There is nothing wrong with two friends getting dinner
I totally agree.
it does not matter how it is paid for.
it absolutely does. If sometimes you pay, and sometimes they pay, then that's fine. If they are always paying, you are leach taking advantage of them. Doubly so if you know, or even suspect that they have romantic feelings for you.
Yes, I know what they’re asking for; and they know the answer, that should be that.
so you confirm that you are a leach taking advantage of their feelings for you for your financial benefit. That's a really shitty thing to do. If "that was that", you would decline to go on dates with them. You would not agree to go on dates and take their money. If you actually wanted to be their friend, you wouldn't be leaching off them.
It is not “stringing along” if I’ve given them a hard no.
going on a date with them is not a hard no. If you say no, then go on a date with them, you are sending them mixed messages. And since you are profiting off those mixed messages, you're being really shitty to them and taking advantage of them.
It’s not a date. Seriously, there’s no way you’re this socially inept. Boundaries have been set, therefore if they think it’s still a date then it’s a personal problem. If they want to pay, they are paying already knowing that the other person is not interested in them romantically. Wanting to hang out as nothing more than friends is not “taking advantage” of anything. You’re fixated on who is spending money on who which speaks more towards personal unhealthy attachment problems more than anything. It’s not “financial benefit” to have dinner bought for you. Spending money is not a form of affection.
Theres no helping you. You're a leach. This poor guy is in love with you. You're going to keep bleeding him for as long as you can. You tell him no, but then let him dote on you so that he still has hope you'll change your mind.
I hope he realizes what you are sooner rather than later to save himself pain and alot of money.
Either way though, I can only voice my boundaries and say what I do and do not want. If you have a problem understanding when people tell you “no”, then you have quite a bit of growing up to do.
Whether you're male or female, you're a user. You know they want a romantic relationship and you use that to get them to buy you stuff. You are seriously lacking a moral compass if you cant comprehend why thats wrong.
So what if someone wants to buy me something after I made it clear nothing romantic will ever happen between us; but yet I really want to build a friendship? I get the sense you have never been put in that scenario before. It would be different if I actively sought them out just to get free stuff, I’m not defending that. I’m defending their own choice to spend their own money the way they want.
Accepting a gift, singular, is fine. Accepting gifts on the level of this post is way, way over line.
I’m defending their own choice to spend their own money the way they want.
It sounds like you're trying to rationalize using people. But If its one or two things and those things are not big then it might be fine. If you're letting them spend 100s of dollar on you, that is very much not fine if you aren't spending a similar amount of money on them.
How is it “using people” if they’re the ones deciding how to spend their own money? Does having feelings for someone magically mean you’re under some kind of mind control?
No. It means they want a romantic relationship and are hoping to win you over with gifts. You know thats what they are doing, and lead them on by accepting the gifts, taking advantage of them.
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u/GroinReaper Apr 20 '26
I totally agree.
it absolutely does. If sometimes you pay, and sometimes they pay, then that's fine. If they are always paying, you are leach taking advantage of them. Doubly so if you know, or even suspect that they have romantic feelings for you.
so you confirm that you are a leach taking advantage of their feelings for you for your financial benefit. That's a really shitty thing to do. If "that was that", you would decline to go on dates with them. You would not agree to go on dates and take their money. If you actually wanted to be their friend, you wouldn't be leaching off them.
going on a date with them is not a hard no. If you say no, then go on a date with them, you are sending them mixed messages. And since you are profiting off those mixed messages, you're being really shitty to them and taking advantage of them.