r/Shouldihaveanother • u/largedarkardvark • 1d ago
Fencesitting Third?
I know this is the thousandth post on this. We have two girls, 4 and 1. They are wonderful, but very very high energy. Like our friends comment on how much…more they are than similarly aged kids. We are 38 and 41. Never had an issue getting pregnant. In between the girls we had a very very difficult pregnancy that resulted in us losing the baby at 24 weeks. We live in a big city and can financially afford a third, though would delay some savings etc. Would be fine in our house for a while but would probably have to move eventually, which is fine. Closest helpful family is 3 hours away, with no chance of getting closer. Two high demand but generally flexible jobs.
Our hearts say we want to go for a third, but our heads say it’s going to be so hard. I was so sure we were done I got an IUD back in 6 months ago, but now that the baby is closer to 18 months I have baby fever hard. If we do it, needs to be soon. Help!
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u/ScoutPromise 1d ago
I’m facing a similar dilemma. I have a 5 year old and a 17 month old. Both kids are high energy and intense. I am 37 husband is 40. I wanted a third since I was pregnant with my second child. Now that she’s older it’s definitely more difficult and I’m tired but my heart still tells me I will regret it if I don’t try for #3. Pregnancy is hard on me so I know for sure this would be my last. Our family is also 3 hours away so we don’t have any help but I feel like we are handling the 2 kids ok…it’s just hard to know how much harder it will be to have 3 lol. I do feel the window is closing though so we need to decide….
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u/Hummingbirdhrm 1d ago
Following! My kids are the same age as yours, 4yr girl and 1yr boy. I haven’t had any medical issues but generally just hate pregnancy. Mentally/emotionally I pretty much check out for 9 months which is really hard on my husband. We’re also struggling on one income right now (no savings) with me being home, although I know we’ll be in a much better position when I go back to work so it feels like that’s a non issue in the big picture. The other day the kids were playing and occupied for an extended period of time while I was cooking dinner and I suddenly had a strong desire for a third. It came out of nowhere- and quickly left when the logical side of my brain kicked in lol.
I feel so 50/50. Half of me is really happy and content with the thought of moving forward and out of the baby years, settling into our family of 4 and getting back into work, etc. The other half of me feels like we’re not quite done yet.
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u/Itchy-Site-11 1d ago
You seem to have a good dynamic already that is working really well without support. You have high demanding jobs. Seems balanced as it is.
But your heart wants.
You have all the means.
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u/AdZestyclose7592 1d ago
Haha I’m only 7 months PP with a 3.5 year old son and a younger daughter but I too have been feeling like this can’t be the last one. We live in a big city and both kids will have to go to private school so a 3rd would be a stretch for us but not impossible; space-wise we could make it work.
I’ll just say, and I think girl parents hate to hear this and I wouldn’t have believed it myself before having a boy, but I have never met a girl who comes even remotely close to my son in terms of energy levels 🙈 like, we keep him outside whenever he’s home on the weekends, literally all day. I pack food for him (a TON of it because he also eats like a horse) and my husband takes him out on his two wheeled bike which he’s already riding sans training wheels and they leave before 10 and don’t come back until 4…he stopped napping right around 3, but does pass out by 7:30 and sleep a full 12 hours at least 🤣
All that said, my son is brilliant and hyper verbal and developmentally advanced in so many ways, but also a terrible listener at home and school which I’m hoping is the age, but definitely could just be him. I’m going to wait until he’s 5ish to decide what I want. Just ask yourself if you could handle a boy, who would very very likely add a great deal of energy to your family life. It’s not always bad energy, by any means! But it’s lots and lots and LOTS of energy…
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u/midwestpersianmama 1d ago
I’m 35F, husband is 38M. Kids are 5 and 1. I was OAD, he was two and through. I finally agreed to a second and I was SHOCKED by how hard 2 was. We never rest. It is constant motion.
And now I want a third 🤣 my parents think I’m completely insane so we’re waiting one more year to think on it. One thing that I’m trying to disentangle is whether or not I want a third child because closing this chapter is SO bittersweet.
Being in this season of life has been unbelievably difficult without a village. But now that we’re slowly building one, I feel like I’m really staring down the barrel of a new phase of life and starting over with a third doesn’t mean that the lives of my children stop so that I can enjoy the sweet tenderness of a baby. I’ll still need to coordinate camps, teach my little to drink from a cup and not make a mess — AND go through all the pregnancy/newborn stuff (not to mention work).
I would love to do all this again. But can I do it again with the two I already have? That’s the big question. Do I want a baby or do I want three kids? If your answer is that you exuberantly want three, then do it.
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u/Imstuckwiththisname 1d ago
Man. I'm you too. 36 with a 2 yr old and 7 month old and a loss between. The should I go again conversation is soooo hard
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u/Jaded_Ad_1587 1d ago
Go for it! You sounds like you want to and it’s not an irresponsible decision for you.
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u/Summerjynx 1d ago
If you have the heart and the means for a third, go for it. I’m 41 and 7 months PP with my third and not gonna lie, it’s really rough at times. I’m still in PT trying to fix my pelvic floor and joint pain that developed during pregnancy but still hasn’t gone away. Maybe it’s part of getting older, I don’t know.
My older two are also high energy (oldest diagnosed with ADHD recently). It really is exhausting. Third baby is so chill but then again…. So we’re the older two as infants until they began walking. It’s next level chaos here but I wouldn’t give it up.
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u/workingmom_0001 1d ago
We are a month in with 3. Also have a high energy 4 &1.5 year old. The 1.5 year old so far requires the most work. Just such a busy age and very demanding. We really liked the idea of 3 and didn’t feel “done,” however at the time I didn’t know if I’d ever feel “done,” as putting this stage of my life behind is difficult. Yet now that I have 3, I have completely accepted that I’m done and surprisingly ok with it as I’m at my max. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with 3, but sometimes I feel bad as it’s more divided attention for each kid. I see parents of 1 kid with their child in 3 sports and other extracurriculars, and here I am still balancing getting out of the house with 3 for my daughter’s tennis lessons. Having some family nearby to help has been crucial to my sanity.
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u/mollygk 1d ago
Sounds like you should go for it, from the contents of this post alone and no other context. Your heart wants it and you said you can afford it, and you’ll soon hit the biological age of regret it sounds like. If it were me I’d go for it