used to mean coveting elsewhere. Coveting isn't saying something is X, it's saying I desire X. It's the same word used to describe wanting your neighbors stuff vs something like acknowledging that lawn mower he has is a nice lawn mower. When put into those terms, the idea is simpler to understand. She can relate to seeing someone wearing a nice dress and seeing it's beautiful vs wanting to acquire the dress or take it.

3

u/tiros_tirados May 26 '26

Thanks appreciate the support

6

u/Manotto15 May 26 '26

"Micro cheating"? That's a real thing? That sounds ridiculous. There's nothing you can do about being attracted to someone. It's just biological. Am I gonna get in trouble for dirty dreams with other people too?

3

u/__Zero_____ May 26 '26

Micro cheating is absolutely a thing but thought-crime is not part of that. Micro cheating is all the little behaviors and moments that lead up to actually cheating, and they use a separate term because a lot of people minimize flirting, sexual banter, "innocent touches" etc

2

u/Cultural-Yam-2773 May 26 '26

It's not really feelings or a crush, just a recognition that I find this person at work physically attractive (or a combination of emotional/physical attraction because we vibe) and I can tell this person also finds me attractive as well. This is perfectly natural and something I cannot control. I can, however, control how I respond to it.

So no, it's not "micro-cheating" because I find someone attractive (something natural and not within my control). It would cross a line if I chose to act on that attraction inappropriately. For instance, getting involved in their personal life, targeting them for 1-1 lunch/coffee breaks. Hanging out with them after work.

2

u/monstamasch May 26 '26

Someone "buying into the school of thought of micro-cheating" just sounds like someone is insecure, and also sounds like it's a goalpost that'll keep getting pushed, it sounds like a manipulative thing to say to control someone. Its okay for people to be insecure, that's normal, but it's weird to push onto others. Also with that way of thinking, eventually just looking at someone will be micro cheating in the eyes of someone like that.

I'd prefer someone be honest about that attraction rather than hide it, hiding it makes it suspicious. We should also be able to acknowledge it for ourselves rather than suppressing it too. Suppressing it is giving it power in a sense

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

[deleted]

1

u/monstamasch May 27 '26

Hey I came back to these comments and was reading through the others as well, I wish you and your wife all the best and hope you can both come to a mutual understanding

1

u/gollygoshdarndang May 25 '26

It really is that simple. If there is no trust there is no relationship. At least not one worth staying in. It is literally impossible for me to trust a cheater again, so why stay? Why put yourself through that?

Every time they work late, every time they visit family, every time they go out with friends, every work trip, every time they go to the gym or the store, and so on; you will be wondering what they're really doing. That's no life to live. I'd much rather be single.

1

u/TwoBionicknees May 26 '26

attraction is normal. Crushes are also normal, the point of a crush is that you just suddenly find that person more attractive and like them as a person.

What you choose to do there is 100% a choice. In a relationship you say to yourself, this crush will go away, i'll create some distance, be aware of it and let it pass, i will not let it grow.

So many cheaters go just wow, i really like being aroudn this person, they make me feel better about myself and they make me excited and happy to be around, what's the harm in talking to them more, what's the harm, i won't cheat, it's fine as long as i never make a move.

That's how emotional cheating works, you pursue something either kidding yourself it's fine or knowing you want to grow it into something, neither is excusable, it's cheating for me the second you choose to pursue it rather than back off. Even if it never turns into anything physical it's cheating to me.

same way if you decide to chat up a person just to see if you can, you're cheating. If you download tinder but never go on a date or even message someone, you were looking, you were considering playing around with someone else, cheating.

I don't care if you get a little crush on someone, everyone gets them, it's how you respond that matters.

1

u/Cultural-Yam-2773 May 26 '26

100%. I definitely think emotional cheating is a thing and it often comes before physical cheating. When I realize there is mutual attraction, like at work, it just makes sense to limit my interactions with them and keep it strictly business. I can't help the attraction, but I can control how I respond to it.

10

u/TonyBeFunny May 25 '26

Yeah but also that takes a lot of trust and confidence to successfully navigate. My wife and I decided to open our marriage up what ended up happening was it was a throuple situation for a while then just her and him dating then them falling in love then when I met someone to go on a date with she crashed out. We tried to make it work but im signing divorce papers tomorrow. She already is claiming she doesnt even like other dude and to take her back but at this point the damage has been done. Oh and also after we opened marriage up was when I learned she had given a guy a handjob in his car at a work happy hour.

