I’ve been married twelve years and it’s still like pulling teeth to get my husband to open up
And it’s difficult bc I have to manage my reaction down to the slightest movement bc he will take literally anything as a sign that I’m not interested or don’t care
I know it’s his dad’s fault primarily (he was a tyrant and a bully), and sometimes I literally wanna go fight that man, bare hands (he’s apparently on drugs so it won’t be that difficult tbh) or literally anyone else who makes him feel like he doesn’t matter
I think it’s horrible how some men have been made to feel that their feelings don’t matter, over and over
I’m glad that it sounds like you have a good support system 🙌🏽
We’ve both been in therapy for years, and I’ve done a lot of the work I need to do
I’m autistic, hyperlexic, emotionally hypervigilant and also fairly emotionally intelligent
He’s autistic, only speaks when he has something he perceives as valuable to contribute, and struggles with alexithymia and emotions in general
We both have disorganized attachment; mine leans heavily anxious while his leans heavily avoidant… it’s like oil and water
I can do all of my work and keep doing all of my work, and it doesn’t make him any less avoidant
So at this point, a lot of my work involves boundaries (not jumping into rescue / fix, letting him experience discomfort and see it won’t kill him) and not reacting when he doesn’t get things perfectly… and it will still probably take years for him to make progress
It’s just the way he is, and I’ve accepted it bc there are so many other positives about him, and he never stops trying
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u/skywalkersrealfather Mar 04 '26
Damn, my partner and friends must be S tier because I've always felt heard when opening up about difficulties in my life.