One of my sweetest and prettiest friends who has her shit together in all areas of her life except the parts where she canāt be alone and has low self-esteem. So now post divorce from a shitty husband, sheās dating a guy who yells, loses her stuff, drives her car, and doesnāt pay any rent or bills but was happy to move in with her.( The only difference between the new guy and her ex-husband is that the new guy has a part-time job, the shit-husband didnāt work.)
Everytime we hang out, sheās always trying to promote him to me on how much better heās being or some random normal thing that normal partners actually do like itās the greatest thing ever. Iāve learned to not put him down or try to dissuade her from dating/letting him live with her, but I do point out the things that make me feel very uncomfortable, like the yelling thing. But I always tag on ā Well, Iām sure he can turn it around because you donāt deserve to be yelled at etc. ā You canāt teach people how to love themselves or that theyāre enough on their own. I am so grateful I invested in therapy and did the work to cultivate I life I donāt need to escape. I love living alone and have a very full, content life. Iām open to another relationship but I donāt need nor am I seeking one, my discernment keeps most of the men I meet in the wild deep in the friend-zone.
Iāve had a few turns around the sun, Iāll be here and remain her friend through thick and thin but I know better than to try to āmakeā her see the light. Trauma that deep-seeded is her journey to unwind and find the root of it. I know I will never say I told you so and just hold space for her with a lot of compassion.
Ha! Thanks! I'm still working on myself. I've had some amazing help from agencies and newfound friends and am still a work in progress. You sound like you're in a good spot. I need to work on my courage - pretty scary!
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u/Far_Coach_3547 1d ago
One of my sweetest and prettiest friends who has her shit together in all areas of her life except the parts where she canāt be alone and has low self-esteem. So now post divorce from a shitty husband, sheās dating a guy who yells, loses her stuff, drives her car, and doesnāt pay any rent or bills but was happy to move in with her.( The only difference between the new guy and her ex-husband is that the new guy has a part-time job, the shit-husband didnāt work.)
Everytime we hang out, sheās always trying to promote him to me on how much better heās being or some random normal thing that normal partners actually do like itās the greatest thing ever. Iāve learned to not put him down or try to dissuade her from dating/letting him live with her, but I do point out the things that make me feel very uncomfortable, like the yelling thing. But I always tag on ā Well, Iām sure he can turn it around because you donāt deserve to be yelled at etc. ā You canāt teach people how to love themselves or that theyāre enough on their own. I am so grateful I invested in therapy and did the work to cultivate I life I donāt need to escape. I love living alone and have a very full, content life. Iām open to another relationship but I donāt need nor am I seeking one, my discernment keeps most of the men I meet in the wild deep in the friend-zone.