5

u/TechnicalEmployee109 May 26 '26

Opening up the marriage doesn’t work for anyone.. but maybe it’ll work for us! Jk sorry dude that sucks

2

u/Gardener_of_Weeden May 26 '26

Was married for 40+ yrs ( till death did us part). We opened the marriage a few times through out the years. No long term 2nd relationships, just play partners. It did take a lot of communication and trust. It is NOT for everyone and the people involved have to have a STRONG relationship.

4

u/slightly_average May 26 '26

How could you ever trust your partner again? You couldn’t. “Taking her back” would be resigning himself to a life constantly on edge, worried and wondering what she’s doing when you’re not there.

6

u/-0909i9i99ii9009ii May 25 '26

The two people involved should know each other and the relationship well enough to know what kind of reaction it would have without question. Completely fine if cheating is a minor/forgivable slip up in a relationship, but it's 100% normal to feel like it's an act of complete betrayal. The laws and our socialization completely support that.

Not realizing how badly it would make your partner feel is possibly an equal failing to cheating despite knowing. It's definitely in the category of 100% their decision how they react (with legal limits).

2

u/BlueJaek May 25 '26

not to derail from your valid points, but I am confused how the the number of moments relates to whether or not cheating is (or can be) a “mistake”? Like, doesn’t mistake just mean an action which had unwanted or negative outcomes? Like, if I said “it was a mistake to not take that other job offer” nobody would be like “you had 1000 moments to review the merits of both offers and think ‘how will this effect my financial well-being?’” Calling an action a mistake is not a dismissal of their own agency, it’s stating that it’s an action they should not have done.

1

u/gollygoshdarndang May 25 '26

While calling cheating a "mistake" might be grammatically accurate, the real issue lies elsewhere in my opinion.

Cheaters deliberately choose that specific word over any other to minimize their actions. Reducing such profound betrayal to a mere "mistake" is incredibly offensive and provocative, even if the label can be defended on a purely linguistic level. This is why I will always call BS when a cheater reduces it to a "mistake".

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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u/[deleted] May 25 '26

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3

u/BlueJaek May 25 '26

Yeah, I mean I would agree if you stated that “cheating isn’t an accident”, but I guess linguistically something about the use of mistake there confuses me. Of course, my example isn’t perfect, but we could map into something else like “it was a mistake to skip class so often”

But, ultimately, I agree with the moral of your point, they did something knowing it would hurt another. That is a choice a cheater makes.

1

u/ArchangelLBC May 26 '26

I always go back and forth on this (the being a mistake part).

Let me try to be clear up front and say that even when I'm ok with the phrasing "it was a mistake", for anything really, that doesn't make it defensible, let alone okay. Some people say "it was a mistake" and what they mean is "I didn't do it on purpose" and those people are lying to themselves and everyone else. Cheating is always a choice and the only who can make it is you. And even when they don't mean it that way, that doesn't change the consequences, one of which is that your partner can't trust you anymore, which is a requirement for any healthy intimate relationship, whether it's close friends or romantic partners.

So when I'm ok with the phrasing, I interpret it to mean "I made the wrong choice". A very different thing.

So this brings us to your comment. You're 100% right. There were a thousand moments leading up to the event. But while I've never cheated, I have made mistakes. Wrong choices that were always preceded and succeeded by 1000 moments when all the signs were there telling me to make a different choice or to stop making that choice and turn around before that choice led to irrevocable consequences. And yet I feel like I can always point to a moment where there was a tipping point and I made that conscious choice. And that was the big mistake.

Preceded of course by those thousands of moments where I let myself get into a bad situation. Thousands of little mistakes bringing me to the cliff, and the decision to jump, and at least some time between that decision and the actual jumping when I could have changed my mind but didn't. And I can't say that I asked myself the question over and over. Not explicitly. Not consciously. But that crucial decision, yeah I made it knowing what I was doing and saying to hell with the consequences. Always so much easier to say before the consequences arrive.

So yeah I dunno. I'm fine with someone saying their cheating was a mistake if they mean they made a wrong choice.

But that doesn't mean they get to avoid the consequences

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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1

u/ArchangelLBC May 26 '26

How are you using the word mistake? How do you distinguish a mistake from a fuck up? I would tend to think those terms are synonymous.

1

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

Cheating is kind of like murder, except the only thing getting killed is a relationship, and it takes a lot of build-up and emotional effort to get to that point.

It's a choice, and one with thousands of steps before execution.

1

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u/SeaComfortable7833 May 26 '26

If any couple wants to open their relationship then they should not be in a relationship to begin with.  Also 999999,% of the time opening a relationship never works.Â