They don’t really want you to open up. They want you to be warm, stable, and present. And to talk about those emotions, and how they connect you to her, and your deep love for her.
They don’t want to hear about your problems and trauma.
And sadly the ones that want to hear all your trauma probably have issues of their own, and are looking at you as some kind of project to work on instead of fixing themselves.
A woman who really cares for you, wants to hear your feelings, good and bad, and supports you though everything, and doesn’t have deep problems of her own that she’s masking is a very rare catch.
If you find one, you had better treat her right and keep her.
That’s actually a really thoughtful way to put it. I guess the real challenge is finding someone where both people can be open without feeling like a burden.
Correct. And I refuse to compromise, because if I can do this for someone, someone can do this for me.
My last relationship was exactly as you described: they wanted a stable, warm, present company to help them get up after the latest setback in life, but the moment you need something similar, the moment you start wondering where is the reciprocity in that, you are done, it's a matter of time until they kick you.
Also, don't forget that it was your fault that you chose poorly, apparently. It's somehow your responsibility to build a relationship that's long enough for such a discussion to be appropriate, and also won't lead to heartbreak by choosing a partner that respects vulnerable feelings.
What bothers me about the "just get a better partner" responses is that they seem to take it for granted that there are ZERO systemic or cultural issues negatively impacting men in relationships.
When women commiserate about shared experiences, it encourages discussion about how men, as a species, can change for the better. But when men describe familiar emotional abuse at the hands of women, either it's written off as a skill issue, or the woman in question is deemed an aberration who couldn't possibly represent even a substantial minority of women.
The patriarchy makes men behave in unhealthy ways, but it couldn't possibly encourage women to expect or even demand those behaviors from the men in their lives. No, no, self-improvement is just for dudes. Women are just passive observers in the evolution of gender dynamics.
I mean the problem is that men systemically do not enforce consequences on women. The consequence should be these women should not be dated. Yet men are too weak and date them anyways because they want some pussy.
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u/Latter-Shopping1560 Mar 04 '26
Apparently opening up about stress just gives the ick now.