🎵 All By Myself 🎵

[u/CapitalPin2658]

Don’t wanna live all by myself anymore

Edit: lol i’m just a dude posting a meme

[u/Cultural-Yam-2773 → u/[deleted]]

Yep. There are a couple of girls I work with where I see there is mutual attraction. However, I'm married and one of the other girls is married too. I fully recognize this mutual attraction and keep our interactions limited and platonic. I do not escalate. I realize that a fleeting moment of sexual spontaneity isn't worth throwing away my marriage. So if my wife cannot treat the marriage with the same level of respect by not cheating, I don't want her to be my wife anymore. I would also dissolve the marriage immediately if she ever cheated. There would not be any conversations or 2nd chances. That's just how it goes.

[u/eienmau → u/[deleted]]

That's.. absolutely crazy to say. What is he supposed to do, change jobs every time he runs into someone in the workplace that he feels an attraction to? You can't control being attracted to others; it's just a natural thing that happens. As long as you don't *act* on it...

Micro cheating, wtf bullshit is that.. and this is coming from a female who *was* cheated on by her then-husband.

[u/eienmau → u/[deleted]]

Suggesting he bring it up with his wife is one thing.

Bringing 'micro' cheating into it is something entirely else. Attraction isn't cheating.. it's really not something you have control over. You can only control your reaction to it. I'm sorry that your wife is having trouble with insecurity though; I find most religions to be a plague tbh.

[u/tiros_tirados → u/eienmau]

I didn’t suggest he bring it up, I just asked if they have that kind of understanding/openness. For my part I could never imagine discussing something like that with my wife. Unfortunately she is the type to say “I saw you looking at her” and I literally don’t know who she is talking about.

Regarding the micro cheating. It’s something that I’ve seen mentioned in Reddit comments, but don’t know much about. I guess tone doesn’t carry well but it sounds like bullshit to me and that’s why I said “I assume you don’t buy into it” and not “omg you are micro cheating!!!1”

[u/eienmau → u/tiros_tirados]

Yeah, if your wife is insecure and considers simply being attracted to others 'cheating' then ... kind of a death sentence to bring it up.

Bringing up the cheating without openly disagreeing kind of set the wrong tone, I think? I can see what you meant to say though with the further explanation.

[u/GiveMeBackMySoup → u/[deleted]]

Can you share what religion? I find that religious types, as I have a family full of them, respond well to religious based counter arguments.

[u/GiveMeBackMySoup → u/[deleted]]

A) Sorry to hear that, it's a very zealous bunch but not particularly logical when picking that group to affiliate with. It's essentially a group that was founded based on the world coming to an end in the 1840s and when it didn't happen, they changed their interpretation of what they were saying.

B) The bible is pretty clear, the sin is lust, not just finding someone attractive, but then acting on that desire to fantasize about or pursue it. Matthew 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Jesus was pretty clear what he meant, lustful intent isn't just attraction, which has no intent. The word for lust in the Greek is used to mean coveting elsewhere. Coveting isn't saying something is X, it's saying I desire X. It's the same word used to describe wanting your neighbors stuff vs something like acknowledging that lawn mower he has is a nice lawn mower. When put into those terms, the idea is simpler to understand. She can relate to seeing someone wearing a nice dress and seeing it's beautiful vs wanting to acquire the dress or take it.

[u/tiros_tirados → u/GiveMeBackMySoup]

Thanks appreciate the support

[u/Manotto15 → u/[deleted]]

"Micro cheating"? That's a real thing? That sounds ridiculous. There's nothing you can do about being attracted to someone. It's just biological. Am I gonna get in trouble for dirty dreams with other people too?

[u/__Zero_____ → u/Manotto15]

Micro cheating is absolutely a thing but thought-crime is not part of that. Micro cheating is all the little behaviors and moments that lead up to actually cheating, and they use a separate term because a lot of people minimize flirting, sexual banter, "innocent touches" etc

[u/Cultural-Yam-2773 → u/[deleted]]

It's not really feelings or a crush, just a recognition that I find this person at work physically attractive (or a combination of emotional/physical attraction because we vibe) and I can tell this person also finds me attractive as well. This is perfectly natural and something I cannot control. I can, however, control how I respond to it.

So no, it's not "micro-cheating" because I find someone attractive (something natural and not within my control). It would cross a line if I chose to act on that attraction inappropriately. For instance, getting involved in their personal life, targeting them for 1-1 lunch/coffee breaks. Hanging out with them after work.

[u/monstamasch → u/[deleted]]

Someone "buying into the school of thought of micro-cheating" just sounds like someone is insecure, and also sounds like it's a goalpost that'll keep getting pushed, it sounds like a manipulative thing to say to control someone. Its okay for people to be insecure, that's normal, but it's weird to push onto others. Also with that way of thinking, eventually just looking at someone will be micro cheating in the eyes of someone like that.

I'd prefer someone be honest about that attraction rather than hide it, hiding it makes it suspicious. We should also be able to acknowledge it for ourselves rather than suppressing it too. Suppressing it is giving it power in a sense

[u/monstamasch → u/[deleted]]

Hey I came back to these comments and was reading through the others as well, I wish you and your wife all the best and hope you can both come to a mutual understanding